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I also second blackcat. You have to take it from people who have been married a long time (or divorced too as what didn't work)
how long have you known him. did he move in because you needed help paying the rent. You see, I'm wondering if you just "need" someone, I see it alot with young people. They "need" to have a boyfriend. I'm just wondering because you have complained about money before.Comment
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I'm one of those that "plays tricks" on my husband. Is it childish, probably but talking and having a conversation with MY husband does not work if he perceives that an issue for me is a non-issue. Are these issues big enough to divorce each other over? Definitely not. Are they small enough to just ignore and move on and accept that it will always be that way ... no, definitely not that either.
So then lies the obstacle of trying to figure out how to reach him and make him understand that his actions are hurtful or at minimum cumbersome for me. For me that means putting him in my shoes. I have found that is the best way. Call it passive aggressive and childish but it works and it's a better alternative than us yelling and screaming at each other. In the end (in my case) it ends with a laugh and he "gets it". No real drama and no fight.
Brooksi, I get it.Comment
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It's just my personal opinion, but I don't see good things coming from a relationship in which the parties feel they have to "teach each other a lesson". Tit for tat never makes for a stable union.
I've been married for almost 33 years and we have seen so many of our friends and family go their separate ways. In almost ALL cases...respect and communication was lacking.Comment
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I believe in different strokes for different folks.
For my relationship: I can show you better than I can tell you works. It’s our way of communicating.
I know several couples who are active swingers or have open marriages. The couples I am referring to are 20+ to 30+ years into their marriages. It would never work for me this type of marriage. Yet, I applaud them for discovering what makes them happy.
So Brooksie thank you for making me giggle. I don’t pretend to know all the dynamics of your relationship. If you are happy being in your relationship, more power to you. And if not, you are a big girl. I am sure you’ll move on when you’re good and ready.Comment
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Like others have said, I'm old fashioned and I am 33 years old. When we got married, everything I had belonged to him and what he had became ours. We only have one mutual bank account and he makes more money than me and has NEVER told me that it is his money. When I made more it was the same, because now we are one, one couple, one household, one family and we do groceries together and have never felt like something is mine or his. I feel like if you do what you are planning to do it will only add salt to the wound, it won't help. Best if you try to talk it out, talk, talk, and talk. If it does not work then IDK maybe he is not right for you.Comment
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I totally agree, for me this is totally weird. I've seen it in DC families when they say "Oh my wife will take care of that bill" and I'm like ??????:confused: We have only one account in my house, my husband is the only one with a ATM card from it but it's my choice. Once I found out that someone (stranger) was using my ATM card info to make purchases online so I cancelled it and never requested another one so I myself could stop buying stuff online so much.
My Husband and I have joint bank accounts. We are the only couple in our circle of family and friends that share our incomes. They think its not very smart. 
I think its weird to hear married couples saying you owe me 5bucks from last week or you haven't paid me back yet. 
But all the cash that comes in from the DC I keep and he asks nothing about it.
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We've been married 12 years this Jan and I think we have tried every way of dealing with the money possible! I learned my lesson early on with "yours and mine" bills when he got his car repossessed with only 2 months left to pay it off
For the last 7-8 years we have only "ours" money. I take care of all of the finances, he asks for what he needs (I never say no, but that way I know what is being spent). Hubby is NOT good with money (not a big spender, just doesn't keep track of it) and that works best for us
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Not wanting to contribute to food (or very minimal) and not getting to participate in the household meals, seems like a natural/ logical consequence of HIS choice to me. No one would blink an eye at this in a roommate situation (which financially is where you are at at this point)
I'm glad that you are talking about it, and working things out. There are always going to be disagreements in any relationship (friendship/ roommate/ boyfriend/ marriage). It's the ability to work through those differences that matter.Comment
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I did not reply to this thread early on because I rarely reply anymore and I did not want to come across As being too harsh but Blackcat perfectly sums up my feelings on this entire immature situation. In my opinion you should not live with someone when you both act so ridiculously immature. CRAZINESS! How do you expect to be treated with respect when you stoop to these childish games?Comment
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Can't say for anyone else but I know that I for one am not teaching anyone a lesson. My husband has a hard time empathizing with anyone on just about any issue because of his childhood. He's been on his own since he was in his teens and fended for himself. He's set in his ways so to speak and he's not a "talker". He's better than he was before but I can talk to him until I'm blue in the face about how we needed a gate to the kitchen to keep the kids safe and out of there and it just wasn't a big deal to him so it was a non-issue.... until my son got into the dishwasher and grabbed a knife and tried poking my leg with it and once he did the same again and cut four fingers and his palm.
I talked to him about putting his shoes away and even compromised and just asked to at least not leave them near the steo that leads into the garage. Guess who tripped and fell on his shoes while she was pregnant because they were at the bottom of the stair in the garage? This girl right here.
Things just don't seem to be a big deal to him so I need to find another way to show him what I mean. Talking gets me nowhere. BUT he's a hard worker, loves us, takes care of us, is an excellent father and an all around good guy. I just don't want to keep hurting myself or have someone else hurt themselves and I don't want to feel like my opinions don't matter. He;s come a long way and I can ignore lots of his other quirks. I just choose my battles.Comment
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Our Husbands are twins!
My dh kept leaving his shoes on the floor at night in the living room and I tripped on them and fell into the entrainment center glass doors.. I told him about it and he seemed concerned but still kept doing it.
So, I started hiding them and he had to search for them in the morning.
I just said, "I don't know where they are, I was so tired last night, I can't remember where I put them, maybe you should put them in the closet at night"
I know that seems childish to some people but not every relationship is the same and if you have the worlds perfect husband, that's great but we just do what works. My dh always puts his shoes away at night now.
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Lol that sounds like me. I got tired when husband didn't out he seat down years ago, so I started hiding the toilet paper and he constantly would forget and sit down and then have no toilet paperOur Husbands are twins!
My dh kept leaving his shoes on the floor at night in the living room and I tripped on them and fell into the entrainment center glass doors.. I told him about it and he seemed concerned but still kept doing it.
So, I started hiding them and he had to search for them in the morning.
I just said, "I don't know where they are, I was so tired last night, I can't remember where I put them, maybe you should put them in the closet at night"
I know that seems childish to some people but not every relationship is the same and if you have the worlds perfect husband, that's great but we just do what works. My dh always puts his shoes away at night now.
. So one day he says "did yu forget to replace the toilet paper ?" And I said "oh I dunno, did you forget to put the seat down?" Lol we both laughed and after that he put the seat down .
But, I think there's a difference between having a little humor in a relationship and having REAL issues. My husband and I have been married going on 13 years. He was married twice before me and I was married once before him. But we were both prett used to the single independent life when we met. Yes, when first getting together, there was an adjustment. But if you can't openly communicate with your significant other, there are serious issues that even humor won't fix.Comment
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