Negative Reinforcement Problem

[lizzardb85]

Hi,

I am new here and relatively new to being a home daycare provider. I have a 16 mo old DCB that is very aggressively seeking negative reinforcement. Hitting his head on everything, throwing toys, refusing to sleep, throwing food, pulling over chairs etc. he is not aggressive with the other child but will sometimes try to hit or bite me, I know he does to mom.

My problem is that even while I am trying to engage positively with him he will get a " spark" in his eye and do something negative. For example at lunch I was talking to him about how good the food was and he was actively engaging and smiling. Then without a pause he just took his whole plate and threw it, ending his lunch time. He was still hungry, so when we tried again 10 minutes later he ate with one hand and tossed the rest of his food with the other.

I don't know if I should just continue to spend extra time trying to positively interact with him and not acknowledge the negative behaviors or what.

[Michael]

Welcome to the forum! How did you find us?

[butterfly]

Welcome to the forum and to daycare.

And :hug: I wish I had some advice for you.

[lizzardb85]

Thanks, I think I did a search about daycare meal planning and you guys popped up. I have been lurking for a few days and found that everyone seemed helpful and supportive.

[Unregistered]

If a child deliberately throws lunch, they are done. Time for nap. I will offer loch again after nap but they would go to bed if they did it at my house!

[Blackcat31]

Hi,

I am new here and relatively new to being a home daycare provider. I have a 16 mo old DCB that is very aggressively seeking negative reinforcement. Hitting his head on everything, throwing toys, refusing to sleep, throwing food, pulling over chairs etc. he is not aggressive with the other child but will sometimes try to hit or bite me, I know he does to mom.

My problem is that even while I am trying to engage positively with him he will get a " spark" in his eye and do something negative. For example at lunch I was talking to him about how good the food was and he was actively engaging and smiling. Then without a pause he just took his whole plate and threw it, ending his lunch time. He was still hungry, so when we tried again 10 minutes later he ate with one hand and tossed the rest of his food with the other.

I don't know if I should just continue to spend extra time trying to positively interact with him and not acknowledge the negative behaviors or what.

I'd make his consequences include as little conversation as possible. Maybe a really firm "NO!" and that is it.

Remove him from the area.

Rinse and repeat.

As far as throwing his plate goes...that would have signified to me he was done and I certainly wouldn't have tried again in 10 minutes because IMHO, that only tells him he CAN throw his food AND still eat too. kwim?

I would just be real short, real firm and not give much attention to the negative things but make a huge deal out of the good/positive things he does.

To a child that age, ALL attention is a good thing. You just need to teach him that positive behavior nets positive responses and fun for him. Negative behavior lends to NO fun and NO hoopla from anyone else about it.

[JoseyJo]

Specifically for the lunch issue- if a child throws food then lunch is done. We don't try again later at all, they must not be hungry if they are willing the throw away their food (and if they are they won't do it too many times)!

I don't give any (or very minimal) interaction for negative actions. A child who hit me would get "NO we don't hit", then I would find something to busy myself with for a while. If they hit again I would say "we don't hit" and escort to TO, at little interaction as possible.

If he cannot get any, or little, reaction from his negative actions then hopefully he will do positive things to get a good reaction

[lizzardb85]

Ok, thank you guys! I will just stand my ground. Today was the first time he threw his plate at the beginning of lunch. When he has done it in the past I haven't let him come back.

I am concerned that at home mom, and 4 yo brother are responding strongly to the behavior. At pu he immediately goes to some of his "no's". I have casually mentioned that I tend to ignore his behaviors but mom and brother kept saying no.

Should I have a firmer conversation with mom or do you think I can resolve the issue at my house? Basically, will he differentiate between home and DC?

[Maria2013]

To a child that age, ALL attention is a good thing. You just need to teach him that positive behavior nets positive responses and fun for him. Negative behavior lends to NO fun and NO hoopla from anyone else about it.

that's what I do

[Maria2013]

I am concerned that at home mom, and 4 yo brother are responding strongly to the behavior. At pu he immediately goes to some of his "no's". I have casually mentioned that I tend to ignore his behaviors but mom and brother kept saying no.

Should I have a firmer conversation with mom or do you think I can resolve the issue at my house? Basically, will he differentiate between home and DC?

in my experience, if you are firm and consistent to "your rules" kids eventually learn that at "your place" they have to behave even if at home they are allow to do as they please.
..trying to give parents a much needed parenting lesson, could not only be a big waste of your time, but actually start bad feelings between you and mom