The I Don't Feel Good Game

[slpender]

How do you handle this. I have a little girl 3 1/2 and anytime she is not doing what she wants to be doing she says her stomach hurts. Ex clean up time stomach hurts lunch child doesn't want to be at the table stomach hurts. I just had a stomach bug with vomiting go through her on Friday so yesterday when she starting complain that her stomach her I sent her home. Well mom came in this morning very angry saying there was nothing wrong with child jumped on trampoline all afternoon. Well today we are back to the my stomach hurts game.

[sharlan]

Ah, the age of manipulation. It's hard, but try not to feed into it.

I would tell her fine, you go lay down on the sofa/mat/etc. I would have the kids leave some of the toys out for her to put away. (She can't play until she puts those toys away.) I would place her plate in the fridge to eat when her tummy felt better.

[Brooksie]

I used to have a 4 year old who said that everytime he needed to do something he didn't want to. I would just say "I'm sorry you're not feeling good, but you still need to help clean up". If he didn't he was not allowed to move on to the next thing. Just this morning my #1 helper told me during clean up today that she "didn't know how." I told her last week she did an excellent job cleaning up her mess and that she was not allowed to play with any thing else until she remembered. She sat there for a good 15 minutes and when she saw I wasn't budging or moving to clean up her mess she told me she remembered, and then sang the clean up song and put every away. Its all manipulation.

[Blackcat31]

How do you handle this. I have a little girl 3 1/2 and anytime she is not doing what she wants to be doing she says her stomach hurts. Ex clean up time stomach hurts lunch child doesn't want to be at the table stomach hurts. I just had a stomach bug with vomiting go through her on Friday so yesterday when she starting complain that her stomach her I sent her home. Well mom came in this morning very angry saying there was nothing wrong with child jumped on trampoline all afternoon. Well today we are back to the my stomach hurts game.

I certainly would have told mom what the child said....Does she (mom) want you to NOT believe the child?

At 3.5 yrs old, she is plenty old enough to know if her tummy really does hurt or not.

I'd put it back on mom and tell her, you have NO choice but send a child home that complains of not feeling well.

I have had kids that have tried that here as well and what I did was once they tell me they don't feel good (and I KNOW they are fibbing) then I have them go lie down and rest. After all, everyone feels better when they are sick if they rest.

I wouldn't allow her to play or participate in anything...except lunch and snack time.

She will change her mind about feeling sick if being sick is NOT fun at all.

[Angelsj]

How do you handle this. I have a little girl 3 1/2 and anytime she is not doing what she wants to be doing she says her stomach hurts. Ex clean up time stomach hurts lunch child doesn't want to be at the table stomach hurts. I just had a stomach bug with vomiting go through her on Friday so yesterday when she starting complain that her stomach her I sent her home. Well mom came in this morning very angry saying there was nothing wrong with child jumped on trampoline all afternoon. Well today we are back to the my stomach hurts game.

The mom being angry would irritate me. Like BC says, what does she want you to do?
I also agree with BC, a sick kid needs to rest. Quietly napping in a place away from the action should do the trick. I have also been known to shrug at a kid that I know is full of it. "Sorry your tummy hurts. Here pick up these toys."

[Meyou]

I certainly would have told mom what the child said....Does she (mom) want you to NOT believe the child?

At 3.5 yrs old, she is plenty old enough to know if her tummy really does hurt or not.

I'd put it back on mom and tell her, you have NO choice but send a child home that complains of not feeling well.

I have had kids that have tried that here as well and what I did was once they tell me they don't feel good (and I KNOW they are fibbing) then I have them go lie down and rest. After all, everyone feels better when they are sick if they rest.

I wouldn't allow her to play or participate in anything...except lunch and snack time.

She will change her mind about feeling sick if being sick is NOT fun at all.

This. Anyone who doesn't feel good should listen to their body and rest all day especially during the fun activities.

My 9 year old rather feels sick in the morning now that we have a stay in bed until noon rule for school days. It was amazing how fast her immune system improved.

[Scout]

Yep, they would have to sit out all play by themselves. No fun and I agree it would go away!

[SilverSabre25]

Oh yes, if you don't feel good, you need to go lie down. And take a nap today (especially useful if child no longer naps). If they agree...they are probably sick. Especially if they agree and then proceed to stay there.

If child is so into NOT doing the hated action (i.e clean up time) that they would rather lay on their mat all day than clean up, then you may have to find other solutions though

[Cradle2crayons]

Oh yes, if you don't feel good, you need to go lie down. And take a nap today (especially useful if child no longer naps). If they agree...they are probably sick. Especially if they agree and then proceed to stay there.

