Irate Parent

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  • morgan24
    Daycare.com Member
    • Feb 2011
    • 694

    Irate Parent

    I have a dcm that is mad because her baby wears a amber teething necklace and has a paci attached to a bear blanket. The baby has been wearing the necklace for a couple of months and when she gets here I take it off because I don't know if it goes against state licensing rules of nothing in bed with baby. I also take her paci off the blanket. She does cry at first when laid down for her nap but it doesn't last long. Yesterday at pick up I forgot to put the necklace back on her and the paci back into the blanket. Dcm was ticked. I told her licensing rules are nothing in bed with baby. I put her in a sleep sack for nap. She thinks as the parent what she says should be the way it is and does not want the necklace removed at all or her baby napping without her paci hooked on the blanket. I didn't really have an answer for her but it makes me wonder should the parents wishes overrule the state. I will go by the state rules because I have to. This is the same dcm who wanted me to wear babies breast milk in my bra to warm it and I won't do that either. What would you do?
  • crazydaycarelady
    Not really crazy
    • Jul 2012
    • 1457

    #2
    I think the wearing of the milk in your bra request is NUTSO!

    I do agree that the parents wishes SHOULD override the states wishes but what can you do as a provider? You could tell dcm to get a doctors note about the necklace and pacifier (but I don't think in doctor in his right mind would write one.)

    Comment

    • Blackcat31
      • Oct 2010
      • 36124

      #3
      Originally posted by morgan24
      I have a dcm that is mad because her baby wears a amber teething necklace and has a paci attached to a bear blanket. The baby has been wearing the necklace for a couple of months and when she gets here I take it off because I don't know if it goes against state licensing rules of nothing in bed with baby. I also take her paci off the blanket. She does cry at first when laid down for her nap but it doesn't last long. Yesterday at pick up I forgot to put the necklace back on her and the paci back into the blanket. Dcm was ticked. I told her licensing rules are nothing in bed with baby. I put her in a sleep sack for nap. She thinks as the parent what she says should be the way it is and does not want the necklace removed at all or her baby napping without her paci hooked on the blanket. I didn't really have an answer for her but it makes me wonder should the parents wishes overrule the state. I will go by the state rules because I have to. This is the same dcm who wanted me to wear babies breast milk in my bra to warm it and I won't do that either. What would you do?
      Parents can NEVER give permission to do the wrong thing.

      I would simply tell DCM

      "I'm sorry but I am required to follow ALL state licensing rules. If you would like to speak with someone about these issues, you can call my licensor at 22-444-5555"

      and leave it at that.

      Comment

      • SilverSabre25
        Senior Member
        • Aug 2010
        • 7585

        #4
        Originally posted by morgan24
        This is the same dcm who wanted me to wear babies breast milk in my bra to warm it and I won't do that either.
        I have heard a lot of weird things, but THAT takes the cake! Good grief!

        as for the rest of it, I support taking the pacifier off the blanket because she definitely can't have the blanket in bed with her. The necklace is a stretch...I consider it something more like clothing. They work primarily when in contact with the skin for long periods of time so by removing it you're interrupting that process.

        If I were you I'd make up a permission slip for the necklace, have mom sign it, and leave it on. And get a back up paci to give her during nap so you can leave the other one attached to the blanket
        Hee hee! Look, I have a signature!

        Comment

        • Willow
          Advanced Daycare.com Member
          • May 2012
          • 2683

          #5
          I'd never put a baby down with anything around their neck. Maybe compromise and tell her you can loop it around her ankle if it's tight enough it won't fall off?

          Otherwise I agree with BC. I'd let mom know the point of licensing regs are to keep children safe and reduce provider liability. There are no licensed providers that can or would assume the liability and risk the childs life or their livelihood over such a thing.

          The parent has a right to do whatever they want with their child elsewhere, but not in licensed/regulated care.

          Comment

          • CedarCreek
            Advanced Daycare.com Member
            • Jan 2013
            • 1600

            #6
            Nope. Nothing in bed with baby.

            State over rules Mom on this one.

            I would especially not allow the necklace, the strangulation hazard would make me too nervous.

            Comment

            • jenn
              Daycare.com Member
              • Jan 2012
              • 695

              #7
              Wow! Mom sounds a bit extreme. No way would I put milk in my bra
              I have had ones with the necklaces and I let them wear them when awake, but take them off for naps. I don't really know if that is what licensing would suggest, but it's what I feel comfortable with. I would give the paci at nap time, but not allow the blanket. Mine do not get a blanket for sleeping until they are old enough to sleep on a mat.
              If they parent continues to question, I would refer them to licensing. Let them call and have the licensing department explain to them what the rules are.

              Comment

              • butterfly
                Daycare.com Member
                • Nov 2012
                • 1627

                #8
                I agree to following the regulations. I had a parent that wanted me to spank. I told her that I could not - not even with parental permission and signed documents. It's just not something that I'm willing to do. That could go so terribly wrong. Spanking is obviously different than what you are dealing with, but it's still against regulations and I think we just have to follow the laws.

                Now, as a parent, that's frustrating. I would want my child to be cared for the way I want them to be cared for. But when/if they realize it really is a safety issue and that you are really looking out for the safety of their child - then it should be a nonissue.

                But :hug: for in the meantime.

                Comment

                • Play Care
                  Daycare.com Member
                  • Dec 2012
                  • 6642

                  #9
                  Originally posted by Blackcat31
                  Parents can NEVER give permission to do the wrong thing.

                  I would simply tell DCM

                  "I'm sorry but I am required to follow ALL state licensing rules. If you would like to speak with someone about these issues, you can call my licensor at 22-444-5555"

                  and leave it at that.


                  Sounds like mom thinks she's the boss, a quick call to licensing might help clear her confusion

                  Comment

                  • daycarediva
                    Daycare.com Member
                    • Jul 2012
                    • 11698

                    #10
                    Originally posted by Willow
                    I'd never put a baby down with anything around their neck. Maybe compromise and tell her you can loop it around her ankle if it's tight enough it won't fall off?

                    Otherwise I agree with BC. I'd let mom know the point of licensing regs are to keep children safe and reduce provider liability. There are no licensed providers that can or would assume the liability and risk the childs life or their livelihood over such a thing.

                    The parent has a right to do whatever they want with their child elsewhere, but not in licensed/regulated care.


                    I would copy my regs and give it to her telling her that I DO understand and wish that you were able to compromise on this, but that you HAVE to follow the licensing regulations that are put in place for the safety and best interests of the kids.

                    Comment

                    • Unregistered

                      #11
                      Originally posted by morgan24
                      i have a dcm that is mad because her baby wears a amber teething necklace and has a paci attached to a bear blanket. The baby has been wearing the necklace for a couple of months and when she gets here i take it off because i don't know if it goes against state licensing rules of nothing in bed with baby. I also take her paci off the blanket. She does cry at first when laid down for her nap but it doesn't last long. Yesterday at pick up i forgot to put the necklace back on her and the paci back into the blanket. Dcm was ticked. I told her licensing rules are nothing in bed with baby. I put her in a sleep sack for nap. She thinks as the parent what she says should be the way it is and does not want the necklace removed at all or her baby napping without her paci hooked on the blanket. I didn't really have an answer for her but it makes me wonder should the parents wishes overrule the state. I will go by the state rules because i have to. This is the same dcm who wanted me to wear babies breast milk in my bra to warm it and i won't do that either. What would you do?
                      parents can not give you permission to do the wrong thing, they are not in your shoes, they will be the first ones to complain, that necklace paci is dangerous tell her not send it anymore, its youre business, and you know better, youre doing things right for yhe safty of her child and yours.

                      Comment

                      • JenNJ
                        Advanced Daycare.com Member
                        • Jun 2010
                        • 1212

                        #12
                        I am a freak about sleep. I have jammies here for every child bc I don't like putting kids down to bed with buttons, zippers, etc. I don't know if the buttons or zipper pull is loose or if a child will fiddle with them making them pop off. It's not worth the risk to me. I am already changing diapers right before nap, so swapping out an outfit only takes an extra 30 seconds.

                        For infants I put them to sleep in a onesie or approved sleepwear - period. No blankets, lovies, toys at all. One paci of they use it. That's it. Older kids I remove any questionable clothing and replace with pj's. Remove hair ties from girls as well. I don't allow ANY jewelry on any child except for earrings with locking backs. So any jewelry gets put away as soon as they walk in the door.

                        If the parents don't like that, oh well. I'm sure someone won't be as insane as I am. Lol!

                        Comment

                        • SilverSabre25
                          Senior Member
                          • Aug 2010
                          • 7585

                          #13
                          Originally posted by Unregistered
                          parents can not give you permission to do the wrong thing, they are not in your shoes, they will be the first ones to complain, that necklace paci is dangerous tell her not send it anymore, its youre business, and you know better, youre doing things right for yhe safty of her child and yours.
                          Teething necklaces are not pacifiers and are not for chewing on. They are not dangerous...
                          Hee hee! Look, I have a signature!

                          Comment

                          • MarinaVanessa
                            Family Childcare Home
                            • Jan 2010
                            • 7211

                            #14
                            I have to admit I didn't know what an amber teething necklace was so I had to Google it and to be honest I was a little shocked to find out that it was actually made out of amber and that they're worn to relieve teething discomfort. I had thought that amber might have been the brand name or something and that the necklace was made of some soft material that the baby would chew on ::. Do they actually work?

                            Now that I know (and I know that everyone believes differently about raising their children) I'm actually surprised that a parent would want to have their baby wear anything around their neck especially when they're sleeping and will probably not be in their direct supervision during this time. I derped around Google when I looked up the necklace and saw that they also have bracelets, can you maybe compromise and offer to accept allowing the baby to wear a bracelet instead of a necklace?

                            As far as the paci goes, having one is usually acceptable even with a tether as long as the tether isn't long enough to wrap around the baby's neck. The whole thing about not having anything in bed with a baby while they sleep has to do with anything dangerous that could cover the face and suffocate the baby, wedge a baby between something to cause suffocation or asphyxiation or anything that can cause strangulation. That's why they always use blankets, toys and baby bumpers as examples of what not to allow. Manufacturers now keep paci tethers longer that about 10-12" but would call your licensing office and ask them directly. In my state they don't fuss about paci's or paci tethers but your state might be more strict.

                            Comment

                            • Blackcat31
                              • Oct 2010
                              • 36124

                              #15
                              Originally posted by SilverSabre25
                              Teething necklaces are not pacifiers and are not for chewing on. They are not dangerous...
                              This was posted on-line 33 minutes ago

                              Baltic amber necklaces have become popular as an alternative treatment to ease teething pain, but they can pose a suffocation hazard.


                              In place of amber necklaces, the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends several remedies for teething pain that aren’t potential safety hazards


                              I also did a bit of on-line reading about amber teething necklaces and the one most repeated phrase on all sites was "If you do buy one for your baby, make sure he is supervised at all times" which to me says to NEVER put the baby to bed/sleep with one unless you are actually staring at them the entire nap time.
                              Last edited by Blackcat31; 10-11-2013, 07:55 AM.

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