Help With 29m old

[Unregistered]

I have a small in home daycare. I just opened and this 29m old girl is my first client. When I first spoke with her mother she was honest and said her previous daycare said she'd been hitting and acting out a lot. The mother found that hard to believe because apparently she doesn't act like that around mom. When we interviewed she got along with my 2.5yr son and there didn't seem to be any issues.

I'm beginning to wonder if her behaviour is normal or if she is being difficult. She does push and hit often. My son will do the same back I'm noticing so I had originally thought it's kind of normal behaviour. But watching more closely I noticed my son doesn't have this issue with any other kids he interacts with. She's been in my care for about 6 weeks. She gets very angry and yells if she doesn't get what she wants. Like a tv show or has to wait her turn to use a toy. She wail cries anytime I say no to anything. Today she pushed my son into the Christmas tree, it fell back and an ornament broke. My son fell down.

I'm wondering if we just aren't the right place for her. I'm trying to be very attentive with her, do activities, story time but maybe she doesn't like us? I wonder about her home life. She's mentioned multiple times about her mommy being sad and crying and one day when she (daycare girl) was crying she so sadly said "I just don't want to cry anymore". Which to me sounds like something she was mimicking. She seems to be happiest watching tv and is always asking for it.

What would you do in this situation? Can I help her? Every time I mention hitting/pushing/sadness/anger the mother barely listens to me and just makes excuses.

[Shell]

I think it depends on how much time and emotion you can take on with this child and family. If you really want it to work, it sounds like it is going to be tough getting through to the mom, and you may have to put a lot of effort into helping her manage her feelings and emotions. Sounds like something is going on at home, and you might be a positive role model for the girl.
However, if you don't care for the behaviors she is exhibiting or don't want your son to be hit or hurt by the child, you might consider asking them to move on. If one provider has had difficulty with this family, you might, too.

[preschoolteacher]

I had a child who was similar in age, and when he first started here, he hit A LOT. Like 14 times in one day. It was for different reasons than the child you are talking about... he didn't hit to get his way, he hit because he was nervous/upset around other kids and didn't want them coming near him. Anyways, it took 6 weeks, and now, he hasn't hit anyone is at least a month.

Based on what you wrote, I would have to guess that the girl doesn't have rules enforced consistently at home. If she yells and throws a fit and hits, I bet she gets her way. I would stay firm with her. If she hits, she moves to a quiet "safe" space where you can still supervise her but where she can't hurt anyone. This safe place should ideally be boring. Pillows, books. That's it. When she is calm, she can rejoin the fun activity everyone else is doing.

I'd talk to the mom about how serious it is. Put a time limit on how long you are willing to work with her. A month? Two weeks? And if she has not improved, you could terminated. The more specific you are, the better. Something like "By X date, DCG needs to go a complete day without hitting and continue to do so consistently"

I'd also seriously limit her TV time. Maybe just watch TV at one specific time each day? For example, only while you make lunch. If she knows she can get TV whenever she asks for it, she will never stop asking. I wonder if too much TV time is making her unable to handle her problems... if she doesn't get the chance to practice in social situations, she'll never improve... watching TV all the time is easy, but it doesn't teach her to how to play without hitting (not saying you are doing this!)

Good luck!