Should I be Concerned?

[Unregistered]

A little off topic-

My daughter started kindergarten in August. She is getting bullied at school and at times actually getting hurt! Since I am a provider I know that accidents happen and some kids are more difficult than others. I am trying to be understanding but I am starting to become not so understanding. We have had multiple issues with this school in such a short time that I am starting to become concerned.

She was so excited for school and loved it until recently! The first issue was a first grader spitting erasers at her on the bus.

Another kindergardener choked her during recess! No teacher witnessed this, my daughter came home and told me. I called the teacher and she said she would deal with it. No response. Then called the principle and she said she dealt with it. The child has a crush on my daughter and doesn't know how to show his emotions. Ok...

Daughter coming home saying other children are being mean to her, pushing her down and getting hurt. Not once has someone from the school contacting me about the accidents. I find it out from my child. At this point she is starting to not like school. I talked to her teacher about it and she is keeping a close eye on her for other children bullying her.

She has been coming home from school saying she went to the nurse because her tummy was hurting or a headache. At least 3-4 times a week with No calls or emails.

Then got 2 calls from the nurse saying she is with her and her bottom hurts. First time she comes home and it doesn't hurt anymore and no complaints. Then the 2nd time a few days later we take her to the doctor. No infection. Doctor says just to give her a baking soda or oatmeal bath. We have been doing that every other bath. Her bottom still hurt (only at school) so we took her back and they said the same thing. It still hurts on and off but only during school.

She comes home on Friday and says a big kid pushes her down on the track. Doesn't say anything else about it or that she was hurt. Took her homework out of her backpack on Friday night and cleaned out her backpack like we do every Friday. Comes home on Monday, look in her backpack and she has a head injury report dated on Friday! Which was not there on Friday night! It states to keep a close eye on her for a concussion due to a head injury from a older child pushing her on the track and her hitting her head. I am guessing that the nurse forgot to put the slip in her backpack on Friday and put it in there on Monday when she returned. To me that is something that you would call or at least email to someone. Not wait until the child returns home from school. Especially waiting over the weekend.

Then this evening (Monday) she told me that 2 older kids (3rd graders) were being mean to her at recess. One of them held down her arms while the other one tickled her face and the rest of her body. She started to cry. Her best friend got some help of other kindergardeners! They got the older children to stop! My daughter tried to find a teacher outside but no one was there, she found a teacher inside and told them. I was praying that my daughter was wrong, that maybe she just couldn't find a teacher. There had to be at least 1 teacher outside with them!

I called the school and due to in school meetings the principle and teachers were at the school. I talked to the principle and she said that due to an emergency the children were temperarly unsupervised outside which is probably when the accident occurred. I will also add that the outside playground for the children is completely unfenced and the children have access to 3 different residential streets!

I do admit that I have pretty high anxiety already, extremely protective of my babies and a huge worry wart at that. I honestly don't know if I am over reacting. I am about to pull her out. What do you think?

[Michael]

I would change her school or homeschool. We have a lot of threads on bullying: https://www.daycare.com/forum/tags.php?tag=bullying

Consider registering on the forum

[preschoolteacher]

Yikes, this is a lot to have happened already in kindergarten. In our area, kindergarten students really don't have much interaction with older kids. They have their own recess with just K. Occasionally there will be some interaction with first grade, but never UNSUPERVISED time with kids in 3rd grade. What kind of emergency would permit teachers to leave the kids alone? That's a pretty huge deal.

I would want to observe your child at school to get an idea of what is going on.

I always think you should believe your child--her feelings are real, no matter what the actual scenario is. However, some children are really sensitive--getting bumped into by accident is seen as "getting pushed down"... rough but harmless play gets seen as "choking." I'm not saying this is your daughter. But I do think it's likely that going to kindergarten is a big and scary thing, and if she's feeling nervous, she might perceive interactions with other kids as scarier and more negative than she would if the same things were happening in a familiar place.

Still, the school does not have good communication with you. The teachers left the K students unsupervised because of an emergency and you weren't given any details. A potentially serious head injury was reported to you by a (late) note in the backpack. Umm... red flags here for sure that they are not on top of things at this school.

