SA DCB and Accidents

[Play Care]

My kindergarten DCB has been having at least one accident a week here. It's usually right when he gets here, leading me to believe he's holding all day until he can't hold it anymore. Parents seem very nonchalant about the whole thing - but honestly, IME, it's not normal for SA kids to be having many accidents at all and certainly not once a week He also doesn't say anything about being wet until I notice and send him to toilet/change. So if I don't notice, he's on my furniture, carpet, etc. with soiled pants
I'm a little concerned because Dad made the comment last week when it happened that it only happened here (yeah right as he's come here in the school's spare clothes before too ) The last time I had a SA kid have accidents like this it did not end well (parents seemed to blame me) and it created some really hard feelings. It was also a similar family structure in which the kids ruled the roost, so I'm not hopeful as to how it's going to play out.
I know I need to address these concerns, but am not sure how to go about it. Admittedly I am still not over the last family...

[cheerfuldom]

Are you requiring him to go as soon as he gets to your house? or is he coming in soiled?

I think you can insist that they provide large pull ups for use at your house and he goes into one immediately upon arrival. He can "earn" his way out of those by remaining accident free for two weeks. back in pullups if he regresses.

Other than that, i dont know that you have any other choices.....I would be honest with the parents that you do not provide care for school agers that are not completely potty trained. I would give them a potty training handout that outlines your exact definition as well. Either they can support what you have to do or they can find other care that allows for un potty trained school agers. you can also suggest they see a ped. I would imagine this child is at least 5 and by that age, I would be worried if a child was not day trained. Weekly accidents is not potty trained.

[cara041083]

Is he having the accident on the way to your house, or before he gets to your house, or is he having them once he gets to your house?

[itlw8]

Please do not shame him by using a pull up... This is actually common for kindergarteners especially if they ride a school bus. As soon as he walks in the door send him to the rest room. That should solve it. AND he is likely embarrassed so that is why he does not say anything.

Something else is see if he is constipated. that will make it hard to hold the urine.

[Play Care]

Please do not shame him by using a pull up... This is actually common for kindergarteners especially if they ride a school bus. As soon as he walks in the door send him to the rest room. That should solve it. AND he is likely embarrassed so that is why he does not say anything.

Something else is see if he is constipated. that will make it hard to hold the urine.

I would never do that. I am concerned because he's had issues at school with the other children. He was here FT last year and while I enjoy him, he is very tattle-taley/bossy. I'm wondering if he's afraid to use the bathrooms at school because he's had run ins with classmates.
I have been sending him as soon as he comes in (discreetly as not to embarrass him) but today he must have done it as he was either on the bus or walking from the bus stop. IDK if he's embarrassed, as he was on his way to the bathroom after I saw he was wet and was dancing around in front of the other kids with clearly wet pants...
And I'm not as worried about how to deal with the accidents so much as the parents and their nonchalance about it. If he's being bullied or he's constipated, they need to step up and take care of it.

[childcaremom]

I had a similar situation with my daughter. She was fine in primary but in grade 1 would have accidents every so often.

It turned out that she was scared of the big toilets at the school. In primary, they had a washroom attached to their classroom, with a small toilet. In grade 1, they had to use the regular size toilets with stalls. She was always afraid to use the bathrooms if we were out (she was scared of the loud flushing sound) and would hold it until we got home rather than use the public one. At school, the same thing. She would rush to the bathroom as soon as she walked in the door. On the days that she had after school program were the days that she would have an accident.

She was completely mortified but was really worried about the toilets. We practiced and practiced when we were out and eventually she got comfortable enough to use the ones at school. Wouldn't flush, though

Not sure if that's what's going on with your little guy but thought I'd throw it out there.

Alternately, maybe he could get a bathroom break before going on the bus ride?

[Play Care]

I had a similar situation with my daughter. She was fine in primary but in grade 1 would have accidents every so often.

It turned out that she was scared of the big toilets at the school. In primary, they had a washroom attached to their classroom, with a small toilet. In grade 1, they had to use the regular size toilets with stalls. She was always afraid to use the bathrooms if we were out (she was scared of the loud flushing sound) and would hold it until we got home rather than use the public one. At school, the same thing. She would rush to the bathroom as soon as she walked in the door. On the days that she had after school program were the days that she would have an accident.

She was completely mortified but was really worried about the toilets. We practiced and practiced when we were out and eventually she got comfortable enough to use the ones at school. Wouldn't flush, though

Not sure if that's what's going on with your little guy but thought I'd throw it out there.

Alternately, maybe he could get a bathroom break before going on the bus ride?

His parents would have to address that with his teacher. He doesn't come before school, only after. On days I have him all day he doesn't have accidents.

[cheerfuldom]

I am not saying that I would use pullups for a kid that big but I also would not even take care of a kid that was regularly having accidents and as you described, he is waiting till you notice and meanwhile is getting on your furniture and such. If he is not heading straight for the bathroom on his own and the parents are not willing to take this issue seriously, I dont know what else you can do besides put up with it for however long that is or put him in a pullup. There is really nothing you can do if the parents will not try to put some measures into to place to help him.....have the teacher send him to the bathroom at the end of the day....but again, if he is refusing to potty at school, there is nothing you as a daycare provider can do about that.

[daycare]

my son is kinder and this has happened a few times. We have a hired driver to pick him up from the school.

A few times he had the accident in the car on the way home. He is being told that he can't use the toilet once the bell rings and the teacher walks them up to the pick up area.

Our driver has other children to pick up, so she goes and gets my son and they go straight to the car, they are not able to stop and use the toilet.

I was able to talk to the teacher and make it possible for him to be able to go to the bathroom right before dismissal so that he does not keep having accidents. Since this arrangement, we have not had anymore accidents.

I would tell the parents to conference the teacher about the issue and see if they can have him go right before the bus picks up.

[Play Care]

I talked to mom last night. They are stressed right now as their younger child is very ill with a bacterial infection, but it needed to be addressed. I'm hoping this will help things. They have been very unhappy with the child's K teacher - supposedly she is very unstructured and J has been in several incidents this year (he's been choked, scratched, had a rock thrown at him )

[Great Beginnings]

I talked to mom last night. They are stressed right now as their younger child is very ill with a bacterial infection, but it needed to be addressed. I'm hoping this will help things. They have been very unhappy with the child's K teacher - supposedly she is very unstructured and J has been in several incidents this year (he's been choked, scratched, had a rock thrown at him )

Wow, and now the accidents! Poor child. Time for the school officials to get involved. Start with the principal and move up to the superintendents (sp?) office if needed

[GKJNIGMN]

I feel like I had the same child but mine was a girl The school told the mom she was shy and gave her hand signals to use but she still had accidents multiple times a day at school and probably 3 times a week while she was with me.

She seems to have been out of it now for a couple weeks at my house but honestly all I did was remind her every once in a while. She would also do #2 in her pants and not mention it until I smelled her. I would hand her the wipes, give her a spot, and ask her to clean herself up. I ignored it and went on with the day basically and she got the idea. I also called her mom out on bringing both her and her sister here without checking because I could smell them when they walked in the door. Her mother is kind of wishy washy about everything and her 3 year old sister hasn't started potty training and is on the same path.

I don't honestly know the whole reason behind her having the accidents and I didn't have her prior to starting school so I don't know if it was a new thing, but once she made some friends and seemed to feel more at home it stopped.