Need Advice Quick Please

[Unregistered]

Hello everyone Ive been lurking on this site for months but haven't taken the time to register but need advice quick. Ive been a child care provider for 20 years and never had this come up. I am very angry right now so forgive any typos
In at least ten years i havent had to use a substitute until today. I had an appointment I couldn't miss so I made all of my parents aware that my 20 year old daughter would be with the kids for maybe two hours today and even had them sign a paper agreeing to this. Mom comes in to drop off and says dad may stop by at lunch time to say hi to his boys because hes been out of town for a few days. I say unless hes taking them with him id rather he didn't come here when I'm not home she said she will tell him. So I leave and lock all the doors and shut my garage door which is always open during the day we use as an entrance and exit. I get home from my appt. And my daughter says he was here for like 25 minutes and left without the kids. He came to my back sliding door because the garage was shut. I am very mad he did this and plan on terming because of it due to lack of respect for me my home and my daughter. My question is should I term immediately or give a week notice. I have a letter for both. Please give opinions and advice. Thank you. I will take the time later to properly introduce myself.

[Luna]

I think you should take some time to cool off. Terming is a big deal, so please don't do it while you are still heated. A few hours, overnight would be even better, then if you still feel you need to term you'll have a better idea of whether or not you can tolerate working through the notice period.
I'm sorry you and your daughter were disrespected.

[Unregistered]

Is it possible that mom never got a hold of him to give the message and he was unaware it was an issue?

[BrooklynM]

Ugh! I would term without notice. I am sure that freaked your daughter out. It would totally freak me out if one of my DCP did that!

I find it really weird that they did this after you called up the mom and talked to her. Very disrespectful if you ask me. Have you had any other issues with these parents in the past?

[Heidi]

I'd say go according to what your contract says.

I personally would not term for this unless this sort of thing is the last straw. I would, however, have a stern and direct talk with dad. Did the kids cry when he left? Are you absolutely sure he got the message? What if mom never told him for whatever reason (busy at work?)

You didn't ask, I know. Sorry. It's your decision to term, not mine.

Have they paid you a deposit? Would they use the care and then ditch you with an unpaid bill as revenge for terming? That would factor in for me.

[butterfly]

Term immediately. Total lack of respect. Coming through the back door and showing up after told not too...

[butterfly]

I probably wouldn't even wait until pickup time today. I'd call them immediately to pickup their kids and tell them not to return. For a man to come over when your daughter was watching the kids by herself... I know I'm over protective of my family, but that would just totally cross the line in my book.

[KDC]

I think you should take some time to cool off. Terming is a big deal, so please don't do it while you are still heated. A few hours, overnight would be even better, then if you still feel you need to term you'll have a better idea of whether or not you can tolerate working through the notice period.
I'm sorry you and your daughter were disrespected.

I agree with this. I would address it, after I've cooled off and put my business hat on. Keep it calm, cool & collected or you might regret it. Just explain that it's a privacy issue, him being there with the other DCK's in your care for an extended time especially with knowledge you were away, is a big issue and it's too big of a risk for you and your daycare. Just be sure your ducks are in a row if you're licensed. Having a substitute, he could call to try to cause trouble if he's unhappy.

[daycare]

what does it say in your contract?

mine does say, one drop off one pick up per day per family.

I would not term for this, I would be talking to the family and letting them know that it was not ok and that if it happens again, you will term. Parents do need to be reminded of the rules. And like someone else said, it is possible that DCD did not get the message from the mom.

If DCM came and told me this, I would have called the dad myself and said, Happy to hear you are home from out of town, I am sure the boys missed you. Mom said that you wanted to come by for a visit, which is fine, but you will need to take the boys with you when you leave. If you can not take them with you when you leave, you will need to wait until after childcare to visit with your children. Thanks so much for following all daycare policies.

Has this happened before?

