Red Flags at Interview

[TheGoodLife]

So I've had trouble getting interviews for the 2 spots I had open last month. Well, I had an interview last night (actually supposed to have 2, but the one I really wanted cancelled 1/2 hour before )
Well, this is a SAH mom for 2 years 8 months (yep, DCD calculated to the months) and has just gone back to work. In 2 weeks, they have been kicked out of 2 centers. The last one- a center just down the street- told them after 2 days that he is not a good fit b/c he is too smart. He can count to 30+, knows all his letters, ect, ect. They said while the other kids are learning about A, he already knows it. Apparently that was the reason they ended care after 2 days :confused: He has speech problems and spoke very little while here, ran around trying to get into inappropriate things in the house (parents were very quick to stop him, but he would kick/scream when they picked him up). Both parents told me that they were told he needed 1 on 1 care, but then changed it to small group when I asked them about that comment. I was told the former DC also suggested Montessori.
Meanwhile, DCD or DCM had to carry him most of the interview- he did get down to play outside and back inside after a while. But I just saw some behaviors that worry me- he has 3 or more big scabs all over his cheeks from ****ing 2 fingers and scratching himself with his thumb. He naps SOMETIMES, and I can see him having a lot of screaming fits.
I'm debating if I want to offer to give him a trial, or just tell them it's not a good fit. He seems like a very sweet boy, and the parents are very nice, but I have very happy, easy-going kids here and I have a feeling this might be someone who would not fit well with my bunch I hate to do a trial and have to end care, thereby being the 3rd person to "kick him out" within a month, KWIM?!

[Zoe]

From what you just wrote, there is no way I'd do a trial with this family. If you have an easy going group this kid would stress them and you out until you eventually term. Which you would do. Say no to them and save yourself some headaches!

[daycarediva]

run. Sorry, but I don't think 2 centers thought he was too smart. He sounds like he may have some serious issues (developmental delay or behavior). If his parents had a hard time managing his behavior during an interview, what is he going to be like for you in a group care setting?

If I was desperate, I might do a trial, but otherwise I would pass.

[Blackcat31]

I can totally see how you might be worried about how well he would fit in and how easily he would adjust.

What kind of hours are they asking for? If it were only a couple days a week, I might consider seeing if he would fit in, kids are pretty quick to figure out routine and consistency is much easier and predictable than overly permissive parents...kwim? Sometimes kids like that seem to actually crave it so you could be a great fit. You just never know.

I am guessing the parents aren't being truthful about why he was kicked out of the other center(s). I have never heard of a child CARE kicking out a kid for being too smart :confused: If it were a "school", I would think they would just move him into the next academic group..kwim?

Maybe you could ask permission from the parents to speak with the other centers for the "whole" story before agreeing to enroll. Tell them you want to get a better understanding of the situation so you can be sure you are equipped to handle his needs BOTH academic and developmental.

If that isn't a possibility and you really aren't looking for a TON of work, I'd pass.

[Blackcat31]

run. Sorry, but I don't think 2 centers thought he was too smart. He sounds like he may have some serious issues (developmental delay or behavior). If his parents had a hard time managing his behavior during an interview, what is he going to be like for you in a group care setting?
If I was desperate, I might do a trial, but otherwise I would pass.

Yeah, but some kids are just nasty when their parents are present. The second their parent(s) leave, they morph into different kids.

Happens here every day.

[melilley]

I agree with Zoe! I know that sometimes kids act out when their parents are around, but not at other people's houses or daycare, but the fact that he has been kicked out of two other daycare's is a huge red flag. And being kicked out of a center because he is too smart sounds a little odd to me. And the the comment of him needing 1 on 1 care just sounds like he would be a lot of work!
I personally would not take him. It would be easier on him and you to not take him, especially if you had to term later or right after the trial period. Good luck!

[MyAngels]

I've had several kids who were poorly behaved at interviews with their parents present who were absolutely fine for me.

I'd do as BC suggested and ask to speak to previous providers. If they refuse then you know you're not getting the truth as to why he was terminated and in that case I'd pass on them.

