Dad Here, Mom There

[daycare]

Today at nap time I get a phone call from one of the dcks parents. IT just so happens that this DCM lives out of state. Her child is enrolled here with dcd.

DCM says to me, I want to know why I am not being updated on my child, you told me that you were going to do that. Um I thought that you were, you should be getting my emails.

DCM:Well I have not had one in about 10 months.

me: Ok, well then you should have told me this. I was under the impression that you were getting them. After all, I have been sending them to this address XXXXXX@xx.com

As our conversation comes to an end, she tells me that she expects me to call her and keep her updated with information regarding her child. Then she says I know dcd pays the bill, but I have to pay him childsupport and I want to see how much of my money goes to DC. Ok well I send out monthly invoices is he not sharing those with you? DCM: no

Then she says, well I am giving him a lot more. I want to start paying you and not him. how can I do this?

I tell dcm, sorry, I would love to sit and chat with you more, but I have a kid that needs my attention right now. 5 minutes later, I get an email asking the same stuff.


any advice on what to do here. Of course I am not going to call this dcm, but I did tell her that she is always welcome to call me or email me any question or concerns that she may have. But then as I start to think about it, I don't want to he having to deal with her calling every day.

Does anyone have any ideas on how to deal with this in a good way??

thanks

[BrooklynM]

I love the Baby Connect app. I never have any issues with parents not feeling like I don't communicate because I put everything into the app. You can download pictures and everything right into the app. I LOVE LOVE LOVE it! She can download the app on her smart phone and see all of the updates. No more emailing, etc, if she wants to know, she can access the app herself anytime. I do tell my DCP's that if you see your child hasn't eaten or been changed for a while not to panic, no kid is ever hungry or walking around poopy, I just maybe haven't had a chance to update the app. Then when I get a chance, I go back and change the time to when they were fed or changed.

As far as everything else goes, this is a tough spot for you. I would talk to DCD and ask him if he would like to continue paying you or should you let the DCM pay you. Let him know you don't care who pays just as long as you are paid and make a little joke about it. Keep a good relationship with the dad, he probably really needs you and hopefully appreciates you. You will also have to comply with the mom as well if you don't want to risk losing the DCK. You are an important piece of this child's life, so I woud keep the peace if you enjoy the child and the dad is cool.

Good luck!

[daycare]

all of my kids here are 2 and up except 1.

I have thought about using an app like that, but I already use a different tracking program and I like emailing them so that I always have proper documentation.

I don't usually accept payments from two parties, but I may lose the kid if I don't.

[BrooklynM]

Yeah, if you don't use the app for all of them then it wouldn't be worth it. Maybe she would be happy if you texted her 1 picture a day or something? Sounds like she is the bread winner working type that probably didn't want to be a Mommy maybe, but maybe he did or it just happened. I have some friends like that. The dad stays home and she works. It really works for them. Just make sure she knows you love their child so she is reassured the child is in good hands. To her maybe you are a bit faceless, someone that she feels is getting some of her money. Maybe she needs to remember that you are the one that is primarily raising her baby- in a nice way of course.

[NeedaVaca]

If you have already been emailing her then continuing to do that wouldn't be a problem right? Sounds like she has a new email address so just start sending everything to that one and include an attachment of the invoice each month.

[daycare]

Yeah, if you don't use the app for all of them then it wouldn't be worth it. Maybe she would be happy if you texted her 1 picture a day or something? Sounds like she is the bread winner working type that probably didn't want to be a Mommy maybe, but maybe he did or it just happened. I have some friends like that. The dad stays home and she works. It really works for them. Just make sure she knows you love their child so she is reassured the child is in good hands. To her maybe you are a bit faceless, someone that she feels is getting some of her money. Maybe she needs to remember that you are the one that is primarily raising her baby- in a nice way of course.

the conversation was a bit odd or maybe uncomfortable for me. She was questioning a lot of stuff like why are my rates so high, why this why that. Then said she googled the average cost of DC for my area and my rates are very expensive. I told her that was not true and I wanted to know where she found that information because I am right in the going rate with what I charge. she could not give me an answer where she got the information from.


I want to be helpful and of course, I dont know what the issues between the parents are and I don't want to know either. So I pretty much just didn't answer a lot of her questions, which I think made her mad...

Maybe I can just shoot her some pics and send her an email at the end of the week........just more work for me.

I give dcd a verbal update daily unless it's something that I really need to have documented.

