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Ok so I have a 16 mos dcg and 4 yr old dcb sibs. They started two days ago. The dcg cries unless she is literally hanging on her brother! Her brother will not let me comfort her or help her. He keeps telling her I am not a nice teacher, after today they wont have tocome back here again! I don't know what to do. I have explained to him that she needs to get used to me etc and while he is with her she will not let me touch her or help. She wont eat sleep or drink. Ugh! Please advise!
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Oh my goodness!!
Seriously, I wonder what has happened to that little boy. Was he somewhere else where he and his sister were mistreated? It sounds like he is having a hard time trusting you and he fears what you might do to his sister. This sounds really serious.
I would call the parents and have a conversation and tell them the situation. Can they spend a little more time at your daycare with the kids to help the boy relax? Mom and Dad need to reassure him that it's okay.
A trip to the library and a couple books about going to daycare (children's books) would help explain the scenario to a 4-year-old too. -
I had this same situations. Same age/gender kids too.
I wouldn't explain anything to the 4 yr old. Simply TELL him you are the caregiver and YOU will be the one to comfort and assist the younger child while in care.
If he says mean things to you, treat it like any other negative behavior and apply a consequence....time out, loss of privilege etc...
I do NOT allow siblings to pick up or "care" for younger sibling in care. It's too hard for the other DCK's to understand why so and so gets to pick up the baby and they can't.
I'd explain to the parents why this cannot happen and ask that they talk with their son about it.
It's a liability if you allow him to "care" for sister...etc. While it's wonderful that he does like her and care about her but it just can't happen while on your watch...kwim?Comment
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Have you talked to the parents?
Is it possible for the older child to go somewhere else (like Grandma's or something) for a few days so that you and toddler can bond?
As for Mr. Smart-mouth, I would make it clear to him that YOU are the leader in your school. Rudeness will not be tolerated. He can either go find something to do himself, or you will find him something to do. While they are at school, YOU will take care of his sister. That's what mommy and daddy send you both here for. It's time for you to play...Comment
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I'm the same way. The minute the DCM walked in the door, the older bro tried to play with the baby. I told him, "You are still at the daycare, do not touch baby or baby things." Mom didn't see a problem until I asked her if it was ok for the other 4 yr olds to play with the baby. They are children & do NOT see a difference; if that kid can play with the baby I can too.Comment
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I explained to him that I was the person in charge and that I knew that she was scared etc. i told him I was the person who would be making decisions on how things go for the day. They were here for three visits w parents over the last week. Dcg literally fell asleep standing up and holding onto him. I expected a rough start and told parents that. But didn't expect it to be this bad. I will keep asserting myself because this isn't good for either of them. I appreciate the advice for sure. I have been open for 8 wks w only one dcb who is doing great and was so excited to have two new kiddos
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Can you separate them? Even for a little while?I explained to him that I was the person in charge and that I knew that she was scared etc. i told him I was the person who would be making decisions on how things go for the day. They were here for three visits w parents over the last week. Dcg literally fell asleep standing up and holding onto him. I expected a rough start and told parents that. But didn't expect it to be this bad. I will keep asserting myself because this isn't good for either of them. I appreciate the advice for sure. I have been open for 8 wks w only one dcb who is doing great and was so excited to have two new kiddos
That way they can each go through their own process of adapting and fitting in.
If brother is constantly in the same group for play etc...it will be like setting her paci in front of her but not letting her have it...kwim?
I'd see if you could find activities for him to do that do NOT include sister.
I have 3 sibling groups right now and none of them play with each other. They play in their own age groups except for large group activities.
They see each other at home, they can be separate individuals while here.Comment
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I will try but I think his parents will have to literally tell him that he needs to let me have a go at it. It may be a lost cause the dcb told me today that when she cies in the p n p at home he helps her to stop crying. Parents don't share everything do they? I think you are right on with your advice and I will give it a try when they wake up. I can only separate by a gate between two big rooms
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I would try to talk to the parents. It could be that the parents have said to the boy "now you help with your sister and be good" and he may be taking it to the next level. My own son does this. My husband travels alot and at first he always told my son, "please make sure you help mommy with your sisters" and then it get way out of hand to where I have to remind my son that hes not the parent I am. So it could be something like thatComment
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I talked to Dad at pickup today. Not sure if I will get any help from parents in this case, but they finally did nap today and woke up like different kids???? They were perfectly fine for the last two hours of the day!!! Soooo plan B for tomorrow is that the 16 month old CAN make it thru the day. And she will
BC I also tried separating them as you suggested and it did work. Took a bit of crying on her part, but she eventually
got interested in something on her own. Thank you all for helping me get thru the day!!!Comment
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I always thought that one of the benefits of having siblings in Family Child care was that they could interact, and still bond during the day. It's great that he is protective over little sister, and wants to help and comfort her, but yes, that is extreme and disruptive. Hope it works itself out soon, and he can continue to do some longer separations, without anxiety on either end.Comment
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It can be one of the perks but in this case, it IS extreme and disruptive so the provider was advised to separate the kids so the kids could each build their own individual bond with the provider. After that has been established then there would be no issues with being a bit protective of little sis.
Often times behavior like this isn't about being protective it's about who is the one I control. In ALL of the cases I have experienced like this, the kids ran the households.
It's important to set firm and clear boundaries with the older child and his "authoritative" attitude towards the provider is concerning and needs to be corrected before any other form of relationship can be formed.
@OP~ Glad to hear that you are seeing some progress. Sometimes it is just little changes that make the biggest differences.
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