Should I Feel Bad-Sorry So Long

[slpender]

Dcm picked up late last night pick up time is 5:30 she arrived at 5:38. This is the 3rd time in the last 30 days she has been late. When she dropped off this morning I gave her the invoice with a $8.00 late fee that is due at pick up time today. I also had her sign a paper that stated she has had 3 late pick ups and the next time she is late child care will be terminated. I have been more than flexible with her pick up times she is a teacher at a school that is 20 minutes from my house on a bad traffic day the teachers required work hours are from 8:20-3:50 I have another teacher in my childcare that works at the same school and picks between 4:15-4:30 everyday.

The parent with all the late picks up asked for longer hours because her son that is in 3rd grade was having a hard time and homework was taking up all her evening time and she could not get her work things done at home so I allowed her to have a 5:30 pick up on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursdays at no additional charge. She still cannot get her on time and if I call her when she is running late she does not answer the phone.

She signed the papers this morning at drop off said she would have fee at pick then starts crying and says she is not going to work today that her father (he has been battling cancer for the past 2 yrs) is in the hospital and is not doing good her mom just called her this morning and told her but she will be here by 4:30 to pick up child and walks out.

I do feel bad about her family issues but her late pick ups have nothing to do with her father's illness.

[blessed mom]

Dcm picked up late last night pick up time is 5:30 she arrived at 5:38. This is the 3rd time in the last 30 days she has been late. When she dropped off this morning I gave her the invoice with a $8.00 late fee that is due at pick up time today. I also had her sign a paper that stated she has had 3 late pick ups and the next time she is late child care will be terminated. I have been more than flexible with her pick up times she is a teacher at a school that is 20 minutes from my house on a bad traffic day the teachers required work hours are from 8:20-3:50 I have another teacher in my childcare that works at the same school and picks between 4:15-4:30 everyday.

The parent with all the late picks up asked for longer hours because her son that is in 3rd grade was having a hard time and homework was taking up all her evening time and she could not get her work things done at home so I allowed her to have a 5:30 pick up on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursdays at no additional charge. She still cannot get her on time and if I call her when she is running late she does not answer the phone.

She signed the papers this morning at drop off said she would have fee at pick then starts crying and says she is not going to work today that her father (he has been battling cancer for the past 2 yrs) is in the hospital and is not doing good her mom just called her this morning and told her but she will be here by 4:30 to pick up child and walks out.

I do feel bad about her family issues but her late pick ups have nothing to do with her father's illness.

Totally up to you. We have really bad traffic so I don't fuss over ten to fifteen minutes as long as a) they notify me and b) are ok with my hubby watching them if I have plans.

[Play Care]

Dcm picked up late last night pick up time is 5:30 she arrived at 5:38. This is the 3rd time in the last 30 days she has been late. When she dropped off this morning I gave her the invoice with a $8.00 late fee that is due at pick up time today. I also had her sign a paper that stated she has had 3 late pick ups and the next time she is late child care will be terminated. I have been more than flexible with her pick up times she is a teacher at a school that is 20 minutes from my house on a bad traffic day the teachers required work hours are from 8:20-3:50 I have another teacher in my childcare that works at the same school and picks between 4:15-4:30 everyday.

The parent with all the late picks up asked for longer hours because her son that is in 3rd grade was having a hard time and homework was taking up all her evening time and she could not get her work things done at home so I allowed her to have a 5:30 pick up on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursdays at no additional charge. She still cannot get her on time and if I call her when she is running late she does not answer the phone.

She signed the papers this morning at drop off said she would have fee at pick then starts crying and says she is not going to work today that her father (he has been battling cancer for the past 2 yrs) is in the hospital and is not doing good her mom just called her this morning and told her but she will be here by 4:30 to pick up child and walks out.

I do feel bad about her family issues but her late pick ups have nothing to do with her father's illness.

I would hold firm. The fact is you did her a favor by allowing a much later pick up time. And she's still late. I can see why most would not sweat a few minutes here and there - but she's already been given a generous amount of additional time at NO charge. And honestly, using her situation to make you feel bad/guilty - especially since that is NOT the reason for the late pick ups is emotional blackmail. Not cool.

[daycarediva]

I would hold firm. The fact is you did her a favor by allowing a much later pick up time. And she's still late. I can see why most would not sweat a few minutes here and there - but she's already been given a generous amount of additional time at NO charge. And honestly, using her situation to make you feel bad/guilty - especially since that is NOT the reason for the late pick ups is emotional blackmail. Not cool.

yup, this.

[Blackcat31]

Absolutely you can feel bad!

But that doesn't mean you have to act because of that.

Way too many providers feel that sympathizing with a parent means they have to DO something too.