[Hunni Bee]

That is wayyyyy to many incidents. What is concerning me the most is that they are being perpetrated by older and bigger kids, and no adult seems to ever see it.

I work at a large preschool and at the end of the day all the classes usually pool on the playground, creating an environment similar to that of a grade school recess, just with younger kids. And believe me we have some aggressive kids this year. I'd say about 80% of playground incidents we see because we're supervising, and the ones we don't see are promptly reported by the kids and dealt with.

I know there are different supervisory rules between preschool and grade school, but there should never be a situation where a child can't find a teacher or has to hunt one down. I would be very clear with the teachers and principal that these incidents MUST stop immediately and a plan must be made for contacting you in case of a significant injury. If they seem unwilling or ambivalent about it, or another incident happened, I pull her, tell them why, file a complaint and became the bane of the school boards existence until a new plan is made at that school.

I wish you luck and am sorry this is happening to your daughter.

[childcaremom]

Yikes, this is a lot to have happened already in kindergarten. In our area, kindergarten students really don't have much interaction with older kids. They have their own recess with just K. Occasionally there will be some interaction with first grade, but never UNSUPERVISED time with kids in 3rd grade. What kind of emergency would permit teachers to leave the kids alone? That's a pretty huge deal.

I would want to observe your child at school to get an idea of what is going on.

I always think you should believe your child--her feelings are real, no matter what the actual scenario is. However, some children are really sensitive--getting bumped into by accident is seen as "getting pushed down"... rough but harmless play gets seen as "choking." I'm not saying this is your daughter. But I do think it's likely that going to kindergarten is a big and scary thing, and if she's feeling nervous, she might perceive interactions with other kids as scarier and more negative than she would if the same things were happening in a familiar place.

Still, the school does not have good communication with you. The teachers left the K students unsupervised because of an emergency and you weren't given any details. A potentially serious head injury was reported to you by a (late) note in the backpack. Umm... red flags here for sure that they are not on top of things at this school.

Agree with all of this. Can you take a day and observe a recess or lunch hour? Not only your daughter but to see if there are teachers out?

I can't understand what the school is thinking? In a known situation (from you having talked to them), why aren't they keeping a closer eye on her? And at some point they were completely unsupervised?!? Yikes!

Good luck to you all!

[hope]

In NJ once the word bully is used in a report an investigation has to take place. The schools like to remind us how much of an inconvenience this is bc they say the word bully is often used incorrectly. They have even gone so far as to say kinder r never bullied. You should call a meeting with the principal, your child's teacher, the school nurse and the teachers assigned to recess. Document everything!

[MotherNature]

I agree with the others. Way too many incidents, way too much not being reported to you. Something's going on. I'd observe & I'd bring hell down on this school personally, especially the nurse with the missing paperwork. Even if the paper was in there Friday, they should've called to make you aware over the weekend!

[countrymom]

first I will say that kids at that age exaggerate things. Also, like our school the kindys are not in the same play area as the big kids.
also, when you didn't hear back from anyone, why didn't you go and talk to the principal in person. You need to do a follow up on what is going on.
as for the note maybe it was your dd who forgot to put it the bag.
see if it was my kid, I would be on the phone every day till I talked to someone or I would go and visit the school.
I also find it hard to believe that there are no teachers witnessing this.

[Unregistered]

I'm going to load up the car today and watch them at recess. We have an appointment to talk to the principle about all the issues tomorrow morning. I am reaching my tolerance level for the school. They have zero communication and there should be no excuse for older kids hurting the younger ones.

They have 2 separate playgrounds in the same area the big kids stay on their side and little kids on their side. But they have play equipment in the middle for all the kids to play with. When she first started school the not being fenced in really scared me. I wasn't worried about the older kids because my daughter is usually the tough one and will stand up for herself. She loves the older girls! She acts like a 10 year old sometimes. Haha.

