Long post about first term :(

[Unregistered]

If you truly need the money and absolutely can't afford to term, then you need to put your foot down and tell mom how things are going to be in the future.

"Your children will be ready to go at XXX time. I will hand baby to you, and you can take him to the car. Then, you may come back and I will hand "brat" to you, and you can take him to the car. There will be no more extended pick ups. Your children will be handed to you on the front steps, NOT indoors. Please don't even come in the door at pick up time, because your son is trying to grab power from the adults here, and I am no longer willing to tolerate this behavior. As much as I would like to keep you as a client, I am not longer willing to allow your child the power to tantrum and ruin everyone's day. If this is acceptable to you, please sign here:_____. If this is not acceptable to you, then consider this letter to be your notice of immediate termination from my program."

Honestly, I would give a family a chance to adhere to some reasonable rules (which you have already done) before terming. Since parents are resistant to respecting you and your business, I think it's time to term, myself. Mom is disrespectful, child is out-of-control, and Mom is not at all interested in working on it. I would not have taken it for this long, and I would not take it for a moment longer.

I'm not worried so much about the money as I'm confident I can fill the spots pretty quickly. Daycare is in high demand in my neighbourhood.

I have tried something similar to what you have suggested but mom just never sticks to anything. And to be honest,I would be worried about what dcb is doing back in the house while I'm handing over baby. He also is very aggressive if baby is picked up first, he always HAS to be FIRST! Also, they only live a half a block away so walk to and from daycare. On at least two occasions he has run off into the street while mom is getting baby ready.

Thank you for the suggestion and I wish I had the motivation to try one more thing but I'm ready to move on and terminate the contract.


Aargh! This part of the business is so hard

[Leigh]

I'm not worried so much about the money as I'm confident I can fill the spots pretty quickly. Daycare is in high demand in my neighbourhood.

I have tried something similar to what you have suggested but mom just never sticks to anything. And to be honest,I would be worried about what dcb is doing back in the house while I'm handing over baby. He also is very aggressive if baby is picked up first, he always HAS to be FIRST! Also, they only live a half a block away so walk to and from daycare. On at least two occasions he has run off into the street while mom is getting baby ready.

Thank you for the suggestion and I wish I had the motivation to try one more thing but I'm ready to move on and terminate the contract.


Aargh! This part of the business is so hard

Since you have made the decision to term (and good for you-it sounds like the right thing to do), I would still suggest you put your foot down and stop letting it happen. Stop letting mom in your home, and have the kids ready at the front door. If behaviors still occur, gently push the child out the door and close it. Make it HER problem, not yours.

[Blackcat31]

It hadn't occurred to me that they may go to licensing. What grounds do they have for compliant?

They don't need to have grounds for anything.


A termed parent can make up ANYTHING they want and the simple reporting of that lie would warrant a visit/investigation into you and your program.

ALWAYS be pro-active when terming a family. Call your licensor and tell her exactly what you have told us and that you are terming.

Then when the parent does decide to call and report you, you have already proven that it was in retaliation to the termination.


HTH

[Unregistered]

Dear ____________,

This is your formal immediate termination notice. I am unable to keep the children (names) after (whatever date). The reason for termination is that I feel that the situation with (4yodck) has gotten out of hand. Your refusal to work with any of my suggestions and allowing him to continue to behave the way he does is not acceptable and has created a dangerous situation for the rest of the children I have in care. I hope you can find suitable care for both the children that better meets your needs.


Sincerely,

You.


I WOULD write it like that because if the parent had problems with a previous daycare and now you and they refuse to acknowledge the 4yo kids' behavior, then the problem lies with THEM and someone needs to point this out. Keep a copy of the letter in case they do try to retaliate.

First, I have been in similar situations. This girl I had (4.5 yo also and then a 1yo baby) did not want to cooperate with anything her mother said and did. The 1 yo had an evil cry! It scared me how long it could go on. The older would kick, scream, yell and throw things at pickup. EVERY DAY. I finally did what *I* wanted and not what the parent wanted. I got that child ready every day right before pickup time. Then *I* simply had the other kids follow me and I put the kid in the carseat and said goodbye. I'm in a warm climate and had a fenced front yard so no biggie for me to do this. Mom did not agree with me the first time I did it, but the kid wasn't about to kick ME. Her MOM might have been ridiculous enough to let her get away with that crap, but I was not going to allow it any more. I was sick of it. This worked like a charm for several months but the kid still acted up. I put up with a lot until the child acted up in my home and threw a block at my kid's head on purpose. Mom didn't want to acknowledge what happened and tried to dismiss my concern. So I termed ON the spot.

