Just Wow

[MrsSteinel'sHouse]

sorry im just sensitive to people talking about developmental delays. Hope you can help the mom see the reality.

I guess the question is why is he delayed. More and more it is lazy parenting (paci at 4 1/2) and parents not wanting to grow their children up. I am seeing more and more parents that just don't want to grow up their "babies". They are not enabling them to be the big kids they are! It really is sad.

[jenn]

I would work very hard on the feeding himself while sitting down, not using a paci, and establishing some self help skills. If those are things he has just not been expected to do, he may change them quickly and like the new independence. Potty training could be trickier. I know most kids are trained well before then, but some are simply not ready or simply have not been worked with. Hopefully he will catch on quickly. Not sure I would want to change diapers on someone that age, but I have had calls for non potty trained 4 & 5 year olds, as the preschools around here will not take them.

[sharlan]

Sounds like the family I had where the grandma wanted to keep the dcb a baby.

I would let her just move on.

[blandino]

Honestly, my newest DCK (that I have posted a lt about) is 3.5 and I was shocked about all of those things. At 4.5, I would have been astonished.

DCM has to know that those are all age appropriate milestones, so what is there to think about ?!?

[daycare]

Wow! That IS crazy!

I also thought you didn't even enroll kids on this level... (developmentally)

I thought you only provided services to kids who were potty trained and verbal.

Did any of this information get shared with you during the interview?

So here is how things went down in the interview. DCM told me that the child has been with an overwhelming Nanny. NO schedule, no routine, no discipline, etc. Nanny is not reliable and they want a school environment that will help him. I did ask DCM during the interview if the child was under a doctors care for any reason, including but not limited to delays, illness or other....She answered no to all of the questions.

I knew during the interview that he was not PT, but mom agreed that we would work on this as soon as he became comfortable here.

I was not told about the paci, not self feeding and that the child lacked self hep skills that bad.

It is partly my fault, because I assumed at this age a child could self feed, would not be on a paci and I did not even stop to think about those things.

I do enroll children that are not PT. My program has two age groups, the 18 month to 2years and then the 3-5 preschool.

I have had several kids at age 4 that are not PT, but have at least been working on it. This child is still in diapers, has not even started the process.


I think the deal is that they are trying to keep him a baby or no one is just taking the time to teach him what to do......

either way, it's surprising to me that now DCM does not want to work towards these things after just sitting and agreeing that we need to prepare him for formal schooling.....

[Blackcat31]

So here is how things went down in the interview. DCM told me that the child has been with an overwhelming Nanny. NO schedule, no routine, no discipline, etc. Nanny is not reliable and they want a school environment that will help him. I did ask DCM during the interview if the child was under a doctors care for any reason, including but not limited to delays, illness or other....She answered no to all of the questions.

I knew during the interview that he was not PT, but mom agreed that we would work on this as soon as he became comfortable here.

I was not told about the paci, not self feeding and that the child lacked self hep skills that bad.

It is partly my fault, because I assumed at this age a child could self feed, would not be on a paci and I did not even stop to think about those things.

I do enroll children that are not PT. My program has two age groups, the 18 month to 2years and then the 3-5 preschool.

I have had several kids at age 4 that are not PT, but have at least been working on it. This child is still in diapers, has not even started the process.


I think the deal is that they are trying to keep him a baby or no one is just taking the time to teach him what to do......

either way, it's surprising to me that now DCM does not want to work towards these things after just sitting and agreeing that we need to prepare him for formal schooling.....

Sounds to me like she is wanting YOU to do the hard work.

Honestly, I would have to agree with mom here that the child is probably not ready for your type of environment.

Parental support and partnership is the foundation to a successful provider-child relationship and it doesn't sound like you will be getting much of that.

If possible, I would ask mom to consider enrolling him later on when he may be more ready to participate.

Enrolling him now may only further delay his milestones (if he feels pushed) and enrolling him now at this point seems like you and your staff will be having to devote a good deal of time caring for him.

Sorry.... I did remember after I posted that you have two age groups.

[blessed mom]

I guess the question is why is he delayed. More and more it is lazy parenting (paci at 4 1/2) and parents not wanting to grow their children up. I am seeing more and more parents that just don't want to grow up their "babies". They are not enabling them to be the big kids they are! It really is sad.

I'm seeing this a lot too! We all know they develop on their own schedules but so many would be more independent if the parents allowed it. It's one thing if they are developmentally behind or slow and a totally different situation then when they are ready but the parents don't enable them to grow. We should have kids to teach them to fly...not to keep them in the baby stage so we feel some kind of fulfillment taking care of them way past the age we should have been...way past the stage they could take care of themselves. I have seen a four year old being spoon fed, still with a paci, and unable to talk because for the first four years of their life they had a paci in their mouth. Then when the child did talk...it was "BA BA" for something to drink! It's not helping the child at all.

