I Had To Term My First Child ;(

[godiva83]

Well, I just handed over my termination papers to one of my DCP. This is the first time in over 10 years of running a centre where I had to let someone go.

This boy was p/t and 16 months and all he has done since September is scream and cry unless being held. He wouldn't nap unless someone laid down with him and just made it very difficult on everyone here. I tried everything from working with the parents, trying every tactic to make it work but in the end the parents didn't want to send him more days to make transition easier and I just didn't feel we were the right fit.

DCM was in tears and begging me to try for another month. She said that this would be the 2nd daycare he was asked to leave and she doesn't know what to do. Even family members or care in her house wasn't working.
I felt awful, but for everyone's well being I had to stay strong and let him go
I hope I did the right thing!!
I had to hand the paper to DCM this morning sadly because DCD is picking up and he would toss it

[daycare]

Well, I just handed over my termination papers to one of my DCP. This is the first time in over 10 years of running a centre where I had to let someone go.

This boy was p/t and 16 months and all he has done since September is scream and cry unless being held. He wouldn't nap unless someone laid down with him and just made it very difficult on everyone here. I tried everything from working with the parents, trying every tactic to make it work but in the end the parents didn't want to send him more days to make transition easier and I just didn't feel we were the right fit.

DCM was in tears and begging me to try for another month. She said that this would be the 2nd daycare he was asked to leave and she doesn't know what to do. Even family members or care in her house wasn't working.
I felt awful, but for everyone's well being I had to stay strong and let him go
I hope I did the right thing!!
I had to hand the paper to DCM this morning sadly because DCD is picking up and he would toss it

.......sorry that you are having a bad start to your day. You did the right thing not only for you, but for the other children in your care as well as the child you let go.

Perhaps the parents will see that they need to step up and start doing something about the child's behavior. Sometimes it takes things like this happening for parents to realize that they need to change things.

\TGIF.........................................

[Cradle2crayons]

I agree. :hug::hug: to you!! But you DEFINATELY did he right thing even though I know it was hard.

Remember, in the end, if he parents can't be on the same page and do the work at home that needs to be done, te child will never find a daycare that's a good fit.

[countrymom]

I termed someone in sept. it took 8 yrs before I ever had to term. I just don't do lying or too many caregivers in a childs life (no consistancy)

[caregiver]

.......sorry that you are having a bad start to your day. You did the right thing not only for you, but for the other children in your care as well as the child you let go.

Perhaps the parents will see that they need to step up and start doing something about the child's behavior. Sometimes it takes things like this happening for parents to realize that they need to change things.

\TGIF.........................................

You did the right thing! Sometimes you just have to do this and don't feel bad or guilty about it at all, you did your best to solve the problem, and when parents don't want to help the situation,then you did what is best for you and the others in your care. Hopefully the parents will realize what they need to do to be able to have a daycare that can tolerate their child. I have had to do this more then a few times in my 20+ years of doing daycare, it's hard, but in the end it's better for you and less stress. Nothing more stressful then a screaming child all day!

[Blackcat31]

I'm sorry. I know these types of situations can be tough.

Honestly though it is the parents who really need to figure out what to do. Whether that means one of them quits their job or they figure out rotating schedules....it really doesn't matter...the child has a need and that isn't getting addressed and the parents are just going to have to make it a priority to fix it.

Leaving it to the daycare provider is just not acceptable or okay.

I'm sorry you are having to deal with this at all and I am sorry that it has come to a termination issue....especially because it is a long time family. It definitely makes it tougher.

(((hugs))) it WILL be ok. You did the right thing.

[godiva83]

Thanks everyone, your support is very much appreciated. She called in tears again just not knowing what to do and now she wants to try all my advice like sending him more than twice a week with out the gap
He come Wed and Fri only so he'll never get it at that rate.
She offered to increase my daily rate by $20, picking him up early dropping him off later. I feel awful I truly do, but I don't know if I have it in me to make it work ... What should I do try to work with this family or stick to my guns?

[butterfly]

Thanks everyone, your support is very much appreciated. She called in tears again just not knowing what to do and now she wants to try all my advice like sending him more than twice a week with out the gap
He come Wed and Fri only so he'll never get it at that rate.
She offered to increase my daily rate by $20, picking him up early dropping him off later. I feel awful I truly do, but I don't know if I have it in me to make it work ... What should I do try to work with this family or stick to my guns?

First of all, this says a great deal about you as a provider. Most parents would be ticked and pull immediately, they wouldn't offer all that this parent is offering. I think that should tell you how much they value you as a provider.

But, it's probably best to be done with this situation.

I have a fix the world mentality and often crumble in these situations. You could offer a trial period of X days or weeks with these new proposed changes. Put it in writing so there is no confusion.

Do you have other staff? I would talk it over with the staff too. It has to be wearing on them as well. If it's going to cause staff unnecessary stress, it just isn't worth it.

