Lack of Communication, Let Alone No Compassion

[spud912]

So my grandpa's health has been really declining the past couple of months due to renal failure. He would be 103 this Monday so I can't say it's a surprise...we knew this day would come. I moved mountains a month and a half ago and got a day off so I could go visit with him (at the time we thought he only had a couple of weeks to live, but apparently he kept going). This past weekend my dad calls me from Vegas (he was visiting with him) and tells me that my grandpa has a special gift for my dd and was wondering if I could make it out this upcoming weekend. I told him I would see what I could do but couldn't make any promises.

Yesterday, I get a text from my cousin....apparently my grandpa has declined and is in complete renal failure. He stopped urinating several days ago and was in the process of being taken into hospice. Obviously, I decided to definitely take my daughters this weekend to visit with him. Since I'm driving alone and I'm leaving after the last child leaves on Friday, I wanted to text my families to see if it's possible if anyone can pick up early.

I get one text from a truly wonderful mom that she will keep her daughter home that day and if I need to leave earlier she has no problem keeping her home other days as well. She also sent a heartfelt sorry and a card of condolences. I get an email from another parent (who is also really great) that they are sorry and they will pick up their son asap after nap time.

The other parents from the other two families? NO response from the text. NO "ok we are going to pick up our child at ____ time" or "no problem." No "sorry about your loss." At drop off this morning, the parents wouldn't even make eye contact with me and didn't say a thing. I want to text them and ask if they received my text or something. Maybe a text asking what time they plan on picking up their child on Friday. Something! What would you all do?

On top of it all, I'm so upset because it turns out my grandpa is gargling his language and is no longer able to recognize people. The doctors gave him five days at the most, so he may not even be alive by Friday. It turns out he wanted to give my oldest daughter my grandma's Purple Medal of Honor she received from being a Wasp pilot in World War II. I'm so sad that the girls will not be able to see him again . I'm not trying to fish for compassion but I would like at least a response to my text! These parents normally try to participate in our activities and do bring in supplies sometimes, so maybe they don't know what to say. Still, a simple response would have been adequate. Am I being unfair?

[KSDC]

I am sorry for your loss. ((((HUGS))))

[LaLa1923]

So my grandpa's health has been really declining the past couple of months due to renal failure. He would be 103 this Monday so I can't say it's a surprise...we knew this day would come. I moved mountains a month and a half ago and got a day off so I could go visit with him (at the time we thought he only had a couple of weeks to live, but apparently he kept going). This past weekend my dad calls me from Vegas (he was visiting with him) and tells me that my grandpa has a special gift for my dd and was wondering if I could make it out this upcoming weekend. I told him I would see what I could do but couldn't make any promises.

Yesterday, I get a text from my cousin....apparently my grandpa has declined and is in complete renal failure. He stopped urinating several days ago and was in the process of being taken into hospice. Obviously, I decided to definitely take my daughters this weekend to visit with him. Since I'm driving alone and I'm leaving after the last child leaves on Friday, I wanted to text my families to see if it's possible if anyone can pick up early.

I get one text from a truly wonderful mom that she will keep her daughter home that day and if I need to leave earlier she has no problem keeping her home other days as well. She also sent a heartfelt sorry and a card of condolences. I get an email from another parent (who is also really great) that they are sorry and they will pick up their son asap after nap time.

The other parents from the other two families? NO response from the text. NO "ok we are going to pick up our child at ____ time" or "no problem." No "sorry about your loss." At drop off this morning, the parents wouldn't even make eye contact with me and didn't say a thing. I want to text them and ask if they received my text or something. Maybe a text asking what time they plan on picking up their child on Friday. Something! What would you all do?

On top of it all, I'm so upset because it turns out my grandpa is gargling his language and is no longer able to recognize people. The doctors gave him five days at the most, so he may not even be alive by Friday. It turns out he wanted to give my oldest daughter my grandma's Purple Medal of Honor she received from being a Wasp pilot in World War II. I'm so sad that the girls will not be able to see him again . I'm not trying to fish for compassion but I would like at least a response to my text! These parents normally try to participate in our activities and do bring in supplies sometimes, so maybe they don't know what to say. Still, a simple response would have been adequate. Am I being unfair?

Honestly, you gotta do whats right for you and your family. I would close now and leave. These are moments you won't ever get back.

I lost my brother a week ago in a very sudden and tragic way. I'd give anything to be able to tell him goodbye. Even if he can't recognize you he will know it's you and hear everything you say.

I had to close immediately and decided to let the chips fall as they will. Every parent was very nice and empathetic. I did not loose any kids, but if I had...oh well. I wouldn't want them in my dc.

