DBF Made A Comment About Grocery Bill...

**cheerfuldom** · 11-20-2013, 06:00 PM

If my husband was acting like that, I would neither cook for him nor shop for him. He would be completely on his own. He wants to act like a kid, he can go back to his mama's for dinner.

**NeedaVaca** · 11-20-2013, 06:02 PM

I truly think if you want this to be a long term commitment you should sit down with him and have a discussion about finances and come to an agreement for a budget and what each of you should pay. Keep daycare expenses separate as your business expense. I just don't see this playing out well for either of you... This should have been discussed prior to his moving in?

**Brooksie** · 11-20-2013, 06:05 PM

Originally posted by NeedaVaca

I truly think if you want this to be a long term commitment you should sit down with him and have a discussion about finances and come to an agreement for a budget and what each of you should pay. Keep daycare expenses separate as your business expense. I just don't see this playing out well for either of you... This should have been discussed prior to his moving in?

It was discussed and he had been chipping in. He was literally being a "you know what" just because... so two can play at that game. I could have kept arguing about it, but honestly, I think this is the best way to get the point across. He wants Ramen... he's got it! :

:

**Scout** · 11-20-2013, 07:01 PM

:

: I would do this too!!

**Tay** · 11-20-2013, 07:53 PM

I would of done this too 👍

**Meeko** · 11-20-2013, 09:00 PM

I guess I'm just old fashioned.

I just don't get the "mine" and "yours" money thing.

For the past 32 years we have only had "our" money.

**Unregistered** · 11-20-2013, 09:16 PM

Originally posted by Meeko

I guess I'm just old fashioned.

I just don't get the "mine" and "yours" money thing.

For the past 32 years we have only had "our" money.

^^. I'm the same way. For the past 25 years it has been OUR money, OUR kids, none of this his or mine.

**littlemissmuffet** · 11-20-2013, 09:19 PM

Originally posted by Meeko

I guess I'm just old fashioned.

I just don't get the "mine" and "yours" money thing.

For the past 32 years we have only had "our" money.

Hubs and I are the same way. We pool all our money together on paydays, put portions aside to pay for what needs to be paid and we split what's left for extra spending cash. We have NEVER had a serious discussion about money, let alone an argument.

**daycare** · 11-20-2013, 09:31 PM

I guess I must be an old soul. We have never had yours and mine and we have never argued about money once.

BUT my husband is very passive. I take care of all of the bills and finances.

We have individual accounts and a joint account. All bills are paid out of the joint. I don't care who chips in what, as long as everything is paid.

I will say this thought. My husband has been unemployed for almost a year and working his own company he started. It has been hard to support his new business because he's not really making a lot of money with it. BUT He was supportive of me when I said I was going to do DC again when we moved, so I think it's only fair that I give him the same support he gave me.

I know that everyone handles things differently, but I think that if you play a ping pong game of tit for tat, your relationship is going to be doomed.....

**BrooklynM** · 11-20-2013, 10:52 PM

Your post made me really sad. It sounds as if you guys are moving apart to be honest. You have to be best friends with your mate and both of you need to treat each other better than you would anyone else. Something is very wrong with his selfish way of thinking about the groceries. If my husband acted that way before we were married theres no way I would have married him. I'm sorry for what you are going through! :hug:

**Lyss** · 11-20-2013, 11:38 PM

You guys are just dating right? I don't mean that to sound derogatory, just getting perspective.

DH and I didn't have "our" money until we were married. Committed relationship or not, I came from a family where you learned to keep yourself financially protected from everyone and I wasn't about to share an account with someone I wasn't married too. Even when we were engaged. Heck we still have mainly separate accts but we both put a certain amount into a joint account for DD/living expenses, the rest we split.

Originally posted by Brooksie

The other night dbf and I were having a money argument (are there other kinds?) and I made a comment about how I've carried this month in groceries. He apparently doesn't see himself as a part of this family unit because he complained that all the money goes to me and DD and feeding the DCKs (I don't even feed them except for basic snack). He said that he was fine to eat ramen everyday so he didn't feel the need to chip in....

