Dealing with snarky parents

[childcaremom]

I have a situation with a family and I'm looking for some advice on how to proceed.

I deal with contracted times. My contract and handbook states that children should be in attendance 8:30-3:30. My contract also states that if children are not in attendance within 1 hour of their contracted drop off time that it will be assumed that they are not coming and will not be admitted to care. My contract says nothing about late drop offs. But you can bet it will now

So this particular dcf is contracted to drop off at 8:30. Over the past few months, they have consistently dropped off later and later, often at 9. I haven't said anything to them up until now because it hasn't really affected our schedule. I've always just gone ahead with our day and whatever.

Now I have a new little one that needs a morning nap. I've scheduled the nap for 8:45-9:30. I don't allow drop offs during naps so I need this family to arrive on time.

This morning they arrived early - 8:15. So I told him that he was early. He says he knows. I decided to let that bomb drop for the meantime and tried to tell him that while I would be sending home a newsletter this evening explaining in further detail, that I need dcg to arrive at 8:30 from now on. He didn't even let me finish what I was trying to say. He interrupted me trying to tell him this 3 times, shaking his head, saying that he would do his best, getting increasingly agitated.

I know that this comes back to me allowing it in the first place. I've added a little note to their sheet that while I have been able to accomodate their late drop off in the past, that I can no longer do so as our group need's a morning nap.

Any time I have dealt with this family and had to tell them something, they have responded the same way. Angry, unapproachable and snarky. If I am honest, I think that's why I never said anything up until now. Pick my battles with them, so to speak. Because it's always the same. They do not like being told anything.

Anyways, any suggestions on how to deal with this in the future? When I try to discuss things with them, they are always quick to say what they will do, are not open to my telling them, and I often have to repeat things 4-5 times before they realize I mean business.

My husband says that he would interpret my policies as being that they have a 1 hour arrival window. Even though I have in there that children should be in attendance by 8:30. Any suggestions on wording that? Maybe last drop off time is 8:30?

TIA!

[daycarediva]

I recently added a thing to my contract that says without 24 hour advance notice, I will not accept drop offs after 9am, that they will be considered absent for the day. I turned away the ONE family that was doing this regularly TWICE in one week, and it never happened again. (one time is was almost 10, the second time it was 9:15.)

In your situation, that is what I would do as well.

[daycare]

I say this with kindness, but stop letting them get away with breaking your rules. They are throwing fits like children do, because if you allow it one time, then it must be ok.

Put your foot down and let them know that they need to follow your policies.

I have a rule that if your child is not in attendance by 9am, they cannot attend for the day.

The more we let them slide with our rules and polices, the more they will continue to try to break them. No different than children.

IT has to be black and white...NO GREY area

[Annalee]

I recently added a thing to my contract that says without 24 hour advance notice, I will not accept drop offs after 9am, that they will be considered absent for the day. I turned away the ONE family that was doing this regularly TWICE in one week, and it never happened again. (one time is was almost 10, the second time it was 9:15.)

In your situation, that is what I would do as well.

I lock my door at 8:00...and have a sign up that says all children must arrive before 8:00 or be considered absent for the day...once a parent arrived after 8 but I just let her come to the door to see it was locked....she turned around and left...thought she may not return the next day....BUT she did and was before 8....never said anything to me....the locked door done the trick!

[Lucy]

I say this with kindness too. Please don't be offended. I'm actually generalizing this statement, so it's not a dig at you personally.

We just watched an episode of Strawberry Shortcake. (Yes, it's a no-school day and my two Kinder girls wanted to watch something, and that's what was on! LOL) One of the "berry"-named girls started making these arbitrary rules: In order to gain admittance to her clubhouse, you have to wear a yellow hat, stand on a certain dot, ring the bell a particular way, say a password (that she wouldn't tell them), stand in your designated spot once you get in, only eat what she said you could eat, etc., etc.

My point is that I think maybe parents feel like we are making these ridiculous and arbitrary rules just so that we can hold power over them and be controlling. Some people will NOT allow themselves to be controlled. Especially when they feel superior to you.

Please... I'm NOT saying your rules are ridiculous and arbitrary. I'm just saying that if they are coming off that way, maybe it's time to back off a little bit, or to re-word policies so they don't sound so dictator-like. (And I'm NOT saying that yours did!)