If child is so into NOT doing the hated action (i.e clean up time) that they would rather lay on their mat all day than clean up, then you may have to find other solutions though

This is what I do. Oh your stomach hurts? Then you have to go lay down in the nap room. And absolutely NO PLAYING.

I had a daycare mom once who had a six year old boy and a four year old girl. The mom was so lazy she just wouldn't get up at least one day a week to take her son to school. So she would tell him to tell the school the next day that his stomach hurt. Care for them was afternoon care so shed just bring both kids over at 3:30. Then I found out what she was pulling. She was in terrible trouble with the truancy officer too. So, I started a new policy. If they were too sick to go to school they couldn't come to daycare after school either. Apparently, she needed her job and daycare more than she wanted to lay in the bed and she started getting the child to school.

Long story short, the four year old would show up those days and say that her tummy hurt if I asked her to do something. I could tell she wasn't really sick, but after a few times of being sent to the nap room in the darkened room without friends, she decided her tummy was great.

[se7en]

Please be careful with how you react to this complaint. I know a few children who do get stomach aches at certain times. It is sometimes anxiety related. Maybe you could read some journal articles or talk to some kindergarten teachers and find out how it is supposed to be handled.

[Familycare71]

Please be careful with how you react to this complaint. I know a few children who do get stomach aches at certain times. It is sometimes anxiety related. Maybe you could read some journal articles or talk to some kindergarten teachers and find out how it is supposed to be handled.

While I appreciate where your coming from the OP said this occurred after the child had a stomach bug and is only present when the child is trying to avoid an activity (like cleaning)... If it was anxiety or something else it wouldn't only occur in those instances and wouldn't have such a sudden onset- it would increase slowly.

[slpender]

I certainly would have told mom what the child said....Does she (mom) want you to NOT believe the child?

At 3.5 yrs old, she is plenty old enough to know if her tummy really does hurt or not.

I'd put it back on mom and tell her, you have NO choice but send a child home that complains of not feeling well.

I have had kids that have tried that here as well and what I did was once they tell me they don't feel good (and I KNOW they are fibbing) then I have them go lie down and rest. After all, everyone feels better when they are sick if they rest.

I wouldn't allow her to play or participate in anything...except lunch and snack time.

She will change her mind about feeling sick if being sick is NOT fun at all.

I agree with everything you posted I just wanted to be sure I wasn't being to harsh. I am enforcing this tomorrow hopefully she will stop crying wolf. I f parents do not like this method I will continue to send her home every time she complains and it can be the parents issue.

[Play Care]

Please be careful with how you react to this complaint. I know a few children who do get stomach aches at certain times. It is sometimes anxiety related. Maybe you could read some journal articles or talk to some kindergarten teachers and find out how it is supposed to be handled.

With all due respect many of the providers on this board have degrees (some advanced) in education and a good number have taught in the public education system, as well as many years of experience working with children. That's the reason, I imagine, why the OP posted this question here.

[SilverSabre25]

Please be careful with how you react to this complaint. I know a few children who do get stomach aches at certain times. It is sometimes anxiety related. Maybe you could read some journal articles or talk to some kindergarten teachers and find out how it is supposed to be handled.

Sure, SOMEtimes it's anxiety. But most often it's task avoidance. Task avoidance is what I assume first. If there seems to be a pattern, I start to consider other things. Usually anxiety is not going to manifest only when it's time to clean up toys or sit down to eat a lunch that isn't what the child prefers to eat.

If it's anxiety there are going to be other signs and symptoms and it's going to manifest at different times than task avoidance 'stomach aches' or actual illness.\

Also...speaking with a kindergarten teacher wouldn't help with dealing with children who are 2-4. The behaviors are totally different. The situations are totally different. Everything is just different.

[Play Care]

I agree with everything you posted I just wanted to be sure I wasn't being to harsh. I am enforcing this tomorrow hopefully she will stop crying wolf. I f parents do not like this method I will continue to send her home every time she complains and it can be the parents issue.

You are not. Speaking as the mom of a child who gets anxious and has "stomach aches" I handle it the same way I would if a child were faking to get out of an unpleasant task. We also work on talking things out when we don't feel comfortable or happy - but I stressed with her I don't want it to get to the point where she's not believed when she really is ill. Last year around this time DD got sent home several times from school with various complaints. She would then get home and want to play with the dck's, run around, etc. Clearly not ill So I instituted the "if you are too sick for school, you stay in your bed" We had an amazing turn around
It's not your fault the parent didn't want to parent - why did she let her child jump on the trampoline if she wasn't feeling well?