[Maria2013]

I agree with Zoe! I know that sometimes kids act out when their parents are around, but not at other people's houses or daycare, but the fact that he has been kicked out of two other daycare's is a huge red flag. And being kicked out of a center because he is too smart sounds a little odd to me. And the the comment of him needing 1 on 1 care just sounds like he would be a lot of work!
I personally would not take him. It would be easier on him and you to not take him, especially if you had to term later or right after the trial period. Good luck!

first of all I don't buy that he was kicked out the other place for being too smart, his bad behavior is more likely the reason.
It is really up to you and how much work you are willing to put into it, we all know kids act very differently when parents are around, when they get nervous (stranger, you) and when they don't think they're liked etc.
...so if I had that interview, I would want to at least give it a short try, to see if I can reach the child and turn things around, it has happen to me in the passed that a child who appeared so "out of hand" at first, turned out to be one of my favorite
I would be very upfront with the parents and let them know that I would take him on a trial base and could decide to not care for him at any given time, but that's me

however if the red flag is on the parents, there is NO way I offer trial

[melilley]

first of all I don't buy that he was kicked out the other place for being too smart, his bad behavior is more likely the reason.
It is really up to you and how much work you are willing to put into it, we all know kids act very differently when parents are around, when they get nervous (stranger, you) and when they don't think they're liked etc.
...so if I had that interview, I would want to at least give it a short try, to see if I can reach the child and turn things around, it has happen to me in the passed that a child who appeared so "out of hand" at first, turned out to be one of my favorite
I would be very upfront with the parents and let them know that I would take him on a trial base and could decide to not care for him at any given time, but that's me

however if the red flag is on the parents, there is NO way I offer trial

I see what you are saying and I am all for giving kids chances. I have a 2 year old who I have been working with-he is very aggressive, is just starting to talk, scream/cries a lot and it's really wearing on me. I don't want to term yet because I have it in my head that I can "turn" him around because I am the child whisperer (in my head at least :. He is getting a little better, but it's very stressful! If I would have know that I would have to do all this work to try to "turn him around", I don't know that I would have taken him. Not that I'm lazy, but it's very stressful mentally. And I don't have the heart to term as his mom is working with me. Anyways,

Maybe he is just like that with his parents or in a large group environment and would be ok in a smaller environment. I guess I can't get past the fact that he got kicked out of 2 places and one because he was too smart-no way. She could call and see why, but chances are they won't give out any info. It seems like it would be confidential.

I guess it would be up to op, if she would want to take the chance and see if he is just like that with his parents, but chances are from their comment of someone else saying that needs one on one, that's not the case. She does have a trial period, but like she said, her place is the 3rd place he would be at.

[cheerfuldom]

I have never ever heard of a daycare kicking out a child for being too smart. how is being too smart a problem? its not disruptive. if a child already knew the material being presented, no one would care UNLESS the child was then getting bored AND disruptive which has to be the real reason. Providers, especially centers, are not going to pass up a the income because a child is just too smart for their program. That doesnt even make sense. He's 2 years old, right? so the majority of the day at daycare would have been taking care of personal needs (diapering and feeding and napping) and then lots of play. I bet the curriculum and preschool time was very limited for age 2. I am guessing the termination was behavior related and must have been pretty bad if he got kicked out so quickly from a center since centers notoriously keep poorly behaved kids to keep up enrollment. i bet they said one small comment in reference to his behavior during learning times and the parents took that as the one reason for termination.....its easier to say "oh my kid is too smart and too special to be there" than to realize that there were other issues that the center did not want to deal with at all. did they say what the other daycare situation was? you said you would be the third provider?

getting kicked out in TWO days is just a huge red flag. I personally would not do a trial period. TWO DAYS. remember that when you make your decision.

