Not Potty Trained 3.5 Year Old - WTD ?

[blandino]

I have a new (started the last week of July) DCB who isn't potty trained yet. I know a lot of you deal with children that age who haven't been PT yet, but we have never had a child (without special needs) over the age of 3 and not PT. he was over 3 when he started and mom said they were working on it; normally we don't allow pull-ups but because of his age and DCM said they were working on it we allowed him to continue to wear pull-ups. He has shown no progress since being here, and uses the pull-ups like diapers. I even really wanted to work with him on it, but mom did nothing at home the weekend she was supposed to let him wear cloth training pants.

He arrives at 8ish each morning, and by 9:00 most days he wets through (normally when we get up from Breakfast his shorts are wet). I have him change the pull-ups (pee only) and put them in the diaper pail. Today while changing his pull-up, he peed A TON all over himself and the carpet.

At 3.5 I would expect that his bladder control should be to where he can control urinating for the 1-2 minutes he is not wearing a pull-up. DCM is out of town, and when I told DCD (who babies this DCB beyond belief) he laughed and said "oh, did you have an accident ?". Ummm it isn't what I would call an accident because he isn't even remotely PT and it isn't funny.

DCM said her oldest son was 3.5 when he PT, so I think that is why she is so laid back about it.

Between urinating so much he soaks through, and not being able to hold his bladder while changing a pull-up - I feel like he needs to be in diapers.

I don't know, between this and his parents totaly lack of parenting (no discipline, speech is very behind, eats horribly, has a pacifier) I am just really irritated.

[Unregistered]

I have a new (started the last week of July) DCB who isn't potty trained yet. I know a lot of you deal with children that age who haven't been PT yet, but we have never had a child (without special needs) over the age of 3 and not PT. he was over 3 when he started and mom said they were working on it; normally we don't allow pull-ups but because of his age and DCM said they were working on it we allowed him to continue to wear pull-ups. He has shown no progress since being here, and uses the pull-ups like diapers. I even really wanted to work with him on it, but mom did nothing at home the weekend she was supposed to let him wear cloth training pants.

He arrives at 8ish each morning, and by 9:00 most days he wets through (normally when we get up from Breakfast his shorts are wet). I have him change the pull-ups (pee only) and put them in the diaper pail. Today while changing his pull-up, he peed A TON all over himself and the carpet.

At 3.5 I would expect that his bladder control should be to where he can control urinating for the 1-2 minutes he is not wearing a pull-up. DCM is out of town, and when I told DCD (who babies this DCB beyond belief) he laughed and said "oh, did you have an accident ?". Ummm it isn't what I would call an accident because he isn't even remotely PT and it isn't funny.

DCM said her oldest son was 3.5 when he PT, so I think that is why she is so laid back about it.

Between urinating so much he soaks through, and not being able to hold his bladder while changing a pull-up - I feel like he needs to be in diapers.

I don't know, between this and his parents totaly lack of parenting (no discipline, speech is very behind, eats horribly, has a pacifier) I am just really irritated.

First: oh my goodness he still uses a pacifier?!? That is something I refuse to do. A pacifier delays speech and tooth decay. It could also be related to eating. The child would rather **** on it then eat??

As for the PT that can be a big frustration. A lot of people will disagree with me! I put them in underwear. I have had huge success with difficult PT children just putting them in underwear. I have to be really careful the first few days. Like not sitting on furniture. One of my dcks is almost 5. He will still go in his pull up if he is wearing one but won't go in underwear. Good luck!

[blandino]

First: oh my goodness he still uses a pacifier?!? That is something I refuse to do. A pacifier delays speech and tooth decay. It could also be related to eating. The child would rather **** on it then eat??

As for the PT that can be a big frustration. A lot of people will disagree with me! I put them in underwear. I have had huge success with difficult PT children just putting them in underwear. I have to be really careful the first few days. Like not sitting on furniture. One of my dcks is almost 5. He will still go in his pull up if he is wearing one but won't go in underwear. Good luck!

He gets the pacifier at home, but at daycare I make him keep it is his cubby. I let him have it at nap when he was transitioning, but now he doesnt use it.

