Wiggle Worms at Lunch

[Brooksie]

How much wiggling and silliness do you allow at lunch? DD never sits, she's all over the place but whatever, its her house and I'm trying to be more lenient with her as far as making her conform to the day care. But I do try to encourage proper table manners. I have one kid who sits side ways in her chair and turns all around. I've been reminding her to mind her manners and that she needs to face the table and sit in her chair straight. The kids also joke and play which is fine but it bothers me when they have a mouth full of food and are making funny faces and cracking up. What table manners do you encourage and for what ages?

[TheGoodLife]

I have the same problem with my DDs. They are silly and try to mess around. I insist they stay in their seats, not get down until hand and faces get wiped (I don't hand out napkins for that until after they eat), ect., but I struggle with silliness as well! Not over-the-top, but enough to get to me sometimes

[Blackcat31]

Everyone is required to sit properly in their chairs. No turning around, swinging their legs and/or putting their legs under their butts. Chewing with their mouths closed, please and thank you, no eating with their hands etc..

Table manners are taught, supported, demonstrated and enforced.

If they want to laugh and giggle and chat and have a ton of convos during meal time go head as long as it can be done while following the rules about manners. That's what dining with others is all about.

I do require them to stay seated properly and keep their cups and silverware in the designated areas for safety reasons.

What you described would result in being asked to leave the table until they can return and follow the rules.

Manners are our way of showing respect to others.

[Blackcat31]

DD never sits, she's all over the place but whatever, its her house and I'm trying to be more lenient with her as far as making her conform to the day care.

Can I ask why you think it's ok simply because it's her house? Shouldn't table manners be used at all times regardless of whether we are at home or out in public?

I think that line of thought is why we (as providers) have a tough time with DCK's. Parents don't enforce or follow through with rules etc because it's the child's home. But then the child goes somewhere else and has trouble differentiating why it's okay to behave one way in one place but not here.

Your DD should have to be polite and use manners in her home NOW because later when she is out in public she will need to gleen from those skills learned at home so she knows what to do in the public eye....kwim?

[Brooksie]

Can I ask why you think it's ok simply because it's her house? Shouldn't table manners be used at all times regardless of whether we are at home or out in public?

I think that line of thought is why we (as providers) have a tough time with DCK's. Parents don't enforce or follow through with rules etc because it's the child's home. But then the child goes somewhere else and has trouble differentiating why it's okay to behave one way in one place but not here.

Your DD should have to be polite and use manners in her home NOW because later when she is out in public she will need to gleen from those skills learned at home so she knows what to do in the public eye....kwim?

She's been having a really tough time here lately. I try to encourage her to sit at the table and she does while she eats but then is up. Everyone else sits for lunch time. She has 2 options, to stay at the table or sit in the book nook and she will pick and has to be reminded. I am trying to limit her daycare stress because she's having a lot of emotional issues going on. I think its a result of being forced to conform to the daycare when sometimes she just wants to be at home.

I don't make her sit for lunch on the weekends at the daycare tables, we generally have a picnic style lunch with a movie or something. It also doesn't help that we don't even have a dining table. My entire downstairs aside from a couch and tv in the "dining room" is devoted to the daycare. We had to cut out the dining table and use the high counter/room divider to eat, but she has to eat on the coffee table because she can't reach and if I'm joining her for dinner I eat there as well.

I don't think saying "simply because its her house" is really fair. There is NOTHING simple about her having to share her mommy and her house. At the point we are at, she is miserable having a daycare here and I'm thinking about downsizing to help her through it. I'm trying to make her days as comfortable and positive as possible. She's pretty much in trouble or in tears all day long because she just can't handle it. You know how there are some kids who just aren't cut out for daycare? Well she's it. We are pretty sure she is Early Onset and needs special attention to cope with normal things, that I can't always give her because of the daycare.

So yea, I'm making a choice to be more lenient with her. She sits at the table while she eats, when she's done she has 2 choices. But I'm tired of her not wanting to be here because of all this. Its not fair or 'simple'.

[Blackcat31]

I don't think saying "simply because its her house" is really fair. There is NOTHING simple about her having to share her mommy and her house. .

