My Own 5yo...LONG, Sorry

[daycarediva]

I posted about ds before with trouble transitioning to Kindergarten.

-common core standards, all worksheet style work
-15 minutes of free time per day
-crazy expectations. Ds went in to K knowing and able to write both upper and lower case alphabet, knew the sounds and could sound out VERY simple words. Could count to 100, but understands numbers higher, 1:1 correspondence down pat, etc
-very socially prepared

Does FANTASTIC at school. BUT, he was so overwhelmed and stressed out he would get off the bus and scream for hours. Sometimes until he fell asleep. He has 30-45 minutes of homework/night plus reading and sight word practice. I told the teacher it was just too much. She removed his 15 minutes of free play so he could complete it at school. (fixed that, but back to nightly homework)

Got all of that straightened out. Ds comes home-no screaming and gets his homework completed. He is grumpier than usual, nothing major though.

He is now wetting the bed every single night. It's getting so extreme that I bought him pullups (he's tiny) as chuck pads weren't helping and I was washing sheets/comforter every single day.

I told dh we need to rethink the school situation, hold him back another year maybe? private school?

This is month 2 of K, he adores his teacher and his friends, but is near tears every morning before school and is obviously having issues.

If this was your own child, wwyd? He's obviously academically and socially ready, but as far as maturity to handle the new common core (NO PLAY is allowed at school, no games to teach the standards, NOTHING like he is used to)

[Mom2TLE]

Wow, I would be tempted to pull him out and either wait a year, do private or home school it is just too much emotionally for him to handle. I would be worried about lasting effects later on.

[CedarCreek]

When was his birthday? Was he a "young" kinder?

My son was born in June and I very much regretted seconding him to kindy that year. He was not at all prepared for it.

I'm so sorry he's having a hard time! What you're describing breaks my heart. There is no reason in my opinion that kindy should have homework aside from reading with their parents.

[Cradle2crayons]

I posted about ds before with trouble transitioning to Kindergarten.

-common core standards, all worksheet style work
-15 minutes of free time per day
-crazy expectations. Ds went in to K knowing and able to write both upper and lower case alphabet, knew the sounds and could sound out VERY simple words. Could count to 100, but understands numbers higher, 1:1 correspondence down pat, etc
-very socially prepared

Does FANTASTIC at school. BUT, he was so overwhelmed and stressed out he would get off the bus and scream for hours. Sometimes until he fell asleep. He has 30-45 minutes of homework/night plus reading and sight word practice. I told the teacher it was just too much. She removed his 15 minutes of free play so he could complete it at school. (fixed that, but back to nightly homework)

Got all of that straightened out. Ds comes home-no screaming and gets his homework completed. He is grumpier than usual, nothing major though.

He is now wetting the bed every single night. It's getting so extreme that I bought him pullups (he's tiny) as chuck pads weren't helping and I was washing sheets/comforter every single day.

I told dh we need to rethink the school situation, hold him back another year maybe? private school?

This is month 2 of K, he adores his teacher and his friends, but is near tears every morning before school and is obviously having issues.

If this was your own child, wwyd? He's obviously academically and socially ready, but as far as maturity to handle the new common core (NO PLAY is allowed at school, no games to teach the standards, NOTHING like he is used to)

Do you have the option there, like we do here, of kindy being OPTIONAL?? If so, I would pull him and then out him in first grade next year. By then, he should be able to handle it a little better??

Is homeschooling an option??

Is private school affordable there?? I don think this would be a great option because often they have even more expectations, home work, etc.

[Unregistered]

I feel like I am reading my story! My daughter is doing the same thing! My husband and I are trying to decide what to do. The school refuses to put her in another class because she is doing well at school just not when she gets home. Homeschooling isn't an option for us but maybe it is for you ? Good luck! I don't have any advice but I will be following the tread to see what others say!

[AcornMama]

I'm so sorry your little guy is having such trouble!

As a homeschooler myself, it's easy to say, "Just pull him out!" But I know that might not be what you're looking for. As I've always homeschooled mine, I don't really know how to work with the schools regarding problems like this. It sounds like you've been great advocating for your son. I can't believe the schools remove all play time for 5 year olds.