[TwinKristi]

I may get the full story from mom before terming and perhaps give them a stern warning that this is not to happen again. BUT the only concern I would have is access to the children. In my state we have to allow patents to access their children whenever they want. Drop-in or with notice, etc. There is never a time I'm allowed to tell parents "please don't come here" that I'm aware of. I have it posted in my entry and it's in my contract as well. I personally understand this was kind of a special circumstance, your first and only time using a sub and just to keep things easy it would be best to avoid a strange or unhappy situation, but just something to consider. There's a whole thread about what unhappy term'd parent can do to your business! If I did that I could face being investigated if they wanted to turn me in for denying them access to their child and terminating over it.

Eta- I just double checked my form and it states clearly that "parents can enter and inspect the home without advanced notice whenever children are in care."

[WImom]

I'd get the full story as well from the mom. Call her during nap if you can. I would be steaming if this happened to me but wouldn't term unless like someone else said "it was the last straw".

[Unregistered]

Ive had a few problems in the past like bringing toys when told not to, random drop off times with no call dad tends to hang out too long at drop off. I know he got the message he didn't ask where I was and wasn't surprised my daughter was here. They are paid this week and most likely check is in the mail for the next two which I will gladly give back if I term immediately. Yes it did make my daughter uncomfortable she has maybe seen him a few times in passing.

[butterfly]

I may get the full story from mom before terming and perhaps give them a stern warning that this is not to happen again. BUT the only concern I would have is access to the children. In my state we have to allow patents to access their children whenever they want. Drop-in or with notice, etc. There is never a time I'm allowed to tell parents "please don't come here" that I'm aware of. I have it posted in my entry and it's in my contract as well. I personally understand this was kind of a special circumstance, your first and only time using a sub and just to keep things easy it would be best to avoid a strange or unhappy situation, but just something to consider. There's a whole thread about what unhappy term'd parent can do to your business! If I did that I could face being investigated if they wanted to turn me in for denying them access to their child and terminating over it.

I have the same regulation in my state, that parents need to have access to their children any time of the day. But the way that the parent came through the back door, That seems a little like trespassing when they didn't come through/to the main entrance. Why not ring the door bell, knock on the door, call the provider's home? That's just a little too creepy...

I also don't believe it's required to let the parents just hang out for 25 minutes. I think that's excessive. It becomes a liability issues for the other children's safety, dad could have even gotten injured while on the property - who knows...

I wouldn't put up with that.

[BrooklynM]

That's a good point, Kristi. I am also curious why you don't use your front door? Maybe I'm not understanding your set up. Everyone comes through my front door at my house, if they came through my sliding glass door, they would have to go through my back fence and nobody has ever done that. It would completely freak me out!

This brings up an interesting point about locking doors. Maybe I'll put up a post with a poll to see what everyone does!

[daycare]

I may get the full story from mom before terming and perhaps give them a stern warning that this is not to happen again. BUT the only concern I would have is access to the children. In my state we have to allow patents to access their children whenever they want. Drop-in or with notice, etc. There is never a time I'm allowed to tell parents "please don't come here" that I'm aware of. I have it posted in my entry and it's in my contract as well. I personally understand this was kind of a special circumstance, your first and only time using a sub and just to keep things easy it would be best to avoid a strange or unhappy situation, but just something to consider. There's a whole thread about what unhappy term'd parent can do to your business! If I did that I could face being investigated if they wanted to turn me in for denying them access to their child and terminating over it.

Eta- I just double checked my form and it states clearly that "parents can enter and inspect the home without advanced notice whenever children are in care."

you are right, we can't deny access, but there is nothing in the rules that says that we can't force them to take them home when they leave. It is so hard on the kids to have to say bye twice to their parents in one day, super confusing. NOt to forget to mention that it is disruptive.

There is also nothing in the rules that says that we have to allow them to stay and visit. I for one won't allow the parents to hang out with the other DCKs. Sorry, not going to happen here. I don't know the parents full background and they don't have the rights to play with the other children.