I am so sorry you're going through this right now.

Do what you need to do. Take care of you!

My thoughts and prayers are with you. :hug::hug:

[Blackcat31]

So my grandpa's health has been really declining the past couple of months due to renal failure. He would be 103 this Monday so I can't say it's a surprise...we knew this day would come. I moved mountains a month and a half ago and got a day off so I could go visit with him (at the time we thought he only had a couple of weeks to live, but apparently he kept going). This past weekend my dad calls me from Vegas (he was visiting with him) and tells me that my grandpa has a special gift for my dd and was wondering if I could make it out this upcoming weekend. I told him I would see what I could do but couldn't make any promises.

Yesterday, I get a text from my cousin....apparently my grandpa has declined and is in complete renal failure. He stopped urinating several days ago and was in the process of being taken into hospice. Obviously, I decided to definitely take my daughters this weekend to visit with him. Since I'm driving alone and I'm leaving after the last child leaves on Friday, I wanted to text my families to see if it's possible if anyone can pick up early.

I get one text from a truly wonderful mom that she will keep her daughter home that day and if I need to leave earlier she has no problem keeping her home other days as well. She also sent a heartfelt sorry and a card of condolences. I get an email from another parent (who is also really great) that they are sorry and they will pick up their son asap after nap time.

The other parents from the other two families? NO response from the text. NO "ok we are going to pick up our child at ____ time" or "no problem." No "sorry about your loss." At drop off this morning, the parents wouldn't even make eye contact with me and didn't say a thing. I want to text them and ask if they received my text or something. Maybe a text asking what time they plan on picking up their child on Friday. Something! What would you all do?

On top of it all, I'm so upset because it turns out my grandpa is gargling his language and is no longer able to recognize people. The doctors gave him five days at the most, so he may not even be alive by Friday. It turns out he wanted to give my oldest daughter my grandma's Purple Medal of Honor she received from being a Wasp pilot in World War II. I'm so sad that the girls will not be able to see him again . I'm not trying to fish for compassion but I would like at least a response to my text! These parents normally try to participate in our activities and do bring in supplies sometimes, so maybe they don't know what to say. Still, a simple response would have been adequate. Am I being unfair?

Since two families already said something about picking up early, I would send a note home stating that since no one else said anything, you will now be closing early so ALL children need to be picked up at (whatever time the family who did reply is coming) and don't give any options now.

They had their opportunity to reply and didn't so now the ball is in your court. Close when YOU need to and too bad for them if it doesn't work.....that'll teach them to be better at communicating.

If you don't get to see your grandfather again due to a parent's inability to talk to you, then you will never get over that....resentment will creep in and it usually ends badly when that happens so as of right now, I'd do what I needed to personally do and if anyone complains tell them, that if they had issue with it they should have said something when they had an opportunity to.



Thoughts and prayers for you and your family....situations like this can be soooo hard. :hug:

[spud912]

Thanks for the replies everyone. One of the parents who didn't respond last night texted me today to let me know she is bringing in a whole bunch of items off my supplies list so maybe she just didn't know what to say. To be honest, I'm emotional about his imminent death and unfortunately I sometimes become overly sensitive about things that are not a big deal (like the lack of responses from the parents). I know for the most part they all mean well.

This right here is one of the reasons I eventually want to leave this field....most other jobs and I could just up and leave without putting several other families in a bind. I know I could call out in this instance too but at this point it would be kind of fruitless. My grandpa was fairly incoherent last night and considering the fact that he did not even recognize a picture of the love of his life, my grandma (whom he was married to for 51 years before she passed away), I highly doubt he would be able to commiserate with his great granddaughters. My aunt told me last night that if we do go this weekend that it should not be to visit with my grandpa but to visit with the rest of the family .

[spud912]

But on a second note, I probably will close early on Friday. I'm not the best distance driver and considering it is a 4-5 hour drive, it would be better if I could leave as soon as possible.

[coolconfidentme]

((hugs))

[sharlan]

I would text all parents and let them know that you will be leaving at noon on Friday and all children need to be picked up prior to that time. Send a note home with all parents today. That way you are covered.

Thoughts and prayers to your family.

[Heidi]

I would text all parents and let them know that you will be leaving at noon on Friday and all children need to be picked up prior to that time. Send a note home with all parents today. That way you are covered.

Thoughts and prayers to your family.

Just take charge of it. This is a situation where you don't ask, you tell. You can do that !

