Huge Vent

[BentleysBands]

I am sooo mad right now i could spit fire

i have a very emotional 3 yr old (bday today) ..she is very babied by parents and still uses a paci..i got her off except for naps but as soon as they come in at pickup they have it ready for her....so all morning she has been crying for paci...at my wits end with her i called mom. mom flies here with TWO paci's in hand ...girl is hysterically crying wanting to leave, etc...to be with mom. she thought mom was taking her home...in the mean time her borther is fine playing and could case less about mom...mom is rocking dcg and patting her back. each time she tries to set girl down she starts crying all over again. i'm in the mean time trying my best to take care of the other kids. now dcg wants juice....i do not do juice very much just water or milk...so i had none made. mom comes in kitchen ad says daughter wants HER to make her cup...opens my fridge and says 'wheres the juice?' ...i tell her we do water at this time. child cries louder. i stop what i'm doing to make the dang juice so she would leave at this point i now have 3 kids crying for juice .....NOW dcg wants eggs and toast ..WTH???? she wouldnt eat breakfast this morning, i explain and that snack will be at 10 am....mom insists me to make the eggs..yes, i said it INSISTS! this is MY home!!!! i tell her no because the others will want and we have already had this earlier. i am NOT remaking!!
so to make long story short, i tell her that its best if she just leaves, child will be fine. she finally does and guess what?? child is fine now!!! she was only acting that way becasue mom was here.....what the heck have i gotten myself into???? helpppppp ......verbally telling her anything makes NO difference....anyone have ANY suggesstions or what to write her??? this is ridiculous!

[Unregistered]

GJYYca

My advice is this...never, ever call her Mom again for crying.

[Jewels]

WOW that would be annoying! No advice here, I've never had to deal with anything like that not sure what I would do.

[MARSTELAC]

How frustrating. I probably would've snapped and told her to take her child and get out! Well, no I wouldn't but I'd sure as heck think it. I would do an addendum to her contract and make it clear that parents are not permitted beyond the entryway of the daycare residence. Clarify your meal hours. I don't allow pacifiers except for nap. I have that in my contract. I think they are disgusting. I am mad for you. I have some parents that think they can go into my home and it drives me crazy. It isn't this bad though! WOW the nerve of some people. Happy hour tonight?

[momma2girls]

I am sooo mad right now i could spit fire

i have a very emotional 3 yr old (bday today) ..she is very babied by parents and still uses a paci..i got her off except for naps but as soon as they come in at pickup they have it ready for her....so all morning she has been crying for paci...at my wits end with her i called mom. mom flies here with TWO paci's in hand ...girl is hysterically crying wanting to leave, etc...to be with mom. she thought mom was taking her home...in the mean time her borther is fine playing and could case less about mom...mom is rocking dcg and patting her back. each time she tries to set girl down she starts crying all over again. i'm in the mean time trying my best to take care of the other kids. now dcg wants juice....i do not do juice very much just water or milk...so i had none made. mom comes in kitchen ad says daughter wants HER to make her cup...opens my fridge and says 'wheres the juice?' ...i tell her we do water at this time. child cries louder. i stop what i'm doing to make the dang juice so she would leave at this point i now have 3 kids crying for juice .....NOW dcg wants eggs and toast ..WTH???? she wouldnt eat breakfast this morning, i explain and that snack will be at 10 am....mom insists me to make the eggs..yes, i said it INSISTS! this is MY home!!!! i tell her no because the others will want and we have already had this earlier. i am NOT remaking!!
so to make long story short, i tell her that its best if she just leaves, child will be fine. she finally does and guess what?? child is fine now!!! she was only acting that way becasue mom was here.....what the heck have i gotten myself into???? helpppppp ......verbally telling her anything makes NO difference....anyone have ANY suggesstions or what to write her??? this is ridiculous!

WOW!!! If this continues, I would definately terminate, it is definately not worth it for her being like this and yelling these things to you. YOu need to seriously have a talk with the MOm and explain your rules, etc. She should definately be way over the paci thing as well. That is #1!!! GOod luck, let us all know how it goes!!