See that is totally how I reccomend PT, but I want the parents to start that at home over a weekend and I will continue it over the following week. She was supposed to work on it the first weekend in Oct, but kept him in pull-ups.

[JoseyJo]

I would tell parents for sanitary reasons dcb needs to be in diapers as he is soaking through the pullups. Blame it on licensing if you need to. IMHO if they don't want to pt then that is up to them, but you shouldn't have to suffer for it. Personally I always suggest children stay in diapers until PT and forgo pullups entirely. They can take off/put on a diaper as easily as a pullup if trained how, they cost much less and hold much more.

[Cradle2crayons]

I would tell parents for sanitary reasons dcb needs to be in diapers as he is soaking through the pullups. Blame it on licensing if you need to. IMHO if they don't want to pt then that is up to them, but you shouldn't have to suffer for it. Personally I always suggest children stay in diapers until PT and forgo pullups entirely. They can take off/put on a diaper as easily as a pullup if trained how, they cost much less and hold much more.

At 3.5 it would be very unusual that he can't hold his bladder long enough to change pull ups. He may do this on purpose at home and think its funny. I would be sure the parents and child know is isn't funny.

Pull ups aren't allowed at my house AT ALL. EVER. they can use them at home all they want but they wear diapers here until they are dry two weeks.

Can the child verbalized when he has to go??

If he's soaking through a pull-up with ONE urination, then that's proof enough that his bladder holds quite a bit.

During the day, how long does he go between wetting his pull up?

[blandino]

We normally don't allow pull-ups, but I made an exception for this boy because of his age when he started and because DCM said they were working on it. I really thought with his age, that PT would be right around the corner.

And as with most times I bend my rules, I am totally remembering why the rule existed in the first place.

I actually lost a potential client because I didn't allow pull-ups, and I didn't change my tune then - so I am not sure why I did this time. But I am totally regretting it. I LOATHE pull-ups. I have extra size 4 diapers that were donated from a DCG who is potty trained, and I will use those tomorrow. I mean he is leaking through AND I can't even allow him to change a pull-up without risking an accident. I really feel like that is my only choice.

[Angelsj]

The child needs a medical workup. How in the world is he producing enough urine to wet through a pull up, then still managing to pee everywhere while changing one?

[blandino]

Can the child verbalized when he has to go?? No. The child is severely lacking verbal skills. And does not form sentences with any real content. So expressing that he needs to go isn't something I would really expect of him.

If he's soaking through a pull-up with ONE urination, then that's proof enough that his bladder holds quite a bit. I don't think it is just one urination. I check him whenever I do diaper checks and sometimes he is slightly wet. The consistent soak through happens around 9:00 every morning. I have stopped it sometimes by changing him in between 8:00 (his arrival) and 9:00 diaper changes - but I don't feel like I should need to be so on top of a child's diaper that is that age. KWIM ?

During the day, how long does he go between wetting his pull up? [B]He normally soaks through or is very wet at 9:00 diaper changes, at 11:00 he is normally wet. Pre-nap diaper check at 12:40 he is normally dry, and then I will send him to the toilet if he is just to avoid a nap soak through. And then he normally wets right after nap.

[BABYLUVER21]

I would tell parents for sanitary reasons dcb needs to be in diapers as he is soaking through the pullups. Blame it on licensing if you need to. IMHO if they don't want to pt then that is up to them, but you shouldn't have to suffer for it. Personally I always suggest children stay in diapers until PT and forgo pullups entirely. They can take off/put on a diaper as easily as a pullup if trained how, they cost much less and hold much more.

Agree with this. Also I'd get rid of that binky! Tell them it's not sanitary for him to have anymore because other babies want to take it and they stick in mouths.

[blandino]

Agree with this. Also I'd get rid of that binky! Tell them it's not sanitary for him to have anymore because other babies want to take it and they stick in mouths.

He does not have it at my house. He walks in with it, puts it in his cubby and it comes back up at pick-up. They send it everyday for nap only, even though he walks in using it. But he does fine without it at nap.

