Don't know how to take this ...

[DaycareMom]

I have had DCG for almost 4 yrs and her brother for a year. and every year, DCM has given myself and my children Christmas gifts and vice versa.

Well, this morning I was telling DCM that I bought all the kids slippers for Christmas and that I was almost done with my Christmas shopping.

She responded with, "Oh yea, I wanted to talk to you about that. I don't think we should exchange gifts this year. I want it to be a minimal year."

I just said, "Yea that's fine."

I am kind of annoyed because I told her my plan of getting slippers as gifts for the kids before, why wouldn't she mention her wanting a minimal Christmas then?

Also, I don't care if she doesn't get my kids gifts (they have too many toys anyway), but isn't it proper etiquette to get your DC provider a gift?

I am not sure whether I should bother to get her a gift. I am not sure if she was referring to kids gifts or all gifts, but find it would be rude to ask.

What would you do?

[Great Beginnings]

I have some parents that don't give me a gift and even try to get their bill reduced for odd reasons. I feel we help raise the children and teach them right from wrong and we should be shown appreciation. Not all parents feel we mean something to their children though.

If you got all the daycare kids something I would just give her children the slippers as planned and not exchange with the mother. If you didn't buy them all slippers return her children's since she asked not to do an exchange this year.

[hope]

You never know what someone is going through financially. My guess is that they may be going through difficult times and would prefer not to discuss it. I would still give to her and make the situation as comfortable for her as possible.

[Cradle2crayons]

Personally, I would give he children heir slippers and not worry about the rest.

I agree she may be having a hard time financially and simply didn't want to have to tell you.

If that's not he case, then I would still do the above.

[Soccermom]

You never know what someone is going through financially. My guess is that they may be going through difficult times and would prefer not to discuss it. I would still give to her and make the situation as comfortable for her as possible.

I agree.
They are likely having a hard time financially and are trying to minimize their expenses but also the stress of the Holidays in general.
I would certainly not get her a gift. (I don't buy for any of my DCPS, I make them a CD with pics to music of daycare activities)
I do get all the DCKS a little something though. If this is customary for you as well then I would certainly still give something to these two little ones.

[KidGrind]

I have had DCG for almost 4 yrs and her brother for a year. and every year, DCM has given myself and my children Christmas gifts and vice versa.

Well, this morning I was telling DCM that I bought all the kids slippers for Christmas and that I was almost done with my Christmas shopping.

She responded with, "Oh yea, I wanted to talk to you about that. I don't think we should exchange gifts this year. I want it to be a minimal year."

I just said, "Yea that's fine."

I am kind of annoyed because I told her my plan of getting slippers as gifts for the kids before, why wouldn't she mention her wanting a minimal Christmas then?

Also, I don't care if she doesn't get my kids gifts (they have too many toys anyway), but isn't it proper etiquette to get your DC provider a gift?

I am not sure whether I should bother to get her a gift. I am not sure if she was referring to kids gifts or all gifts, but find it would be rude to ask.

What would you do?

I don’t think it this situation the DCM was rude with what you’ve shared with us. The only expectations I have from the DCPs are they respect/follow my policies which includes payment for my services in a timely manner.

A gift is never owed or to be expected in my opinion. Happy Holidays!

[sharlan]

I don’t think it this situation the DCM was rude with what you’ve shared with us. The only expectations I have from the DCPs are they respect/follow my policies which includes payment for my services in a timely manner.

A gift is never owed or to be expected in my opinion. Happy Holidays!

This is my sentiment. If you're that upset about it, return the slippers to the store and don't worry about it.

I NEVER expect a gift from my daycare families. I do give each child a $20 - $25 gift, but do not expect anything in return and I'm very appreciative if they do decide to gift me.

[snbauser]

A gift should be given of free will because you want to. It should not be given, or not given, based on the expectation of a return gift. There are some parents that I get generous gift cards from and others that I don't get a thank you from. I don't base what I do for them on what I get from them.

