3 Strikes Already?!

[Shell]

New dcg started this week. Family is great, supportive, pays upfront, and I think it is going to work out just fine. Well, during their first week, (specifically on their second day) we've already had 3 strikes:
1. Dcm shows up 5 minutes early. I know for some that is not a big deal, but it bothers me a lot! I made them wait for 3 minutes, but it is really cold out in the morning, so I let them in.
2. Dcm says dcg had a BM in the car on the way over, waits awkwardly until I say I will change her. Come to find out, dcg had a blow out, and needed a full change of clothing- not something I feel like dealing with first thing in the a.m. I don't mind changing a diaper first thing on occasion, and dcm says she never goes twice in a row, so I think it should be an exception rather than rule. But, you never know.
3. Dcd was 2 minutes late. Again, some don't think it's a big deal, but I do. He was speeding down my road, and my dh was angry about it. Again, I let this slide yesterday because even my dh said there was bad traffic.

I know many of you don't let anything slide, and some of you are a little more relaxed about it as long as it doesn't keep happening. I don't want to start off on the wrong foot, but I also don't want to be a doormat. I was thinking of sending dcm a reminder email Sunday night about $1/minute early and late fees, saying I don't mind changing an occasional diaper, but not every day, etc. I was also thinking of asking them to pay more to change their contracted hours so dcd won't be speeding down the road to make it here?
Thanks for any advice!

[KidGrind]

New dcg started this week. Family is great, supportive, pays upfront, and I think it is going to work out just fine. Well, during their first week, (specifically on their second day) we've already had 3 strikes:
1. Dcm shows up 5 minutes early. I know for some that is not a big deal, but it bothers me a lot! I made them wait for 3 minutes, but it is really cold out in the morning, so I let them in.
2. Dcm says dcg had a BM in the car on the way over, waits awkwardly until I say I will change her. Come to find out, dcg had a blow out, and needed a full change of clothing- not something I feel like dealing with first thing in the a.m. I don't mind changing a diaper first thing on occasion, and dcm says she never goes twice in a row, so I think it should be an exception rather than rule. But, you never know.
3. Dcd was 2 minutes late. Again, some don't think it's a big deal, but I do. He was speeding down my road, and my dh was angry about it. Again, I let this slide yesterday because even my dh said there was bad traffic.

I know many of you don't let anything slide, and some of you are a little more relaxed about it as long as it doesn't keep happening. I don't want to start off on the wrong foot, but I also don't want to be a doormat. I was thinking of sending dcm a reminder email Sunday night about $1/minute early and late fees, saying I don't mind changing an occasional diaper, but not every day, etc. I was also thinking of asking them to pay more to change their contracted hours so dcd won't be speeding down the road to make it here?
Thanks for any advice!

I believe if it truly bothered you the best time to address it would’ve been at drop off. “Hi, I am so excited to see you this morning! ________ you’re a little early. I don’t open early. Drop off is at XYZ AM.”

I suggest parents set their watches to my sign-in clock. Per my contract they agree to go by the sign-in clock.

Considering they were early, if you’re comfortable with it I would’ve offered DCM to change her child. “I realize things happen. Since you’re early, the diaper changing area is over there. Let me help you get set up to get her all ready for daycare.”

With my set up I would’ve just done it myself and said goodbye to DCM.

During the late pick up would’ve been the best time to address the late fees. Sending them something on Sunday seems like you’ve been stewing for days over it. The best time (unless you think it could escalate) is the moment the infraction of policy occurs.

You do what is best for you. I’d just address it face to face if it occurs again. Early I’d not open the door or open the door and state, “Hey you’re early again. It’s going to be $XYZ for early drop off.” “The late fee for today is $XYZ.”

I am wishing you the best!

[MamaBearCanada]

While I can see how those things would be frustrating I woul wait and see how next week goes. It can be hard to get your route timing down exactly and they may have misjudged by the 5 & 2 minutes the first 2 days. I give a grace 5 min period anyway to allow for minor traffic changes like a small detour and your husband did say traffic was bad. If they had timed the route with regular traffic and allowed a little extra they may have just been a couple of minutes off and know now to allow more time.

The diaper would bother me more but if I didn't want to change it I would have said if you don't want to change her on the floor feel free to use the change table in the bathroom. Perhaps Mom really didn't know it was a blowout if she was rushing. If it is a problem I think it's better to address it right when it happens.

If they are otherwise a great fit you risk turning the new relationship sour. I am more relaxed than some though so this might not work for you.

