Provider's "Guests"

[Unregistered]

My dcp is recently separated and heading for divorse. Now her new "friend" has been there at the house in the morning when my children are being dropped off. I know it's her "friend" because other parents have seen her out at the bar with him. This seems to be very unprofessional and I am concerned about having someone of unknown character hanging around my daycare. Are there any rules or regulations covering "guests" at a Daycare?

I know I should trust her judgement but since the separation she seems to be slipping in judgement.

Thanks for your help.

[MyAngels]

I don't know what rules there are in your area concerning this, but maybe you should discuss your concerns with her. She may not even realize that it's a problem for you (and potentially other families as well).

I know there's a link on this website that contains the licensing standards for each state, so you could check there for any rules that might pertain to this situation.

[laundryduchess@yahoo.com]

I think you should make a point to introduce yourself and get to know her "friend". I think you may
1. meet someone new who may enrich your life,
2. put your mind a little at ease if you get to know the person, and
3. Help your provider to see that you are accepting and supportive of her and her personal decisions. This is a very hard time in her life and she needs encouragement, understanding and patience. If you trust her,... then let your trust carry you through the transition. If you trust her then do it no hold barred, without reservation. If not maybe its time for you to find someone ele to keep your child. I wouldnt rely on hearsay from mutual friends for information on the relationship or to find out what type of person he is. I would jump right in ,..

say Hi Im bobbys mom Jill,... Hows it going!? Ive seen you around and figured you were good friends with robin and wanted to make sure to introduce myself. It sure is nice to meet you.

He will probably feel a bit at ease knowing you just jumped out there and said hello. He is probably pretty nervous wondering how he will be received from her clients.

a bit of background on my opinion,... I divorced 13 1/2 years ago from my husband of 6 years. We married right out of highschool, had two lovely kids. I found out he was having an affair in January of 97 packed his things, kicked him out and started a new life. I met my current husband in feb of 97. My divorce was final in april of 97 (thank you God!) and I was married in sept of97. seems fast huh? Well,.after 13 years . honeymoon is still happening and I can honestly say the third best thing my ex ever did for me was to cheat on me. The first two were my Christopher and my Megan....I have my soul mate and could NOT be happier.

My parents stayed with me through my divorce, remarriage, and the births of 2 more children. It was hard, it wasnt fun,.. but noone questioned my trust, and yes, my new husband then boyfriend did stay here after we decided to be exclusive with one another. He was here when they picked up, and when they dropped off. If anyone had any reservations,.. they kept them to themselves.

[tmcp2001]

I know that here in MN, anyone living in the home over the age of 13 needs to be background checked. Now, who knows if this person is "living" there or not but I agree with the pp, you should talk to your provider about it and let her know that it concerns you. At the very least, this person should submit to a background check to show that he is "safe" (at least per licensing standards) to be around the daycare children.

As a parent, I would feel just as leery about a new, strange "friend" being around my children. As a provider, I would be very cautious about introducing a new "friend" to daycare children and families. Good luck!

[Crystal]

You need to check your state regs. BUT, in California, anyone over 18 who is in the home for more than 15 hours per week during business hours or resides in the home must have a complete background check.

I would ask the provider about the person. In a non-accusatory manner of course. If she is straightforward with you, then I would trust her, but if she hems and haws, I would question it further. I would certainly ask her if he has had a background check though.

[lovinmylife]

Just an Opinion

I was a provider for almost 5 years when my husband of 9 1/2 years and I went through a divorce. My families had an idea of what was going on, those who asked I was honest with. I met my then boyfriend (now hubby) and wanted him to come visit, he lived out of state. I let my parents know that I would be having a guest for 2 weeks in may home, I also had his background check done BEFORE he came to visit. I felt my job as a provider not to mention as a mom was to protect the children in my care. I gave all parents he option of not coming those 2 weeks and would help them find back up care for it. Because I was so open with my parents they came to love my husband and trusted me more because they knew I would not hide stuff from them.

I think you should talk to her if you have any questions about him being there. You are paying her to care for your child and protect them and make sure they are safe during the day. I think you as the parent have a right to know who is in the home with your children.