I never thought of how it comes off from THEIR side until I started taking my mom to an Alzheimer's Day center. It's pretty much like pre-school, in that they do what amounts to circle time, they do crafts, light exercises, and occasional field trips. Anyway, I get notes saying that they need to wear their facility t-shirts on field trip days, that they might want to dress warmly for this or that, that they should bring such-and-such for making a certain craft, that they shouldn't be late because x,y,z was happening right at start time, etc., etc. It has all come across in a nice way, but it gave me a little insight as to how parents might take things. It's hard for me to articulate the comparison of ALZ to DC, but I'm just saying that I'm seeing things from the "other side" now.

Not that any of this helps you. I'm just rambling my stream of consciousness....

[childcaremom]

Thanks, ladies. I know I need to enforce ALL policies consistently, I just can't stand dealing with this family, the dad esp.

For those of you with a cut off for drop offs, do you allow kids to come later than that once in a while, for example, if they had an appt?

I like the idea of creating that cut off (which would be their drop off time) and having a sign there.

I am also starting to keep my door locked at all times specifically because of this family. Before my door was locked, but always after last arrival, which was them. So now they will have to knock to gain entrance and I will be able to control their arrival time.

[daycare]

Thanks, ladies. I know I need to enforce ALL policies consistently, I just can't stand dealing with this family, the dad esp.

For those of you with a cut off for drop offs, do you allow kids to come later than that once in a while, for example, if they had an appt?

I like the idea of creating that cut off (which would be their drop off time) and having a sign there.

I am also starting to keep my door locked at all times specifically because of this family. Before my door was locked, but always after last arrival, which was them. So now they will have to knock to gain entrance and I will be able to control their arrival time.

I think that all of us have a family that takes us for a ride........

I allow families to drop off later with a 24 hour advance notice. THIS is for the purpose of Dr. appt and etc. It is not to be abused.

I have never not opened the door, I explain my drop off policy to the extreme during enrollment and if they break policy one time, they get warned that what will happen next time....

[Annalee]

For those of you with a cut off for drop offs, do you allow kids to come later than that once in a while, for example, if they had an appt?

It depends....there is this one fam in my program that tries to TELL me what THEY are going to do. That really gets my goat so I am strict to the contract...not heartless, but am not getting pushed around...BUT it took me many years to get to this point!

If a well-check/dentist, etc is at 8 or so and it will be earlier in the day when the child arrives, I would consider it...but my pushy family looks for ways to NOT do what is in my contract so there is no leniency with them.

I have in my policy that regardless what a dr/dentist, etc. says, I will get final say on when a child may return from being sick, dr. visit, etc. I know this sounds harsh, but after 20 plus years, the school of hard knocks has been my best teacher...

[childcaremom]

I say this with kindness too. Please don't be offended. I'm actually generalizing this statement, so it's not a dig at you personally.

We just watched an episode of Strawberry Shortcake. (Yes, it's a no-school day and my two Kinder girls wanted to watch something, and that's what was on! LOL) One of the "berry"-named girls started making these arbitrary rules: In order to gain admittance to her clubhouse, you have to wear a yellow hat, stand on a certain dot, ring the bell a particular way, say a password (that she wouldn't tell them), stand in your designated spot once you get in, only eat what she said you could eat, etc., etc.

My point is that I think maybe parents feel like we are making these ridiculous and arbitrary rules just so that we can hold power over them and be controlling. Some people will NOT allow themselves to be controlled. Especially when they feel superior to you.

Please... I'm NOT saying your rules are ridiculous and arbitrary. I'm just saying that if they are coming off that way, maybe it's time to back off a little bit, or to re-word policies so they don't sound so dictator-like. (And I'm NOT saying that yours did!)

I never thought of how it comes off from THEIR side until I started taking my mom to an Alzheimer's Day center. It's pretty much like pre-school, in that they do what amounts to circle time, they do crafts, light exercises, and occasional field trips. Anyway, I get notes saying that they need to wear their facility t-shirts on field trip days, that they might want to dress warmly for this or that, that they should bring such-and-such for making a certain craft, that they shouldn't be late because x,y,z was happening right at start time, etc., etc. It has all come across in a nice way, but it gave me a little insight as to how parents might take things. It's hard for me to articulate the comparison of ALZ to DC, but I'm just saying that I'm seeing things from the "other side" now.

Not that any of this helps you. I'm just rambling my stream of consciousness....

I completely get where you are coming from and understand this. All valid points.

I spent all of yesterday (well a good chunk) rewording my letter so that it didn't come across as picky or attacking to this one family. I am writing to all parents to let them know our new Winter Schedule. I change our schedule as I see necessary for my group and send home a note at the switch for all parents to read. I highlight any major changes to our schedule and add in little reminders. So this one includes the 'new' morning and afternoon nap times, with a reminder to not drop off/pick up during these times, as well as our new outdoor times, which have changed because of daylight savings, with a reminder to check the weather before coming to daycare.