But aren't ALL children that way? Of course it isn't fair.... no one wants to share their mommy, but if you worked outside the home, she would have to be a daycare kid somewhere and since you choose to work in the home, then you have to be fair to ALL kids in your care.

I'm not saying that you have to not put your child first but by giving in to her feelings that life isn't fair, is going to back fire on you.

Life isn't fair. period. You'd be doing your DD a big favor if you taught her to adapt to the world verses changing the world to adapt to her.

At the point we are at, she is miserable having a daycare here and I'm thinking about downsizing to help her through it. I'm trying to make her days as comfortable and positive as possible. She's pretty much in trouble or in tears all day long because she just can't handle it. You know how there are some kids who just aren't cut out for daycare? Well she's it. We are pretty sure she is Early Onset and needs special attention to cope with normal things, that I can't always give her because of the daycare.

So yea, I'm making a choice to be more lenient with her. She sits at the table while she eats, when she's done she has 2 choices. But I'm tired of her not wanting to be here because of all this. Its not fair or 'simple'.

If she is honestly having that much trouble, it may very well be time to call it quits and not bring anymore stress into her life by caring for other people's children.

Kids don't want to go to bed, they don't want to get up, they don't want to eat, they want to eat, they want the blue one, but now they want the red one, etc etc....

Given a choice there isn't a single kid in the world that WANTS their mom to do anything that doesn't involve catering to them...kwim? NO kid wants to be dropped off at daycare, NO kid wants to share their mom.

Making concessions so that things are more lenient for her might be why she has trouble with coping now. She doesn't know how to manage frustration and stress. She KNOWS you will change the world for her and she is waiting for you to do that now.

[Brooksie]

I'm sorry BC but my question was about table manners, not how to raise my child.

[daycarediva]

Everyone is required to sit properly in their chairs. No turning around, swinging their legs and/or putting their legs under their butts. Chewing with their mouths closed, please and thank you, no eating with their hands etc..

Table manners are taught, supported, demonstrated and enforced.

If they want to laugh and giggle and chat and have a ton of convos during meal time go head as long as it can be done while following the rules about manners. That's what dining with others is all about.

I do require them to stay seated properly and keep their cups and silverware in the designated areas for safety reasons.

What you described would result in being asked to leave the table until they can return and follow the rules.

Manners are our way of showing respect to others.

yup yup. I sit with the kids during meals. We sit the entire duration/until the last child is finished. We talk, laugh, giggle and all that, but we use manners, keep our hineys in the chairs and act respectful. We ask for things to be passed, use please and thank you, wipe our mouths, and say excuse me when we burp. We keep elbows off the table and don't bang silverware, wait our turn to talk, etc. The parents have all complimented this behavior when they see it and ALL of my dcp's expect their children to sit for the entire meal, help set and clear the table, etc now.

My only issue with you allowing your daughter to get up is that the expectations for all children should be the same. So if H can get up when she is finished eating, then you should allow I, J and K to as well.

[Brooksie]

yup yup. I sit with the kids during meals. We sit the entire duration/until the last child is finished. We talk, laugh, giggle and all that, but we use manners, keep our hineys in the chairs and act respectful. We ask for things to be passed, use please and thank you, wipe our mouths, and say excuse me when we burp. We keep elbows off the table and don't bang silverware, wait our turn to talk, etc. The parents have all complimented this behavior when they see it and ALL of my dcp's expect their children to sit for the entire meal, help set and clear the table, etc now.

My only issue with you allowing your daughter to get up is that the expectations for all children should be the same. So if H can get up when she is finished eating, then you should allow I, J and K to as well.

I only have one other child old enough to sit at the table and she takes FOREVER to eat. She never finishes before lunch is over. And her last day is the 27th.

[Unregistered]

I wouldn't worry about trying to teach table manner expectations of her then if she is leaving soon, and it is not expected for everyone. With new children coming in I would not expect any more from them, then I would expect from my own.

[Blackcat31]

I'm sorry BC but my question was about table manners, not how to raise my child.

Then why did you even bring your DD's issues up?

You have a tendency to do that. You post a question, add details and then get upset when someone gives you input that you either don't like or don't agree with.