In my state, the law says children aren't required to be in school until they turn 7. Of course, the schools have kindergarten, and most parents don't know they even have an option. I think the fact that some states still don't require school until 7 or 8 speaks volumes to the fact that 5 and 6 year olds should still be mostly playing.

If homeschool or private school that would better match your sons needs is an option, I think it's at least worth considering. I started off homeschooling my own because I'd been a public school teacher and didn't want that for my own, but we couldn't afford private school.

[SunshineMama]

Id pull him. He's not ready for kindergarten and you risk creating negative associations with school as he gets older. My daughter is in K this year, and I also find the workload a bit much, but we arent having any of the issues you mentioned. Keep him home another year and continue to teach him at home, and then try again. If he has trouble next year, id look into a Montessori school, or a similar program. In K, kids should LOVE school! Sorry about your little guy!

[NeedaVaca]

Do they have a 1/2 day option?

[KDC]

Could you pull him and put him in a 1/2 day 4/5's program at preschool/private K? Obviously he's ready academically, but maybe not socially. He may need to be eased into being away from home?

This may not be possible with transporting, I know as a daycare provider it's hard. We started my 3 yr. old in 2 days of 3's preschool, then moved to 4's for three days a week just for 2-1/2 hours. He only had a 1/2 day of K, and was young (just turned 5 the second day of K)... I had the option of waiting, but the preschool teachers said he was ready. I knew he was ready academically, but he was here with me at my daycare and he needed the social game. I threw him in even though he was young. He did not love Kindergarten. He cried on the bus, and braved it at school. He HATED 1st grade since it was all day and we struggled to get him to do his homework (just lazy, they put him in advanced reading and gave him book reports on top of the other homework). Finally, 2nd grade was much better, and now he's in 3rd and loves school - excelling in Math and Reading.

This common core business is no joke though... His spelling words for 3rd grade include digestion, tranquility, prevention ... he gets 24 words a week and is tested on a random 10. So anything to get them better prepared socially to keep up with the academics is a good thing. Plus if he's small it will give him a chance to 'catch up' to others?

We worked through it, but it was hard. Do what your gut tells you.

[childcaremom]

Your situation sounds very similar to my son when he started. I talked to his teacher and decided to do a half day. I considered home-schooling but took into consideration my son's temperment and figured that wasn't the best choice for him. A half day worked for me b/c I was in walking distance... but I had to close my daycare cause it wasn't going to work schedule-wise with the dcks. He was one of the oldest in his class, if that makes a difference. He probably would have done better had he started a year earlier but he missed the cut off date by a few weeks.

As another thought, and you probably already know this: School is such a big change for little people and it's a long day for them. All of my kids had huge adjustments the first few months. 2 of them didn't really seem 'settled' until almost Christmas (my oldest switched to a half day in January). They would come home and be tired and crabby. I found giving them a chance to just hang in their room, by themselves, let them unwind and do what they need to do.... gave them that chance to recharge. It could be he just needs some space at the end of the day.

Good luck! Hope you can find something that works for all of you.

[nothingwithoutjoy]

He's not ready for kindergarten

I'd say kindergarten is not ready for 5-year-old boys. What you describe makes me so sad. I'd keep him home for sure, but not because he isn't ready; rather, because it's not a good environment for young children.

[daycarediva]

Wow, I would be tempted to pull him out and either wait a year, do private or home school it is just too much emotionally for him to handle. I would be worried about lasting effects later on.

That's my concern as well.

When was his birthday? Was he a "young" kinder?

My son was born in June and I very much regretted seconding him to kindy that year. He was not at all prepared for it.

I'm so sorry he's having a hard time! What you're describing breaks my heart. There is no reason in my opinion that kindy should have homework aside from reading with their parents.

His birthday is in March, so he is closer to 6 now, not a young kinder at all. I sent my older children with August birthdays the month after they turned 5 and they all did well, but that was when K was 1/2 day here, and was about getting into a routine of school. Story and circle time, coloring and snack and then home again. NOTHING like it is now.

Do you have the option there, like we do here, of kindy being OPTIONAL?? If so, I would pull him and then out him in first grade next year. By then, he should be able to handle it a little better??

Is homeschooling an option??

Is private school affordable there?? I don think this would be a great option because often they have even more expectations, home work, etc.

K is NOT optional here.