[countrymom]

your time thing bothers me. I'm sorry but thats a bit petty because all the clocks are set differently. I would rather they be 5 min. early than 5 min. late. Also, how many employees do you know that come to work right on the dot, not too many, most come 5 min. early. The blow out would bother me.

[cheerfuldom]

You need to decide your diaper change policy more concretely. either you will change them at dropoff or you won't. mom cannot control blowouts so saying "I dont mind changing but not that often and not if it is a blowout" will make you sound silly and unprofessional.

I would review the early and late policies. I dont open the door early, period. They can sit in the car if it is cold. Plus cell phones should have the same times on them and if they dont have a cell phone (who doesnt?) then they will have to set their watch to your clock or you can do an open/closed sign on the front door. Lastly, start charging late fees and let dcd know that he is NOT to speed in your neighborhood under any circumstances. He needs to slow down and just pay the late fees for the sake of safety for all.

[momofboys]

New dcg started this week. Family is great, supportive, pays upfront, and I think it is going to work out just fine. Well, during their first week, (specifically on their second day) we've already had 3 strikes:
1. Dcm shows up 5 minutes early. I know for some that is not a big deal, but it bothers me a lot! I made them wait for 3 minutes, but it is really cold out in the morning, so I let them in.
2. Dcm says dcg had a BM in the car on the way over, waits awkwardly until I say I will change her. Come to find out, dcg had a blow out, and needed a full change of clothing- not something I feel like dealing with first thing in the a.m. I don't mind changing a diaper first thing on occasion, and dcm says she never goes twice in a row, so I think it should be an exception rather than rule. But, you never know.
3. Dcd was 2 minutes late. Again, some don't think it's a big deal, but I do. He was speeding down my road, and my dh was angry about it. Again, I let this slide yesterday because even my dh said there was bad traffic.

I know many of you don't let anything slide, and some of you are a little more relaxed about it as long as it doesn't keep happening. I don't want to start off on the wrong foot, but I also don't want to be a doormat. I was thinking of sending dcm a reminder email Sunday night about $1/minute early and late fees, saying I don't mind changing an occasional diaper, but not every day, etc. I was also thinking of asking them to pay more to change their contracted hours so dcd won't be speeding down the road to make it here?
Thanks for any advice!

I wouldn't even offer the early drop-off fee - makes it seem like they can drop off as they please for a fee. Just say I don't/won't open my door for business until XXXX time. Being firm is fine - that way you don't end up a doormat.

[permanentvacation]

I always give the parents the first week to see if they need to adjust their drop off and pick up times. When they hire you, they are typically guessing at the time needed to travel to and from your exact location to their job. So if they need to tweak it by up to 1/2 hour, I work with them on that - but by the 2nd Monday, they have to have it down pat. This can happen when they change jobs as well.

I also am a big stickler about parents not dropping off their children before their scheduled arrival time in the morning. My early arrivals often sit in their car outside waiting for me to open the door. I used to let them come in a couple of minutes early - first of all, not everyone's clock is exactly set to the correct time, secondly, no one can really know exactly to the minute that they will arrive somewhere when they leave their house - I understand. However, when I used to open a minute or so early, I noticed that 1-3 minutes quickly lead to them arriving 5-10 minutes early! So I nipped that in the bud really quickly! Now, I leave my door locked until the very minute I am supposed to open. If parents fuss, I use stores and offices as a reference. A store that is supposed to open at 9am will NOT open at 8:59. The customers have to wait until the store clock says 9am for them to open the door.

Now, at pick up time, if they are within 5 minutes late, I don't fuss. But after 5 minutes, I start to get bothered. Especially if it happens often. If I realize that the parent honestly needs that extra time to get here, and I have nothing else that I really need to do during that time, I usually offer to change their contract to allow them that extra driving time. However, this is usually figured out within their 1st week of attending daycare or changing jobs.

As for the diaper issue, this is the first time that has happened. The mom might not have had a clue how bad it was, or whether you wanted her to change the child at your daycare or if you would rather be the one in control of diapering at your daycare. Personally, I don't care how much of a mess the child is, I do NOT allow parents to change their children's diapers in my daycare. I used to - if a parent said the child just messed on the way here, and they offered to change him or if I started to change the child and then they saw their parent and began to cry for the parent, if the parent wanted to change them, I used to allow them to. But after one of my moms put the child on my sofa - illegal in my state - even though I told her to put him on the changing table. Then she RIPPED the dirty diaper out from under his rear end and a CLUMP OF POOP went FLYING ACROSS MY ROOM!!! And she had NOT put the clean diaper under the dirty diaper, so she then plopped his POOP FILLED rear end on my sofa cushion to wipe him off!!! Right then and there, I decided --- NOOOO, No parent is allowed to change a child's diaper in my daycare - EVER!!!

