Should I Say No To Myself?

[Blackcat31]

it is hard to NOT want to be a little more flexible at times so that you can keep that family there. But in the end you will resent them and anger yourself for continuing to make all these exceptions. I used to be notorious for doing that.

Once I stopped thanks to the help of BC I found myself much happier doing DC and much better at explaining all of my daycare policies.

lovethislovethis to you!

I know at times I come across as cold or uncaring but nothing could be further from the truth. I care. I care a lot.

I care enough to help parents understand what it means to be a part of a group setting, I care enough to help parents see the harm they can do to their children by not working with their providers. I care enough to try and help other providers see that this job can be easy and enjoyable and that you don't have to be a doormat to entice and keep clients.

This is a very respectable and important job and I care enough to make sure I always keep my financial needs and the emotional stability of myself and the other kids (and parents) as separate issues.

Do I need money? Yes. We all do but that doesn't mean we have to do something that we can't physically, emotionally or legally.

We are SELF employed child care providers. We don't work for anyone other than ourselves. I DO take the requests from parents and their wishes as to how their child is raised into consideration but NEVER will one families wishes/beliefs be allowed to be MORE important than the group as a whole or my own family.

I provide a service. One that comes with emotions, attachments and feelings but that still doesn't mean the business side of this is negotiable.

If I can help a parent out with something that truly doesn't ask more of me than I am willing to give, I will gladly do so.

I've provided free care.
I've waived a late fee or charged less than normal
I've stayed late
I've opened early
I've given treats for nothing
I've done "special"

I HAVE done those things before and I will probably continue to do them. Not because a parent expects it but because I WANT to. But only if it really and truly works for me.

People shouldn't have to lose something in order to do something....kwim?
You shouldn't have to lose pay to be a professional
You shouldn't have to lose time with your family to give it to someone else's
You shouldn't have to feel guilty for not doing something that should be done by a parent
You shouldn't have to bend YOUR rules just to keep a family
You shouldn't have to say ok, when it's not.

This IS a tough job and sadly most providers don't make it.

One thing I do know is the ones who do make it are the ones who realize early on that every parent thinks they are "special" in their own way and you don't have to actually do all that special....you just have to figure out a way to communicate to those families that you care about them and want to build a good relationship but a good relationship goes TWO ways and a good relationship doesn't mean you (the provider) do all the giving while the parent reaps the rewards.

(Stepping down off my soapbox now )

[Shell]

it is hard to NOT want to be a little more flexible at times so that you can keep that family there. But in the end you will resent them and anger yourself for continuing to make all these exceptions. I used to be notorious for doing that.
This was me until I found this forum, got enraged at all the "special" I was giving, and finally put my foot down.

Once I stopped thanks to the help of BC I found myself much happier doing DC and much better at explaining all of my daycare policies.

There are many others that have offered excellent advice, but BC is definitely one of the best

[daycare]

lovethislovethis to you!

I know at times I come across as cold or uncaring but nothing could be further from the truth. I care. I care a lot.

I care enough to help parents understand what it means to be a part of a group setting, I care enough to help parents see the harm they can do to their children by not working with their providers. I care enough to try and help other providers see that this job can be easy and enjoyable and that you don't have to be a doormat to entice and keep clients.

This is a very respectable and important job and I care enough to make sure I always keep my financial needs and the emotional stability of myself and the other kids (and parents) as separate issues.

Do I need money? Yes. We all do but that doesn't mean we have to do something that we can't physically, emotionally or legally.

We are SELF employed child care providers. We don't work for anyone other than ourselves. I DO take the requests from parents and their wishes as to how their child is raised into consideration but NEVER will one families wishes/beliefs be allowed to be MORE important than the group as a whole or my own family.

I provide a service. One that comes with emotions, attachments and feelings but that still doesn't mean the business side of this is negotiable.

If I can help a parent out with something that truly doesn't ask more of me than I am willing to give, I will gladly do so.

I've provided free care.
I've waived a late fee or charged less than normal
I've stayed late
I've opened early
I've given treats for nothing
I've done "special"

I HAVE done those things before and I will probably continue to do them. Not because a parent expects it but because I WANT to. But only if it really and truly works for me.

People shouldn't have to lose something in order to do something....kwim?
You shouldn't have to lose pay to be a professional
You shouldn't have to lose time with your family to give it to someone else's
You shouldn't have to feel guilty for not doing something that should be done by a parent
You shouldn't have to bend YOUR rules just to keep a family
You shouldn't have to say ok, when it's not.

This IS a tough job and sadly most providers don't make it.

One thing I do know is the ones who do make it are the ones who realize early on that every parent thinks they are "special" in their own way and you don't have to actually do all that special....you just have to figure out a way to communicate to those families that you care about them and want to build a good relationship but a good relationship goes TWO ways and a good relationship doesn't mean you (the provider) do all the giving while the parent reaps the rewards.

(Stepping down off my soapbox now )

BC....... this was an awesome post. I read this to my husband and assts. They all could not agree more.

BUT never have I ever thought that you were being cold or uncaring. You are very straight forward and SAY what needs to be SAID. There has never been a time that I ever thought that you were not being sensitive to my feelings about my post.

like you said, this business involves our emotions and it's hard to learn to be able to put them aside and always see things from a business perspective.

your words of wisdom have really benefit a lot of us. You have helped me find my strength aka back bone and find confidence within. I work great with the kids, I am fully confident there, but when it comes to parents, well that's a whole different story.

Thank you for being an important member of this site..

[MCC]

BC....... this was an awesome post. I read this to my husband and assts. They all could not agree more.

BUT never have I ever thought that you were being cold or uncaring. You are very straight forward and SAY what needs to be SAID. There has never been a time that I ever thought that you were not being sensitive to my feelings about my post.

like you said, this business involves our emotions and it's hard to learn to be able to put them aside and always see things from a business perspective.

your words of wisdom have really benefit a lot of us. You have helped me find my strength aka back bone and find confidence within. I work great with the kids, I am fully confident there, but when it comes to parents, well that's a whole different story.

Thank you for being an important member of this site..

I second all of this. I also have never fealt that you were being cold in any way. I can not tell you how many times I have googled a question and a response from you on this site pops up. You are an one amazing lady, and I have learned so much from you over the past year.

Thank you so much for taking your time to write out that response, and always taking your time with me in the past to figure out situations.

[TwinKristi]

It's hard to say... I mean I'm pretty flexible and don't really charge late fees, even though I should. I'm down to 2 families after next month and I really can't afford to lose another not that I'm worried about losing them but it would be really impossible for me to stay open otherwise. I am pretty flexible with drop offs and pickups and schedule changes but that's not what I pride myself on or anything. It's just what's developed with the families I have right now based on their need. The other family who's leaving is going to a preschool so they're even less flexible with their policies. It's not like my policies are so flexible people are coming to me for that. It's based on a need basis. I think with future clients I will be more firm. I already am getting firm on extra time with my hourly client. I also think I may charge a monthly tuition rather than a daily rate and an annual registration fee in 2014. Offer a discount based on 5 days a week clients and if they pay in full monthly. Charge a late fee it a payment is late, etc. I've been far too nice for too long. I have never charged a late fee either even though I've had 2 families leave me hanging a couple times. I should have bugged more because she honestly forgot and came over after work (DCD picks up) and the other was just forgetful once but I'm sure if I said "well there's a $X late payment few if it's not here by 6pm" than I would have had my payment that day! LOL instead she paid me the next day... But forgot... And forgot the next day again! Finally remembered the 3rd day. But technically it was for a drop-in day mid month and she's prepaid for the month so I felt rude. Anyway, I'm getting better.