Homeschooling is not an option, I just don't have the time. Dh does SOMETIMES, but his schedule is erratic (also self employed). Ds is well beyond what I teach in prek during the day also.

We have two private schools here, one catholic and smaller class sizes (his class is 24 kids to one teacher and a PT teacher aide!) and one (expensive) Montessori school with mixed reviews.

I feel like I am reading my story! My daughter is doing the same thing! My husband and I are trying to decide what to do. The school refuses to put her in another class because she is doing well at school just not when she gets home. Homeschooling isn't an option for us but maybe it is for you ? Good luck! I don't have any advice but I will be following the tread to see what others say!

I am so sorry your daughter is struggling, too. I hope you find a solution for her!

I'm so sorry your little guy is having such trouble!

As a homeschooler myself, it's easy to say, "Just pull him out!" But I know that might not be what you're looking for. As I've always homeschooled mine, I don't really know how to work with the schools regarding problems like this. It sounds like you've been great advocating for your son. I can't believe the schools remove all play time for 5 year olds.

In my state, the law says children aren't required to be in school until they turn 7. Of course, the schools have kindergarten, and most parents don't know they even have an option. I think the fact that some states still don't require school until 7 or 8 speaks volumes to the fact that 5 and 6 year olds should still be mostly playing.

If homeschool or private school that would better match your sons needs is an option, I think it's at least worth considering. I started off homeschooling my own because I'd been a public school teacher and didn't want that for my own, but we couldn't afford private school.

If I had the time to homeschool, I think I would at this point. Because of my dd's medical issues we homeschooled her for the 2nd half of K and all of 1st and I loved it. I also only had two infant dck's at the time and could easily work with her at AM and PM nap times.

Id pull him. He's not ready for kindergarten and you risk creating negative associations with school as he gets older. My daughter is in K this year, and I also find the workload a bit much, but we arent having any of the issues you mentioned. Keep him home another year and continue to teach him at home, and then try again. If he has trouble next year, id look into a Montessori school, or a similar program. In K, kids should LOVE school! Sorry about your little guy!

I am afraid of negative associations, for sure. I disagree that he isn't ready for it yet though. He was fully prepared with a separate full day PREk last year, and while he loved that, and did amazing separating from me, was voted best citizen in his class, his behavior there and at school is impeccable, and his teacher was SHOCKED when I said homework was an issue because ds is one of the BEST k's she has had in a long time. I think the 'new kindergarten' is NOT a good place for 5 year old children. 5yo's aren't developmentally ready to be seated for 7 hours a day and have zero play time.

Do they have a 1/2 day option?

Nope.

Could you pull him and put him in a 1/2 day 4/5's program at preschool/private K? Obviously he's ready academically, but maybe not socially. He may need to be eased into being away from home?

This may not be possible with transporting, I know as a daycare provider it's hard. We started my 3 yr. old in 2 days of 3's preschool, then moved to 4's for three days a week just for 2-1/2 hours. He only had a 1/2 day of K, and was young (just turned 5 the second day of K)... I had the option of waiting, but the preschool teachers said he was ready. I knew he was ready academically, but he was here with me at my daycare and he needed the social game. I threw him in even though he was young. He did not love Kindergarten. He cried on the bus, and braved it at school. He HATED 1st grade since it was all day and we struggled to get him to do his homework (just lazy, they put him in advanced reading and gave him book reports on top of the other homework). Finally, 2nd grade was much better, and now he's in 3rd and loves school - excelling in Math and Reading.

This common core business is no joke though... His spelling words for 3rd grade include digestion, tranquility, prevention ... he gets 24 words a week and is tested on a random 10. So anything to get them better prepared socially to keep up with the academics is a good thing. Plus if he's small it will give him a chance to 'catch up' to others?

We worked through it, but it was hard. Do what your gut tells you.

He was in full day prek two days per week to get him adjusted and the curriculum was so behind him it was laughable. They did do dittos/worksheets and more desk time. If I put him back in prek, he would definitely fall behind same age peers in a year.

He has 2-4 pages of homework per night. He has a packet handed out Monday due Friday, a journal entry nightly, sight word flash cards that are added to weekly(there are also spelling tests on the sight words) In Dec he starts timed addition tests. I also have to read with him for at least 20 minutes, but we do that anyway at bedtime. I think it's extreme!!!

