Just Can't Warm Up To...

[EchoMom]

Nevermind. Thanks.

[Heidi]

::the whole potty training thing you are doing yourself makes me go ... My sister, on the other hand, who is a daycare provider would be happyface.

We all do things differently. This child will NOT be a good fit for your program. That's OK! Just be honest and move on

Neither way is right or wrong. Whatever works for YOU. What would be wrong is taking this kiddo just to fill the spot (aka just for the money), and then beating yourself (and the kiddo...not literally) up over it.

It's ok to say NO! :hug:


Edited to add: We are also a "baby talk" free household. In that , we agree.

[blandino]

Do you ever have an interview with a potential dck that it is just ick at first sight? It's not the kids fault, but do you ever not accept a kid (assuming they do in fact want to choose you) because you just don't foresee yourself bonding with the kid AT ALL?

I can't STAND boys with long hair, MAYBE I'd be okay with a boy with nicely styled long hair. But a 2 year old with straggly thin wispy hair down his neck and face like he just clearly has never had his first hair cut...

If this interview DOES want me, I just don't think I can work with them. Plus, DCB is over 2 and not potty trained whatsoever, stunk up the house with a poopy diaper during interview, and said he wanted a "Ba ba" (bottle of milk).

My own DS is 100% potty trained, he's 2 years and 2 months old. He's 100% in underpants at all times, and stays dry both day and night. He both uses the toilet when I take him, as well as initiates it himself. He is learning to wipe his butt. He can take his own clothes on and off and wash his hands. Why are no other DCKs potty trained, or ever close?! I know why... Because they're at daycare full time and my son isn't. And I've been putting him on the toilet since he was 5 weeks old. I guess I'm expecting way too much from other 2 and 3 year olds to be potty trained and their parents to actually put in the effort?

Sorry, I guess this is more of a vent/lament... Interviews drain me and especially ones that I don't even get excited about afterward...

Anyone relate?

I can totally relate on just feeling like a child doesn't fit. Honestly, I think it is fine to go with that feeling. I have had many times where it just didn't feel right, and I didn't think the parents and children would fit and I just wasn't up for a strained relationship. However, I have also been wrong and some families fit very well that I hadn't imagined at first.

As far as the potty training, my DCK all potty train between 2.5 & 3. Youngest was 29 months, and the oldest was 36 months (not counting my newest enrolled child who was 39 months old when he enrolled and not potty trained - but that is a complete first for me and since ). I personally do think that being in daycare has a lot to do with it. Most of my friends who stay home have children who train right around 2, while my DCK are 2.5 -3. Obviously, there are some exceptions. But I think having 1 one 1 attention will make potty training happen earlier.

Doing EC with your son gave him early exposure which probably helped speed the process along. But that isn't a possibility for kids in daycare, so I think that has a lot to do with it.

I don't think it is unreasonable for a child over 2 to be in diapers though. Most of my 2 year olds are still in diapers.

[daycare]

honest opinion here....judging people regardless of age is a personal hot spot for me. I get judged all the time and would NEVER do it to anyone.

first off, I do think that it is sad that you right away don't like someone because of the way their hair looks... it's not the kids fault....


Yes, I do think that you are expecting way to much out of a 2 year old to be potty trained, especially 100%. Yes, some kids are, most kids are not at that age.

I am not trying to come down on you, I just think that if more people could see others from the inside and not the outside, this world would be a much better place.

BUT it is your business and you make the calls. If you feel that they are not right for you, then I would kindly decline their request for childcare.

[blandino]

I will also say, that it is a personal pet peeve, when parents keep holding off on that first hair cut for so long and their children have that wispy baby hair that is long and scraggily. Just a personal pet peeve that I can't seem to understand the reasoning behind. Aside from religious reasons of course.

[daycare]

I wanted to say sorry if I came off really strong in my post. Again this is a personal hotspot for me and your post just made me feel sad..

I do know what you mean and if you already know it's not going to work, then that is your choice.

:hug: Sorry, I don't want you to think that I was attacking you....

[SunnyDay]

honest opinion here....judging people regardless of age is a personal hot spot for me. I get judged all the time and would NEVER do it to anyone.

first off, I do think that it is sad that you right away don't like someone because of the way their hair looks... it's not the kids fault....


