Very Emotional Mom

[jokalima]

Today I started a new baby, one of the cutest and happiest baby I've seen, that's until mom left.. The baby was so sad during the day and there was basically nothing I could do to comfort her . She cried and cried and kept crying, I know it is her first day, but rarely a get babies that won't stop. I was expecting for her to get better during the day but she did not. Mom was a mess as well, it was so sad to see her so emotional. She was concerned about the baby "not recognize her" when she picked up, so she was crying too because is the first time in the babies life that they have been apart. The baby was so tired that as soon as mom picked her up she basically fell asleep in her arms. What suggestions do you have to make both of them feel better? I usually don't like having parents hanging around during the day but I told her maybe she should stay a good 30 mints here with the baby to help her get more comfortable. Any other suggestions for mom and baby?

[providerandmomof4]

I have a super sweet little girl that I have had since she was 6 mths old. The same thing was happening the first few days for me until I figured out that she wasn't upset that mom wasn't there........she was a baby that needed (begged for!) more sleep. I was misreading her cues. She was really tired and took three naps a day in the beginning. I had been used to only napping babies twice. But this one; when she was ready for a nap, there was no keeping her up! She would get extremely fussy and then, if I didn't put her down for a nap, she would just curl up where-ever she was and go to sleep! Poor little thing..She would wake up like a new child! So maybe try laying her down if you've tried everything and there is no consoling her

[jokalima]

I will definitely try this and see if it helps, thanks for the tip

[Maria2013]

Today I started a new baby, one of the cutest and happiest baby I've seen, that's until mom left.. The baby was so sad during the day and there was basically nothing I could do to comfort her . She cried and cried and kept crying, I know it is her first day, but rarely a get babies that won't stop. I was expecting for her to get better during the day but she did not. Mom was a mess as well, it was so sad to see her so emotional. She was concerned about the baby "not recognize her" when she picked up, so she was crying too because is the first time in the babies life that they have been apart. The baby was so tired that as soon as mom picked her up she basically fell asleep in her arms. What suggestions do you have to make both of them feel better? I usually don't like having parents hanging around during the day but I told her maybe she should stay a good 30 mints here with the baby to help her get more comfortable. Any other suggestions for mom and baby?

cuddle cuddle and cuddle that baby every chance you've got....keep reassuring mom that the first few days are the worst and then her baby will show her how much she likes it there...time is all you guys need
PS don't show them you are sad too, if you give super good care, there is nothing to be sad about ..show them that:hug:

[Cradle2crayons]

Today I started a new baby, one of the cutest and happiest baby I've seen, that's until mom left.. The baby was so sad during the day and there was basically nothing I could do to comfort her . She cried and cried and kept crying, I know it is her first day, but rarely a get babies that won't stop. I was expecting for her to get better during the day but she did not. Mom was a mess as well, it was so sad to see her so emotional. She was concerned about the baby "not recognize her" when she picked up, so she was crying too because is the first time in the babies life that they have been apart. The baby was so tired that as soon as mom picked her up she basically fell asleep in her arms. What suggestions do you have to make both of them feel better? I usually don't like having parents hanging around during the day but I told her maybe she should stay a good 30 mints here with the baby to help her get more comfortable. Any other suggestions for mom and baby?

I don't allow parents to stay because it ends up making it much much harder for the child in the long run.

I agree the child may simply be over stimulated or tired.

[itlw8]

did mom bring something with her scent on it? have her leave a shirt she wore for a little bit or a spritz of her perfume if she always wears it. It will get better for both of them soon.

[SilverSabre25]

Oh, of COURSE she will recognize you! You are her mama, and there's no one else like mama in the whole entirety of time and space. You are her one and only mama, always and forever, and she always has and always will know that. I know it's hard on both of you at first but she will get used to this new routine and so will you. Now, [baby] say BYE MAMA! I LOVE YOU!


And to baby, "I know, it is so hard to watch mama leave. She will come back. In a few hours she will come right back to baby! I know, you miss your mama. You are worried about mama. She is coming back to you. She has to work, and then she will come right back and scoop you up and give you lots of hugs and kisses!"

And then when mama comes back... "See? I told you mama would be back! It was hard to wait but here she is! Giving you hugs and snuggles just like I said! See? Mama always comes back to baby!"

