That Kid....

[MissAnn]

There's at least one every year. The one the other kids don't want to play with. The one that gets left out. The one you let have a special activity first only because that's when other kids will want to play with him. This makes me cringe:

That kid: Do you want to play with me?
Kid: No thank you (because I've taught them to say no thank you or maybe later or something that is kinder than just no)
Another kid: Do you want to play with me?
Kid: Sure!

I talk to the kids about helping words and hurting words. They usually do not say anything that is blatantly hurtful. They just don't want to play with "that kid". I've always felt kids have a right to say "no thank you".....it's not healthy to teach kids to say yes to every thing........

Still.....what about "that kid" and his feelings?

[daycarediva]

I have noticed "that kid" usually has some issues that need working on. Right now "that kid" here cries when he doesnt get his way & refuses to compromise in play. The other kids have learned that about him, and they even try "ok, I will play with you but dont cry or I wont play with you again."

[Leanna]

There is a great book by Vivian Gussin Paley called You Can't Say You Can't Play. It is about how they implemented a rule in her classroom where the children were not allowed to exclude one another from play. Very interesting perspective on exclusion and friendship.

[coolconfidentme]

My that kid is the kid who pushing the limits & finds himself in timeout. Nobody wants to play with that kid here because he hoards the toys, doesn't share, tattles & is rude. Today I am shadowing that kid.

[countrymom]

I also find that my little kids can sense things about the other kids. I've had kids that don't get chosen to be played with, but thats because theres usually something with that child. They cry, they fight, they hoard the toys, they hurt the kids. No child wants to play with that kid.

[snbauser]

The issue I usually have is the kids who only want to play with certain other kids. What I have done to eliminate the exclusion issues is this. If Child A is playing with something and Child B comes along and wants to play, they have to ask "may I play with your?" Child A is aloud to say "yes" or "no thank you". If they say "no thank you" and Child C comes along and asks if they can play, I tell them "No, Child A told Child B they didn't want to play with them so he is playing by himself right now". This has forced the kids to do one of two things. 1 - Allow Child B AND Child C to play with them if they really want to play with Child C and whatever toy they are playing with or 2 - Child A will put away what they are playing with and go find something else to do with Child C. Typically they chose option #1 and allow all 3 to play together.
I also have size limitations on my centers as to how many can play in there at a time and the sizes are set so that there isn't just one kid left over while the rest play in the same center. For example right now I have 5 kids. Each of my centers either allows 2, 3, or 5 kids depending on the center. It took some thought because previously I had 12 kids so allowing 4 in the dramatic play area or the sensory area wasn't a big deal. But with 5 kids, if I allowed 4 in those centers, there would be one left out.

[MissAnn]

I also find that my little kids can sense things about the other kids. I've had kids that don't get chosen to be played with, but thats because theres usually something with that child. They cry, they fight, they hoard the toys, they hurt the kids. No child wants wants to play with that kid.

My "that kid" is very sweet. He is just very behind academically and in maturity. He is new to me. He was in a program that let the kids watch TV all day. His parents felt it was up to childcare to "work with" their son. He has fallen through the cracks. He stands out as different. He wants so badly to make friends here. The big thing is......"Can I come to your house to play".....the rest of the kids get yesses from each other but he gets a "no thank you"......This morning I told the kids we aren't going to talk about going to each others houses because they would have to get permission from mom and dad.

I do feel kids have the right to play or not play with others. They have the right to turn each other down as long as it's done in a nice way. I know...this causes a problem when you have "that kid". I have limited the amount of kids in centers in the past....mainly because of the group I had last year...more behavior issues. This year I haven't done that because this is an excellently behaving group! So.....that might solve the issue to some extent. Only 3 kids can play in blocks...and he is one of them....he will have automatic playmates.