I'll Feel Better After This Vent

[harperluu]

I have two girls in care, and my own dd that attend preschool together. The two moms and me made arrangements at the end of last year to share transportation so the girls could get the preschool experience before full day kindy in the fall.

While the weather was warm, I walked the girls to preschool along with my full load of dcks. But the arrangement was that once the weather turned colder we would each take a day. The weather has been cold for a couple of weeks now, and we are to begin our arranged transportation plan.

My husband is a police officer in the town we live, and is off on Wed. so Wed is the day we are scheduled. Of the last two weeks, the Mon dcm scheduled an appt on Mon so my husband went off radio, dropped his squad off at the police dept, picked up his vehicle, went and picked up the girls, dropped his personal vehicle off at the PD and picked up his squad to go back on radio.

I get a text early this AM that the little sister of the preschool dcg is ill, and dcd will come and pick up the girls and take them and dcg to preschool. Could we do the pick up? So I text back, can dcd do pick up since Mon is their scheduled day. The answer back is no, but wouldn't it be easy for my husband to combine pick up with his lunch break so she doesn't have to pack up a sick kid and come and get them.

I was fuming, but took a few moments to calm down and called her to explain, and determine if she was being snarky. I explained that police officers don't get "lunch breaks" per se and need to leave at a moments notice if they get a call. If my husband gets a call right before pick up of the girls, he won't be available to go off radio and swap vehicles (since he can't pick them up in his squad car).

Has anyone else made arrangements, and a parent didn't carry their weight? I feel justified in being upset, as I walked the girls three days a week for the last two and a half months. The only exception is that I asked her to take the girls on a day that it was raining outside. Do I need to reiterate our arrangement? The other (Friday) dcm has upheld her end of the bargain without issue.

I get that life happens, and I think it was her snarky remark about my husband taking his lunch break. Although I understand that civilians may not understand how police work actually works.

I do feel better after typing all that out. Sorry for the long post.

[Play Care]

Wow, I would be upset too! It sounds as though they had no real intention of holding up their side. I would probably end preschool transport for them and find another way to get your dd to and from school. This way it would be complete on them.

[mamac]

I once bartered some of my husband's carpentry work in exchange for my friend bringing my son home from school two days a week. It turned out that something would always "come up" on the days she was supposed to bring him home and we'd end up having to pay for after school care until my husband got out of work and was able to pick him up. It really annoyed me because the whole reason I offered that option was to save myself some money. What really gets me is she originally offered to do that from the start of the school year before any remodeling was ever considered for nothing in exchange but I didn't need her at the time. When it came time to hold up her end of the bargain she totally flaked.

[NeedaVaca]

I would be upset too and IMO it doesn't even matter what your DH does for a living. The day they are scheduled for is their day! I would strongly consider taking her out of the shared duties and let her fend for herself.

[Blackcat31]

Wow! Talk about taking advantage!

I'd probably bow out now and just make my own arrangements for my own DD to get to and from school and not worry one bit about what other family is going to do.

They obviously aren't living up to their end of the deal so I wouldn't continue to do more than my fair share.

Figure out a way to get your own DD there and back and let her know her DDs transportation is on her and in no way can it include the arrangements you have made for your DD.

She HAD a great opportunity in front of her and she ruined it.

NOT your problem.

[Laurel]

I have two girls in care, and my own dd that attend preschool together. The two moms and me made arrangements at the end of last year to share transportation so the girls could get the preschool experience before full day kindy in the fall.

While the weather was warm, I walked the girls to preschool along with my full load of dcks. But the arrangement was that once the weather turned colder we would each take a day. The weather has been cold for a couple of weeks now, and we are to begin our arranged transportation plan.

My husband is a police officer in the town we live, and is off on Wed. so Wed is the day we are scheduled. Of the last two weeks, the Mon dcm scheduled an appt on Mon so my husband went off radio, dropped his squad off at the police dept, picked up his vehicle, went and picked up the girls, dropped his personal vehicle off at the PD and picked up his squad to go back on radio.

I get a text early this AM that the little sister of the preschool dcg is ill, and dcd will come and pick up the girls and take them and dcg to preschool. Could we do the pick up? So I text back, can dcd do pick up since Mon is their scheduled day. The answer back is no, but wouldn't it be easy for my husband to combine pick up with his lunch break so she doesn't have to pack up a sick kid and come and get them.

I was fuming, but took a few moments to calm down and called her to explain, and determine if she was being snarky. I explained that police officers don't get "lunch breaks" per se and need to leave at a moments notice if they get a call. If my husband gets a call right before pick up of the girls, he won't be available to go off radio and swap vehicles (since he can't pick them up in his squad car).

Has anyone else made arrangements, and a parent didn't carry their weight? I feel justified in being upset, as I walked the girls three days a week for the last two and a half months. The only exception is that I asked her to take the girls on a day that it was raining outside. Do I need to reiterate our arrangement? The other (Friday) dcm has upheld her end of the bargain without issue.

I get that life happens, and I think it was her snarky remark about my husband taking his lunch break. Although I understand that civilians may not understand how police work actually works.

I do feel better after typing all that out. Sorry for the long post.

It would probably be best for each parent to get their own child to school.

One time I had a lawn/landscape parent cut my grass. I did not trade child care. It was a separate arrangement. I paid him for doing my yard and he paid me for childcare.