:hug:

[Blackcat31]

Thanks everyone, your support is very much appreciated. She called in tears again just not knowing what to do and now she wants to try all my advice like sending him more than twice a week with out the gap
He come Wed and Fri only so he'll never get it at that rate.
She offered to increase my daily rate by $20, picking him up early dropping him off later. I feel awful I truly do, but I don't know if I have it in me to make it work ... What should I do try to work with this family or stick to my guns?

Honestly, I would just reply and tell her you are sorry but you just don't have anything left to give. It has come to the point where you just can't afford to give anymore time and/or effort without taking from the other kids and your own sanity.

You can continue to sympathize with her because I am sure it is hard but again, it isn't YOUR issue to solve or fix.

I understand that mom is now willing to try but in a way that is kind of a slap in the face to you because she wasn't open to working with you before but now that you have termed her, she suddenly wants to try now..... Sorry, but I don't buy that.

Just stand your ground. I think if you go back to caring for him, you will regret it.

[Moppetland]

It's always good to stick with your policies and to be firm on your termination. But I was in your shoes once.

I gave a parent a two-week notice because she was so adamant on me changing my policies for her. It's amazing what a parent would do once you tell her to find care elsewhere.

She immediately told me that she does not want to take her child out of my care and she will follow whatever I need her to do. I was really looking forward to terminating her because I knew from the beginning that I shouldn't have taken her business. But when I saw the sincerity, I gave her another chance.

She ended up being one of my best parents. Her DCD came into my care at 12 mos. old and stayed until she turned 3 years old. They moved, and that's why she had to leave.

You are in control, and you know if that parent is sincere or not. If you are considering giving her another chance, I would give her a 2-week probation to see if it will work out with the child coming more days. I would let her know that if things haven't changed in those 2 weeks, then she knows she'll have to find care elsewhere. That's my suggestion to you.

[godiva83]

Thanks again all very solid advice.
I am going to stick to my guns. You are right she has offered a lot and I never doubted she appreciated me but it's almost a little too late, where were these offers if figuring out a plan for her son in the first place, it shouldn't take a 'term' letter to take situations seriously.

I am going to think things through really well during nap and return her call.

I do hope things work out for them! They are a really nice family and it must be awful knowing your kiddo just isn't coping despite strong efforts to help

[cheerfuldom]

Don't give in. If the parents have already told you no other babysitter or family member can figure this kid out, nothing is going to change by keeping him in care. He is high needs and needs a parent that is able to one-on-one care for him 24/7. Some kids are like that and it is the parents responsibility to figure this out, not yours.

[caregiver]

Honestly, I would just reply and tell her you are sorry but you just don't have anything left to give. It has come to the point where you just can't afford to give anymore time and/or effort without taking from the other kids and your own sanity.

You can continue to sympathize with her because I am sure it is hard but again, it isn't YOUR issue to solve or fix.

I understand that mom is now willing to try but in a way that is kind of a slap in the face to you because she wasn't open to working with you before but now that you have termed her, she suddenly wants to try now..... Sorry, but I don't buy that.

Just stand your ground. I think if you go back to caring for him, you will regret it.

Totally agree with Blackcat!

[My3cents]

Thanks everyone, your support is very much appreciated. She called in tears again just not knowing what to do and now she wants to try all my advice like sending him more than twice a week with out the gap
He come Wed and Fri only so he'll never get it at that rate.
She offered to increase my daily rate by $20, picking him up early dropping him off later. I feel awful I truly do, but I don't know if I have it in me to make it work ... What should I do try to work with this family or stick to my guns?

First of all- it does sound like this child thrives on routine and being part time he doesn't get it. Next- Evaluation from Dr. Have his ears checked.

If you decide to try again have it be on your terms. Group care is not the same as one on one care and it takes time to establish routine (most kids do best on routine) I would give it a try if the parent was willing to come everyday, increase pricing- so you can have more help, and love the idea of early pick up. Sounds like this parent is willing to work with you and wants what is best for this kiddo.

If it is conflict between you and child, or you and parent- then give it up and move on. Sometimes we are just not good fits and that is ok.

Best-

[My3cents]

Honestly, I would just reply and tell her you are sorry but you just don't have anything left to give. It has come to the point where you just can't afford to give anymore time and/or effort without taking from the other kids and your own sanity.

You can continue to sympathize with her because I am sure it is hard but again, it isn't YOUR issue to solve or fix.

I understand that mom is now willing to try but in a way that is kind of a slap in the face to you because she wasn't open to working with you before but now that you have termed her, she suddenly wants to try now..... Sorry, but I don't buy that.

Just stand your ground. I think if you go back to caring for him, you will regret it.

I see and understand this point too. It is very different from what I just advised to you. Only you know- I would base my decision on your other staff members and your group. I am a high fighter for the kids and trying to make it work- but I also know my limits and when it is time to say no more and let it go. I also know it is ok to say NO More- I wish you the best-