[childcaremom]

I have never given the dcks gifts. Only once did a dcp give me one.

I don't expect one and I don't think my families expect me to give them one either.

In your situation, I would just continue on with your plans to give the slippers and let the rest slide.

[Lucy]

Personally, I would give he children heir slippers and not worry about the rest.

I agree she may be having a hard time financially and simply didn't want to have to tell you.

If that's not he case, then I would still do the above.

Pretty much what I was going to say. I know we had one year where my husband had 2 surgeries, and we had to tell some of the family (our personal families) that we had to cut back. It was awkward to talk about, but we had to. Most of them still gave us something small, but we didn't expect it. That might be where this family is coming from. Too embarrassed to say they can't afford to give you something this year, so worded it awkwardly.

I'd still give the slippers and go on with life. Don't worry about what you get or don't get in return, or the fact that she requested no gifts. You bought them, so give them as you intended. Don't make her problem yours.

[TwinKristi]

I would still give the kids their slippers and just keep it at that.

I don't expect gifts from anyone. Last year I made treats and gave them in a nice Tupperware container (I also sell Tupperware) and gave them to the one family I had at the time and my neighbor who also does daycare who I work with often. This year I have 3 families and we're making ornaments and I'll make some cookies and goodies again for them. The family I had last year gave me a "bonus" but this year their last contracted day is the 20th and then they are considering one day a week on a drop-in basis when they're not in preschool. I'm not "expecting" a bonus this year but I think they'll do something again. I actually would be slightly offended if they didn't just because I really feel I've gone above and beyond the call of duty for them when many providers wouldn't. I'm still hurt that they're even pulling their DS out of my care and putting him in Jr Preschool but that's already done and maybe for the best.

[Laurel]

Pretty much what I was going to say. I know we had one year where my husband had 2 surgeries, and we had to tell some of the family that we had to cut back. It was awkward to talk about, but we had to. Most of them still gave us something small, but we didn't expect it. That might be where this family is coming from. Too embarrassed to say they can't afford to give you something this year, so worded it awkwardly.

I'd still give the slippers and go on with life. Don't worry about what you get or don't get in return, or the fact that she requested no gifts. You bought them, so give them as you intended. Don't make her problem yours.

Laurel

[DaycareMom]

I don’t think it this situation the DCM was rude with what you’ve shared with us. The only expectations I have from the DCPs are they respect/follow my policies which includes payment for my services in a timely manner.

A gift is never owed or to be expected in my opinion. Happy Holidays!

I did not think that she was being rude. I was saying I would think it would be rude to ask what she meant by no gifts - like did she mean just for the kids or for kids and adults?

I was definitely going to give her kids the gifts which I had already bought for them. Of course!

My question is more that I don't know if I should get her a gift. I don't want to get her a gift and make her feel uncomfortable if that is what she meant. But I don't want to feel like a jerk if she does get me something and I don't get her anything....ykwim?

[misslori50]

i would respect her wishes and not get her anything. I know in our family we do not give gifts. No one can afford it and thus no stress. we only buy for our children. I am making hats for the kids and maybe if i can find a good sale some books. But nothing fancy
we will be making lots of fun things during the month

[KidGrind]

I did not think that she was being rude. I was saying I would think it would be rude to ask what she meant by no gifts - like did she mean just for the kids or for kids and adults?

I was definitely going to give her kids the gifts which I had already bought for them. Of course!

My question is more that I don't know if I should get her a gift. I don't want to get her a gift and make her feel uncomfortable if that is what she meant. But I don't want to feel like a jerk if she does get me something and I don't get her anything....ykwim?

I don’t know what you mean. Per your explanation you shared DCM wishes to be minimal this year. She requested not to exchange gifts.

I am lost in regards to any confusion.

I don’t think you respecting her wishes would be rude at all. I hope you enjoy the holidays & everything goes smoothly with the DCM.