Anyone Have This Kid. And How Do They Handle Them?

[Unregistered]

Our newest dcb is 4 years old and is a terrible listener. I am getting past the fact that he is completely helpless ( I mean can't pull up his own pants, doesn't know how to put on shoes and sock . I could go on for days with what this kid "can't" do or won't do because someone always does it for him)But he can't follow simple instructions or follow our basic rules ( golden rule, help clean up, no running in the house). It is driving me crazy and the kids crazy too ( they ask if he is coming in the morning and if I say yes I get "aww man" or "not him again"). He is only a part timer so after I fight with him for a day or so and he gets it I am in charge he goes home for the week and then comes back worse than ever. I could tell another dck walk through the house or keep the sand in the sand box and right after I give the warning dcb goes and does the thing I just said not to do. And because he sits there and test the limits by saying no, doing it anyway or pretend crying the other kids try's to do the same thing.

I am trying to give him time to adjust to being in daycare (this is the third week of m-t-w car.). I have talked to mom about some of his behaviors but all I get is excuses. Every week I like forward to not having him at the end of the week. I know mom just let's him do what she wants. But I am just tired of fighting him.

[melonieb]

I have a almost 4 year old that is the same way. I have had him in my care 6 months. He is nit potty trained, can't put his socks and shoes, and seems he can't do anything. I have informed mom that I teach independence and what I expect. We go thru this everyday. B take your shoes off and put them in the basket, he goes to mom and she takes them off. B please do not run in the house, mom days he does it at home. B please eat your lunch, doesn't eat at all while he is here. Still a work in progress. But it helps if the parents are on board too.

[JoseyJo]

It's very hard with a PTer. My only suggestion is to tell parents that they have to get on board, or go to FT...

[Unregistered]

He won't eat here either we tried the first week but he wouldn't eat what I make so I made mom bring food. Now he is not wanting to eat that. He will eat a few bites and say he is full then ten minutes into nap he is wanting to eat. I can get him to put on his own shoes socks and jacket until mom gets here and then I ask him to put on his shoes and she does it for him. Mom is kinda resisting. I feel like she has giving up on trying to correct him and just let's him do what he wants.

[Play Care]

He won't eat here either we tried the first week but he wouldn't eat what I make so I made mom bring food. Now he is not wanting to eat that. He will eat a few bites and say he is full then ten minutes into nap he is wanting to eat. I can get him to put on his own shoes socks and jacket until mom gets here and then I ask him to put on his shoes and she does it for him. Mom is kinda resisting. I feel like she has giving up on trying to correct him and just let's him do what he wants.

I would hope you are documenting, documenting, documenting. Mom is resisting because she thinks YOU are the one who is being unreasonable. In her mind it's not a big deal to put on dcb's pants, shoes, etc. It's quicker, easier, etc. I have a feeling she will end care because she thinks YOU are being "mean" to dcb by insisting on him doing things he is clearly not ready for

[melonieb]

I understand. That's why I straight told mom this is how I do things here, if she doesn't like she can go else where. Her two kids are still here. She started B out wrong. He doesn't eat anything I cook or her. Mom has him trained if he doesn't eat 2 meals during the day, then he gets a pedisure shake when he gets home. She actually stopped doing that. Lucky I have his brother who isn't a year yet and I can train him right. We'll see what happens. Good luck, maybe mom will turn things around.

[cheerfuldom]

If there is anyway you can afford it, I would just term. honestly, i am too busy to be doing ALL the work for the parents. Really, they need to prepare him for group care or school and the only thing you are going to do is drive yourself crazy for the next 6 months trying to get him caught up.

[Unregistered]

I would hope you are documenting, documenting, documenting. Mom is resisting because she thinks YOU are the one who is being unreasonable. In her mind it's not a big deal to put on dcb's pants, shoes, etc. It's quicker, easier, etc. I have a feeling she will end care because she thinks YOU are being "mean" to dcb by insisting on him doing things he is clearly not ready for

I am documenting everything. She telld mr that he wnet to another daycare before ne for a short amount of time and that before he went there he could get dressed ect by himself. But after going therehe stopped. Another excuse i think. I would hate for her to end care because of that but she might. Although he drives me crazy i feel like he needs the work and it would make her life easier.
And sometimes its such a fight i wonder if i am being unreasonable but then i have two year olds that can pull up pants.

[cheerfuldom]

I am documenting everything. She telld mr that he wnet to another daycare before ne for a short amount of time and that before he went there he could get dressed ect by himself. But after going therehe stopped. Another excuse i think. I would hate for her to end care because of that but she might. Although he drives me crazy i feel like he needs the work and it would make her life easier.
And sometimes its such a fight i wonder if i am being unreasonable but then i have two year olds that can pull up pants.

did I misunderstand you? you are keeping him because it would make HER life easier? wow. sounds like a good recipe for provider burnout. you are taking too much upon yourself.

[Unregistered]

did I misunderstand you? you are keeping him because it would make HER life easier? wow. sounds like a good recipe for provider burnout. you are taking too much upon yourself.

It would make her life easier if she worked with me on this. But the real reason I haven't already dropped him is because she would be a good reference for me. She makes hand crafted things for pretty much every mom in our small town.

[cheerfuldom]

It would make her life easier if she worked with me on this. But the real reason I haven't already dropped him is because she would be a good reference for me. She makes hand crafted things for pretty much every mom in our small town.

well it wouldnt make her life easier right now because she would have the hard work of getting him some structure and boundaries....thats actually hard work and not something that every parent is willing to do. In the long run, it would be better for this kid, but it would never be easy to be an involved, structured, boundary-placing parent. She is just doing whatever is easiest for the immediate which means letting him run wild since he spends a lot of the time at your house anyway. I would imagine that he is with another relative or friend during the days that you don't have him but either way, he is 4 and she can't be totally clueless of his behavior and what would be expected of his age thus the excuses for his behavior. really, there is nothing you can do but deal with this the best you can and hold out for hope that he will improve with time, as some kids do, or you can let him go. I know it is not easy in a small town but its up to you. Really anyone that knows this kid, will know why he was let go but I understand that small town drama can escalate quickly, especially with moms. good luck.

[Kcole1075]

Yesterday was the kids one good day for the dcb. Today he cried over everything he was asked to do. I fought with him all day!! Mom got there and and asked him to put on his shoes he had one of his cry break downs . I was actually happy that she saw it. She said he must be tired but that he was good in the am for her. I told her he would not take a nap ( he hardly ever takes them and if he does it is for 30 min and he is awake). She just put on his shoes for him ( what the whole cry freak out was about ) and his jacket as he was trying to crawl away from her and she told him that "this isn't the way we act".


She is the family member he is with the rest of the week. So I am glad she saw the behavior here also so she knows he does this everywhere.

well it wouldnt make her life easier right now because she would have the hard work of getting him some structure and boundaries....thats actually hard work and not something that every parent is willing to do. In the long run, it would be better for this kid, but it would never be easy to be an involved, structured, boundary-placing parent. She is just doing whatever is easiest for the immediate which means letting him run wild since he spends a lot of the time at your house anyway. I would imagine that he is with another relative or friend during the days that you don't have him but either way, he is 4 and she can't be totally clueless of his behavior and what would be expected of his age thus the excuses for his behavior. really, there is nothing you can do but deal with this the best you can and hold out for hope that he will improve with time, as some kids do, or you can let him go. I know it is not easy in a small town but its up to you. Really anyone that knows this kid, will know why he was let go but I understand that small town drama can escalate quickly, especially with moms. good luck.