My Child Was Abused

[MotherNature]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I would definitely make a police report since they're not communicating well with you. I love how they 'can't give you details'. Um...why not??!!! Your son was victimized.. They BETTER spill the beans & tell you what's going on. That's ridiculous. Also..they let this unreported all day? I'd find some other options real quick. Also- someone asked if kindergarten is mandatory in Indiana.. not real sure, but I homeschooled my eldest for kindergarten, so maybe that's an option for you.

[BABYLUVER]

I'd pull him. Surely there are other options, maybe in home child cares that transport, or perhaps you can get off earlier to pickup or take a late lunch and use it to pickup/drop off at new daycare. I would not ever leave my children in an environment like this where nothing's being done. It's one thing for the kid to have done something (because you cannot predict what other CHILDREN will do) and then someone follow up and deal with it. It's an entirely different thing to try to hide it, not tell you immediately what's up etc. I would call CPS with a quickness, file a police report and press charges. I believe you mentioned 5th grade? That's a 10yo and in our state, one can be prosecuted for assault, regardless of what "type" at that age and/or their own parents can be as well if it's found that the child is doing this out of neglect of an underlying situation. Worse yet, the parents may be the ones exposing him to such things or know who is and aren't addressing it appropriately, and your reporting this incident can get HIM out of a situation that he needs to get out of so he does not victimize any other children. Situations like these are not black and white, but honestly if you're in a dangerous area, can you move? You say you have NO ONE and thus that leads me to believe you have no family or friends that can support you, so what do you have to lose by leaving that behind and starting in a better place? Heck, I'm in Colo and plenty of places for rent and cheap, surely other states are similar or even other cities in your own state. If you have any housing assistance, it'll transfer to wherever you go. Don't get me wrong, if you decided to make a big move like that, you would want to do your research. But don't ever settle, especially not when it comes to your children. Your first step, though, is to get your son AWAY from people who are completely clueless AND trying to minimize what has happened by not calling you right away. UNACCEPTABLE.

To start: REMOVE HIM
if you intend to stay where you're at, find other centers in the area and ask if they do buses from school to daycare. Some may do it at a small extra fee
Try to find another parent that lives near you who would be willing to help (background check 'em)
Ask the school for recommendations of providers or a list
Move away from the ghetto area you are in and find somewhere else. It's not easy, but you may just have to take a small risk (and maybe lose a LITTLE bit of money to gain a LOT of peace of mind)
Forego kinder if it's not necessary in your area, home school after work (and bring to trusted daycare during work)
If you must do kinder, find another school like a charter school even if that means you drop off and pick up the kid
Try an in-home kinder program rather than a daycare center if possible
LOTS OF OPTIONS.

Keeping your son at that place isn't one of them. You know it's not. Please trust your heart.

[blessed mom]

1 don't send child to school anymore, home school for now
2 report to police
3 report to licensing
4 take child for an examination
5 follow up
Most likely the school and after school are lying to you, they already are handling this incident all wrong
Take mattes in hour own hands, I know its not easy, but your child comes first .

Umm...they are MANDATED REPORTERS!!! They have to report it! I would so report it to all agencies and I would pull him!!! It does not sound like they are taking this seriously and that is my first concern! I would not be surprised if they did not report it!! It would be one thing if it happened and they were apologetic, giving you feedback on all the steps they have taken. Assuring you that they never leave that child alone with any children...etc. Sounds more like a cover up. Report it all to be on the safe side and to protect other children. I'd pull him as well.

[My3cents]

Leaving him somewhere you don't feel is safe lends a bad light on your parenting choices....kwim?

No one in licensing/law enforcement etc will take you serious if you say,
"My child was sexually abused but he still attends."

Makes you kind of look unsure of the whole thing.

Honestly, if you are trying to pin down the director or the person who should be handling this, I would close my daycare and march my tushie down there and raise a huge stink until I got the answers I wanted.

I would refuse to leave until someone addressed your questions, the protocol for this type of situation and got some sort of satisfaction as to the action they will be taking in regards to this.

yeap and police should have been called asap- witness should have been questioned. Call your daycare parents and tell them you need a personal day maybe two-

Why can't you ask someone in his class to give him a ride home after school, other parents transport- even if you had pay them, and or taxi- My kid would be home with me if I was home doing daycare and not going to afterschool y program.

This is no offense to anyone that works for the Y aftercare programs.......

but have you ever seen the program for yourself? I have and I was mortified with how it was run. Kids running around, too noisy for any child to get homework done, very much so a lack of adult supervision, anyone in and out of the school, kids watching kids, makes a bus station where people are waiting for a ride look like a palace, overall not run very well, with kids just wishing to go home. I have had clients come to me because of these issues with their kids. This is what I saw at my schools after program, I am not saying they are all like this- I was in disbelief because of all the rules etc that I have to follow and the chaotic mess that was going on which seemed like no rules applied. Free for all.

I agree that you have options and maybe just maybe you are in too much shock at this second to react and do something, but if I were you I would be getting on the ball and doing something prompto! I would start with reporting it to the police, principal, head of the program, superintendent of the school, human services and anyone else that would listen to me and I would want answers and be removing my child from that program.

make sure to update us with how you make out- Completely agree with Bcat on this and have a cry fest later, react and do something now- you might save this from happening to someone else and you need to protect your kid!