[daycaremum]

How old is baby?
I'm afraid to tell you nothing will help except for time. Baby needs to get used to being cared for by someone other than mom, and mom needs to get used to being away from baby. Just reassure mom that baby will of course remember her each day and that it is normal for baby to be upset while she gets used to daycare. Reassure her and yourself that it will get better each day. I've had several kids who cried, hard, the entire first day or two. Do not let mom stay for a half hour, it won't help, it will actually make it harder on them both.
And be confident when speaking with mom, if you are confident she will become confident as well.

[nothingwithoutjoy]

I disagree that having mom stay for a while is harmful. In my program, I require a parent to stay for the full first day, and encourage them to stay whenever they want. Some advantages of having them there at the beginning:

-they see exactly what you do all day and feel very connected to your program from the beginning
-it sets the expectation that you and the parents will work together and that you expect families to be very involved in their child's education
-you have all that time to observe how the parent responds to the child--eliminates guesswork and gives you a much better sense of what the child is used to (even if you're not going to do it exactly the same way)
-they have a chance to observe how you do things, which may give them ideas to try
-the child sees you and their parent are comfortable together, and therefore is able to trust you
-the child can get used to you and your space from the safety of their parents' arms (or at least be able to look over their shoulder to find them).

My most recent example is the 2-year-old who just started a few weeks ago. He was in another child care, where he screamed at drop off and just before nap. Mom stayed here all day his first day, though often out of sight. For ex, when we went outside, she stayed in. He kept one eye on the window the whole time--he knew she was in there, and it seemed to give him comfort. No screaming at nap, though again, she stayed out of the nap room (her choice, based on what she thought he needed). Dad and mom were both here after nap, and were amazed to watch an easy diaper change (he squirms and yells at home). It seemed to give them great comfort to see it. Next day, he pretty much shoved mom out the door with a happy "bye!" No screaming at drop off or nap.

[butterfly]

I disagree that having mom stay for a while is harmful. In my program, I require a parent to stay for the full first day, and encourage them to stay whenever they want. Some advantages of having them there at the beginning:

-they see exactly what you do all day and feel very connected to your program from the beginning
-it sets the expectation that you and the parents will work together and that you expect families to be very involved in their child's education
-you have all that time to observe how the parent responds to the child--eliminates guesswork and gives you a much better sense of what the child is used to (even if you're not going to do it exactly the same way)
-they have a chance to observe how you do things, which may give them ideas to try
-the child sees you and their parent are comfortable together, and therefore is able to trust you
-the child can get used to you and your space from the safety of their parents' arms (or at least be able to look over their shoulder to find them).

My most recent example is the 2-year-old who just started a few weeks ago. He was in another child care, where he screamed at drop off and just before nap. Mom stayed here all day his first day, though often out of sight. For ex, when we went outside, she stayed in. He kept one eye on the window the whole time--he knew she was in there, and it seemed to give him comfort. No screaming at nap, though again, she stayed out of the nap room (her choice, based on what she thought he needed). Dad and mom were both here after nap, and were amazed to watch an easy diaper change (he squirms and yells at home). It seemed to give them great comfort to see it. Next day, he pretty much shoved mom out the door with a happy "bye!" No screaming at drop off or nap.

Nope not gonna happen here. Having a parent here a whole day totally disrupts our routine and the kids get too wild. The other children seem to forget who they need to listen to... No way to having a parent inside my house while I'm outside with everyone... Nope not gonna happen!

I have done up to an hour for a little one who had a really hard time adjusting, but it was really difficult on all the other kids (and even that child). The other dcks were swarming the parent, trying to get the attention of "new blood". It ticked the child off... Nightmare. Hope to never have to do that again.

I do have an open door policy, but to have a parent hang out the whole day is a little too much for me.

[Heidi]

I disagree that having mom stay for a while is harmful. In my program, I require a parent to stay for the full first day, and encourage them to stay whenever they want. Some advantages of having them there at the beginning:

-they see exactly what you do all day and feel very connected to your program from the beginning
-it sets the expectation that you and the parents will work together and that you expect families to be very involved in their child's education
-you have all that time to observe how the parent responds to the child--eliminates guesswork and gives you a much better sense of what the child is used to (even if you're not going to do it exactly the same way)
-they have a chance to observe how you do things, which may give them ideas to try
-the child sees you and their parent are comfortable together, and therefore is able to trust you
-the child can get used to you and your space from the safety of their parents' arms (or at least be able to look over their shoulder to find them).