[countrymom]

one time when the teacher was complaining about my ds, I loaded everyone up and went to spy on what was going on. Well, she was full of poo because my ds did none of the things she was commenting on. One of the concerns was the he wouldn't play in the kitchen center--well hello he has 3 sisters he's all done playing kitchen. And another thing was that I was friends with other teachers and lunch monitors so I asked them to let me know if anyone of the stuff the teacher said was true. Well apparently this teacher would tell me all sorts of bad stuff (why, don't know) but would brag to the other teachers how well behaved he is and that he's such a good student.
the second time I showed up, she wasn't impressed, lets just say I never heard a negative thing again and she knew I ment business !

[permanentvacation]

I would lose my ever loving mind if the school told me that there were no teachers at all with the children while they were outside!!

I might even be calling the Board of Ed. I'm sure there is a policy requiring outside supervision for the children to keep kids from being able to walk off property or being kidnapped EASILY since no adults were even outside! Yeah, I'd be going flip mode about no adult outside with the kids!

It's so sad that your little girl was so excited to go to kindergarten and has the positive, happy feeling about school, education, friends, and the trust of teachers ripped from her by the actions of mean hearted kids and the lack of supervision/care of the school faculty.

The amount of 'accidents' as you know is unacceptable and extremely high. Kids in school quickly learn who they can bully/push around/pick on/etc. and get away with it. You child has become an easy target for those types of kids because they got away with it the first couple of times. By the 3rd time she was bullied, they definitely needed to learn that they would not get away with it - either by your daughter standing up for herself, a teacher intervening and making it clear to the bullies not to attack her, by the kids getting in trouble with the principal, which typically leads to getting in trouble with their parents, by you contacting the parents, etc. Whichever way would work, but someone needed to nip that in the bud by the 3rd incident. By now, all the mean kids know that they can get away with attacking her.

The question is how to handle this now without making it worse for her. I really can't make actual suggestions because I don't know your child or the bully kids. Some kids will straighten out if the parent of the bullied child sits in class a couple of times, but sometimes that just makes the kids pick on her more when mommy is not around. Some kids will behave if you are able to get their parents phone numbers and talk with them about their kid's behavior. Sometimes that makes their parents mad and the bully kid even madder and pick on your child even more. It is really difficult to decide how to handle the situation that you are in. Some kids will behave if the teacher/principal talk to them. However, sometimes they will be meaner to your child because someone told on them. It's really hard to decide how to try to handle these situations.

I have had a couple of incidents while raising my 2 kids as a single mother with no man to help handle these situations. ( Their father lives nearby, but is absolutely no help in most matters!) I have stood outside classroom doors and listened/watched what the kids, my daughter, and the teacher were doing/saying, I have sat in on my daughter's classes, I have called the kid's parents, found the kid's address and shown up out of the blue to talk to the parents in person, I have worked with the vice-principal and not been involved with the parents at all, I have discussed things with a teacher only and she resolved the matter. I have told my child to take care of it however they see fit the next time that kid said/did something to her. I have tried many methods.

One time at the skating rink, a boy kept flirting with my daughter. Next thing I know, this herd of girls go up to my daughter and start with their hand gestures and head shaking like they are big and bad. So I went over to see what was going on. It started with the one girl's boyfriend flirting and went to them picking on her for her outfit. I told them, "My daughter is not making the boy talk to her, he is approaching her and flirting with HER! So, YOU, (his girlfriend) need to take that up with your boyfriend!" Then I looked at the herd and realized that most of them were wearing the same basic thing. So I told them that and that the only difference is that my daughter looks better in it! Then I said, "Now, we are here to skate, now go roll around in circles and leave my kid alone!" They went rolling off and we never had another problem.

I have had both of my kids in karate throughout their lives. My younger wasn't as interested in it as my older was. By the time my older daughter was in high school, she had actually been a karate instructor. One girl in high school kept harassing her. I went to pick her up from soccer one day and pretty much the entire school was sitting there with the other girl, her parent, and the principal. They had made my daughter stay on the soccer field until I arrived. Then they brought her up. The principal had the nerves to tell the girls that they had her permission to go fight it out right there if they felt the need to. She said that they would only find out who could fight better and would not resolve the real issue. Now, for years, since she became pretty good in karate, I have been afraid of her fighting some random kid! So when the principal said that, I was scared to death for the other girl! I looked around and realized that half the school was sitting there watching. So I LOUDLY announced that my daughter had been in karate since she was 3 years old, knows 3 different styles of karate, and was a karate instructor. I looked at the principal and demanded to her "DO NOT give my daughter permission to fight some kid" and told the principal that she would be out of her mind to give her permission to fight that girl! Since announcing that, she never had problems with anyone else wanting to fight her! My daughter has broken one grown man Sensei's (karate instructor) nose, and kicked the woman Sensei at a different school so hard that she flew a few feet in the air and went butt-first into a wall and got stuck in the wall!! They had to pull the Sensei out of the wall!! Yeah, I do NOT want my daughter fighting some little girl!

