Please Go Back Out And Try It Again!

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  • providerandmomof4
    Daycare.com Member
    • Jan 2012
    • 354

    Please Go Back Out And Try It Again!

    Does anyone expect dcp to have kids calm before they enter the house? I tell you, I am about to tell dcm of 2 yr old dcb to take him back outside and bring him in when he is calm and ready to begin his day...same story today as last night at pickup..he is throwing a huge tantrum and not wanting to come in. He hits and kicks her and if i dont physically take him from her(while hes screaming and hitting) then she'd never get ou of here.
    Today I was holding a baby so I didn't take him from her at the door...which I've recently begun having her do. She couldn't get him in the house!! She had to bring him all the way into the living room and all the kids were upset by his temper tantrum. She said he was mad that she turned off the music in the car! I wrote her a letter about behavior expectations and advising that it would be helpful if she went over expectations before comi g to the door. I told her that we do art projects right after drop off and maybe she could remind him of this activity to entice him to be calm and ready for dc. Is this wrong? I mean shouldn't he be able to come into dc calmly even if we aren't doing something he enjoys? I may be setting myself up with that one...wwyd?
  • spinnymarie
    mac n peas
    • May 2013
    • 890

    #2
    That's a tricky one, imo.
    It definitely seems like something you two should be able to work together on - if she can spell out the expectations for a calm drop off in the car, maybe you could follow up with a reward? At that age I kind of expect tantrums about silly stuff, at least for a while, and the reward needs to be really quick. Maybe you could give him a sticker when he comes in calmly?
    IMO, I wouldn't be able to put all that on the mom. I totally understand that it needs to be done, and that the tantrum is disrupting everything, so definitely get it under control... but it seems like you are setting mom up for failure a little bit - if he has any inkling of not wanting to come to daycare, and throwing a fit is allowing him to stay with mommy longer, that might just push him to carry on longer, KWIM?

    Comment

    • caregiver
      Daycare.com Member
      • Dec 2010
      • 256

      #3
      I have a 4 yr old boy right now just like him. He used to throw tantrums just getting out of the car to come in,screaming. One day Mom had to chase him around the front yard to just get him to get in my house. She says, oh, he wanted to bring a toy with today and she told him NO, or he woke up crabby today and has been giving her a hassle that morning too,would not get dressed and picked on his sister, who is 2 yrs old. She apologized and said she was so embarrest but that she didn't know what to do.

      Well in my mind, why are these parents letting these kids get away with acting like that. Where is the discipline! Why can't parents put their foot down and say we don't act like that to their child. I also had been temped to ask her to not bring him in until he calms down,but never had the backbone to do it. Usually after he got in and she left, I would tell him that WE don't act like this and sat him down and would tell him he can not play with the others until he does calm down. At first he would still be screaming at me and I tell him he can scream all he wants, but I won't give in to him and I walk out of the room. He finally would stop it and would tell me he was sorry,at age 4, he knew he was not being a good boy. Now 6 months later, he runs in the house and gives his Mom no problems and he knows what I will put up with and what I won't, so he doesn't pull the tantrums or screaming anymore. I get a Hi from him when he comes in and then he goes and starts playing really nice.

      I would also be really embarrest as a parent if my child acted like that, but I would be firm and tell them that this is not how we act or behave, so I don't understand why parents today can not do that also.
      Parenting is so different today then when I had my kids 34 yrs ago. People would always say what well behaved kids my husband and I had and that was because we DID discipline them and they knew how to behave.
      My advice, just me now, would be to after Mom has left, sit him down and tell him we do not act like this and that he can not play or do any activity until he calms down. He will soon learn that if he wants to do what the others are doing, he will have to behave. He has to know that he can't do things when he is acting like that. Be firm. It does work.

      Comment

      • Blackcat31
        • Oct 2010
        • 36124

        #4
        Originally posted by providerandmomof4
        Does anyone expect dcp to have kids calm before they enter the house? I tell you, I am about to tell dcm of 2 yr old dcb to take him back outside and bring him in when he is calm and ready to begin his day...same story today as last night at pickup..he is throwing a huge tantrum and not wanting to come in. He hits and kicks her and if i dont physically take him from her(while hes screaming and hitting) then she'd never get ou of here.
        Today I was holding a baby so I didn't take him from her at the door...which I've recently begun having her do. She couldn't get him in the house!! She had to bring him all the way into the living room and all the kids were upset by his temper tantrum. She said he was mad that she turned off the music in the car! I wrote her a letter about behavior expectations and advising that it would be helpful if she went over expectations before comi g to the door. I told her that we do art projects right after drop off and maybe she could remind him of this activity to entice him to be calm and ready for dc. Is this wrong? I mean shouldn't he be able to come into dc calmly even if we aren't doing something he enjoys? I may be setting myself up with that one...wwyd?
        This is great!! THIS is your opportunity to put this issue back onto the person who created it...mom.

        Tell her new rule is he can NOT enter your home until he is calm and ready to begin the day.

        Let her figure out how to manage his behavior. It isn't his fault he is having meltdowns. It's hers because she is so permissive....until she needs him to listen and then finds he isn't capable of doing it because she has never taught him to by using appropriate consequences.

        Instead, she rewards, bribes and does ANYTHING she can to NOT have to actually do the hard work of parenting.

        I wouldn't work "with" mom one single bit. You had no part in the making of this issue so I would simply stand back and tell mom you have other children who are younger that actually need your attention so her child's behavior is on her to fix.

        Whatever she chooses to do about it...great! As long as he comes into your house ready and CALM.

        Comment

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