Also, I'm sure she was embarrassed and not sure what to say or do.

If she's only a minute or two late, I wouldn't even acknowledge it. If next week, she is later or obviously frantic about getting there on time, I would discuss with her about whether she needed a little extra driving time. If you are willing to stay open a bit later, than make the change in her hours. If you are really dead set on closing at a specific time that she honestly can not be there by, then you might want to suggest that she find someone else that stays open a little later. I wouldn't want her to have to be too stressed out and racing down the road and wind up in an accident because she agreed to pick up her child at a time that she truly can not do so.

[Unregistered]

I would suggest giving it just one more chance. I know when I first put my kids in daycare it took a week to get the timing right to be there on time. I left early and sat outside until it was time but being late for me was just as bad because I was cutting it close getting to work on time as it was. Maybe she wasn't sure how long it would take to get the child ready or what the traffic would be like if she didn't normally come that way.

As far as the diaper I would give it a chance as well. It could be a 1 time thing. If she changed her child on the way out the door and she goes in the car she doesn't have much control over that. I would more be looking out for the ones who clearly aren't bothering to change their child in the morning after they wake up. And I would agree, don't let parents change their kids in your house. I have parents that do the couch thing too and it grosses me out.

As far as being 2 minutes late, it is a big deal but same as with drop off, maybe he underestimated how long it would take to get there. Clearly he was trying to be on time if he was speeding and he understood that your time was important. I have had parents be late and take their sweet time because they just had no respect.

[Cat Herder]

Is there anything else that is stressing you out right now? :confused: Maybe the picture is much bigger and this is simply a new trigger?? Rhetorical question, no need to answer.

** I am strict. Occasionally too strict, in defense of my family, with methods learned the hard way.

That said, I understand the chronic 2-5 minute thing building up to resentment quickly, but this family is forming a new routine. A week or two of learning the traffic patterns and getting a morning routine are common.

The morning poo thing, that happens so often with infants I tend to view it as life reminding me why I am done having children. It is just my turn... If it was a 3yo or dried on (over night diaper) I'd probably get a case of the ugly about it.

I want to rally for you, I do. I just feel you may already be stressed a bit, so these things are feeling much bigger than they are. BTDT, myself. My advice: Vent away here and say something to them at the time of each occurrence. Give them a two week deadline to figure their routine out. If it continues after two weeks, charge for every minute outside of your hours.

[Shell]

I always give the parents the first week to see if they need to adjust their drop off and pick up times. When they hire you, they are typically guessing at the time needed to travel to and from your exact location to their job. So if they need to tweak it by up to 1/2 hour, I work with them on that - but by the 2nd Monday, they have to have it down pat. This can happen when they change jobs as well.

I also am a big stickler about parents not dropping off their children before their scheduled arrival time in the morning. My early arrivals often sit in their car outside waiting for me to open the door. I used to let them come in a couple of minutes early - first of all, not everyone's clock is exactly set to the correct time, secondly, no one can really know exactly to the minute that they will arrive somewhere when they leave their house - I understand. However, when I used to open a minute or so early, I noticed that 1-3 minutes quickly lead to them arriving 5-10 minutes early! So I nipped that in the bud really quickly! Now, I leave my door locked until the very minute I am supposed to open. If parents fuss, I use stores and offices as a reference. A store that is supposed to open at 9am will NOT open at 8:59. The customers have to wait until the store clock says 9am for them to open the door.

Now, at pick up time, if they are within 5 minutes late, I don't fuss. But after 5 minutes, I start to get bothered. Especially if it happens often. If I realize that the parent honestly needs that extra time to get here, and I have nothing else that I really need to do during that time, I usually offer to change their contract to allow them that extra driving time. However, this is usually figured out within their 1st week of attending daycare or changing jobs.

As for the diaper issue, this is the first time that has happened. The mom might not have had a clue how bad it was, or whether you wanted her to change the child at your daycare or if you would rather be the one in control of diapering at your daycare. Personally, I don't care how much of a mess the child is, I do NOT allow parents to change their children's diapers in my daycare. I used to - if a parent said the child just messed on the way here, and they offered to change him or if I started to change the child and then they saw their parent and began to cry for the parent, if the parent wanted to change them, I used to allow them to. But after one of my moms put the child on my sofa - illegal in my state - even though I told her to put him on the changing table. Then she RIPPED the dirty diaper out from under his rear end and a CLUMP OF POOP went FLYING ACROSS MY ROOM!!! And she had NOT put the clean diaper under the dirty diaper, so she then plopped his POOP FILLED rear end on my sofa cushion to wipe him off!!! Right then and there, I decided --- NOOOO, No parent is allowed to change a child's diaper in my daycare - EVER!!!

