Regression In Your Own Children After Starting Daycare

[GKJNIGMN]

I was in the workforce until July when I finished my certification for daycare in my state. The problem I am having is with my youngest who is 3 1/2. He has suddenly started wetting himself and also frequently going #2 in his underwear. He has been potty trained since well before he turned 3 with absolutely no accidents for months at a time.

I know that the general advice is not to punish kids for accidents but these are not accidents. Part of it may be for control or attention but it seems unlikely. Yesterday morning he woke up, said he needed to go to the bathroom, I told him to go but he wanted me to take him. I told him no and he went in but a few minutes later he came out and maybe 10 minutes later he wet himself. This morning I took 6 kids to the park. When we got home I discovered he had gone #2. He has never had a problem at the park telling me he had to go and going to handle business on his own. He had to nap upstairs in his room by himself rather than on the napmats with the kids who were being rewarded with a movie since it's a weekend. This evening he went out back with my older son who came back in 10 minutes later to tell me that he had done it again.

I am at a loss on how to correct it. I have talked to him, I have asked him why he is doing it. He apologizes later and always tells me he won't do it again but does. At this point we have resorted to sending him to his room which he hates and completely giving him no attention from it because he hates that but it isn't improving. Any ideas what to try next? Part of me says that this is the first time he has realized that potty training was a choice because unfortunately I have ended up with a number of 3 year olds in the last couple months who are not at all potty trained, trying, starting, anything including a girl I have now who screams bloody murder and throws a 10 minute fit to get her to even sit on it. Should I be punishing him? I have not resorted to rewarding using the potty again yet. I should mention that we are also foster parents and our state prefers we aim for logical consequences but I couldn't come up with any for this.

He has had accidents maybe 2-3 times at preschool which he just started this year as well but overall the number of "accidents" I am referring to is from none some weeks to this week which has been 4 over yesterday and today.

[cheerfuldom]

I think by sending him to his room, you are punishing. I don't think he should be sent to his room at all.

I would help him clean himself up and discuss calmly that he needs to be a big boy and use the potty. The logical consequence for soiling himself is that he cleans himself up. I would supervise but do the bare minimum....he does as much as possible. No huge deal, no negative attention such as punishments, just clean up and keep going about your business. Regressing with a big change, like mom starting home daycare, is completely normal.

[GKJNIGMN]

Thanks for the advice. I understand that we are punishing him by sending him to his room but I was assuming that you didn't punish kids that were potty training because they may not know better when I am positive he does. Having him clean himself up is an excellent idea if I can stand the mess he may make

[ColorfulSunburst]

He gets not so much attention as before from you because of DCK. He tries to get more attention from you. It does not matter what a kind of way he uses. Unfortunately any bad way always gives more attention from parents.
So you have to stop to give him any attention if he gets an accident. Just change his clothes. But you have to start to give him more attention in the way he asked before: go to a bathroom when he needs than kiss him, say how much you love him. :hug:

[Soccermom]

Daycare is really hard on our own children. Sometimes I think we don't realize how hard it must be for them to share their beloved Mommy with a bunch of strangers.

All my children regressed a little when I started childcare and their behavior also changes depending on the ages and attitudes of the children I have in my care.

My 4 year old DS has a 4:00 meltdown every single day just like a toddler. I call it his I am done sharing my Mom with you tantrum. I just hold him and snuggle him until all the parents arrive....usually late. Sigh.

The only good thing about doing childcare in my home is that my children are with someone who loves them very much all day. I have a lot of patience with them and can snuggle them whenever they need it.

I would just change him calmly and ignore the behavior. He will move on from it eventually.

[My3cents]

Daycare is really hard on our own children. Sometimes I think we don't realize how hard it must be for them to share their beloved Mommy with a bunch of strangers. My daycare kids are not strangers, they become part of my family when they are away from their own families.

All my children regressed a little when I started childcare and their behavior also changes depending on the ages and attitudes of the children I have in my care.

My 4 year old DS has a 4:00 meltdown every single day just like a toddler. I call it his I am done sharing my Mom with you tantrum. I just hold him and snuggle him until all the parents arrive....usually late. Sigh.your child is most likely having this meltdown because he gets some good attention from it. Our kids know how to push our buttons well.

The only good thing about doing childcare in my home is that my children are with someone who loves them very much all day. I have a lot of patience with them and can snuggle them whenever they need it. I don't think that is the only good thing. I think your teaching your children patience by showing that to the other children in your care

I would just change him calmly and ignore the behavior. He will move on from it eventually.

I agree it is hard on our kids. but.... it shouldn't be. I think when kids learn that they are the center of the universe this is what sets them up to fail and causes issues. Teaching our kids to share and love others should be a very important skill we teach them. Our kids have us alone when the daycare children go home and on the weekends. I just feel its wrong to allow our kids to have that hold over us. I think much of it is how we feel about having to share ourselves and the rest is the kids feeding off of us.

Plenty of good comes out of being home with our kids, income- to support or better our children's lives. We can be with them. We can teach them. They are in their home environment and not pulled every morning to go somewhere else. Just as we expect parents to spend quality time with the kids when they are not working, the same thing applies to us as parents.

I am not disagreeing with you, but only seeing things differently. We all feel the way we feel. My advice is to find a way to make it work.

Don't punish for potty training, don't make a big deal out of it at all. Have the child help out with cleaning up and be on your way- It is normal for any child that is potty trained to regress before getting back on track

Best and much luck-