[Lil'DinoEggs]

I dislike pullups so much, but I never thought of banning them. I have a new two year old whose parents had in pullups. However, I did not see any evidence that the child wanted to pt. Never said that he had to go potty, has yet to even perform on the potty. Of course, they were only bringing in two pullups a day. I told them they needed a week's worth and that the child goes through five to six a day. They started to look worried and I said, "Look, he isn't interested with me right now. I will continue to sit him on the potty, but save your money and just bring in diapers" They looked so relieved.

I think I might do what some of you do and ban them. Most of the time, the children are wearing such tight clothes anyway that they still need my help to get undress. (that's a whole other issue)

[blandino]

I dislike pullups so much, but I never thought of banning them. I have a new two year old whose parents had in pullups. However, I did not see any evidence that the child wanted to pt. Never said that he had to go potty, has yet to even perform on the potty. Of course, they were only bringing in two pullups a day. I told them they needed a week's worth and that the child goes through five to six a day. They started to look worried and I said, "Look, he isn't interested with me right now. I will continue to sit him on the potty, but save your money and just bring in diapers" They looked so relieved.

I think I might do what some of you do and ban them. Most of the time, the children are wearing such tight clothes anyway that they still need my help to get undress. (that's a whole other issue)

I just don't buy into the whole, he/she is 50% potty trained. In most cases I have ever seen, you are either potty trained or not. Patches, calls them a glorified diaper, and I think that is a perfect term. There is no negative feeling when a child wets in them, so why would they stop playing and use the toilet every time ? I have not had one DCK successfully completely potty train in pull-ups.

[Play Care]

Honestly, it sounds as if this child has more serious issues then potty training.

My policy is that I typically do not accept new children over the age of 3 who are not potty trained. I'm not saying parents have to train if they feel the child isn't ready, but this is not the child care for them.

With kids who have grown up in my care and are showing signs of readiness I have had great success in just putting them in underwear and having them use the potty at natural transition times (after breakfast, before going outside, before and after naps, etc.) I just make sure to plan a couple of days where I am quite near the child just in case. But usually but that point they are more then ready and the fact is if they do have an accident (especially after being successful for the most part) I am pretty nonchalant about it "that's okay, you'll make it next time!" Once they know I'm not going to break out the diapers they usually get on board very quickly. To me it's worth it as it's one less diaper to change. I usually find we are pretty much done with PT by the end of the week when a child is ready. But all of that is at my discretion. I'm not about to be coerced in to months of potty training because IME that is totally unnecessary.

[heyhun77]

Are you trying to pt while he is in your care? I have found with some kids that if you have connected with the child and have a good relationship foundation you can sometimes get them to understand the toilet and with frequent trips to the bathroom eventually they get it. That being said I had one in my classroom last year that we finally got the parents to go through the early intervention services screening and it turns out he was severely delayed in social emotional (which I suspected) and the potty training was most likely part of that. By the time I decided to leave the classroom and come back to home childcare he was just finally getting services so I don't know what interventions they are using with him.

[blandino]

Honestly, it sounds as if this child has more serious issues then potty training.

My policy is that I typically do not accept new children over the age of 3 who are not potty trained. I'm not saying parents have to train if they feel the child isn't ready, but this is not the child care for them.

With kids who have grown up in my care and are showing signs of readiness I have had great success in just putting them in underwear and having them use the potty at natural transition times (after breakfast, before going outside, before and after naps, etc.) I just make sure to plan a couple of days where I am quite near the child just in case. But usually but that point they are more then ready and the fact is if they do have an accident (especially after being successful for the most part) I am pretty nonchalant about it "that's okay, you'll make it next time!" Once they know I'm not going to break out the diapers they usually get on board very quickly. To me it's worth it as it's one less diaper to change. I usually find we are pretty much done with PT by the end of the week when a child is ready. But all of that is at my discretion. I'm not about to be coerced in to months of potty training because IME that is totally unnecessary.

I would agree that he has a lot more going on. He started with is the last week in July, so I am still getting a grasp on what is going on with him and trying to sort it all out.

I am ALL FOR the straight to underwear mentality, but I ask parents to take care of the first few days at home. And his parents didn't do it the weekend we talked about.