[Laurel]

So my grandpa's health has been really declining the past couple of months due to renal failure. He would be 103 this Monday so I can't say it's a surprise...we knew this day would come. I moved mountains a month and a half ago and got a day off so I could go visit with him (at the time we thought he only had a couple of weeks to live, but apparently he kept going). This past weekend my dad calls me from Vegas (he was visiting with him) and tells me that my grandpa has a special gift for my dd and was wondering if I could make it out this upcoming weekend. I told him I would see what I could do but couldn't make any promises.

Yesterday, I get a text from my cousin....apparently my grandpa has declined and is in complete renal failure. He stopped urinating several days ago and was in the process of being taken into hospice. Obviously, I decided to definitely take my daughters this weekend to visit with him. Since I'm driving alone and I'm leaving after the last child leaves on Friday, I wanted to text my families to see if it's possible if anyone can pick up early.

I get one text from a truly wonderful mom that she will keep her daughter home that day and if I need to leave earlier she has no problem keeping her home other days as well. She also sent a heartfelt sorry and a card of condolences. I get an email from another parent (who is also really great) that they are sorry and they will pick up their son asap after nap time.

The other parents from the other two families? NO response from the text. NO "ok we are going to pick up our child at ____ time" or "no problem." No "sorry about your loss." At drop off this morning, the parents wouldn't even make eye contact with me and didn't say a thing. I want to text them and ask if they received my text or something. Maybe a text asking what time they plan on picking up their child on Friday. Something! What would you all do?

On top of it all, I'm so upset because it turns out my grandpa is gargling his language and is no longer able to recognize people. The doctors gave him five days at the most, so he may not even be alive by Friday. It turns out he wanted to give my oldest daughter my grandma's Purple Medal of Honor she received from being a Wasp pilot in World War II. I'm so sad that the girls will not be able to see him again . I'm not trying to fish for compassion but I would like at least a response to my text! These parents normally try to participate in our activities and do bring in supplies sometimes, so maybe they don't know what to say. Still, a simple response would have been adequate. Am I being unfair?

I'm so sorry about your grandfather.

Why don't you just ask them in person when they drop off or pick up? I know there have been times when I texted my daughter, for example, and she was having trouble with her phone. Sometimes she didn't get a text at all and sometimes days later. Then some people, like me, only use cell phones for emergencies and rarely turn it on. A text message can always be missed.

If it is something important like this I'd just ask them in person. I don't get the whole texting craze. I guess I'm getting old. ::

I probably would just take Friday off. If I have anything important to do I don't take any chances that the parents will pick up when they say they will.

Hugs, Laurel

[e.j.]

I'm sorry to hear about your grandfather.

I agree with the others who said choose a closing time and just inform your dc parents when they will need to pick up their kids. You were being very considerate when you sent a text asking if they could pick up early. Since a couple didn't reply, I'd make the decision for them.

[mrsnj]

Laurel I am getting old too cause I was thinking the same thing. This is not something to text. This is "this is what is happening and this is what I will do" face to face convo. I wouldn't assume they got the text either

Honey stop worrying about others. Time to worry about you and any client who cannot understand that in a situation like this should look elsewhere cause they are not the ones you want to keep.

(((((Hugs)))) P&PT

[Familycare71]

Please- do what you need to do for you and your family! These families chose in home daycare- and the draw back of that is when we aren't available, typically, they need to have back up. That is on them - not you!
If you need/want to say goodbye close ASAP and get to him. Even if your kids shouldn't see him because it would be confusing that doesn't mean you don't need to.
These are the times you just have to trust it will work out for the best- I would tell them tomorrow am you are closing thurs and drive down then. That gives you four days to be with your family and grandpa.
:hug: to you and your family!!
And what am amazing honor for your daughter to receive that metal! lovethis

[snowball]

I would just close all together Friday. If this family isn't even curtious enough to reply to your text, I could see them just not showing up at your early pick up time.

(((Hugs))))

[daycare]

Just take charge of it. This is a situation where you don't ask, you tell. You can do that !

Bingo....

last year I had a family emergency which required me to hop on a plane without much notice and leave state. I didn't ask the parents, I told them. BUT I do make sure that the parents are aware at the time of enrollment that in the event of a family emergency (like death or family medial related issues) I can take an emergency closing without much notice.

I would hand out a note that says, we will be closing at 1pm Friday. Please arrange your schedule so that you can be here on time..

I am so sorry you are going through this. My grandmother is 92, her health has been bad for years and she just keeps hanging on. I wait by my phone every day for that call.

like others said, take care of you...

sometimes you just have to tell parents what is going to happen instead of asking them.