Soon to be Divorced Parents Sign Contracts? Separately?

[Logged out]

I have a family who recently split. Papers are drawn up, both parents have said its official, were gettig divorced. So, what should I expect in terms of nonesense? Payment? Length of time before its "final" ? Both parents are out for blood, both want to record everything, drop times, pick up times, who spends more time with kids etc.... Please tell me this will be over quickly. (YEAH RIGHT, I KNOW, )

So, do I make them sit down and settle a plan with me for schedules etc or how do I make drop and pick up and payments non negotiable so their problems are not my problems? I want it clear you can fight but im not getting stepped on. Todays example, I allowed mom to drop at 7 b/c she wasnt sure she would be able to count on dad to drop off. At 6:55 mom sent a text saying dad wants them and they will arrive later. Showed up at 8:15. So, I woke up early for nothing basically. I will allow drop off as early as 6 with notice and consistency. This isnt consistency. Anyone have a plan I can make parents sign?

[Margarete]

Make sure regardless of their agreements you know if there are any specific laws that apply.
In California you can not withhold pick up from a parent without a court order.

[daycare]

I did not write this, BC wrote the original one. I changed some of.

but here is what I hand out....

DCP,
Over the years I have noticed my role as child care provider can often create the impression that we are extended family. Because your child's welfare is so important, this care and nurturing can create an intimacy between us that makes us feel more like family than business partners. As a home daycare provider, I strive to foster this sense of community, and to provide the closeness you will not find in a child care center.
However, there does need to be well defined boundaries in certain areas. I understand that you guys are currently in the process of redefining your family, and may be struggling with changes, custody issues, and feelings of estrangement. It is imperative I remind all of you that I must remain a neutral third party. As your child's advocate, their needs are my sole priority. Please keep in mind, this doesn't mean that I am unaware or unaffected by the turmoil you face; I am sorry for your pain and I do mourn the loss of your child's family as they have known it. Still, I can't let any feelings I have for you interfere with my role in providing your child a safe, neutral environment where they can express their own feelings of sadness or fear. In consideration of this, here is a list of some of the things you need to remember:

1. My home is a safe haven for your child; please refrain from expressing your sadness or frustration about your child's other parent (and perhaps their new significant other) within their presence. Your child is extremely perceptive and already knows how you feel; my home is one place they should be able to escape this tension.

2. Please provide me with any copies of legal documents I need regarding the custody or care arrangements for your child should they ever apply. Keep in mind that in the absence of any court documents, I cannot legally keep a child from his or her parent, and will not agree to any such arrangement.

3. Develop a well thought out plan for pick-up and drop-off. Do NOT make my driveway a place of confrontation. If you need to do a "switch" where the child moves from one parent's care to another during the course of the week, choose someplace else to do so.

5. Do NOT put me in the middle of any issues you have regarding child support payment or the payment for my services. Work out a plan for who is responsible to pay for your child's care and do so promptly and courteously. I know money is a primary point of contention in many separations.
6. Do not request that I do anything for you other than the normal array of service you have received in the past. I will NOT document anything other than legitimately suspected mistreatment, so don't ask me to spend time evaluating your ex’s parenting skills or capability as a parent. If the court feels they need my opinion, they will provide me with a list of written questions I will answer to the best of my ability. I operate an honest business and consider my integrity and trust two hallmarks of my home.

7. I do not participate in supervised visitation. My home is a "Home away from home" for many children and I need to consider the welfare of ALL my families when making decisions. I am a child care provider -- not a mediator or evaluator.

In summary, please minimize to the greatest degree possible, any disruption to your child's regular day at my home. Separation of a family is a big issue to young children, and my home may be the place of stability where they can work through their emotions and confusion.

[Cradle2crayons]

I did not write this, BC wrote the original one. I changed some of.

but here is what I hand out....

DCP,
Over the years I have noticed my role as child care provider can often create the impression that we are extended family. Because your child's welfare is so important, this care and nurturing can create an intimacy between us that makes us feel more like family than business partners. As a home daycare provider, I strive to foster this sense of community, and to provide the closeness you will not find in a child care center.
However, there does need to be well defined boundaries in certain areas. I understand that you guys are currently in the process of redefining your family, and may be struggling with changes, custody issues, and feelings of estrangement. It is imperative I remind all of you that I must remain a neutral third party. As your child's advocate, their needs are my sole priority. Please keep in mind, this doesn't mean that I am unaware or unaffected by the turmoil you face; I am sorry for your pain and I do mourn the loss of your child's family as they have known it. Still, I can't let any feelings I have for you interfere with my role in providing your child a safe, neutral environment where they can express their own feelings of sadness or fear. In consideration of this, here is a list of some of the things you need to remember:

1. My home is a safe haven for your child; please refrain from expressing your sadness or frustration about your child's other parent (and perhaps their new significant other) within their presence. Your child is extremely perceptive and already knows how you feel; my home is one place they should be able to escape this tension.

2. Please provide me with any copies of legal documents I need regarding the custody or care arrangements for your child should they ever apply. Keep in mind that in the absence of any court documents, I cannot legally keep a child from his or her parent, and will not agree to any such arrangement.

3. Develop a well thought out plan for pick-up and drop-off. Do NOT make my driveway a place of confrontation. If you need to do a "switch" where the child moves from one parent's care to another during the course of the week, choose someplace else to do so.

5. Do NOT put me in the middle of any issues you have regarding child support payment or the payment for my services. Work out a plan for who is responsible to pay for your child's care and do so promptly and courteously. I know money is a primary point of contention in many separations.
6. Do not request that I do anything for you other than the normal array of service you have received in the past. I will NOT document anything other than legitimately suspected mistreatment, so don't ask me to spend time evaluating your ex’s parenting skills or capability as a parent. If the court feels they need my opinion, they will provide me with a list of written questions I will answer to the best of my ability. I operate an honest business and consider my integrity and trust two hallmarks of my home.

7. I do not participate in supervised visitation. My home is a "Home away from home" for many children and I need to consider the welfare of ALL my families when making decisions. I am a child care provider -- not a mediator or evaluator.

In summary, please minimize to the greatest degree possible, any disruption to your child's regular day at my home. Separation of a family is a big issue to young children, and my home may be the place of stability where they can work through their emotions and confusion.

Love this, especially #3. I had a family once who wanted the dad to pick up on Fridays because he was supposed to get he kids at 6:30 pm anyway. It was often a source of contention so I ended up telling them that mom needed to continue to pick up and then meet dad somewhere else afterwards. It made things very awkward until then.

[daycare]

I recently had the same exact issue.....dcp spit and didn't want to deal with seeing each other so they wanted to leave DCK at my house for an additional hour daily. This kid would have been here a full hour as the only child.

I sent this letter to dcf and then told them that at this time the child needs parents more than anything and it was not fair to said child to make them stay in childcare an additional hour each day because mommy and daddy can't put their big kid pants on and figure things out.


ok so I didn't say those exact words, but pretty much something to that degree.