WWYD in This Meal Scenario?

[melskids]

I agree with you. A child must eat the main part of their lunch before they get the dessert, or whatever you want to call it. I also only give very small portions if I don't think a child will like what I am serving. It is a big deal if I throw out a hot dog and mac and cheese, that is like ripping money up and throwing it in the trash. No wonder there are so many problems with kids and what they will eat and their poor eating habits. I think a lot of these eating issues and how some providers think this or that is ok or not, depends on how they were brought up. As a kid at our home, you ate what was placed in front of you or you went without. Period. I raised my own kids this way, and they have never been picky eaters.

i have to respectfully disagree.

first, how i see it is, whether they eat it or i throw it away, its still costing me money to buy the food. is it a waste? yes, but forcing a child to eat whats on his plate does not stop hunger in third world countries, despite what our parents told us.

second, i came from the "clean your plate club" my mother strickly monitored what we ate, when we ate, and how we ate. nothing was allowed to be wasted. as soon as i was on my own, it became a free for all, and ive struggled with my weight ever since.

third, 9 times out of 10, a childs poor eating habits come from THEIR home life, not because providers allow them to throw their food out. i serve homemade healthy meals to my DC. the reason they won't eat it, is because they eat crap at home.

i do agree with you on this: my DC kids eat what i serve, or they wait until the next meal. i am NOT a short order cook. i just choose not to turn meal times into a power struggle.

[QualiTcare]

i have to respectfully disagree.

first, how i see it is, whether they eat it or i throw it away, its still costing me money to buy the food. is it a waste? yes, but forcing a child to eat whats on his plate does not stop hunger in third world countries, despite what our parents told us.

second, i came from the "clean your plate club" my mother strickly monitored what we ate, when we ate, and how we ate. nothing was allowed to be wasted. as soon as i was on my own, it became a free for all, and ive struggled with my weight ever since.

third, 9 times out of 10, a childs poor eating habits come from THEIR home life, not because providers allow them to throw their food out. i serve homemade healthy meals to my DC. the reason they won't eat it, is because they eat crap at home.

i do agree with you on this: my DC kids eat what i serve, or they wait until the next meal. i am NOT a short order cook. i just choose not to turn meal times into a power struggle.

you're so right. a kid that never gets to eat oreos or drink coke at home will go NUTS and eat/drink til they make themselves sick if ever given the chance. my mom was the same way as yours - she'd hide anything that wasn't healthy and i struggled with weight after i left home too.

i let my own kids eat whatever they want for the most part and they pick healthy foods almost every time. they don't know of any food being a "bad food." they just know they eat when they're hungry and so far i've had no reason to stop or limit a certain food group. kids haven't been screwed up yet with their idea about food so they eat what their body is craving. of course, if a kid eats sugar or processed foods all the time at home - that may be what they're craving. i just know when it comes to dc kids - you're not going to change their eating habits so why stress yourself about it. i'd let a kid eat an entire can of pears as long as all the other kids were finished eating and there were leftovers.

[Crystal]

I agree with Melskids, wholeheartedly.

And, a question for those who think that the children should eat what is served, regardless of if they like it or not. Do YOU eat foods you do not like? If you don't, then WHY should a child have to eat foods they don't like? The only difference that I can see, is that as adults we can choose what goes on our plate, as a child, they are at the will of the parent/provider.

[Crystal]

And, btw, Pears are healthy. So, in the OP's case, if the child only wanted the pears, I'd let him eat as many as he wanted, so long as the other children got their fair share and until I ran out of the amount I had prepared to serve.

Pears, IMO, are NOT dessert.

[DCMomOf3]

They need to try two bites of each thing whether they like them or not. No seconds unless they try everything, and no seconds of fruit unless they eat everything.

same here.

[MyAngels]

i have to respectfully disagree.

first, how i see it is, whether they eat it or i throw it away, its still costing me money to buy the food. is it a waste? yes, but forcing a child to eat whats on his plate does not stop hunger in third world countries, despite what our parents told us.

second, i came from the "clean your plate club" my mother strickly monitored what we ate, when we ate, and how we ate. nothing was allowed to be wasted. as soon as i was on my own, it became a free for all, and ive struggled with my weight ever since.

third, 9 times out of 10, a childs poor eating habits come from THEIR home life, not because providers allow them to throw their food out. i serve homemade healthy meals to my DC. the reason they won't eat it, is because they eat crap at home.

i do agree with you on this: my DC kids eat what i serve, or they wait until the next meal. i am NOT a short order cook. i just choose not to turn meal times into a power struggle.

I couldn't have said this any better. There have been studies that have shown that if you just serve a variety of healthy foods, children will actually balance their own diets over time. I obviously don't control what they get at home, but here they get a variety of healthy foods and are allowed to choose what they will (or won't) eat. I don't force, I don't argue, and I don't give anything between regularly scheduled meals or snacks. There are plenty of opportunities to eat throughout the day, and I have not lost anyone to starvation yet.

[DancingQueen]

Pears are not dessert here either. The only reason I hold them back is in hopes of him trying something else on his plate before he jumps for the stand by.

I also have to limit how much pears because any large quantity of fruit and he gets really bad diapers.
This child has rashes with every poop and the worst the diaper the worse the rash: (

So mom has actually asked me not to serve too much fruit. normal portions are fine but not too much.

[countrymom]

Pears isn't all he will eat .......
guaranteed.
No second serving of fruit unless he has eaten the protein and veggie period.
if he is truly hungry he will eat the protein and veggies.... If not he is teaching you to be a short order cook instead of you teaching him to be a good lil eater.
Really...this will work....try it for a week or two. I am not fooling.::

I agree with you 100% its like a game they like to play.

[countrymom]

I do not give the fruit or dessert until the very end. If the child eats the main course and veg. then I offer the fruit and/or dessert. I have done this now for about 5 yrs. and it has worked very well!!! It has the children eating everything, and not wasting a whole bunch of food! I do not force a child to eat anything, but if they don't eat, they do not receive anything else. When they see what I have to offer, they sometimes rethink and eat stuff, they wouldn't normally eat. I do not cook anything I wouldn't eat myself!!

I do the same thing, its amazing how fast many will eat when they see what else I have. I too don't make anything my own children wouldn't eat.

[kendallina]

Pears are not dessert here either. The only reason I hold them back is in hopes of him trying something else on his plate before he jumps for the stand by.

I also have to limit how much pears because any large quantity of fruit and he gets really bad diapers.
This child has rashes with every poop and the worst the diaper the worse the rash: (

So mom has actually asked me not to serve too much fruit. normal portions are fine but not too much.

I agree 100% with Crystal and Melskids.

However, if he is getting diaper rash with a lot of fruit, then I would say that you need to talk to mom. What does mom do when he won't eat what he's given ( I assume of course she makes something else). Obviously, making a separate meal for him is not something you are going to do. I would then suggest that mom bring in a lunch for him everyday. Do you think mom would be willing to do that? What does she think you should do?

[Lianne]

My rule is "take a bite, be polite".

Thanks for this little saying! I used it today when one of my 5yr olds looked at lunch and claimed she didn't like it. Instead of engaging in a back and forth conversation, all I had to say was "Be polite, try a bite." She tried a bite of her lunch and decided she liked it without me having to convince and push her.

I find quick and simple sentences are much more effective than my own lengthy rambling. I started saying "You get what you get and you don't get upset." everytime they complained about what they did/didn't receive. It works everytime and the kids are all now using it at home, too, .

[momofsix]

I agree with Melskids, wholeheartedly.

And, a question for those who think that the children should eat what is served, regardless of if they like it or not. Do YOU eat foods you do not like? If you don't, then WHY should a child have to eat foods they don't like? The only difference that I can see, is that as adults we can choose what goes on our plate, as a child, they are at the will of the parent/provider.

Yes, i think most adults eat foods we don't like! If I'm visiting at someones house and they have something with coconut in it (which I cant stand!) I'll eat it anyways. When invited to someones house for dinner, i don't ask what they're having before I accept or not, and I eat whatever meal they serve. It's called being polite I eat broccoli and I don't like it, but my kids do so I make it for them-and i need veggies with dinner too!
I agree that the "clean your plate" thing that a lot of us grew up with is bad and can lead to lots of overweight kids. I don't make the kids eat everything on their plates, but I try to get them to at least try a bite. My usual rule is however old you are is how many bites you take-since that's so logical to them they never argue about it, and often just keep eating until they finish!
Each of my kids is allowed to have ONE meal that they don't have to eat any of, and they can have a sandwich made for them instead. Otherwise they just have to make do with what's served! It's usually not a problem anymore, thenk goodness!

[SilverSabre25]

melskids, qualiticare, and crystal all said it perfectly.

And fruit is NOT dessert in this house!

I do not tend to eat things I don't like, momofsix. I will refuse, politely, but I do NOT like some things, such as seafood of any kind, and to try and force myself to eat it would be impossible. It is possible to politely refuse to eat something. If someone had something with, say, a few mushrooms in it, then I'll eat around them, but if I didn't like coconut and someone served me coconut cake, then why should I eat it when I could just say, "No thank you, it looks wonderful, but I'm watching my weight/too full to eat another bite/I'm not a fan of coconut/whatever"

The idea that you have to eat something you don't like just because it is served by someone else is ridiculous, IMO. As a host, it would NOT offend me in the slightest...and if you, as a host, would be offended by someone choosing not to eat a dish they don't care for, as long as they were polite about it, I have to ask you, why?

[DancingQueen]

The idea that you have to eat something you don't like just because it is served by someone else is ridiculous, IMO. As a host, it would NOT offend me in the slightest...and if you, as a host, would be offended by someone choosing not to eat a dish they don't care for, as long as they were polite about it, I have to ask you, why?

I think the bigger issue I have with it is that these kids don't consider themselves guests in my home. They are here for more meals than they are there own home. I still expect them to be polite and respectful but it i almost like my mother inlaw coming over and expecting to treat her like a visitor and not family. These kids are absolutely my family.

[mac60]

As a child, we were always told take what you want, but eat what you take. No wasting food. Giving a child a tablespoon of 3 choices of food and trying to get them to eat it, or having the rule you have to eat all 3 foods on your plate before you get pears, cookie, jello, whatever "that" food is, will in no way cause a child to have an eating disorder. As a baby boomer myself, I think the problem lies with the younger generation parents always wanting to be the "friend" and not the adult and they don't want to hurt little Johnny's feelings. Like I said before, I grew up where my mom fixed a healthy supper every night and we were expected to eat what we took, hell, we were grateful we had food to eat. When a child goes to school, they have no choices. You eat what is served in the cafeteria. Once adults start letting a young child dictate their behavior at the dinner table....that is just the beginning of many more obstacles. Of course no one can force a child to eat, and there is simply no way for a provider (imo) to satisfy the eating wants of a group of childen 100% everyday. So, it only makes sense for a child to learn to eat/try different foods. Yes, parents need to learn to pick their battles with children.....but allowing a child to not eat/try the healthy foods on their plate yet giving them that "special" treat/food at the end of them meal, exactly what is that teaching them.......Nothing but poor eating habits.