My most recent example is the 2-year-old who just started a few weeks ago. He was in another child care, where he screamed at drop off and just before nap. Mom stayed here all day his first day, though often out of sight. For ex, when we went outside, she stayed in. He kept one eye on the window the whole time--he knew she was in there, and it seemed to give him comfort. No screaming at nap, though again, she stayed out of the nap room (her choice, based on what she thought he needed). Dad and mom were both here after nap, and were amazed to watch an easy diaper change (he squirms and yells at home). It seemed to give them great comfort to see it. Next day, he pretty much shoved mom out the door with a happy "bye!" No screaming at drop off or nap.

I think I am going to make this part of my enrollment policy from now on. Definitely something to think about.

My reason would be that I want the parents to see how hard this actually is. It might help them understand where I am coming from when I say "this is how I do things".

[nothingwithoutjoy]

I think I am going to make this part of my enrollment policy from now on. Definitely something to think about.

My reason would be that I want the parents to see how hard this actually is. It might help them understand where I am coming from when I say "this is how I do things".

Definitely.

I added this when I opened my own program, after reading about how they do it in the infant-toddler schools in Reggio. It sounded brilliant to me, and I have loved it. Of course it's somewhat uncomfortable being watched all day, but well worth it.

[daycaremum]

Sorry, double posted.

[daycaremum]

I disagree that having mom stay for a while is harmful. In my program, I require a parent to stay for the full first day, and encourage them to stay whenever they want. Some advantages of having them there at the beginning:

-they see exactly what you do all day and feel very connected to your program from the beginning
-it sets the expectation that you and the parents will work together and that you expect families to be very involved in their child's education
-you have all that time to observe how the parent responds to the child--eliminates guesswork and gives you a much better sense of what the child is used to (even if you're not going to do it exactly the same way)
-they have a chance to observe how you do things, which may give them ideas to try
-the child sees you and their parent are comfortable together, and therefore is able to trust you
-the child can get used to you and your space from the safety of their parents' arms (or at least be able to look over their shoulder to find them).

My most recent example is the 2-year-old who just started a few weeks ago. He was in another child care, where he screamed at drop off and just before nap. Mom stayed here all day his first day, though often out of sight. For ex, when we went outside, she stayed in. He kept one eye on the window the whole time--he knew she was in there, and it seemed to give him comfort. No screaming at nap, though again, she stayed out of the nap room (her choice, based on what she thought he needed). Dad and mom were both here after nap, and were amazed to watch an easy diaper change (he squirms and yells at home). It seemed to give them great comfort to see it. Next day, he pretty much shoved mom out the door with a happy "bye!" No screaming at drop off or nap.


I disagree. A young child who is having separation anxiety is not going to do better the second day after his parent stayed the whole first day. Now he doesn't understand why he has to stay on his own.

I run a home daycare, obviously in my home, with a group of 5. There is no way I would be comfortable having a parents stay the entire day, nor would I think that the other parents would all be okay with another adult being here for the entire day.

My families come for an interview during daycare hours where they get to meet the other kids, see how things work, see how their child gets along in the group, etc, before they sign on for care. So they already have a good idea of how things go before they make the decision to bring their child.


Glad it has seemed to work for you, but for me that is not an option.

[nothingwithoutjoy]

I disagree. A young child who is having separation anxiety is not going to do better the second day after his parent stayed the whole first day. Now he doesn't understand why he has to stay on his own.

In my experience (20 years), they do do better when they've had a gradual introduction that includes a parent.

I run a home daycare, obviously in my home, with a group of 5. There is no way I would be comfortable having a parents stay the entire day, nor would I think that the other parents would all be okay with another adult being here for the entire day.

I do family child care as well. It depends what your goals are. My teaching is Reggio Emilia-inspired. Reggio schools are often described as "education through relationships." Relationships--between me and the children, me and the parents, and the families with each other--are key to my program. The families in my program are "the village" for all the kids, and it's one of my goals to get new families to know us well as soon as possible.

My families come for an interview during daycare hours where they get to meet the other kids, see how things work, see how their child gets along in the group, etc, before they sign on for care. So they already have a good idea of how things go before they make the decision to bring their child.

Mine, too. And then I visit them in their home. And then they spend a day here. The welcoming process for a new family here is pretty involved, intentionally.

Glad it has seemed to work for you, but for me that is not an option.

It needn't be. One of the best things about family child care is that it is not institutionalized, and can be done well in many different ways. I was just offering a differing opinion to the original poster, because I've learned a different way which might be helpful to her.