[momma2girls]

How frustrating. I probably would've snapped and told her to take her child and get out! Well, no I wouldn't but I'd sure as heck think it. I would do an addendum to her contract and make it clear that parents are not permitted beyond the entryway of the daycare residence. Clarify your meal hours. I don't allow pacifiers except for nap. I have that in my contract. I think they are disgusting. I am mad for you. I have some parents that think they can go into my home and it drives me crazy. It isn't this bad though! WOW the nerve of some people. Happy hour tonight?

It totally agree it drives me nuts as well!!!! To have the MOm go into your refrigerator, etc. I don't think so, I had a Mom do this once, and I stopped it then!!

[Crystal]

Dear Mom,

Due to the inconvenience and difficulty with transitions that (dcg) experiences when our day is disrupted, I am requesting that any visits to the child care program be kept to a minimum, with the maximum time visiting being limited to 10 minutes. While I understand that you have your child's best interests at heart and are attempting to smooth her transition into care, the long visits are having the opposite effect and causing her more distress than is necessary. I assure you that (dcg) is happy and enjoys her time in care, and that should there be any issues that require your attention, that I will contact you immediately.

Thank you,

____________________

[kitkat]

Holy cow! I would have told mom that if the girl can't stop throwing a fit, then she needs to leave. That is absolutely ridiculous that you and the other children have to deal with that. I had a very emotional girl also. The 3 year old stage totally ****ed and was very emotional. When she would throw a fit about something I would place her on the time out rug, tell her we don't throw fits at my house, and that she had to stay there until she was done. I would also set the timer and tell her she had to be done by the time the timer rang (she was a bit older when I started using the timer). It is hard to have to listen to the screaming, but she did get better. If you don't think that will work, what about putting her where the kids nap (unless that's where you guys play also) until she's done? I agree with the others about talking to mom about your rules and boundaries and if the behavior doesn't stop, then you may have to terminate. In the mean time, hang in there and stay very firm with dcg.

[MyAngels]

This is what I would say:

Dear Mom - I think you will agree that this morning did not begin well for your daughter. There are a few things that you will need to do so that we do not have this type of thing happen again, as it is very disruptive not only to your family, but to the other children in my care as well. First, since you are allowing Susie to have a pacifier at this time, you will need to keep several extras here at all times. Second, since Susie has a difficult time separating from you at drop off, I would suggest that you say your goodbyes before entering the daycare, and then leave right away once you've entered. I realize that it is difficult to leave your child when they appear to be upset, however, she calms down right away and you can always call from the car or your office if you would like to check in. Third, breakfast is from 7:30 a.m. to 8:00 a.m. and morning snack is at 10:00 a.m. If Susie needs to eat at a different time please make sure you feed her at home as I do not provide food for the children at any time other than our regularly scheduled meals and snacks. I think you'll agree that these are simple things, but they will make the transition from home to daycare much easier. Disruptions like the situation this morning tend to affect all of the children, and the effect can last all day, so I would like your cooperation with this. Please don't hesitate to let me know if you have any questions. Thank you.

[Paisley]

WOW I wouldn't take kindly to ANYONE insisting that I do something in my own home. It always blows my mind when parents act like this. I will not live in a home ruled by a three year old. (I have a two and three year old myself) Children are not the boss. How are we supposed to help them grow up and be responsible and productive members of society if they are allowed to rule the roost at home? Hmmmmm it definitely sounds like she is the boss and her parents are her servants. Fine for home, but not gonna happen at my house!

[Blackcat31]

I am not sure if this will work for you...maybe with a little tweeking to better fit your situation, but this is aletter I had to give mom who made drop offs last for like 45 minutes!! During that time she wanted to help me make breakfast and then had the nerve to bring extra little treats for her child only while all other kids ate regular breakfasts. I just wanted he rto drop off and go, her kid was great as long as she wasn't hanging out and "helping". This is a copy of a letter I gave her.... she now drops and picks up in less than 10 minutes and has not "helped" since......

