Question About Terming Children

[AmandasFCC]

I've termed twice, and both times it's taking a lot of consideration. The first one, I still feel badly about. I was new and inexperienced and I think I may have overreacted in the situation. But the second one, it had been months of horrendous aggressive behaviour and I was finished dealing with it. This child had been termed from several daycares in 2 different cities, I stuck it out because I didn't want to "give up" on him, but there comes a point when you have to realize that you can't be the hero all the time. It broke my heart to terminate, but there was truly nothing else I could do for him. The parents and I had had several "conferences" about the issue, I'd referred him to several programs and specialists and the mother simply wasn't taking the issue seriously. After I dunno how many people had terminated him. That fact was frustrating enough in itself.

I agree that it seems common on here and in other forums because we are seeking advice from others. The majority of what you will see on forums would be the most difficult problems providers face, and vents. Plus there's the fact that in family child care we are alone to face the problem, and it's more difficult to separate a problem child from other children, thus there's the issue of protecting/sheltering the others.

Yeah, comparing centre care to family child care is like apples to oranges. I try all the time. I have a little guy with autism, so he has a support worker that works with him here. I always ask her, "What do they do in centres?" and the answer is always something that's simply not possible in my home.

I NEVER look at a termination like "It's my home, if I don't like you, you're out." I always work my hardest to help the child before I get to the point of even considering terminating.

[legomom922]

I would always become a different person when this little guy was around. He could put me in the worst mood, and it didnt end when he left. The effects lingered in me hrs after he was gone, and I would dread the next day. I was totaly miserable! I think that's when you know one has to go! I am counting down the days until he's gone and I dont have to deal with him anymore, and I feel sorry for his next dcp who has no clue what she is in for...

[Live and Learn]

I have to say truthfully that I agree completely with lego's most recent post. I know how she feels. I run a well oiled machine here and if one of the kiddos is being disruptive daily for an extended amount of time(read months) and you have done your best to work with the parents and things still aren't getting better then it is best to move on. Some kids do best with a nanny...some in daycare.
In the end I am not their mom.

[melskids]

i dont come right out and terminate, but if i know the child will be better suited somewhere else, i gently "nudge" them out.

i had one mom who was sooo demanding, instead of terminating, i talked her into rearranging her work schedule to be home more and hiring a part time nanny. afterward, she told me it was the best thing she ever did

i once convinced a mom to put her son in headstart. he just didnt "fit" in, and he needed more then i could offer. she was excited about it, but she said she felt guilty that she was leaving me hanging (see- i made it look like it was her decision) but it really is what was best for the little guy, so i know i did the right thing.

i just pushed out the SA, just because i just cant handle that age group anymore. not really a termination, but more of a " i want to gear my business more towards the younger children, and can no longer accomodate the SA" kind of thing.

the only time i came right out and term'd immediately, was for a 12 year old boy who hit a female lifeguard (while we were at the lake) and told her to F-off, all because she told him not to throw rocks where the kids were swimming. no way was that gonna fly....

[bgmeyers]

I haven't had to term many in the 15 years I've been doing daycare. Mostly because I have become pretty good at interviewing families and figuring out who I want.
I don't mean to sound bit#$y, but I am a daycare provider, not a therapist, and I can not "fix" every kid that comes with problems or issues because of poor parenting. Don't even want to try.
When my children were younger I used to look at potential clients and children and decide if these were the kind of friends I wanted them to be exposed to. I still try to use the same discretion.
I am only allowed 6 children in my home, so I want those 6 to fit well together.

[DCMomOf3]

I would always become a different person when this little guy was around. He could put me in the worst mood, and it didnt end when he left. The effects lingered in me hrs after he was gone, and I would dread the next day. I was totaly miserable! I think that's when you know one has to go! I am counting down the days until he's gone and I dont have to deal with him anymore, and I feel sorry for his next dcp who has no clue what she is in for...

I have a dck who I am like this for but keep holding on hoping I can last until they are old enough for school.

[Crystal]

I would always become a different person when this little guy was around. He could put me in the worst mood, and it didnt end when he left. The effects lingered in me hrs after he was gone, and I would dread the next day. I was totaly miserable! I think that's when you know one has to go! I am counting down the days until he's gone and I dont have to deal with him anymore, and I feel sorry for his next dcp who has no clue what she is in for...

Yeah, that's when you know it's time.

BTW, when I said it's sad he had 4 providers, I didn't mean anything toward you. It's just sad.

[legomom922]

BTW, when I said it's sad he had 4 providers, I didn't mean anything toward you. It's just sad.

I know. It's ok. It is sad, and I feel bad that I can't deal with him either. Hek he's only a baby! I am so desparate for money right now, but I cannot continue with him..thats how bad he makes me feel. he has SOOO much energy and never stops running, walking, he is buzzing around here all the time and I can never sit when he is here. He is into everything.