He's small, but my youngest two ARE small. Ds is only 42lbs at 5.5.

Your situation sounds very similar to my son when he started. I talked to his teacher and decided to do a half day. I considered home-schooling but took into consideration my son's temperment and figured that wasn't the best choice for him. A half day worked for me b/c I was in walking distance... but I had to close my daycare cause it wasn't going to work schedule-wise with the dcks. He was one of the oldest in his class, if that makes a difference. He probably would have done better had he started a year earlier but he missed the cut off date by a few weeks.

As another thought, and you probably already know this: School is such a big change for little people and it's a long day for them. All of my kids had huge adjustments the first few months. 2 of them didn't really seem 'settled' until almost Christmas (my oldest switched to a half day in January). They would come home and be tired and crabby. I found giving them a chance to just hang in their room, by themselves, let them unwind and do what they need to do.... gave them that chance to recharge. It could be he just needs some space at the end of the day.

Good luck! Hope you can find something that works for all of you.

His teacher recommended sticking it out until Christmas-new year break and then making a decision then as well. He did very well in prek, separated fine, rode the bus fine, ate, pottied and napped fine. They were sad to see him go and the bus driver beeps when he drives by still!

I'd say kindergarten is not ready for 5-year-old boys. What you describe makes me so sad. I'd keep him home for sure, but not because he isn't ready; rather, because it's not a good environment for young children.

My ds is the youngest of my 4 kids and the only one to start K with the new common core standards. He has an amazing teacher, but her hands are really tied. They even frown on using manipulatives to count in math. I really think that developmentally, the common core isn't appropriate for these young children (then again, I like Plato's philosophy on school....) I taught ds at home, and using play. He got where he is using games and drawing letters in dirt, and he is far ahead of his classmates (per teacher he is one of few who are academically capable of doing the required work).

THANK YOU ALL for your ideas, thoughts and suggestions. I am still not sure what the right thing to do is. I asked the teacher for a phone conference next week to talk more and hopefully she has some ideas that I can use.

[AcornMama]

I think the 'new kindergarten' is NOT a good place for 5 year old children. 5yo's aren't developmentally ready to be seated for 7 hours a day and have zero play time.

From what you are describing, I think you're right!

[countrymom]

I think the problem is the amount of work that he has to do. Do what the other parents here do--they write a note and tell the teacher that they are not doing any more homework than 15 min. and they are not allowed to punish the child.

I really think he's stressed out about the work.

to all those who think she needs to pull her child out, well your wrong. When do you cut the apron strings, when do you stop putting your kid in a bubble because they don't like something. We always talk about parents doing this and critizizing them, well this is the same situation. Somehow you are going to need to figure out how to make it work. My ydd didn't talk until christmas to her 3rd grade teacher because she didn't know him. My ds when he went to jk (or as you guys called it preschool) kicked the principal because he didn't want to go to school, he wanted to hang out with me all day---I spanked him that day so good I haven't had a problem since then and he's in 6th grade now.

now we do have a rule here in ontario that we have a limit on homework per grade, and by the sounds of it, your child has too much homework.

I would also suggest that you do a surprise drop by, take a peak at what is going on. I found that what the teacher was saying and doing were two different things.

also don't be afraid to take your child to a councillor to talk too, maybe there is something bigger than even you can deal with.

[spinnymarie]

I was a K teacher up until last year; it sounds very similar to your school.
I do agree that sometimes it takes quite an adjustment, and the kids are *tired* at the end of the day.
I'd start by skipping all the homework except the packet. It really should be limited by age, 15 minutes for K is MORE than reasonable I would assume. If the teacher feels limited in how much she can change the amount of homework she gives, I'd start taking this problem to the principal - I'd try to make sure the principal understood that your issue is not with the teacher but with the amount of homework she feels required to give, and that there are many school that put a limit on the amount of homework required, by grade. And if the principal felt his/her hands were tied... I'd keep on taking it to the next level. Unfortunately, that's the way things get done - the complaints need to come from the parents directly to the rule-maker's ears, as often and as loud as possible. If you can, get some other parents to make the same complaints
Kindergarteners need free time, and if they aren't getting it at school they at least need to get it at home.