Sympathizing is a feeling/emotion. It is NOT an action.

I would tell this mom that you do feel bad, you are a compassionate and caring person. Let her know that she DOES have your sympathies.

She does NOT have permission to use MORE of your time though.

Separating those two things (actions and emotions) helps a ton in these kinds of situations.

[slpender]

I would hold firm. The fact is you did her a favor by allowing a much later pick up time. And she's still late. I can see why most would not sweat a few minutes here and there - but she's already been given a generous amount of additional time at NO charge. And honestly, using her situation to make you feel bad/guilty - especially since that is NOT the reason for the late pick ups is emotional blackmail. Not cool.

That is how I feel also just trying to make sure I wasn't being cold hearted.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

Absolutely you can feel bad!

But that doesn't mean you have to act because of that.

Way too many providers feel that sympathizing with a parent means they have to DO something too.

Sympathizing is a feeling/emotion. It is NOT an action.

I would tell this mom that you do feel bad, you are a compassionate and caring person. Let her know that she DOES have your sympathies.

She does NOT have permission to use MORE of your time though.

Separating those two things (actions and emotions) helps a ton in these kinds of situations.

Exactly.

[Play Care]

Absolutely you can feel bad!

But that doesn't mean you have to act because of that.

Way too many providers feel that sympathizing with a parent means they have to DO something too.

Sympathizing is a feeling/emotion. It is NOT an action.

I would tell this mom that you do feel bad, you are a compassionate and caring person. Let her know that she DOES have your sympathies.

She does NOT have permission to use MORE of your time though.

Separating those two things (actions and emotions) helps a ton in these kinds of situations.

[cheerfuldom]

agree with BC!

we ALL have issues going on. its no excuse to misuse people and not keep your commitments. how about if you open late in the morning multiple times at random because you have an ill relative? do you think that she would be okay with that? when you reverse it, you can see how the parents would not put up with it if it was you making excuses instead of them.

yeah dealing with jobs and school agers and homework takes up basically all day every day. and having to deal with an ill parent is exhausting and heartbreaking.

that doesnt mean that she will get any freebies with the gas company, her bank or Walmart. business is business.

you are already giving her an extra hour of free care....thats 3 hours every week during the school year! definitely over 100 hours free care per year. I would remind her of that if need be

It does sound like she has a lot on her plate but how does her father being sick even factor into the three previous late pickups? She is not caring for him right? She is home doing work from school is what she told you. Either way, pickup should be on time.

[Cradle2crayons]

I would hold firm. The fact is you did her a favor by allowing a much later pick up time. And she's still late. I can see why most would not sweat a few minutes here and there - but she's already been given a generous amount of additional time at NO charge. And honestly, using her situation to make you feel bad/guilty - especially since that is NOT the reason for the late pick ups is emotional blackmail. Not cool.

Absolutely you can feel bad!

But that doesn't mean you have to act because of that.

Way too many providers feel that sympathizing with a parent means they have to DO something too.

Sympathizing is a feeling/emotion. It is NOT an action.

I would tell this mom that you do feel bad, you are a compassionate and caring person. Let her know that she DOES have your sympathies.

She does NOT have permission to use MORE of your time though.

Separating those two things (actions and emotions) helps a ton in these kinds of situations.

agree with BC!

we ALL have issues going on. its no excuse to misuse people and not keep your commitments. how about if you open late in the morning multiple times at random because you have an ill relative? do you think that she would be okay with that? when you reverse it, you can see how the parents would not put up with it if it was you making excuses instead of them.

yeah dealing with jobs and school agers and homework takes up basically all day every day. and having to deal with an ill parent is exhausting and heartbreaking.

that doesnt mean that she will get any freebies with the gas company, her bank or Walmart. business is business.

you are already giving her an extra hour of free care....thats 3 hours every week during the school year! definitely over 100 hours free care per year. I would remind her of that if need be

It does sound like she has a lot on her plate but how does her father being sick even factor into the three previous late pickups? She is not caring for him right? She is home doing work from school is what she told you. Either way, pickup should be on time.

all of this

[caregiver]

I totally agree with all of this also.

Speaking of late pick ups in general-
I will allow late pick up for only one reason and that is because I live in a larger city and the traffic is just awful during rush hour, which is anywhere from 3:30pm on, until around almost 7pm every night and once your stuck in it, you are REALLY stuck. Then in the winter there is the snow and ice to contend with on the roads. So I will tell my parents if the weather is bad, please do not rush here to get here on time, I would rather they stay safe and take no chances of getting into a accident just to get here right on time. They will give me a call if they are stuck in traffic or if the roads are icy to let me know what is going on. Otherwise I don't allow late pick ups.