[TheGoodLife]

One thing I want to clarify- its not the behavior only, persay. A one time meeting does not necessarily make a good indicator if regular behavior and I understand kids can act up for various reasons. It's the being kicked out if 2 daycares in such a short period, the ****ing on the fingers enough to make several HUGE scabs (one if my pet peeves is fingers in the mouth, especially when older, spit getting all over...), difficult naps, and the behavior combined makes me nervous. I think I'll be honest, ask for one more interview and maybe a little longer time for him to play/interact, but I just have a bad feeling. If I sub one day a week when my DH is home to watch our girls and the 1 DC kid I have on Mondays, I make just $10 less than I do for one FT DCK, so I may just plan on that until I find the right child for us! Thanks everyone for all the advice, very appreciated!!! happyface

[daycarediva]

I have never ever heard of a daycare kicking out a child for being too smart. how is being too smart a problem? its not disruptive. if a child already knew the material being presented, no one would care UNLESS the child was then getting bored AND disruptive which has to be the real reason. Providers, especially centers, are not going to pass up a the income because a child is just too smart for their program. That doesnt even make sense. He's 2 years old, right? so the majority of the day at daycare would have been taking care of personal needs (diapering and feeding and napping) and then lots of play. I bet the curriculum and preschool time was very limited for age 2. I am guessing the termination was behavior related and must have been pretty bad if he got kicked out so quickly from a center since centers notoriously keep poorly behaved kids to keep up enrollment. i bet they said one small comment in reference to his behavior during learning times and the parents took that as the one reason for termination.....its easier to say "oh my kid is too smart and too special to be there" than to realize that there were other issues that the center did not want to deal with at all. did they say what the other daycare situation was? you said you would be the third provider?

getting kicked out in TWO days is just a huge red flag. I personally would not do a trial period. TWO DAYS. remember that when you make your decision.

BC, I get your point about kids behaving poorly for parents vs. us BUT, TWO daycares! TWO! If it were SOLELY behavior on interview, I would do a trial, but two centers in two weeks.....and CENTERS!? I have only ever heard of a few kids booted from centers and both were MONSTERS.

[TheGoodLife]

I have never ever heard of a daycare kicking out a child for being too smart. how is being too smart a problem? its not disruptive. if a child already knew the material being presented, no one would care UNLESS the child was then getting bored AND disruptive which has to be the real reason. Providers, especially centers, are not going to pass up a the income because a child is just too smart for their program. That doesnt even make sense. He's 2 years old, right? so the majority of the day at daycare would have been taking care of personal needs (diapering and feeding and napping) and then lots of play. I bet the curriculum and preschool time was very limited for age 2. I am guessing the termination was behavior related and must have been pretty bad if he got kicked out so quickly from a center since centers notoriously keep poorly behaved kids to keep up enrollment. i bet they said one small comment in reference to his behavior during learning times and the parents took that as the one reason for termination.....its easier to say "oh my kid is too smart and too special to be there" than to realize that there were other issues that the center did not want to deal with at all. did they say what the other daycare situation was? you said you would be the third provider?

getting kicked out in TWO days is just a huge red flag. I personally would not do a trial period. TWO DAYS. remember that when you make your decision.

This is EXACTLY what I thought immediately! I do feel for the DCB and his family- the story does not add up to me but the family was very honest about EVERYTHING and both said the exact same things both on the phone and during the interview, so maybe thy were just told something they wanted to hear? It's very confusing, but the "nice" in me wants to try to help and the"rational" knows it would be tooth and I hate putting both the boy an his parents through another situation that very likely wouldn't work

[daycarediva]

Oh, and on the issue of too smart.

I have a kid enrolled now who is WAY TOO SMART for my program, and the parents and I have talked at length about this. He is most certainly gifted, gets bored easily and is challenging for me to manage and keep him challenged. He is NOT there socially though, and is well behind his peers in that aspect.

I believe my dck has aspergers, but his parents refuse to follow through with the suggested evaluations. At 3.5 he is reading, but needs to be walked through each social interaction step by step. He also has sensory issues (mild) so that MAY be the issue here.

[Blackcat31]

BC, I get your point about kids behaving poorly for parents vs. us BUT, TWO daycares! TWO! If it were SOLELY behavior on interview, I would do a trial, but two centers in two weeks.....and CENTERS!? I have only ever heard of a few kids booted from centers and both were MONSTERS.

But this is only one side of the story.

He may very well have been booted from 2 (or more ?) centers but no one really knows why; other than the story the parent is reiterating to the provider. kwim?