None of us can tell you how to handle this situation. All I think we can say is that it's sad that your daughter and you are going through this. It is very wrong for others to do this to her. And somehow, something needs to be done so she does not experience these things again.

It definitely seems like the school administrators/teachers are not monitoring the children well at all! I understand that 1 or 2 teachers outside at recess will not make everything peachy keen. But the school didn't even bother to have an adult present at ALL!

None of us on the forum can tell you to or not to change her school or how to handle this situation. How you handle this has to be your decision based on you knowing your child and assessing the children at the school, teachers, and overall picture that you can actually see and get a feel for.

You never know how to handle a bully. You don't know what will work, what won't work, and what will make the situation worse. I feel bad for you and your daughter and hope that the bullying stops and she can learn to love school again very soon. Good luck!

[daycarediva]

I had my son's kindergarten P/T conference last night and some red flags were raised. I actually just scheduled a meeting with the principal to discuss my concerns, here are what I have issues with that are related to yours.

The K students are not only allowed, but EXPECTED to walk to their special (gym, music, art, recess, lunch) and back unsupervised. 18-20 5 year olds ALONE!? ANYONE could walk right out of the building and the teacher wouldn't know until over an hour had passed when they didn't return with the rest of the class from special.

Recess is supervised by 1-2 lunch monitors that rotate out. For each grade level!!!! There are 5 K classes, so 100ish 5 year olds and 1 MAYBE 2 adults in an unfenced LARGE playground area. ARE YOU SERIOUS!?

NO ATTENDANCE after these BIG periods of time with little supervision.

There are SO MANY students that they cannot possibly see everything, but my issue is that when it is seen, NOTHING is done. DS was pushed and someone stole his hat (brand new, more money than I like to spend on a hat). He reported it to the monitor who told him it wasn't her problem, go play! Ds also said she was SMOKING.

Good god!

[Unregistered]

We watched the kids at recess today from the side street. About 50 feet so no one could see. Two teachers were outside talking and not paying attention. One child fell and got hurt so the teacher left with him I am guessing to go to the nurse. A separate teacher then yelled for the outside teacher. She walked inside the doors and left the children for a minute which is 1 minute too long! I can't wait until the meeting tomorrow!!

[countrymom]

we have problems with monitors (they are usually gma's) my kids are older so you think you have it bad, you should here what goes on with the older kids. Nothings done, you can complain and complain, the prinicpal is a jerk who we tried to kick out but she wouldn't leave.

[DaycareMom]

I had my son's kindergarten P/T conference last night and some red flags were raised. I actually just scheduled a meeting with the principal to discuss my concerns, here are what I have issues with that are related to yours.

The K students are not only allowed, but EXPECTED to walk to their special (gym, music, art, recess, lunch) and back unsupervised. 18-20 5 year olds ALONE!? ANYONE could walk right out of the building and the teacher wouldn't know until over an hour had passed when they didn't return with the rest of the class from special.

Recess is supervised by 1-2 lunch monitors that rotate out. For each grade level!!!! There are 5 K classes, so 100ish 5 year olds and 1 MAYBE 2 adults in an unfenced LARGE playground area. ARE YOU SERIOUS!?

NO ATTENDANCE after these BIG periods of time with little supervision.

There are SO MANY students that they cannot possibly see everything, but my issue is that when it is seen, NOTHING is done. DS was pushed and someone stole his hat (brand new, more money than I like to spend on a hat). He reported it to the monitor who told him it wasn't her problem, go play! Ds also said she was SMOKING.

Good god!

Wow! So how did the teacher respond to your concerns?