They DID go to CPS, but I beat her to it. I had that 'feeling' that she'd call on me so I explained to licensing what happened and WHY I finally termed. Licensing said "Wow you're patient, I would have termed after the first week!" When dcm finally called them, it was already on record that this was a retaliation. HOWEVER, that said, the state still had to come investigate; of course her false allegations were found out and my case was "unfounded".

People who don't want to acknowledge their kids' wrongdoings are doing a huge disservice to the new generations and they will see it in time. Of course, that'll be after the kid does something terrible and ends up hurting someone or going to jail or worse.

[nannyde]

As far as I know he wasn't terminated from his previous school. His parents pulled him out because it was too far and he would cry at drop off. They are really happy here because he no longer cries at drop off and it doesn't seem to bother them when he is aggressive at pickup.

Thank you everyone for your responses. You gave me the courage to finally make the decision. I will hand DCD a term letter at drop off on Tuesday, with 4 weeks notice. I did implement a new behaviour policy a couple of months ago when his behaviour escalated which states that I can term with immediate effect. So,I will put something in the letter that if there is one more violent outburst in that 4 week period, he will not be able to return the next day.

I did refer them to a behaviour therapist a few weeks ago so they are aware that he needs more help than I can give him. Unfortunately, they have not shared what the therapist suggested with me. They also seem to be dismissing the therapist already, saying she wasn't very helpful. Maybe terming will finally help them to take this seriously.

I know most people have agreed that I should term immediately but this feels like the right thing for me to do.

I'm sad that it has come to this but it's the best thing for all concerned.

It hadn't occurred to me that they may go to licensing. What grounds do they have for compliant?

He will have an outburst immediately. He doesn't understand term but mom does and she is going to beg him to be good, bribe him, or be very angry about being told no. All three of these will escalate him. He won't get why the energy is different but he will seize the moment and go for it.

So be prepared for an ugly deal that day. It will most likely happen at whatever frequency he has been blowing up. If that is every other day then it will happen on day one or two.

Get their stuff packed and within reach. Give back everything you possibly can the first drop off so you have little left to return. Make sure you have EVERYTHING for both kids. If you owe them money make sure you have that check written every day with their remaining balance. You want to do a QUICK we are done with zero communication after the blow up.

Call licensing and let them know you are terming. Tell the Mom you called them so they would be aware of the issues.

Don't apologize. Just let her know that he needs a different environment and he will do GREAT. Good luck. If they need care for the baby you could offer that but they would have to sign an agreement that the older child will not ever step foot on your property or be in a car on your property.

[MissAnn]

I think you should call his previous childcare program. My licensor encouraged me to do this with a child. This will also give you background to discuss with your licensor should she file a complaint. A paper trail. I know she said the distance was the problem.....but she would not tell you otherwise. I always ask for previous childcare phone numbers and yes I do call. One family would not give it to me, so I told them I could not provide care. I was once investigated and had to close my program during investigation. You can't be too careful.

[nannyde]

I think you should call his previous childcare program. My licensor encouraged me to do this with a child. This will also give you background to discuss with your licensor should she file a complaint. A paper trail. I know she said the distance was the problem.....but she would not tell you otherwise. I always ask for previous childcare phone numbers and yes I do call. One family would not give it to me, so I told them I could not provide care. I was once investigated and had to close my program during investigation. You can't be too careful.

He's been with op for a year. It would be interesting to know his history but it wouldn't really help.

[SunnyDay]

Thank you everyone for your responses. You gave me the courage to finally make the decision. I will hand DCD a term letter at drop off on Tuesday, with 4 weeks notice. I did implement a new behaviour policy a couple of months ago when his behaviour escalated which states that I can term with immediate effect. So,I will put something in the letter that if there is one more violent outburst in that 4 week period, he will not be able to return the next day.

Please don't put yourself and your daycare kids in danger for another 4 weeks. Can you imagine what your other daycare parents would think if they saw his behavior? I would not bring my child back after witnessing his outbursts.