Dear ***
This morning’s incident was very upsetting for your daughter and I wanted to address the issue so that we can both avoid having to have a repeated situation. I have been in business long enough to know that all children behave differently when their parents are present. I completely understand your concern for your child, but I do feel that your presence was adding fuel to her fire. I also wanted to address the fact that we have a number of rules at my childcare that need to be observed for the safety, welfare and concern of ALL children in my care. Please do not be offended when I say that it is difficult when a parent comes into my home and wants to “help out”. I am grateful for the offer, but please know that I have things under control and although I may seem stressed, it is usually because there has been a break in our daily routine. We have a schedule that dictates when and what we will eat for the day. When one child’s needs go beyond what is offered it can be upsetting to the other children in care. All children are served the same foods on the same schedule and all meals and snacks meet the required USDA food guidelines.
In order for me to continue offering the loving, caring and high quality services that I know you want for your daughter, I only ask that you please observe my house rules. If you are unsure about anything, please do not hesitate to ask. However, I must insist that you be observant of the needs of your child(ren) and make drop off’s and pick ups’ go as smoothly as possible. This means making all transitions no longer than absolutely necessary, and to set up a time outside of my busy hours, if necessary, to speak with me about any concerns you may have. If you are interested, I can send home a weekly menu so that you can see what meals and snacks are served to your daughter.
Again, I do not wish for you to take offense, and although I appreciate your assistance, I need to run my child care so that it meets all the needs of every child in my care as a group. I am unfortunately, not able to provide individualized care for any one child without upsetting the group as a whole. I am sure you understand. As always, please call me with any concerns or questions you may have in regards to this issue.

Thanks for your assistance in making transition as easy as possible.

[momma2girls]

I would also tell the Mom that if a 3 yr. old absolutelly needed her paci(which should have been taken away at 1-1/2 yr. old) only naptime, she is allowed to have it!! I luckily haven't run into too much of this over the 7 yrs.

[MommyMuffin]

Dear Parent,

It seems as though some transitions are hard for dcg and I will work with you and your child to help make this easier for her. The transitions are sometimes hard for some and usually after a while they are having fun and enjoying themselves.
Transitioning from home to daycare is hard for children because of attachment and their are different rules to follow. At daycare paci are only given to ___ages___. To help your daughter transition I have been working with her on feeling secure without it and she is spending less and less time concerned with it. Please leave paci at home or in the car so progress continues. She is doing very well with this and is talking more because of it. I am very proud of her.
There are many kids in my care throughout the day and I have special and fun activities planned for them. I plan meals according to the activities so all can enjoy them. This is why I serve breakfast at ____ time. Please come before ___ so your dcg can eat with the group. If this in not convenient then please feed her before she comes to daycare. This will prevent jealously from other children not getting meals at different times and help all children to transition from breakfast to art or planned curriculum.
Thank you fo putting your trust in me. I take the responsibility of caring for your dcg very seriously.

Thank you,

daycare provider

[SilverSabre25]

wow...just wow...makes the situation I was about to post seem stupid in comparison!

[marniewon]

Wow - so many things wrong with that scenario!!! I don't think i would have called mom in the first place. If dcg was that upset, I would assume she was ill or tired, and put her to bed. With crying kids at drop-off I will let the parents try to soothe them for a minute or two, then reach out and actually take the child out of mom/dad's arms, saying something like, okay susie, mom needs to get to work, and your friends are waiting to play with you! Say good bye! And then start moving toward the playroom. I would have been livid about dcm going into your fridge!! Wow, what nerve! Totally disrespecting your home, you, your daycare rules! I think in that situation, where dcg/mom insisted on juice, eggs, etc, I would have said breakfast is over, I don't serve juice here. If you think dcg needs juice and eggs then maybe you should take her home and make them for her. Otherwise, we will be having lunch at 11:30.

I like the ideas of pp's of writing letters reminding mom of your rules and schedule and asking to keep visitation/drop-offs VERY short!

I had a little guy who used to cry at drop-off. It really bothered mom, but she would still say goodbye and walk out the door. She knew that she could call/text me to see how he was doing. Most of the time I would text her a pic of him having fun playing - she would usually get it before she even got to work, so she had proof that he was just fine after she left.