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Gosh Vanessa tell us how you really feel! :
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I am lucky to have my wife. She stuck with me through thick and thin when we were younger and I will never forget her for it. She always asks or phones me if she can buy this or do that and I tell her she doesn't need to ask me. I trust her but she asks anyway. There needs to be respect in any relationship for it to last.
that's how I feel about my dh, too. He is the epitome of the Corinthians verse about love. lovethis That man worked 13 hours on a commercial plumbing job yesterday, called on his way home to ask if there was anything I needed while he was still out, helped me with dinner, kids baths and bed and then helped me clean the house without asking. THEN he folded the laundry in the dryer while I was in the shower this morning before he went to put in another 12-13 hours.
We have a joint checking and savings, but individual accounts that are our business accounts (both self employed).
It is all OUR money. He needed extra cash to buy materials for the large commercial job he got, so I transferred him money from our account to his business. NO questions asked.Comment
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Haha, I almost always ask my dh if I can buy something and he always tells me not to ask, but I feel bad if I were to buy something and not tell him. I don't know why I do this, I know his answer is going to be the same every time.
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My brother and his wife have separate accounts. My parents say they hate hearing them argue over who hasn't paid their half of the mortgage yet etc.....crazy. They seem happily married and yet are terrified to give up control of their accounts. I don't understand their lack of trust. My Husband and I have joint bank accounts. We are the only couple in our circle of family and friends that share our incomes. They think its not very smart. 
I think its weird to hear married couples saying you owe me 5bucks from last week or you haven't paid me back yet. 
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I know you've made up your mind, you love him, you are too nice. I am too nice. I married a man, he helped me raise my son, although mostly he didn't help, with much of anything, but the bills, and he made me feel small. I am still married to him. I started to divorce him, but he turned himself around... somewhat. I am not happy, I am sad. I stay together for the kids, and the hope that maybe someday things will be better. I wish you the best, but I feel he is controlling, and more so than you think.Comment
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NOt sure that some of you caught this or not, I know I missed it the first time, but they are NOT married. They are BF/GF living together.
So I think that this is a HUGE difference when it comes to the OUR money....Comment
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I dont think the GF/BF vs Married is that much of a difference. IMO if you love them so much that you just have to move in with them and are willing to change your lifestyle to accomodate them then you may as well be married and ALL IN. Sure each have your own accounts for splurging on YOU if you feel the need (called and allowance) but there should be 1 account for the FAMILY expenses. Live your separate lives until you have resolved all the trust, finance, emotional issues. Otherwise why bother.
My hubby and I (24 years married) have shared everything since the day we decided to move in (3 months after knowing each other) and have never looked back since. He will move heaven and earth to make sure I always have what I want. I dont ask if I can buy unless I know we are running short, but I do always ask- Is there $ so I can buy this or that. And that is out of respect for his hard work for our family.
Old fashioned vs Modern, I guess. ;\Comment
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Well after cooking every night this week and leaving the leftovers for him instead of taking them to work with me for lunch, and coming home to nothing left but the dirty dishes, I was told off for snacking on one of "his" Hot Pockets and then given an unsolicited list of what food I'd bought vs. what he bought as apparently mine doesn't stack up.
Because having to buy all the fruit, vegetables, meats, dairy, etc in addition to cooking it is not nearly as important as making sure the house is stocked with snacks as he does, thus I'm not welcome to his food. Meanwhile I cook, dish and serve him "my" food, which he welcomes himself to.
I thought things had changed this week, thus the nightly meals...but I see they haven't...so back to cooking for myself when he goes to work.
I buy Ramen by the case
. He helps himself.
I don't know how or why men have gotten this way, and even though I love him, he hasn't learned yet and I gotta look out for me.
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!
Well after cooking every night this week and leaving the leftovers for him instead of taking them to work with me for lunch, and coming home to nothing left but the dirty dishes, I was told off for snacking on one of "his" Hot Pockets and then given an unsolicited list of what food I'd bought vs. what he bought as apparently mine doesn't stack up.
Because having to buy all the fruit, vegetables, meats, dairy, etc in addition to cooking it is not nearly as important as making sure the house is stocked with snacks as he does, thus I'm not welcome to his food. Meanwhile I cook, dish and serve him "my" food, which he welcomes himself to.
I thought things had changed this week, thus the nightly meals...but I see they haven't...so back to cooking for myself when he goes to work.
I buy Ramen by the case. He helps himself.
I don't know how or why men have gotten this way, and even though I love him, he hasn't learned yet and I gotta look out for me.
My current FB status:
"First Pot Roast of the season on the stove. Evergreen candle burning. Smells like the holidays lovethis"
First comment was his mom: 'how about those noodles?'
Response: 'Ahaha!! They're on the counter waiting for him. Its his choice what he wants for dinner. One just requires an apology'
His mom: 'omg that's so funny'
At least she's on my side! Haha. He was at their place last night because they bought him a more fuel efficient car (must be nice) and I'm sure she fed him well. We will see what he chooses to eat for dinner ::
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I also think if he is living with you and DD then he should pitch in for groceries. If he is having a hard time condoning it because of the dc kid's being part of the cost can you maybe ask him to pitch in maybe 30% or something so that it seems you are comprimising? You would still be paying the bulk of it so he can not complain about paying for the dck's food...I love how you think though! I still have not gotten up the courage to do the whole laundry strike.
I have been doing 3-4 loads a day for the past week and a half(minus today) and he has not even tried to help.
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I know I said I would refrain from posting in your threads but I have to ask, why are you with some one you have such contempt for?
My current FB status:
"First Pot Roast of the season on the stove. Evergreen candle burning. Smells like the holidays lovethis"
First comment was his mom: 'how about those noodles?'
Response: 'Ahaha!! They're on the counter waiting for him. Its his choice what he wants for dinner. One just requires an apology'
His mom: 'omg that's so funny'
At least she's on my side! Haha. He was at their place last night because they bought him a more fuel efficient car (must be nice) and I'm sure she fed him well. We will see what he chooses to eat for dinner ::
Seems to me you (nor he) have any respect for one another.
I think it's childish and immature to play games like this when you are in a committed relationship with someone... Married or not, unless you are just roommates.. this behavior over dinner/grocery costs is silly.
Why not actually address the issue with a good old fashion sit down discussion?
Most adults manage their problems by talking things out. Any one married (or committed) for any length of time can attest to this.
Eye for an eye behavior only creates more trouble and drama within an already rocky relationship. I guess if that is your desired outcome, carry on but if you truly want to work things through at least one of you will need to take the high road.Comment
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Lmao BC you just can't help yourself can you?
Last night we did have a discussion and he apologized for saying the things he did and said he was going to try harder to be part of the family unit. Its a big jump for him (single to family) and we both know its going to take some time. I made my point and he got it. So I would call it a success.
But thanks any way.Comment
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I am glad you worked it out. While I did put what I would do, I dont think there is just one way to make things work. some people are perfectly happy with OUR money and others separate things. people divide up responsibilities in all sorts of ways so if you found a way to work it out, go for it. dont let anyone tell you that you have to do XYZ to solve a problem. it would be nice if relationships were that easy and simplistic but they are not.Comment
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