I'm sorry if you are feeling offended.

I will not reply to your threads anymore.

[Msdunny]

How much wiggling and silliness do you allow at lunch? DD never sits, she's all over the place but whatever, its her house and I'm trying to be more lenient with her as far as making her conform to the day care. But I do try to encourage proper table manners. I have one kid who sits side ways in her chair and turns all around. I've been reminding her to mind her manners and that she needs to face the table and sit in her chair straight. The kids also joke and play which is fine but it bothers me when they have a mouth full of food and are making funny faces and cracking up. What table manners do you encourage and for what ages?

I'm sorry BC but my question was about table manners, not how to raise my child.

Please pardon my confusion, but based on your question above what are you asking for? If your dd is one of the children that is misbehaving, you address it. According to your other responses, you only have 2 kids at the table, correct? So are you asking how to get one child to use her manners while allowing your dd free reign? I am not sure that will happen, or if it does it will be very unfair in my opinion. I think it is totally ok to expect manners from a child who is going through a difficult time in their life. I have one dkb who is going through his parents divorcing and some very troubling circumstances at home; however I expect him to behave while he is with me. And I would expect the same, if not more, from my own children. Just my 2 cents.

[Shell]

How much wiggling and silliness do you allow at lunch? DD never sits, she's all over the place but whatever, its her house and I'm trying to be more lenient with her as far as making her conform to the day care. But I do try to encourage proper table manners. I have one kid who sits side ways in her chair and turns all around. I've been reminding her to mind her manners and that she needs to face the table and sit in her chair straight. The kids also joke and play which is fine but it bothers me when they have a mouth full of food and are making funny faces and cracking up. What table manners do you encourage and for what ages?

Some people might disagree with what I do, but you have to do what works best for your daycare and your own kids. My ds has a designated spot at the group table for lunch, but he also has his own chair/table in another room for when he needs space from the dc kids. This has only recently started, now that he is over 3 yrs. When he was younger, he always sat with the group, used proper manners, etc. I think sometimes our own kids need a break, so maybe you could do a similar thing? The other children understand that it is his table/chair (it's in the napping room), and no one really cares at all. Sometimes he sits with the group, sometimes by himself. Hth.

[cara041083]

I don't want to be mean or rude or anything of that nature. And I don't want you to be offended at all. But for example, if you have 4 kids (1 being your own) then It makes things alot harder if your child is allowed to do different things then the DCK. I have 3 almost 4 kids of my own. At my house, the DCK aren't allowed to go into my kids rooms (unless they are older and invited in by my child and by older I mean school age) But other wise my kids know that on the days that they are home, or if they want to be in the daycare area, then they have to follow the same rules of everyone else. My youngest is 15 months old, and so far since I make her follow the same rules of my DCK, She is growing up to be so much more respectful and follows directions so much better then my older two (age 4 and 8) because I didn't run a daycare then. IF your DD is having a hard time, then maybe do some activities that she can feel like she still has her mommy, as well as doing things with the DCK. Like crafts, or a picnic style lunch once a week with all the kids. That way you are still taking care of the kids as well as her. Because unfortunately, when kids see one being able to do one thing but they are expected not to, its going to have a domino effect. I do hope your daughter starts to have a better time and I do hope things get better for you also.

[MsLaura529]

I have a bunch of wigglers, too ... there are 2 that I am constantly helping them back onto their chairs the correct way, and scooching their chairs back in. Somehow, their chairs end up sideways to the table, or so close the the person's next to them they might as well be sitting in the same chair ... it gets frustrating. I just remind, over an over again "Feet in front of you, under the table please". I have one that likes to put his feet ON the table, which is a definite NO NO ... so he gets removed from the table and can try again when he thinks he is ready. (He is a stinker about it, too ... because he will look at me right as he's doing it, with a BIG smile on his face ... ergh!)

As far as silliness - I allow talking and laughing, but my own DS (2.5) has a tendency to make things TOO silly, where then everyone just gets crazy, yelling, talking with mouths full ... WHen he starts to do that, he goes to sit at our kitchen table (separate from the daycare, but I can still see him) to finish his lunch.