PT Question Again...

[MNMum]

I've been out of the loop for awhile! Seems that 4th child takes up a lot more of my time than I anticipated. I had a question that I thought I would go to the experts to get an opinion. I have lost clients in the past due to potty training not going as parents would like and I know this is a very sensitive issue so I want to make sure I am approaching it correctly.

The current scenario: I have a 35 mo old boy. Parents started "potty training" 3 mos ago. They attempted underwear and thought he was doing great, they took him potty every hour. As we all know, you can't keep up that pace forever. When they weren't consistent he had accidents. Now they put him in pullups and underwear over pullup. He comes here in pullup, at first change I put him in a diaper and allow him to put his underwear over diaper (I provide diapers, but not pullups). He will go potty for me during routine diaper changes - sometimes even poop - but his pullup and diaper are always wet. He has only once ever, asked to go potty. When it is time to change/potty he says "My underwear are dry". I explain of course they are, you have a diaper under them, but your diaper is wet. He doesn't seem to get it.

I feel like we are letting him "have his ice cream and eat it, too". He is so proud that he gets to wear underwear, there is no incentive to actually use the potty. Today, I discussed with him that the kids who are in underwear need them, because they are not in diapers. And that the kids in diapers need diapers because they can't yet use the potty. He got very upset and wanted his undies over his diaper, of course.

Do you think allowing the undies over the diaper is actually slowing the PT process? He is capable of getting undies/diaper/pants mostly on/off by himself, so the extra "step" doesn't bother me, but I'm wondering if taking off the undies until he is ready to use them again would give him incentive to PT.

Or would the stress of taking away what was already given to him put him further behind???

[butterfly]

At age 3, and if he's been successful in the past - I would just take away the diapers and encourage him to use the potty. I get the sense he knows what to do and is just kinda being lazy about it.

Now, if he hadn't been successful in the past - I'd loose the underwear and just go with diapers until he shows interest.

I think at some point you just have to make the push to get them going. I'm sure I'll be in the minority on this, but that's the way I feel.

It has always drove me bonkers when parents put underwear on OVER the diapers - what does that prove? How is that providing an incentive to get the kids wearing underwear? Never understood that. Under the diapers - maybe...

Good Luck!

[Cradle2crayons]

At age 3, and if he's been successful in the past - I would just take away the diapers and encourage him to use the potty. I get the sense he knows what to do and is just kinda being lazy about it.

Now, if he hadn't been successful in the past - I'd loose the underwear and just go with diapers until he shows interest.

I think at some point you just have to make the push to get them going. I'm sure I'll be in the minority on this, but that's the way I feel.

It has always drove me bonkers when parents put underwear on OVER the diapers - what does that prove? How is that providing an incentive to get the kids wearing underwear? Never understood that. Under the diapers - maybe...

Good Luck!

I agree completely.

I encourage parents to train at home how I do it here so it's consistent and using undies over a diaper or pull-up is obviously not working. If it's not working, it's time to do things different. And that's exactly how I would approach it with his parents.

I would ask them over the weekend to use ONLY underwear so the child can actually FEEL what it's like if he has an accident. That's why he's confused. His undies ARE dry. Confusion is getting him nowhere.

Although I respect that parents are parents, I'm pretty firm about my potty training policy. Mainly because I know it works. It can't be effective if the child is capable physically but remains confused psychologically. He can't understand what it's like to be wet and he can't understand that his undies are dry while his diaper is wet. I'd have parents start first. After two weeks of no accidents, I'd remove the diaper and use only underwear at daycare.

[Blackcat31]

I had a similar situation with a 3 yr old boy. He really did not understand the difference between wet and dry.

Maybe this would be a good time to do a lot of activities about wet and dry. Feel the sponge....is it wet or dry? etc...

Once you KNOW he understands the difference, then start working on the PT'ing with the parents.

He can't be successful if he doesn't understand the groundwork...wet/dry, undressing, undressing...expressing his needs either before or after....etc.

[cheerfuldom]

I really don't push potty training past what the parents are doing at home. If they are continuing with the diapers under the pullup, I personally would just do it too. I expect parents to take the initiative to move forward to the next step at home first. I would not be putting him in underwear only until he was accident free for two weeks at daycare. One option would be to talk to the parents about moving forward to the next step at home first. They might consider putting underwear under the pullup instead of over. yes, there will be yucky undies to change but it could be an incentive for him to verbalize the need to go and keep his undies from getting dirty.....without the issue of him having accidents all over the house.