[My3cents]

This was alarming to me as well. I as a parent would have been fuming if I had not received a phone call immediately. And regardless of whether or not the program handled everything wrong or made me feel satisfied that things were properly handled and explained I would have called CPS, licensing, the school itself and the police the first chance I got.

Police have special task forces with trained officers (or can call some in to help) that can interview your son to find out more about what happened without being invasive or leading. And one thing I learned from CPS during a mandated reporter training (a class I took where CPS facilitated it) is that you should never assume or believe that someone else reported it, always report it yourself even if someone else said they did it or will do it.

Also who's to say that they did or didn't report it or reported it right away or not? If the program just wasn't equipped with proper training and didn't know what to do in this situation then CPS and licensing will make sure that they fix this issue so it doesn't happen again.

I am shocked they waited until pick up to tell you this- you need answers. Remember you are your child's biggest advocate!!!

[My3cents]

Who?

If I had that option with someone I trusted he wouldn't be going to the program to begin with.

Find someone!!! Your trusting him with what now?

Taxi service? I would go for another mom or grandmother- or hire someone to stay with your kids while you go get him. Something.....do something, call the school, his teacher and find out who else transports their kids, or get a wagon and take your kids to get him at the bus stop. Do something........ who? You!

[My3cents]

I couldn't agree more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Seriously if someone (child or adult) sexually assulted your child you need to contact the police right away!!! You are your child's only advocate and you need to advocate for your child! You can't rely on someone else "taking care of it for you" Also, can't your child ride the bus to school??? My kids both road the bus to school, their bus stop used to be up the street and it was a PITA to lug 8 daycare kids to the stop with me so I contacted transportation and had the bus stop moved, they were actually really nice about it since I had a daycare. If that isn't an option then see if he can catch a ride with a neighbor child and just give them money for gas each week. If you are that seriously worried about your child then putting him back in the same situation every day isn't a good thing, what are you going to do if it happens again????

yeap, just use the word unsafe.......ask the stop to be moved closer to you and then do what you have to do to go and get him. Call the bus company and request this. OR, ask an older trust worthy kid to walk him home- Remedy the situation, just don't become complacent because you feel you have no options.

[My3cents]

as much as I see where you all are coming from with home school. Please keep in mind that not everyone wants to home school, is the best fit for the child etc.....

Every child should have the right to go to school and be safe! I do hold the school accountable because this is happening within school walls. If a school is going to offer out this type of programming then it should make sure it is upheld to the highest standards as the school should be.

I am not anti home schooling, but for some that is not the best answer, or choice.

I do agree with do something!!! Stop the excuses and act now, demand some answers and want nothing more then solutions.

Best-

[Suttgirl]

A 5th grader doing this to your son who is not even 6 yrs old is terribly serious and needs to be handled because he may not be the first and he most likely won't be the last if this 5th grader doesn't get help. I would immediately report it to licensing and also the local police department.

This was my immediate thought - this child needs some help. Schools now lack the resources to offer significant help. Call it in. Are there any dc centers that transport to your child's school? Or can you contact another parent in your child's class that you could pay $20 a week to transport? If you spend a significant amount of time stressing about your child's safety, then it is worth it to find other options. I have a friend that has arrangements with a parent to drop off and pick up her child in exchange for a discount on childcare.

Ultimately it is our job as parents to be advocates for our children. And you calling this in may end up getting the 5th grader some help. Good luck to you. This is a hard situation to have to handle. I'm sure you have already had some good conversations with your child about physical boundaries and what to do if someone tries to touch you I appropriately.

[Unregistered]

I would add "home school" to that list of options. You don't have to make a life long commitment to do it for this year.

Couldn't find Willows post she quoted but since this was an after school program and not in actual school another option is looking into another after school program or even another home daycare provider that can pick him up and watch him until your husband can pick him up. You ca also look into seeing if he can get a taxi to pick him up at school and take him home; a girl I used I watch did this because I couldn't transport. Sometimes if you are a regulate customer they give you discounts. They also have to have background checks and you can request the same driver if that makes you feel more comfortable.

[Unregistered]

My son was removed completely and I think we have found an alternative but will know more on that next week.

Filed a report with both DCS and the local police department. Officers have been at my home talking to my husband and son as well. They are starting an investigation on the family, the care program and the school.

I found out today from the care program that the boy was only supposed to be there for 3 more weeks as they were notified this morning that they were moving. I made sure to call the police immediately since NONE OF THEM have reported ANYTHING.

I have been sick to my stomach all day but I still honestly feel better.

I have a long road ahead of me and I think it's all going to hit the fan but I feel good about it.

[Unregistered]

Oh no... I'm sorry I misspoke.

The care program did inform us that they did file a report with their insurance company but the stated that they have not filed anything outside of that.

Although I do believe the lead did (without the knowledge of her supervisor).

[Karena]

I'm so sorry for your son and for you and your husband. I would report it on my own even if you know they have, no one has heard a report from you representing your son. I'm sure there's oodles of resources to use with young children too, to help talk to your son so he feels okay to stand up to someone older than himself and to tell someone. Again, I'm sorry. The good thing is that it was found out right away.

[Karena]

oops, didn't read down far enough before posting; glad you reported it and have found alternate care!

[craftymissbeth]

I wonder why they reported it to their insurance and not anyone else?


You did great and the right thing for your son and family. happyface


I wish you the best of luck!! Keep us updated :hug: