When It's Hard To Be Honest

[daycare]

I have a dcf that has been with me for about 3 years. Their child is 4.5


DCM will often tell me how difficult her behavior is at home and how out of control she is. She has a little sister and the little sister pretty much is the Queen of their castle.

Well yesterday dcm called me in what sounded like a cry for help.. She is just completely lost about what to do with DCG. The behavior that DCM tells me about I personally have never witnessed, but DCG can be a challenge at times. She is hyper, loud and bossy, but she is still very sweet and listens most of the time when here.

The dcm is a control freak and tells me that some times she works 14+ hour days. DCD is often the one who picks up the girls and then is Daddy homemaker for the rest of the day. He cooks dinner, baths and puts to bed.... Mom will often not even see the girls, except for on the days that she will drop off in the morning. Which is often a nightmare because mom will sit there and make the girls cry so she feels better about leaving......

DCM is begging me to help, but how do you be honest with someone and tell them that the reason why their child is behaving so poorly is because they just want their mommy and mommy needs to spend more time with them??? I had to tell DCM I would love to chat further, but I am wanted by kids just so that I could get off the phone.

I tired the I wish I really could give some advice, but since I don't see that type of behavior here, I don't really know what to tell you....She is still begging for help.............

What would you say or do if you were in my position???

Thanks

[Josiegirl]

Maybe you could simply suggest she have daughter-mommy dates? Don't have to say much more than that but I know lots of families where they kinda split their kids up and do one-on-one time with each child. It works, the kids love it.

[daycare]

Maybe you could simply suggest she have daughter-mommy dates? Don't have to say much more than that but I know lots of families where they kinda split their kids up and do one-on-one time with each child. It works, the kids love it.

this mom is a work-a-holic...... I am not trying to be mean or judge, but I often wonder why she even had kids. In the last 3 years that her kids have been with me, I have heard about one trip that she took the girls to see her mom. This is when the baby was born (2nd child) DCM works most weekends and nights and basically puts all the responsibility on the dad and me. SHe will then talk major crap about what a horrible job her own hubby does.

She is nice to me, but I am certain she talks behind my back too....during our talk yesterday she talked 99% of the time and then when I tried to talk to her, she all of a sudden had to go.................

I don't know what to say........maybe that is all that I can say....plan some one on one time...........

[Blackcat31]

Maybe send her a card that says:

[Cat Herder]

Is it possible that DCD is under-employed so DCM must work so many hours? Perhaps she brought more debt into the marriage so must earn more?? :confused:

What I am reading feels more like a depressed mother who is feeling isolated away from her daughter and husbands relationship. "Type A" depression often looks like "catty" "uptight" or even "tyrant" to outsiders.

Maybe she was not really looking for a plan of behavior modification.... maybe she just needed to hear she is a great mother who works hard and kids that age are often very difficult for those closest to them. Remind her she may simply have a "daddys girl" now

*** "It's not the nail!!!" :::: (if you have not seen that video crawl out from under the rock and watch it... It is awesome.)

[daycare]

Is it possible that DCD is under-employed so DCM must work so many hours? Perhaps she brought more debt into the marriage so must earn more?? :confused:

What I am reading feels more like a depressed mother who is feeling isolated away from her daughter and husbands relationship. "Type A" depression often looks like "catty" "uptight" or even "tyrant" to outsiders.

Maybe she was not really looking for a plan of behavior modification.... maybe she just needed to hear she is a great mother who works hard and kids that age are often very difficult for those closest to them. Remind her she may simply have a "daddys girl" now

*** "It's not the nail!!!" :::: (if you have not seen that video crawl out from under the rock and watch it... It is awesome.)

both parents are pretty financially successful. I do believe that they may be in over their head financially, but it's what they brought on themselves. Like buying a 4.5 million dollar home, new fancy cars and clothing that is not necessary for little kids......

I tell her often she does a great job and it's hard to balance both....

[Unregistered]

My daughter used to do this. She would be perfect for everyone. But for me and dad she was constantly acting out. I was at my breaking point and I didn't know what to do anymore. After school was the worst. I found out that she resented my daycare children. So I had her go to an after school program. Then picked her up once all the daycare kids were gone and we would go on mommy daughter dates. it was like she was a different child! I would recommend to the mom to go on little dates it really does help!

[Cat Herder]

both parents are pretty financially successful. I do believe that they may be in over their head financially, but it's what they brought on themselves. Like buying a 4.5 million dollar home, new fancy cars and clothing that is not necessary for little kids......

I tell her often she does a great job and it's hard to balance both....

That is exactly what I expected. Once you finally get "The American Dream" you realize it is more of a burden than a joy.

Now that she is there the shine has worn off. Sounds like the "this is it??? what now??" phase of life...

[daycare]

Maybe send her a card that says:

I love this...................

[daycare]

That is exactly what I expected. Once you finally get "The American Dream" you realize it is more of a burden than a joy.

Now that she is there the shine has worn off. Sounds like the "this is it??? what now??" phase of life...

I don't put this women down for this, but she treats her children like they are accessories..

husband, check
beautiful house with white Pickett fence, check
2 dogs, 2 cats, check
kids, check
Keeping up with the Jone's, Check
Now what................

[MarinaVanessa]

I would just gently say ...

"Susan. Do you think that your children's behavior is a cry for your attention? You work such long days and I have noticed how they cry for you but no one else when you get an opportunity to drop them off. I bet they just miss you and want to spend time with you but they're children and don't know yet how to express that and don't know how to behave around you. I bet they just get really excited when they're with you and unfortunately they don't make choices you'd prefer, that's natural. I would suggest just having special one on one mommy time with each of them and then with them together a few times per week. Let me know if you need suggestions on fun things that they might like to do with you..."

[daycare]

I would just gently say ...

"Susan. Do you think that your children's behavior is a cry for your attention? You work such long days and I have noticed how they cry for you but no one else when you get an opportunity to drop them off. I bet they just miss you and want to spend time with you but they're children and don't know yet how to express that and don't know how to behave around you. I bet they just get really excited when they're with you and unfortunately they don't make choices you'd prefer, that's natural. I would suggest just having special one on one mommy time with each of them and then with them together a few times per week. Let me know if you need suggestions on fun things that they might like to do with you..."

ahhhh yes this.....thanks so much MV THIS IS very gentle way of putting it.. I have been under the weather and finding it hard to find my nice side. Yes this softie can sometimes not be reserved......

[Patches]

Is it possible that DCD is under-employed so DCM must work so many hours? Perhaps she brought more debt into the marriage so must earn more?? :confused:

What I am reading feels more like a depressed mother who is feeling isolated away from her daughter and husbands relationship. "Type A" depression often looks like "catty" "uptight" or even "tyrant" to outsiders.

Maybe she was not really looking for a plan of behavior modification.... maybe she just needed to hear she is a great mother who works hard and kids that age are often very difficult for those closest to them. Remind her she may simply have a "daddys girl" now

*** "It's not the nail!!!" :::: (if you have not seen that video crawl out from under the rock and watch it... It is awesome.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4EDhdAHrOg

whoops! messed up the quote

[Scout]

I would just be honest and say, maybe you are working too much and she needs to have more time with mommy. My friend's daughter(who is my dcg) began having accidents in her pants and vomiting a lot over here and I was honest and told her that she was working too much. Prior to that she was home during the day with her and bartended at night. Well, suddenly she was bartending at night but, also working during the day and very early hours so that dkg had to be up at 5:30 to be here. I didn't hesitate at all to say that I thought that was the issue. Maybe that's because this is one of my oldest friends though. Just remember you are doing it for dkg, whom you love.

[Familycare71]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4EDhdAHrOg

whoops! messed up the quote

I have seen this before!! ::
I think it is dead on as far as what this mom is looking for- I don't think she really wants advice- I think she wants to hear its them not her.