Yes, I do think that you are expecting way to much out of a 2 year old to be potty trained, especially 100%. Yes, some kids are, most kids are not at that age.

I am not trying to come down on you, I just think that if more people could see others from the inside and not the outside, this world would be a much better place.

BUT it is your business and you make the calls. If you feel that they are not right for you, then I would kindly decline their request for childcare.

My son was not potty trained until 3.5, and it was not from any lack of effort on my part! I am also home with him every day. I don't think that it is at all reasonable to expect every child to be trained at 2.

[kateskiddos]

You just described my 2 year old son. He is not potty trained, he has long wispy hair and he calls his sippy baba.
I am with him every day all day. We continue to work on potty training but he is still not there as are most of my other two year olds I have in care .
As far as his baba goes, he is in speech and I'm proud he's able to express what he wants to me.
And despite what people may think, I love his hair

[EchoMom]

Thanks.

[EchoMom]

Thanks.

[Heidi]

I agree about not judging people, but we DO have to make judgements and determinations based on impressions, conversations, and interactions to decide if we want to work with a certain family.

I also agree, and I did say in my post that it's not the child's fault. I don't hold it against HIM. And I did say that if the child has his hair cut and styled as a long cut, that would be much more understandable, but just a scraggly mess... Eh...

Personally, I DO have some OCD issues, specifically about hair. So yes, I personally know my weaknesses and HAIR is one of them. So for that reason alone, it probably is not a good fit. I had another boy who's hair got so long and I kept encouraging the mom to cut it, even put hair in a pony tail. Eventually I just asked her if I could take him for a haircut with my own son to "help her out" and she was appreciative of my generous offer.

It's not so much that HAIR is a reason to exclude, but what the hair demonstrates. For whatever reason, these parents don't SEE that it's a mess and looks ridiculous. For whatever reason they haven't had the desire or time to cut it. For whatever reason, they have not begun working on potty training with him. For whatever reason, they still give him a bottle of milk, and a sippy cup-which we use none of here, sippy cups I mean.

These are just signs that parents who make these choices so different than my own are likely a family I just won't mesh with and it will be hard for me to muster respect and sincerity for them.

It's ok....we're all different!

For instance:

My oldest, who wasn't potty trained until he was just 3, had short hair as a toddler, but at 23, has flowing, Fabio auburn curls. He also has an IQ of 140ish, and we NEVER talked baby talk to him. He knew the word "fuchsia" at 3, read at a 4th grade level in kindy, but is still struggling to find his life's work.

I roll my eyes at other people's way of raising kids plenty. I'm old enough to know it's probably best not to knowingly enroll them in my daycare.

[Heidi]

Thanks. I did feel it was a little angry, but that's okay I appreciate you clarifying!

Also, I don't mean to expect to much from a 2 year old, but I admit I probably expect too much out of the parents to have done all the things I have done and I THINK others should do. If I only accepted families who have the same philosophies as I do, I wouldn't have any clients because I would never send my child to full time daycare so right off that bat, we are worlds apart in our thinking.

I don't know, first I'll have to see if they even want me, then decide if I can work with them, or just in a tired/poor mood tonight. I probably offended them when I told them my son was completely potty trained day and night... Oops! Also, their jaws dropped when I said our kids don't use sippy cups. Then they saw my son's room and were shocked to see he has a queen bed & box springs (just without a frame) as his bed. I did manage to bite my tongue and NOT say that he's NEVER had a bed EVER. Or a drop of formula EVER. Or a bottle EVER. And I nursed until he was 20 months old. Yeah, I certainly can't expect people to be just like me, because they people that are aren't interested in daycare.

Thanks for listening!

never mind...

[blandino]

Thanks. I did feel it was a little angry, but that's okay I appreciate you clarifying!

Also, I don't mean to expect to much from a 2 year old, but I admit I probably expect too much out of the parents to have done all the things I have done and I THINK others should do. If I only accepted families who have the same philosophies as I do, I wouldn't have any clients because I would never send my child to full time daycare so right off that bat, we are worlds apart in our thinking.

