The Alpha

[BumbleBee]

Dcb is 9. Every so often he attempts to be the alpha in the house.

He makes up games where he's in control (because he makes the rules), tries to discipline the other kids, basically becomes the boss.

I nip it every time (has happened twice, usually lasts 2 days at most...he's been here since March of this year.

Today he went to the next step. He walked into the kitchen after snack and simply stood there while I rinsed dishes. I have 2 large openings into my kitchen-both are blocked by gates-no children are allowed in my kitchen unless they are invited (very rarely). He received immediate discipline.

My question is, do others see this with prepubescent boys? Is consistency the best way to handle it? Do I need to be more proactive instead of reactive? Idk what to do. Mom isn't any help (she bends, every time. )

[Willow]

Your son was disciplined because he came and stood in the kitchen of his own home?

And you think that was some display of "dominance?"

[BumbleBee]

Your son was disciplined because he came and stood in the kitchen of his own home?

And you think that was some display of "dominance?"

Dcb, not ds.

[Willow]

Dcb, not ds.

Omg, duh . I'm sorry!

Have you ever just flat out asked him why he doesn't think he has to follow your rules?

I have a 9 year old son and sometimes that's all I have to do to get him to think about his behavior and fix what he's doing.

I wouldn't peg it as alpha type behavior (that's a term better used for critters ), just typical testing. At that age consequences would include making amends (so if you think he's being too bossy tell him it's time to switch roles and let the little ones tell what to do for a awhile) as well as becoming your helper. Time outs and scoldings won't get you as far as hindering his free time will. Maybe let him know that free play with the other kids is a privilege earned only by playing nicely. If he can't manage to play nicely you'll pull that privilege and give him something more "constructive" to do, like cleaning up the playroom or helping you set the table for lunch

[BumbleBee]

Thanks Willow. It was very helpful. Sometimes I'm so focused on the behavior that I don't take a step back and think.

I was reading your reply and realizing that it's all very basic, but I needed someone to spell it out for me. Lol.

Thanks :-)