Did not work out! He also hired my son. Did not work out! I had to practically beg him to cut my grass after awhile and he didn't pay my son on time and eventually not at all. His mom, the grandma, paid my son because she felt so bad for my son. That was sweet of her because she had no legal obligation to pay him. Obviously, he quit that job.

I will NEVER, EVER and I mean NEVER, EVER do something like that again.

So sorry you did your part and they didn't. It does really ****.

Laurel

[JenNJ]

DCM,

I understand how hard it is to pull a sick child out of bed to do a school run. It wasn't easy for me to walk the kids back and forth each day for the past 2.5 months either.

We picked Wednesday as our day becuase it is the only day dh can drive the children. He doesn't have a lunchbreak as a police officer and it isn't feasible for him to take time mid-shift to switch vehicles and drive the girls. He is needed at a moment's notice in the case of an emergency.

- Non flakey preschool parent

[hope]

Sorry you were taken advantage of. I learned a long time ago not to ask for favors or rely on anyone else. It seems that people always expect others to hold up their end of the deal and then quickly come up with a list of excuses why they can't hold up their end of the deal.
I have many neighbors with children that attend the same school as my DD. It would make perfect sense for all of us to coordinate a schedule to take the kids to school. But I don't want to deal with the excuses and slackers so I bought a bigger car to fit the dcks and I hired a sub to come twice a day for a very short amount of time to sub While I pick up n drop off my DD. It's sad that it is this way but I feel unless you pay someone to do something it won't get done.

[My3cents]

I have two girls in care, and my own dd that attend preschool together. The two moms and me made arrangements at the end of last year to share transportation so the girls could get the preschool experience before full day kindy in the fall.

While the weather was warm, I walked the girls to preschool along with my full load of dcks. But the arrangement was that once the weather turned colder we would each take a day. The weather has been cold for a couple of weeks now, and we are to begin our arranged transportation plan.

My husband is a police officer in the town we live, and is off on Wed. so Wed is the day we are scheduled. Of the last two weeks, the Mon dcm scheduled an appt on Mon so my husband went off radio, dropped his squad off at the police dept, picked up his vehicle, went and picked up the girls, dropped his personal vehicle off at the PD and picked up his squad to go back on radio.

I get a text early this AM that the little sister of the preschool dcg is ill, and dcd will come and pick up the girls and take them and dcg to preschool. Could we do the pick up? So I text back, can dcd do pick up since Mon is their scheduled day. The answer back is no, but wouldn't it be easy for my husband to combine pick up with his lunch break so she doesn't have to pack up a sick kid and come and get them.

I was fuming, but took a few moments to calm down and called her to explain, and determine if she was being snarky. I explained that police officers don't get "lunch breaks" per se and need to leave at a moments notice if they get a call. If my husband gets a call right before pick up of the girls, he won't be available to go off radio and swap vehicles (since he can't pick them up in his squad car).

Has anyone else made arrangements, and a parent didn't carry their weight? I feel justified in being upset, as I walked the girls three days a week for the last two and a half months. The only exception is that I asked her to take the girls on a day that it was raining outside. Do I need to reiterate our arrangement? The other (Friday) dcm has upheld her end of the bargain without issue.

I get that life happens, and I think it was her snarky remark about my husband taking his lunch break. Although I understand that civilians may not understand how police work actually works.

I do feel better after typing all that out. Sorry for the long post.

I think you answered your own question. I don't believe everyone knows how a police officers job works. I would also have understanding for the sick child making it hard for the parent to do the pick up. I understsand how you feel too, trapped. I don't know what I would have done in your situation. Explain your not able to do it for that day and maybe the other parent could? I don't think the lady was being snarky just frustrated as to what she should do. I find that when I offer myself out more then the rest, I am usually taken advantage of and it becomes assumed that I will do it. I guess maybe from the get go the travel should have been shared out.

I feel for your situation and hope it works out.

[cheerfuldom]

Either keep the arrangements as is and charge her HIGH for transportation on the days she cannot do it OR just nix the whole plan and you and this other mom can do your thing and the third mom is on her own. I would be upfront in saying "hey we all agreed to this and it is a great option for your child but I dont offer free transportation, even if I am already going to that location on some days. We can either go back to our original agreement, or I can start charging you for preschool transportation or you can find new daycare that offers this as part of the tuition fee. Let me know by X date what you decide"

If you do charge her for transportation, put some of the fee towards the other moms tuition bill since she is transporting as well.

[harperluu]

Thanks everyone, for your input. I will speak to the dcm this week outside of the incident, so we are removed from the immediate heat of the situation and let her know that until further notice, she is responsible for Mondays based on our previous arrangement. If she is unable to transport on Mondays as planned (if she flakes again), then I will find transportation for my child and she will need to find transport for her child. This will be her final opportunity to uphold her end of the deal.

I can see how some might think it may have caused confusion that I walked the kids to school for the first 2.5 months. It isn't that I was bothered by having to walk them, but more that the walking in warm weather was all part of the agreement.

I would have no trouble finding someone to give me a hand on Mondays transporting my dd and the other dcg. My oldest is 20 and I've been in the district for years. I know more than half of the children in my dd preschool, and I'm sure they would help out. But part of those relationships have been built on mutual respect, and I wouldn't feel comfortable asking them this morning on such short notice. But I would as part of a pre-planned arrangement.

This dcm is burning bridges. She just doesn't realize it yet.