Do You Let DCKs Take Things Home?

[childcaremom]

I have a situation that I find a little strange. Dcd brought dcg for drop off, it was about 2 weeks ago, and brought back a toy phone saying that it somehow made it's way home and they were returning it.

Now, this is a toy that dcg did not want to give up at home time, mom said it was time to go, and I assumed that she left it behind as they were leaving. I had other children still here so did not watch them leave.

I never said anything other than 'oh' because I was shocked that they would have even taken it home in the first place.

Now tonight, at pick up, dcg has 2 booklets at pick up time, won't give them up, my dd is trying to get them from her. Mom says she will leave them by the door. My dd follows them up (to get the booklets and to say goodbye) and then comes down 5 mins later to say that she had taken them home. I still have other children so told my daughter that they were probably there and we would look after everyone went home. Well we searched the entryway and they were nowhere to be found. My dh was upstairs and says he saw them leave, with the booklets in dcg's hand. He was talking on the phone, watching them leave, and did not see mom take them from her and did not see her put them down. In fact, he saw them walk out the door, with dcg holding them in her hand, waving goodbye to him.

The kicker? She took dcg out to the car and then came back to the house for her folder... but didn't bring back the booklets.

So I emailed her to ask where she left them, she said that she had left them on the shoe rack but that dcg must have picked them up and stuck them in her pocket and she didn't realize until she got home. Said she was embarassed and that she would drop them off. Which she did. In perfect, unwrinkled condition.

So do I let this slide? I am a little miffed that 1, they took them home but more 2, lied about not knowing. Btw, these were returned in perfect condition (could not have been put in a pocket by a 20 mos old) so she had to have seen them. How is it ok to just walk out of my house with things that don't belong to you? Why wouldn't you just take them from the kid in the first place?

Or am I overreacting to the whole thing? I should add that I have a few issues with this family so am trying to make sure that my past issues are not influencing these one. Trying to figure out if this is something that needs to be discussed further or if I should just let it go.

Thanks!

[NeedaVaca]

Every once in a while one of my DCK's want to take a toy but my parents explain why it has to stay here. Except one little boy...he did take small stuff that he put in his pockets. When they brought it back I was not thrilled about it. Then he did it more often and I found myself patting him down before they left. I ended up terming for lots and lots of reasons.

The mom of this DCB did take it seriously though, she made him apologize, etc. If I had a parent that was actually letting it happen rather than deal with the upset child I would have been a lot more upset!

[cheerfuldom]

Pat the girl down before she leaves. Do not let mom leave the daycare area with anything other than her daughter and their own belongings. Dont let the mom handle this, you do it. If the child screams, so be it. I wouldnt get into a discussion of what your hubby saw or anything like that. Just take all items from the DCG before she leaves, problem solved. She is small and she will learn to give things up and you may have to pry them out of her hand

[childcaremom]

That's exactly what I'm thinking... I'm going to have to do pat downs when she's leaving. Sigh.

[childcaremom]

Pat the girl down before she leaves. Do not let mom leave the daycare area with anything other than her daughter and their own belongings. Dont let the mom handle this, you do it. If the child screams, so be it. I wouldnt get into a discussion of what your hubby saw or anything like that. Just take all items from the DCG before she leaves, problem solved. She is small and she will learn to give things up and you may have to pry them out of her hand

I've pried things from her in the past and have gotten dirty looks from the parents. I have no problem prying Just can't believe the nerve of these parents.

[KidGrind]

I don’t think you are overreacting. I think the parents need to have a backbone & work on their selfishness. In order for them not to have deal with her meltdowns, they submit and take belongings not theirs.

I would empty her hands as soon as you know her parents have arrived.

[Maria2013]

Pat the girl down before she leaves. Do not let mom leave the daycare area with anything other than her daughter and their own belongings. Dont let the mom handle this, you do it. If the child screams, so be it. I wouldnt get into a discussion of what your hubby saw or anything like that. Just take all items from the DCG before she leaves, problem solved. She is small and she will learn to give things up and you may have to pry them out of her hand

[Josiegirl]

I have no problem letting kids borrow things But this was a totally different thing where the dcp lied to you. She had to have known her child had them.
I'd have a hard time because if you pry them out before dcp comes in the door, then likely dcp will see her child crying and wonder what just happened that she missed. I'm such a wuss with stuff like this. I'd probably send home a reminder in a newsletter, or something, about this kind of issue, your views on borrowing items from daycare.

Now with that said, I have had issues in the past that made me angry. One dcp many years ago, took one of my phones without asking, because her dd wanted it and little miss princess just shouldn't cry. I wasn't even in the house but was told about it by a visiting relative. I called dcm about it. Well, of course it came up missing so dcm paid me for it. Then I stupidly said yes to letting dcks borrow brand new stuff, which they didn't return and when asked about it, also came up missing. So now, each item a dck asks for, I might say sure, or I might explain why not.
But that's just me.

[spinnymarie]

Yikes. Weird that she lied about it. The whole thing is weird, actually. Evidently mom has no worries about bringing things home with them, even though she clearly realizes you don't like it.
I agree with the pat down... which is unfortunate.
Your other option would be to lay it out with mom - if things keep 'accidentally' getting in their car you will have to start charging her for 'borrowing.' The library gets taxes and has late fees... so can you.

[childcaremom]

Thanks for the input. My plan is to accompany dcg to the gate (of the daycare area) at pick up time and ensure that she does not have a toy in her hands before handing her over to mom. If mom objects, I will just remind her that daycare items do not leave daycare.

I just feel really weird with her not being truthful but don't really want to push it at this point as I don't want to bring my daughter or husband into the whole thing. It just feels disrespectful.

Thanks, though, for the advice!

[daycarediva]

I allow them to sign out books and music cds for my small 'library'. The parents sign a form to take them home agreeing to return them within a week or pay for them. They sign them out on the log and then when they are returned.

Toys stay here. I have made it a point to always come say a last 'goodbye' to my dcks as they leave, and this is one of the primary reasons for doing so. I will remove a toy from them if needed. My one dcg was so bad about this, that I asked Mom to leave a toy in the car for her, and then we remind her about the toy at pickup. Works with no tears.

[julie]

Thanks for the input. My plan is to accompany dcg to the gate (of the daycare area) at pick up time and ensure that she does not have a toy in her hands before handing her over to mom. If mom objects, I will just remind her that daycare items do not leave daycare.

I just feel really weird with her not being truthful but don't really want to push it at this point as I don't want to bring my daughter or husband into the whole thing. It just feels disrespectful.

Thanks, though, for the advice!

Yeah, I would do that. I solve the problem myself and make it seem like I am doing so for the parent's benefit. It really is, because they have told you with their actions that they have no idea what to do with their kid. To the point that they will actually lie about it and have to return items with a red face. So if she says anything, just be nice about it. "Oh no worries, I thought I would save you an extra trip back this time." Sometimes I have even said "My kids went through a phase like this, so let's just work on it together". Even if it wasn't true, it helped soften the blow a little bit letting them know that I am not judging and have been there myself, and it helped me keep my stuff in my house, KWIM? Good luck.