So I went to the grocery store again today because I had to. Spent another $85.00 to bring my share, this month only, up to $440.00 (he, I think, has chipped in about $60 in addition to what I've spent). So while I was there I picked hi up some ramen. I plan to cook him ramen everynight for as long as he can stand it while I continue to cook real meals for myself...

Tonight its garlic and peppercorn marinaded chicken breast with shallot and bacon sauteed asparagus topped with Parmesan. Low blow? I think not...

Any one have a bet on how long he lasts?

!!

How was dinner? I totally want to come to your house! Totally beats my leftover spaghetti (although I love leftover spaghetti!

)!

I'd do it to, heck I have done it! DH sometimes needs a reality check (he was an only child, mama's boy) too and unless something he's doing (or not doing) affects him specifically or makes things difficult he can be a bit oblivious. I did a laundry/dishes strike awhile back and now he's MUCH more helpful! :

:

**Margarete** · 11-21-2013, 03:36 AM

If he's like I was... this won't be a wake up call. I was at one time what I would call moneyrexic (different motivation then anorexia). I just saw eating as something you have to do to survive, it wasn't something that I particularly enjoyed. Money and Time needed for food was a waste, something that didn't last (and I didn't have money or time to spare). I went through my first year of college mostly eating romen, and noodles, with very few variations. While I did buy fresh vegetables to add to my sauce, it was the expensive part of my meal, so I would spread it very thin on my spaghetti so that it would last longer. Protein was almost non-existant, and I also didn't get enough calories. My health slowly degraded, and in turn my ability to perform in school/ work seriously suffered, but I didn't really realize until I was back home and eating well.. so I went 9 months eating like this.
Even knowing this for a long time I was still a 'recovering moneyrexic'. Anytime the budget was tight food is the first thing I would want to cut. I had to fight that urge and make sure that if I did make some cuts, it wasn't affecting the nutritional value, or amounts I ate.
If he's anywhere near this level, you need to have a serious conversation with him about how he views food, and about the value of 'nutritious meals'. He may not see the value in what he sees as fancy foods (he may see your meal you told us about as a waste of resources, instead of the impact you were looking for), but basic nutrition needs to be a priority.

**KidGrind** · 11-21-2013, 03:54 AM

In my opinion old fashion would be “HIS” money historically.

Now to OP post, I think you are handling it grand. I am firm believer in I can show you better than I can tell you. He made a statement and now he is about to eat his words.

I hope Ramen Noodles gives him an reality check and self evaluation.

**Brooksie** · 11-21-2013, 06:23 AM

Originally posted by Lyss

You guys are just dating right? I don't mean that to sound derogatory, just getting perspective.

DH and I didn't have "our" money until we were married. Committed relationship or not, I came from a family where you learned to keep yourself financially protected from everyone and I wasn't about to share an account with someone I wasn't married too. Even when we were engaged. Heck we still have mainly separate accts but we both put a certain amount into a joint account for DD/living expenses, the rest we split.

How was dinner? I totally want to come to your house! Totally beats my leftover spaghetti (although I love leftover spaghetti!

)!

I'd do it to, heck I have done it! DH sometimes needs a reality check (he was an only child, mama's boy) too and unless something he's doing (or not doing) affects him specifically or makes things difficult he can be a bit oblivious. I did a laundry/dishes strike awhile back and now he's MUCH more helpful! :

:

Yea we aren't even engaged yet. He's been living here for 3 months and dd is not "his". He loves her as his but he came from the bachelor life to family life and it hasn't totally sunk in. We have a playful relationship and I would rather make my point this way than argue or be negative. We aren't growing apart in the least but I appreciate the concern I guess?

I could sit there and tell him what he needs to do but its not OUR money. He has a point. But if he wants to keep everything separate to THAT extent then I can play that game. Lol I would much rather him come to his own decision that he needs to chip in, than for me to argue with him about it. Plus this is more fun. And dinner was delicious! I even made enough to have it for lunch. Yummmmmy

(DBF is also an only child and a momma's boy, so I definitely know what you mean!

!!)

EDIT: I may also add that he moved out of him parent's house to move in here so his mommy was doing everything, cleaning, cooking, laundry. He was there to pay off some medical bills and only had to pay for those. So this is a big jump back into reality for him even though he was on his own for many years before that.