It's hard work...we all get that! It's unfair to not do the hard work needed to teach them basic skills in life.

[daycare]

Sounds to me like she is wanting YOU to do the hard work.

Honestly, I would have to agree with mom here that the child is probably not ready for your type of environment.

Parental support and partnership is the foundation to a successful provider-child relationship and it doesn't sound like you will be getting much of that.

If possible, I would ask mom to consider enrolling him later on when he may be more ready to participate.

Enrolling him now may only further delay his milestones (if he feels pushed) and enrolling him now at this point seems like you and your staff will be having to devote a good deal of time caring for him.

Sorry.... I did remember after I posted that you have two age groups.

Exactly what I told mom..

I told her I know it may sound overwhelming right now, please think about it and get back to me. I told her that I would need her to work with me or this just would not work.

So lets see what she has to say......

[sally]

My 3 yr old dcb can't undress and dress himself. I work with him to do it and by the end of the week he's doing great but by next week he can't do it again. I've come to realize his parents do not help him to learn anything so that he can help himself. We also will teach him his colors and shapes and then after so many days at home he doesn't know any of them. His parents don't work with him or try to help him learn things.

[TwinKristi]

This is a major frustration with DCKs in general I think. I can tell a huge difference in behavior with the kids I have on Mondays and one on Thurs since he doesn't come on Weds. Especially if he has a different sitter like his aunt. He doesn't nap like usual and is very crabby, crying, etc. he asks for juice and things he knows we don't eat here. LOL
I had another boy who was almost 3 and still in diapers and when he was going to preschool in the fall he HAD TO BE PT'd to go so it was the mad rush to get him done. He was actually dry at my house and I would reward him when he went potty but mom would bring him in a diaper!! I always took him out of the diaper and had him go, sent him home in undies and sure enough, he comes back in a diaper? Even at almost 4 now, after being PT'd a year, he doesn't wipe himself, still needs reminders, etc. He doesn't know how to put on socks/shoes, etc

[crazydaycarelady]

I don't think you are being judgmental at all. If the child is normal and healthy then they are way way behind. No way no how would I be changing a 4.5 year old.

You have to wonder has the dcm seen another 4.5yo? If she did you think she would be all over getting her kid up to speed.

[daycare]

I don't think you are being judgmental at all. If the child is normal and healthy then they are way way behind. No way no how would I be changing a 4.5 year old.

You have to wonder has the dcm seen another 4.5yo? If she did you think she would be all over getting her kid up to speed.

thank you..... I am not one to judge. I also never expect children to "KNOW" this or that because they are 3 or 4 or 5.

I am not so much jaw dropped over what he can't do I am jaw dropped that his mother does not want to work with me to help this child who is VERY behind where he should be developmentally in every way.

It makes me angry and sad at the same time. Poor kid.

DCM is picking up here in a few and I wonder if she has made a decision...

[JoseyJo]

Keep us updated!

[daycare]

SO I talked to the DCM for a few at pick up. I didn't bring anything up and just wanted to see if she would.

Well sure enough, she tells me that she is really overwhelmed at my TALL request that I have, after all he's only 4.5, what do I expect.

I stand there and think hmmmm ok, I might understand a little if it was your first child or something medically was going on, but you said there was not. Ok DCM go on... I continue to stand quietly and listening.

She said I just don't think that you are going to get far pushing him with all of those things right now. You are asking too much.

I stop her and said well, we really don't have a lot of time to work on these things and to be honest with you, we have a lot to work on. I would never push a child to do something that they are clearly not ready to do.

I know that YOU might me having a hard time with it, but DCK is READY and willing. I need you to also be ready and willing to help your son.

UGH...insert foot into mouth here.................

DCM goes off on me saying what makes you think that I am not willing to help my child? I am doing everything I can, including enrolling him here. Blah blah blah.

I just stand there and when she is done going on her rant. I looked her in the face and said, I am really sorry you feel that way, I can see that you and I are not a good fit for each other. I will have your refund for the rest of the week ready for you tomorrow, which will also be DCK last day.

DCM stood silent, saying NOTHING....... then says, well I hired you, I am the one who makes that decision.

I just tell her, I really don't think we have anything else to discuss right now, if you would like to call me later after 6pm to talk to me calmly I will be more than happy to talk with you then. I walked away.

She stood at the door for another 5 min, just saying my name ms. N, can I talk to you......

I just stayed in the backroom and played with the kids that were still here.............

DONE!!!

[JoseyJo]

DCM stood silent, saying NOTHING....... then says, well I hired you, I am the one who makes that decision.


DONE!!!

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