Death in dck's Family

[gkids09]

How do you deal with this? The little boy I have is 3, but VERY very smart. His granddaddy died of a massive heart attack, and the little boy was pretty close to him...He also came to pick him up several times in the past 2 years. His mom let him go to the visitation for him yesterday when family went, and then he went to a babysitter. This boy knows a lot. He knows his granddaddy "is living with God now, and he is going to be watching down on me." He also told his aunt yesterday that he didn't like to see her sad, so he thought they needed to wake him up. So so so sad. Anyway, how do you deal with children talking about this in front of the other children? I got a few books at the funeral home FOR KIDS about death and funerals to let them understand a little, but didn't know what most of you do..Please let me know, as I'm sure the subject will come up sooner or later anyway, if not with him with someone else. TIA.

[Blackcat31]

I am not entirely sure how I would deal with this but I do know I would maybe talk first with the litle boys parents and discuss with them how much and what things are being told to the little boy. This will help you in knowing what the little boy actually knows. (like did they tell him grandpa is sleeping?) which is so wrong to tell children about death. But I would start with the parents and I would also tell the other parents that someone in a dcb's family passed away and they should be aware that it has become a topic for the children. They can tell you at that time what their feelings are about the subject. Is it okay with them if you talk with their child? How much do they want their child to know etc. I feel for you on this one...it is so hard with death and children, but I do know I would use some pretty open communication with the other parents and the parents of the little boy so you will be better informed about how to handle this.

[missnikki]

I am not entirely sure how I would deal with this but I do know I would maybe talk first with the litle boys parents and discuss with them how much and what things are being told to the little boy. This will help you in knowing what the little boy actually knows. (like did they tell him grandpa is sleeping?) which is so wrong to tell children about death. But I would start with the parents and I would also tell the other parents that someone in a dcb's family passed away and they should be aware that it has become a topic for the children. They can tell you at that time what their feelings are about the subject. Is it okay with them if you talk with their child? How much do they want their child to know etc. I feel for you on this one...it is so hard with dath and children, but I do know I would use some pretty open communication with the other parents and the parents of the little boy so you will be better informed about how to handle this.

Very true! Well said, Blackcat31!

[gkids09]

Thanks so much for the response. I talked to his mom, aunt, and grandmother (dad is not in the picture) at visitation yesterday, and they all were very adamant about NOT telling him grandpa was only sleeping. They said they talked to him and told him that he was dead and was living in the sky now, and that he would be able to look down on them and watch over them. His response was, "But if he's living in the sky, where is God???" They explained that he was living with God now, and he thought that was okay. His grandmother actually owns the funeral home, so she probably knew a lot better ways of saying these things than other people (read: me) would think of. Anyway, it was never mentioned today, but they went to eat at the church this evening so it may come up tomorrow. Or, it may be another one of those things you worry about and they never happen. I am sure it will come up with someone one day though, so it's good to know what to do in that situation. Oh, he found a dead cricket today and announced that it was dead, and I thought he would bring up his grandpa, but he didn't ever say a word.
Anyway, thanks so much for answering!

[QualiTcare]

you're doing exactly the right thing. reading books to children about events like death actually has a name - "bibliotherapy"

i'm sure you have some great books and you're doing fine, but if you ever have a sensitive issue come up in the future, that word is a good word to know so you can find books. you can google - "bibliotherpay + death" or "bibliotherapy + divorce"

this too shall pass!

btw: i know it's hard, but if you can find time (naptime maybe) it might be nice to read a book to him alone and let him talk. depending how comfortable you are, you could even read the book(s) at group time and let the child talk if he wants to.

[Genesislady]

when families grieve

I agree with pp's that you are handling correctly. There is also an excellent PBS video featuring Elmo and Katie Couric that explains death and grieving for young children.

I am including a link, hope this helps.

http://video.pbs.org/program/1457370191/