[daycare]

If you have already been emailing her then continuing to do that wouldn't be a problem right? Sounds like she has a new email address so just start sending everything to that one and include an attachment of the invoice each month.

yeah I plan to do that, but most of those emails are not about her kid. They are more like general information for the entire preschool.

it's a weekly newsletter telling the parents about what we are going to do the next week. They go home every Friday or on Sunday. stuff about our curriculum, closings, and etc.

[spinnymarie]

I've had this exact problem as a K teacher - parents are divorced, dad has custody, mom calls ME bc she 'isnt getting any info' etc.
Honestly, your contract is with DAD, correct? So it is HIS job to relay info, not yours. I would tell him about this contact with mom, and ask him what to do/tell him what you are comfortable with. I'm guessing he is sending all the info or there is some reason he isn't.
I'd put all this on HIM, this is not your communication problem, it's theirs.

[craftymissbeth]

I've had this exact problem as a K teacher - parents are divorced, dad has custody, mom calls ME bc she 'isnt getting any info' etc.
Honestly, your contract is with DAD, correct? So it is HIS job to relay info, not yours. I would tell him about this contact with mom, and ask him what to do/tell him what you are comfortable with. I'm guessing he is sending all the info or there is some reason he isn't.
I'd put all this on HIM, this is not your communication problem, it's theirs.

Especially as far as the money issue goes. If she's not on the contract then she needs to figure things out with dad.

[Angelsj]

If you have divorced parents, you need a copy of the custody arrangements. Once you have those, you could decide what information you can/ are willing to provide each parent and how often. Write that down and give it to both mom and dad and ask them to sign off on it.
Maybe dad is ok with it all, and so is the court, so you could tell mom, "I will send you a daily email with *this* information."
Maybe not on both counts, in which case you need to tell mom, "I cannot send you any information. You will have to get that from dad."

Either way, it is your business. Once you have the legality in front of you, YOU decide what will work for you and present it that way. If she is questioning your prices, tell her she can talk to dad about looking elsewhere, but those are the prices. Don't argue with her or negotiate. Do what is legal and what works out for you.

[sharlan]

I have a set of separated parents, not legally divorced, been separated for several years. I only deal with the dad as far as money goes. If the mom asks anything about money I refer her to the dad.

I tell her about the child as she picks up 50% of the time.

I would send emails to the mom with the dad's knowledge, but I would not call her.

[JoseyJo]

Personally I wouldn't talk to or email this DCM at all. Your contract is with DCD. IMO all correspondence should go to him and HE can send her what he wants to. It is really risky getting into the middle of divorced parents. She could cause problems for you just to get back at DCD.

On a personal note -We have custody of my step son and I would be mad as hell if his mom called our DCprovider and the provider gave her any info at all. (when they were in daycare, and in elementary school we made sure to always tell the dcprovider or school that biomom did not have custody and was to get no info). Not sure what DCD has told you about this but I would DEF put it back on him.

[daycare]

the parents were never married and split on bad terms. There is nothing in writing with the courts. As far as I know, DCD has full custody. Him and mom work out the child support and other stuff.

thank you all for your advice. I do agree that it should all fall back on the dad. I do have the contract with him and I do tell him about his child's day at pick up. I really don't have much to relay as the child is pretty well behaved and normally it's just rants about how well he did for the day.

So do you think that letting the dcm all me to ask question is not a good idea? I mean it is her child.

[sharlan]

the parents were never married and split on bad terms. There is nothing in writing with the courts. As far as I know, DCD has full custody. Him and mom work out the child support and other stuff.

thank you all for your advice. I do agree that it should all fall back on the dad. I do have the contract with him and I do tell him about his child's day at pick up. I really don't have much to relay as the child is pretty well behaved and normally it's just rants about how well he did for the day.

So do you think that letting the dcm all me to ask question is not a good idea? I mean it is her child.

Talk to the dad, see what he wants you to do. He is the one with custody.

[spinnymarie]

the parents were never married and split on bad terms. There is nothing in writing with the courts. As far as I know, DCD has full custody. Him and mom work out the child support and other stuff.

thank you all for your advice. I do agree that it should all fall back on the dad. I do have the contract with him and I do tell him about his child's day at pick up. I really don't have much to relay as the child is pretty well behaved and normally it's just rants about how well he did for the day.

So do you think that letting the dcm all me to ask question is not a good idea? I mean it is her child.

I think not only is it above and beyond what your job entails, it could also be something where she is actually using you to dig for info to take dad back to court for something (like the comment about how much you charge and how much she pays made me wonder about that). I just wouldn't want to be involved, so I'd ask her to discuss those matters with him, as your contract is only with him.