I felt I needed to address their lateness b/c it conflicts with the new schedule. Maybe I should have just let the newsletter do it's thing? I thought addressing it directly in person followed up by a letter made it seem more... upfront? I don't know if that's the word I am looking for.

Maybe I came across as too dictator-like this morning, I don't know. Maybe I would have been better just to let them read the newsletter and work out their snark on their own time. Clearly he was rushed this morning and clearly feeling stressed about it. So probably a lot of bad timing involved.

So, coming from the other side, how would you prefer to find out this information? Just have it posted? Then a little note, please check out our new schedule on the bulletin board? And no reminders about policies?

Trying to find a happy balance between too little and too much. :confused:

[childcaremom]

It depends....there is this one fam in my program that tries to TELL me what THEY are going to do. That really gets my goat so I am strict to the contract...not heartless, but am not getting pushed around...BUT it took me many years to get to this point!

This is my family exactly. I guess it will get easier with time but it is so not me to be confrontational. I am getting better, though.

[MarinaVanessa]

I don't personally have a cut-off for clients drop-offs however I don't wait around for clients and I also don't allow drop-offs/pick-ups during nap. Could you just tell them that they either have to drop off at 8:30am (not 8:35, 8:40 etc) or wait until after your morning nap-time is over? If that's the way you want to go that is, me personally I think that finally putting your foot down is the best way to go but recognize that there is a chance that you will no longer fill a need they want and may move on. I wouldn't mind it but I'm not sure how you are doing with your finances and how difficult it is to fill an empty spot.

I would just put it in your newsletter and directly speak to all the parents and with no apologies just say what your changes are going to be. For this particular family that tries to argue with you I would just say something like...

"I understand that by me enforcing these policies it is now an inconvenience to you. I was able to make accommodations for you before however the needs of the group as a whole have changed and I will be going back to enforcing this policy. If this no longer works for you then I understand if you need to make alternative child care arrangements. If you choose to find other arrangements that fit your need for more flexibility just make sure to give me your required two weeks written notice, and of course no hard feelings."

You'd be surprised how many "issues" are no longer issues when you show that you're okay with them moving on to another daycare.

[childcaremom]

"I understand that by me enforcing these policies it is now an inconvenience to you. I was able to make accommodations for you before however the needs of the group as a whole have changed and I will be going back to enforcing this policy. "

This is lovely. Thank you

[childcaremom]

So here is an update:

I put a note at the bottom of their newsletter explaining that while up to this point I have been able to be flexible with their drop offs, that as the needs of the group as a whole have changed, I am no longer able to do this and will need to start enforcing their contracted drop off time of 8:30 in order for her arrival not to interfere with nap time. That I understood that by now enforcing this policy it may inconvenience them but that I am no longer able to offer them the same flexibility. Also that no early drop offs were allowed.

I was completely nerve wracked this morning and ran through every potential scenario. Guess who showed up early, again! 8:15. I was changing a bum and didn't answer the door. Then looked out and saw he was sitting in the car, figured he was going to wait in the warmth. All of a sudden, gone. Revved the engine and he is out of here.

They haven't returned, it is now nap time, so I guess they are finished? My husband seems to think so. But I am making him stay here until after rest just in case they come back.

Yikes!

[JoseyJo]

So here is an update:

I put a note at the bottom of their newsletter explaining that while up to this point I have been able to be flexible with their drop offs, that as the needs of the group as a whole have changed, I am no longer able to do this and will need to start enforcing their contracted drop off time of 8:30 in order for her arrival not to interfere with nap time. That I understood that by now enforcing this policy it may inconvenience them but that I am no longer able to offer them the same flexibility. Also that no early drop offs were allowed.

I was completely nerve wracked this morning and ran through every potential scenario. Guess who showed up early, again! 8:15. I was changing a bum and didn't answer the door. Then looked out and saw he was sitting in the car, figured he was going to wait in the warmth. All of a sudden, gone. Revved the engine and he is out of here.

They haven't returned, it is now nap time, so I guess they are finished? My husband seems to think so. But I am making him stay here until after rest just in case they come back.

Yikes!

If they term over not being able to drop off 15 min early then you didn't want them as dcparents anyway! Who does that? Do you go to walmart 15 min early and be mad that they don't let you in? Do you do to the dr 15 min early and expect not to wait?

[childcaremom]

My thinking exactly and I am working on a term letter in case they do come back.