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My father in law passed away almost two years ago. It took a while to settle the estate and the inheritance was distributed in the very recent past. We just started remodeling the first floor of our home, we upgraded our cars, enrolled our twin daughters in gymnastics club FINALLY; just really did some things we held off on because when we did the daycare addition to our home we took out a HELOC and neglected some of the luxury-type things in our lives to pay that down because we strive to live a debt-free life. It's just how we've always done things. We had the income to do some of those things before, but our main priority was paying down our HELOC. Obviously our DC families have noticed our recent splurges and have made comments about how life must be so good for us lately and how blessed we are... thanks to the money they give us. Yes, you read that right. My assistant overheard one parent commenting on my husband's new-to-us (but certainly not brand new) car and said how she had to rob Peter to pay Paul in order to pay our "specialized" rates, so my husband can have the privilege of driving a sports car. First of all, it's a hybrid-- not a sports car, and it's good on gas. My husband commutes up to three days a week because he does dental surgeries for rural communities in the surrounding areas and some of those places don't have gas stations on every corner. Second, we're one of the only full time daycare centers in the area that take special needs children such as yours, and so, yes; you pay for that service. Third, YOU didn't pay for that car. His dad's estate did. The dad that passed away before you even started here... matter of fact, before your child was even born. You better not let DH hear you say anything because you might be gone. It never dawned on me that my parents metered my personal spending habits so much. Do you ever feel judged by parents about things that are not daycare related?
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This was discussed the other day actually...
I wouldn't and don't tolerate comments like this.
I'd say something "Yeah, the whole $3.00 (or whatever the amount really is) an hour you pay me is SUCH a blessing..." then roll my eyes. That would pretty much be a spoken warning. If it was mentioned again I would term without a second thought. I absolutely unequivocally have zero tolerance for blatant rudeness like this. -
And here's a link to the other thread I mentioned... unfortunately, you are certainly not alone!
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I get the passive-aggressive comments from parents, too. My husband and I have always been very responsible people in every facet of life all our lives, and that includes finances. We can afford nice extras and upgrades that the dcp witness around our home. It isn't because of what I make for dc. It's because I didn't make any of the mistakes most of them have that get them in a financial bind to begin with. It's because I make different decisions and have different priorities.
My automatic reply is always, "It isn't just the money we make that get us where we are, it's the decisions we make on how to spend or save it." With a big smile, of course!Comment
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It is really annoying!! I purchased a Kirby awhile back and one mom said to me do you like the Kirby I'm paying for?!? I have had it happen a few different times. In the past I used to feel guilty about it but I don't anymore. I work hard for my money! Parents employers don't judge them on what they buy with the "companies" money. I understand your frustration!
Ps I terminated the Kirby mom
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I don't care for jewelry much, but I do have a lot of very nice expensive pieces that I have inherited from family. I almost never wear my wedding ring because I don't want it to get lost in the sink drain again.
About a month ago I had my wedding ring on, I think I just forgot to take it off along with a pair of diamond earning that were once my late grandmothers.
DCM says to me wow your expansion of your daycare has really paid off, must feel nice...................I said no, not new I have had them for many years, but she did not say anything.
I wanted to throw a shoe at her.Comment
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Wow. Sorry, didn't know this was already discussed. I don't want to beat a dead horse. But geeze. The nerve of some of some of these people.Comment
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I've never had a parent make a comment about anything like that but if I did, I would probably call them out on their rudeness.
WHO does that anyways?
What I make as income and how I spend that income is no one's business but my own.
If a parent said something directly to me, I'd simply say "My financially status is not really your concern. Is there a specific reason you are needing to know?"
Then I would let them stand there and stammer...
How rude.
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I feel this way all the time. My dh had a similar situation, his father passed and left him his sports car. It's 20 yrs old but looks awesome. He barely drove it and truthfully it is beautiful. People always comment anytime I drive it that it is beautiful. We would have NEVER been able to afford that car, but it is paid off and we love the gift. Anyway, dcp have commented on it before and my dh always looks embarrassed and explains that it was his father's who recently passed...
I told him that it's nobody's business why we have that car. I still use my old minivan during dc....but why do we feel that we have to explain why we have a nice sports car? What does it have to do with the services they are being offered? Irritating...
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The nerve of some people!
I haven't had any parents comment on anything I have or have done and don't think that they would (but I guess you never know). I am a pretty laid back person, but if a parent ever says anything like that to me, I think I would have to say something back. There is no reason for anyone to comment on what you have or do. Like pp's said, that's just plain rude!Comment
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Yep! My husband's mom died last year and we sold her house. We struggled with one crappy car for YEARS. My hubby decided to buy a Mercedes. (used, but a really nice one,...S430) We also bought motorcycles. I had a dcd look at the car....wrinkle his nose and say "....must be nice. Guess I am in the wrong line of work". I said "Well, I am sure my husband would rather have his mother alive than the car." Stunned silence.
I also had a mom wrinkle her nose at my motorcycle, calling it a "dangerous, unnecessary toy." Yep. It's a toy, and goes real fast. Deal with it.Comment
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Because I am me, I would also directly address it.
"Susan, I need to discuss something that is bothering me. Apparently you made a comment that was overheard that went something along the way of you having to steal from Paul to pay Peter in regards to my husbands new car.
It's unfortunate that I have to say anything at all because our finances should be private but I'll clarify that unfortunately my income from daycare would never be enough to cover any of the new things we have purchased and changes that we've made to our home in these recent times.
My husbands father passed away and he was left some money from his estate. We also save every penny and are frugal people and since my father in law's passing and through the process of grieving we have been through a long process of distributing that estate. Projects and purchases that we have been meaning to take care of have been put on hold for the last two years and now that we are able to we have started to address those projects.
The recent changes in my home have nothing to do with the income that I earn from daycare, in fact it's laughable that you would think that I could somehow afford all of it from the little pay that I do receive. Having said that, if you are uncomfortable with the amount that you pay for the specialized care that I provide please feel free to look for other options. In the mean time, please come to me if there is something bothering you instead of speaking to my clients/employees."
The only reason why I would explain anything is because I would want her to know how ridiculously nosy and rude she was for having said that. I would lay the guilt on thick so that she felt silly for even having said anything at all. Can you tell that this has happened to me before as well and can you tell that it's one of my hot spots?
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I DID say that line about the car, but held my tongue about the motorcycle. I just nodded in agreement, because it is in fact a dangerous toy. But I needed some excitement in my life.:
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The comment the OP got was RIDICULOUS and amazingly rude. No excuse for that
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