I don't know, first I'll have to see if they even want me, then decide if I can work with them, or just in a tired/poor mood tonight. I probably offended them when I told them my son was completely potty trained day and night... Oops! Also, their jaws dropped when I said our kids don't use sippy cups. Then they saw my son's room and were shocked to see he has a queen bed & box springs (just without a frame) as his bed. I did manage to bite my tongue and NOT say that he's NEVER had a bed EVER. Or a drop of formula EVER. Or a bottle EVER. And I nursed until he was 20 months old. Yeah, I certainly can't expect people to be just like me, because they people that are aren't interested in daycare.

Thanks for listening!

I definitely think you are right. A lot of AP parents aren't going to look to put their child in daycare, as you know as much as I do, that practicing AP should mean your are attached - which is hard to do working full-time. And parents who do work full-time probably don't have the time/energy/etc to practice such intensive parenting methods while they are home.

And honestly, the way I run my daycare isn't necessarily how I would do things, if I were a SAHM with my own child. Now, that is easier for me because I don't have my own children in the daycare. I would be much more RIE/montessori.. limited toys - no equipment - delayed introduction of solids/baby led feeding - but in my area that wouldn't build a clientele. So we are a traditional/somewhat montessori preschool, with infant equipment, and solids starting at 6 months.


I know that there are certain red flags that let me know that our philosophies are too different. And that seems like what happened with you today.

I do have to say, and I mean this kindly. You do come off as on a high-horse when talking about the no sippy cups/ cosleeping/ not a drop of formula. I really don't believe that is your intention, but that is how it is coming across.

[jenn]

Go with your gut feeling. I think if we are being honest, we all have our favorites and our ones that we struggle to bond with. Whatever your reasons, if you don't feel like this will be a good fit, keep looking. If the family contacts you to provide care, you can just tell them that the position has already been filled (unless you feel comfortable telling them that you don't think you would be a good fit).

I don't have a problem with not potty trained until age 3. I don't require full potty
training at 3, but want them to at least be working on it. Long hair or weird hairstyles don't bother me. Dirty bothers me. Dirty hair, dirty clothes, dirty coats...

[JoseyJo]

Do you ever have an interview with a potential dck that it is just ick at first sight? It's not the kids fault, but do you ever not accept a kid (assuming they do in fact want to choose you) because you just don't foresee yourself bonding with the kid AT ALL?

I can't STAND boys with long hair, MAYBE I'd be okay with a boy with nicely styled long hair. But a 2 year old with straggly thin wispy hair down his neck and face like he just clearly has never had his first hair cut...

If this interview DOES want me, I just don't think I can work with them. Plus, DCB is over 2 and not potty trained whatsoever, stunk up the house with a poopy diaper during interview, and said he wanted a "Ba ba" (bottle of milk).

My own DS is 100% potty trained, he's 2 years and 2 months old. He's 100% in underpants at all times, and stays dry both day and night. He both uses the toilet when I take him, as well as initiates it himself. He is learning to wipe his butt. He can take his own clothes on and off and wash his hands. Why are no other DCKs potty trained, or ever close?! I know why... Because they're at daycare full time and my son isn't. And I've been putting him on the toilet since he was 5 weeks old. I guess I'm expecting way too much from other 2 and 3 year olds to be potty trained and their parents to actually put in the effort?

Sorry, I guess this is more of a vent/lament... Interviews drain me and especially ones that I don't even get excited about afterward...

Anyone relate?

I haven't ever felt wouldn't be able to bond w/ a child. Normally when it's not a good fit for me it's because of the parenting style, severe behavior issues seen during the interview, or incompatibility of their needs/wants vs what we offer.

That being said some of the things you mentioned MAY have been a red flag for me-

Was dcb's hair washed and brushed? If so then I could care less of the style, if it wasn't that would be a sign of incompatible priorities for me.

Were parent's working/thinking about potty training? It could be that they have tried but dcb isn't ready. MOST of the dcbs I have ever had potty train between 2 and 3. One of my sons was PT at 2.5, the other still had accidents at night in K. My daughter was completely trained at 22 mo. Every child is different- and very very few dcproviders would take all their infants/toddlers to the bathroom starting at 5 weeks so I am sure that wasn't an option for them! (do you actually do that for your dcks?, how do you get anything else done if you do that with multiple children??)

Honestly I think it would be very very hard to fill spots if you are holding working parents to those high standards! I am imagining that you have probably never been a working mom (I have never had the opportunity to be a SAHM, I envy you if that is the case!) I do hope you find the right fits for your program though and wish you the best of luck!