Also, I'm sure she was embarrassed and not sure what to say or do.

If she's only a minute or two late, I wouldn't even acknowledge it. If next week, she is later or obviously frantic about getting there on time, I would discuss with her about whether she needed a little extra driving time. If you are willing to stay open a bit later, than make the change in her hours. If you are really dead set on closing at a specific time that she honestly can not be there by, then you might want to suggest that she find someone else that stays open a little later. I wouldn't want her to have to be too stressed out and racing down the road and wind up in an accident because she agreed to pick up her child at a time that she truly can not do so.

That's quite a story, and I think it has made me decide to change the poopy diapers myself! Thanks also for the advice!

Is there anything else that is stressing you out right now? :confused: Maybe the picture is much bigger and this is simply a new trigger?? Rhetorical question, no need to answer.

** I am strict. Occasionally too strict, in defense of my family, with methods learned the hard way.

That said, I understand the chronic 2-5 minute thing building up to resentment quickly, but this family is forming a new routine. A week or two of learning the traffic patterns and getting a morning routine are common.

The morning poo thing, that happens so often with infants I tend to view it as life reminding me why I am done having children. It is just my turn... If it was a 3yo or dried on (over night diaper) I'd probably get a case of the ugly about it.

I want to rally for you, I do. I just feel you may already be stressed a bit, so these things are feeling much bigger than they are. BTDT, myself. My advice: Vent away here and say something to them at the time of each occurrence. Give them a two week deadline to figure their routine out. If it continues after two weeks, charge for every minute outside of your hours.

Yeah, you are probably right about stress I had one family in the past that I wound up terming because I was so resentful of 2 minutes here, 10 minutes, and then eventually it turned into 1 hour late I don't want to make those mistakes ever again!

[Shell]

Thank you all for the advice- it's so helpful to get your perspectives. I think I will give them a week or two (they are part time) to iron out the details, and then either charge or re-visit the contracted hours. Thanks again!

[caregiver]

For me, I guess I am not bothered if they are a couple minutes early or even a few minutes late. I am up and ready before my open time anyway and if they are not more then 5 minutes early, it is no big deal. I did have to remind one set of parents once when my start time was as they started to come 15 minutes early,I let it slide the first 2 days and then had to say something. As far as picking up late, I live in a metropolitan area and traffic is a zoo from say 3pm - 6pm, so if you get stuck in traffic, there is nothing you can do but just sit there and wait it out. So I understand if they are late because of traffic as there is not much they can do and they will usually give me a call to let me know that they are going to be late.
Also in the winter with the icy and snow covered roads we have here, I always will tell parents, please take your time picking up if the roads are bad,I would rather they be safe then rush to be here right on time.

I have also had parents at drop off say, I think they pooped in the car, but I just take the child after they leave and change the diaper. Blow outs are no fun,I have changed many of them. I just have never asked a parent to change their child's diaper after they drop off if they have pooped, the child could not help it and the parent has to get to work, so this is my job and I just clean the child up. Yes, it is no fun and first thing in the morning,but I really don't like parents tromping through my house to change the diaper.

So I guess I would give it another week and see how it goes. I always say it takes the parents and the child a good month to get the routine down and then if things are still not going good, then I will consider if I want to term or not. I got a dc brother & sister now that were just horrible to start, was thinking I didn't need this kind of hassle, but didn't want to give up either,so I have gone through a lot with these kids as far as behavior issues etc, but it is 7 months later and they are so good now and I really have gotten attached to them. It just took awhile.

[Crazy8]

I agree with a lot of the above. I would have either addressed it right away or just wait and see how the next week goes and address any problems on the spot if they continue. I had a parent who on the 2nd day was 10 min. early and when I told her she said "well I have a meeting this morning". I was pretty stern in explaining my policies and I think it had us on the wrong foot for a long time - things have never been "comfortable" with this parent and I really think that was why. I know if I didn't say something it would have become a reoccuring problem as I've had other issues with this one since so I do believe in correcting the problem but since you didn't on the spot I would see if it was just a first week adjusting problem.