Tweet
I have a 3.5/almost 4yo boy in care. Has been with me since the day after he turned two, so quite a while. He is FT. Up until 3-4 months ago, I had ZERO issues. He was kind, polite, sweet, helpful and just a gem.
His Mom and step Dad got married 3 months ago and things have gone steadily downhill. His older step brother is dx as ADHD/ODD/bi polar. They share a room and Mom has primary custody. BUT, they were all living together for 3 months prior to the wedding. Living with them and being around step bro is not new.
He never hit after the initial first few weeks, was never aggressive otherwise. Now he is hitting/attempting to hit 3-4x a day! It happens so fast that I usually don't catch the first time. He gets an immediate TO (starts walking there himself) and then SCREAMS at the top of his lungs-sometimes with tears but usually without for 5-45 minutes. If it's going to be 'one of those days' I have him shadow me all day long. I won't allow the other children to be hit.
He is VERY defiant. Never was before, great little helper. Clean up time is met with "NO! I HATE YOU!" and he stomps to a corner himself and screams. I always leave the things he was playing with out for him to clean up. Tell him that as soon as he is done, he can clean up and join us. Today, his toys from BEFORE BREAKFAST are still on the playroom floor. He simply chose not to participate ALL DAY LONG because he won't clean up.
If he isn't first, doesn't get his choice, etc. There WILL be screaming. Today he asked for a red plate. I gave him red and he said NO BLUE. Another child already had blue. Dcb attempted to take his plate and then THREW the red plate full of food and starting kicking the table. He never did eat lunch and just screamed for 40 minutes.
I have talked to both dcm and dcd and step dad. Dcm is very wishy washy with disciplining him. She gives threats, has no follow through and gives in the second he cries. Step dad says it isn't his problem-it's dcms. Dcd told me point blank he has witnessed the step bro tell step dad to shut the F up and threw things at him. He believes dcb is picking up on that behavior and is going for full custody (which is hush hush until dcm is served court papers). Dcd is former military, and is a parole officer. He is strict (not in a bad way) and encourages dcb to own behavior, be independent, and gain control of himself.
I have a typed contract up that I want to give to both dcp's that if dcb's behavior is unmanageable I can send him home. I put 2x physical aggression in one day-pick up. Inability to follow routine-pick up (like today, refused to go outside, refused coat, shoes, hat and I had to do it all, then got outside, sat down and threw it all off.)
They have been excellent clients. I want to help dcb, not term but I don't know how to fix it if everyone is on a different page. Should I ask for a conference with everyone to address it? Then give the notice? Give notice first? WWYD?
I adore this kid, and it's obvious he is having a REALLY hard time right now. He isn't like this ALL DAY EVERY DAY and some days he is like his old self. I cannot figure out a pattern to the behavior other than M-Tue after MOm's weekend is the worst. M-Tue after Dad's is the best. I have a notebook with dates and documentation and have been open and honest with everyone about it. It's frustrating and exhausting on his bad days!
His Mom and step Dad got married 3 months ago and things have gone steadily downhill. His older step brother is dx as ADHD/ODD/bi polar. They share a room and Mom has primary custody. BUT, they were all living together for 3 months prior to the wedding. Living with them and being around step bro is not new.
He never hit after the initial first few weeks, was never aggressive otherwise. Now he is hitting/attempting to hit 3-4x a day! It happens so fast that I usually don't catch the first time. He gets an immediate TO (starts walking there himself) and then SCREAMS at the top of his lungs-sometimes with tears but usually without for 5-45 minutes. If it's going to be 'one of those days' I have him shadow me all day long. I won't allow the other children to be hit.
He is VERY defiant. Never was before, great little helper. Clean up time is met with "NO! I HATE YOU!" and he stomps to a corner himself and screams. I always leave the things he was playing with out for him to clean up. Tell him that as soon as he is done, he can clean up and join us. Today, his toys from BEFORE BREAKFAST are still on the playroom floor. He simply chose not to participate ALL DAY LONG because he won't clean up.
If he isn't first, doesn't get his choice, etc. There WILL be screaming. Today he asked for a red plate. I gave him red and he said NO BLUE. Another child already had blue. Dcb attempted to take his plate and then THREW the red plate full of food and starting kicking the table. He never did eat lunch and just screamed for 40 minutes.
I have talked to both dcm and dcd and step dad. Dcm is very wishy washy with disciplining him. She gives threats, has no follow through and gives in the second he cries. Step dad says it isn't his problem-it's dcms. Dcd told me point blank he has witnessed the step bro tell step dad to shut the F up and threw things at him. He believes dcb is picking up on that behavior and is going for full custody (which is hush hush until dcm is served court papers). Dcd is former military, and is a parole officer. He is strict (not in a bad way) and encourages dcb to own behavior, be independent, and gain control of himself.
I have a typed contract up that I want to give to both dcp's that if dcb's behavior is unmanageable I can send him home. I put 2x physical aggression in one day-pick up. Inability to follow routine-pick up (like today, refused to go outside, refused coat, shoes, hat and I had to do it all, then got outside, sat down and threw it all off.)
They have been excellent clients. I want to help dcb, not term but I don't know how to fix it if everyone is on a different page. Should I ask for a conference with everyone to address it? Then give the notice? Give notice first? WWYD?
I adore this kid, and it's obvious he is having a REALLY hard time right now. He isn't like this ALL DAY EVERY DAY and some days he is like his old self. I cannot figure out a pattern to the behavior other than M-Tue after MOm's weekend is the worst. M-Tue after Dad's is the best. I have a notebook with dates and documentation and have been open and honest with everyone about it. It's frustrating and exhausting on his bad days!
Comment