Always Feel Like It Was Something I Did Or Didn't Do

[Josiegirl]

All these negative behaviors that kids seem to do at daycare, then as soon as they enter school, they turn into perfect little angels, no problems, no they don't do that at school, behavior is excellent. What is this all about? Is it me who failed, is it the change of environment, different kids, different rules, what? Does anyone else find that this happens?
It's frustrating to say the least. I could deal with these frustrating behaviors for all their little prek lives then when they start school, bam, they're new little sweet adorable kids who obey all the school's rules.

[daycarediva]

Honestly, I believe some of it has to do with what has been considered acceptable and what they see other children doing/getting away with. School is also at a desk ALL DAY now vs free play (where I see the most problems here). It could also be the teacher just doesn't want to get into it with 20 different parents, or doesn't see the behaviors with 20 different kids.

I don't believe they flip a switch and are excellent. I have a dcb who started K and I (miraculously) didn't have a school age spot. His mom says he is doing amazing, great, blah blah. I know his teacher. She glosses over things to Mom and Mom hears what she wants to hear. That child was the worst behaved child I have EVER seen. The teacher agrees.

[Play Care]

All these negative behaviors that kids seem to do at daycare, then as soon as they enter school, they turn into perfect little angels, no problems, no they don't do that at school, behavior is excellent. What is this all about? Is it me who failed, is it the change of environment, different kids, different rules, what? Does anyone else find that this happens?
It's frustrating to say the least. I could deal with these frustrating behaviors for all their little prek lives then when they start school, bam, they're new little sweet adorable kids who obey all the school's rules.

Who are you hearing this from? Because if it's from the parent's, I wouldn't give it much weight. My dck's all attend preschool - 2 in the 3 yo class and the other 2 in the 4 yo class. And they never get "bad" reports from preschool. BUT they are there a couple of days a week for a few hours. Our K is all day here, and kids who never had problems at preschool really struggle at all day K. I had a dcb in my care last year and now this year for SA care and he is having a rough time - and the parents are surprised. I'm not

[hope]

I think that pre k and k teachers keep the peace by picking their battles. With classes so large it is hard to hold children to such standards and it is difficult to correspond with so many parents. Sometimes bit is easier to say all is well.

[permanentvacation]

I think that there are a couple of reasons.

In school, there are many more children that child's age to let him know what will and won't be accepted by his peers and there are older kids on the bus, in the lunchroom, in the halls, etc., to let them know what is and isn't accepted.

Like someone said in a previous post, free play is minimal in school, and they are sitting at desks or in groups for lesson time most of the day. That keeps the children's excitement level down, they are not able to and don't have a reason to chat/argue/fight over toys or who said what about them. The teacher is constantly watching them while they are sitting in one space for long periods of time.

Teachers in school simply don't get involved in many of the little arguments and issues that the kids have amongst themselves. The kids are left to work things out between themselves much more than at daycare. That's for a couple of reasons. The kids are in real school now and are growing up. Teachers can't monitor everything a child does that upsets another child and intervene constantly. If a child tattles in school, his/her classmates will let them know that tattling in not accepted by their peers. "Tattling is for babies"
The teachers do not acknowledge the tattling like we do. The teachers realize that the children need to let some things go and work some things out on their own, and that they (the teachers) need to not worry about the little stuff that kids fuss about.

The kids are older/smarter therefore sneakier and do plenty of things that they are simply not caught for doing.

Teachers also simply don't have the time to bother with policing the kids' behavioral issues and kid arguments. They have a curriculum that must be taught within a specific time period.

Trust me, plenty of the kids do get in trouble at school. They just don't tell the parents about most of the kids' behavioral issues. They just deal with it at school - either the teachers handle it in class or they send the child to the office. Often the child will go to the office numerous times before a parent is informed. So the parent doesn't think that their child is having any problems at school.


My most recent daycare kid to enter kindergarten - I love that kid, had her from 18 months - 5 years old. Do you remember the poem ' There was a little girl who had a little curl right in the middle of her forehead. When she was good, she was very, very good, but when she was bad, she was horrid!'? That was her! She KNEW every rule I had in my daycare. She would tell the new kids the rules. She was a cool kid to hang out - didn't cry over little things, you could joke around with her and she'd joke around with you, I really liked watching her. However, she was constantly in trouble at daycare for doing things she KNEW not to do. She drove me crazy! Her parents worked with her and I worked with her for years on her behavior. A week after school started, her parents called me and told me that she had been in the principal's office twice already!!

Yeah, they get in trouble at school - it's just that the parents usually don't know about it.

[providerandmomof4]

My own ds was a mess before he started school. It was my own fault, but I didn't see it at the time. I didn't give him the boundaries and structure he needed, so he acted badly. School changed him. He was so worried about acting up at school...I was amazed. This is a different situation, I realize, but sometimes the age of the child has a lot to do with it. I didn't think he was ready for pre k or maybe he would've done fine, and I was the one who wasn't ready. Needless to say, when he started K he was great!

[lizzardb85]

Just a thought, is there a sad underlying condition here. Teachers take on all of the responsibilities of educating and leading children. They don't tell the parents that a kid is misbehaving? I thought that in the past the kid would get in trouble and the parents would support the teachers in making sure the behavior stops. It feels like now parents are shielded from the truth until it becomes extreme. This leads some parents to say, "it must be the teacher because our little angel has never been a problem before" thus extenuating the cycle of teachers not telling parents. Sorry for the rant.

[daycare]

I get the exact opposite. The kids are so good here, but then they graduate out of my program and they have all of these issues at school. I have had one of my most sweetest, loving dcg get suspended at school for playing shark girl and lava boy (not too sure what that is).

I look at it like this. I do what I have to do so that they are cared for here. They are safe, loved, needs are met and have plenty of opportunities to learn/explore and build friendships. Hope I didn't forget something, but for the most part, I can only do my job and what happens after that I take NO responsibility for.

Don't beat yourself up, it's not you.

[permanentvacation]

Many parents over the past couple of years either don't want to be bothered correcting their children, feel that since it happened at school, it's the school's problem to correct the child, yell at the teacher for expecting the proper behavior and back the child up for acting out, yell at the teacher/office personal, principal and demand that they better not reprimand their child again, etc. So, the school officials have learned not to involve the parents unless what the child did was bad enough to be willing to have a fight with the parents too.

Now, if the parent seems to be reasonable and tells the school officials that they will back them up and will help them to correct the child's behavior which then makes the school feel safe enough to tell the parents about the small stuff, then they will.

For the past few years, it has become more and more that parents do not 'parent' like my mother's generation did and my generation does.

It's happening so much that you will see it in television shows and movies where a teacher will be told off by a parent when informed about their child's behavioral problems or bad grades.

[Maggie]

Its also still pretty early in the school year maybe they haven't shown their true colors yet.
One of my dcg started kindy this year and her teacher still thinks shes a sweet little girl and a "pleasure to have in class" Oh just give her a little more time and tell me that in April!

[Cat Herder]

Go read the kindergarten forum at A to Z teacher Stuff some time. ::::::

It will make you feel so much better....