Child In Street; Running Off

[Unregistered]

I have a 3 yr old here on the Autism Spectrum. He is a handful, but pretty responsive to my guidance for the most part. He has done several things the last 2 weeks that have been upsetting.

First, I had the kids outside and he was being unsafe by ramming a trike into another child. I told him he had to stay off the trike and he said 'no' and took off running in the empty field next to our house. He was laughing when I told him to come back to the yard and he kept going. I had 5 other kids outside at the time, so I had to quickly get them into a safe situation and then go and retrieve him. I couldn't get to him and I ended up twisting my ankle. I stopped pursuing him and went back to my property and kept an eye on him and he came back. My back up plan was to call a neighbor to run over and get him if he didn't come back, but he did.
The incident really frightened me, though, as I cannot allow that kind of behavior to affect my caring for the other kids here. I talked to the parents and they admitted it happens to them all the time.

At pick up time, he runs out into the street as soon as he sees his Mom. He runs around and around their vehicle which is parked in the street. She tells him to stop about 20 times but never does anything about it. I keep telling her that I cannot allow that kind of behavior. Yesterday, he bolted out my door without her, and she again did nothing about it for a few minutes. I have made it clear to parents that children cannot be outside without an adult- EVER! Well, he ran around in the street and almost got hit by a car while his Mom was putting his sister in the car. The Mom tried to get him to behave my starting up the car and pretending to drive away, while he was standing in the street!

A neighbor called and complained as the person that almost hit him was going to their house. They were nice about it, but also a bit shaken up.

I cannot afford to term this family and I am attached to the children and truly think I can help this child. So this morning, I wrote up a new pickup policy and procedure for his family which includes him either being carried or his hand being held and going right into the car seat (no running around). I prepared it and handed it to the Dad this morning at drop off and asked that both parents read it and sign it as a new policy. I have heard nothing from either parent as of yet today.

I do not have this problem with ANY of the other children here. When they violate a safety rule, I react quickly and firmly as do their parents. While I realize this child has special needs, I think that there are times when safety cannot be compromised and a parent has to take full control...and this situation is one of them.

Have any of you had similar issues with a child in your care?

[itlw8]

Unfortunately you also cannot afford to keep him under the current circumstance. For him to stay you MUST have a fenced in yard that he can not escape from. You MUST have a way that he can never open the door on his own . And He must NEVER go outside the door without his parent or an adult holding his hand firmly until he is strapped securely in his car seat.

If you are licensed you state can and will shut you down for him running off like that. You are responsible until he leaves your property with his parents. BIG LIABLITy and it is a known hazard now that he has done it before.

I would say you need to take care of those things immediately or you can not safely keep him. AND the parents need to tell any future care givers for his safety.

[Unregistered]

I know. This is my last resort. If the parents cannot follow the next pickup policy, I will have to let them go.

I also need a better plan in place if he attempts to run off during our outside time again. Fortunately, there are times during the week when he is in an early learning class, so I can get the other kids outside without him here on most days.

I hate this.

[Heidi]

Unfortunately you also cannot afford to keep him under the current circumstance. For him to stay you MUST have a fenced in yard that he can not escape from. You MUST have a way that he can never open the door on his own . And He must NEVER go outside the door without his parent or an adult holding his hand firmly until he is strapped securely in his car seat.

If you are licensed you state can and will shut you down for him running off like that. You are responsible until he leaves your property with his parents. BIG LIABLITy and it is a known hazard now that he has done it before.

I would say you need to take care of those things immediately or you can not safely keep him. AND the parents need to tell any future care givers for his safety.

I agree.

It sounds like you are keeping him for all the right reasons. Most of all, you care about him. But, this doesn't trump his need to be safe. That means; lay down the law with his parents, get a fence, and lock the door out of his reach. He is a black-and-white kind of kid. There can't be any gray areas. :hug: His parent's need to get on board real quick with that. I have only a little experience with autistic kiddos, but I do know that consistency is a extra important.

[Heidi]

Maybe this would be an option until you can get a fence, and for when you walk together or otherwise leave the yard. It doesn't have to be presented as a negative, and he could possibly pick which one he likes...??

http://www.amazon.com/Best-Sellers-Baby-Toddler-Safety-Harnesses-Leashes/zgbs/baby-products/2237486011

[Unregistered]

I have top locks on all of my doors for this reason. I used to have a runner. It was extremely scary! As for going outside the only thing I can think of besides terminating is to fence your back yard. That would be a pretty penny!
Good luck!

[preschoolteacher]

So sorry you are dealing with this. A 3-year-old runner is a challenge, let alone a 3-year-old runner on the autism spectrum.

I agree that you should not keep him if you can't keep him safe. A fence is a must... or some sort of gated play area outdoors. Mom and Dad should follow your policy--and if not, they need to find other care.

I can't believe she let him run around outside... like I said, I wouldn't even feel okay with a 3-year-old who was NOT on the spectrum doing that!

[Willow]

Along with the behavior plan of walking him hand in hand to the vehicle I think it's far more important that you find your voice with these parents. You will likely need to drill it in because they seem absolutely clueless when it comes to the dangers of him running into the street the way he is.

That is one time I would YELL at them to get a hold of him or step in to do it myself right in front of them. I have done just that when a mom thought holding the hand of her run amok son was stupid. It's pretty embarrassing when you have someone else walk your own child to your vehicle because you have zero control of them.....especially if there are other parents present non of whom need that same assistance. They either get with the program because you tell them to, or they get with the program because you make them. No more wishy washy asking politely or hoping. Call them out, tell them why and then DEMAND compliance.

[Sunshine75]

I have worked with autistic children for many years and am sad to say that many parents make excuses for children on the spectrum. Instead of expecting more of their child they simply say, "oh well, he's autistic or has adhd or add, etc, etc." Many times I have heard a parent say this when in fact their child could easily follow the rule they just aren't expected to. There are no excuses when it is a behavior issue. They understand more then people give them credit for.

[Josiegirl]

Here's a question....are those child leashes legal to use? Because really, if they are you may have to try something like that.
A fence is no guarantee either. Trust me. I have a stockade fence surrounding my whole backyard with 2 gates, and the locks are child-proofed to a point. I mean they're tricky enough that it'd take a few minutes for kids to figure it out and by that time I'd be there. But anyways, I opened the gate one day, had my 3 yo hold it open for the rest of us. She's always done things like that to be helpful. So I picked up the 16 month old to carry, took the hand of the 19 month old and told the 2 yo to follow us. The 2 yo tripped and fell, and by the time I turned around to help her, the 3 yo gate holder had taken off for the front of the house. I yelled to her 3-4 times to come back. We make it to the front of the house and she's walking with her mom. I was so embarrassed and told her she needed to stay with us because of safety issues, that she should've come back, etc. I wish my fence was attached right to my front door.

I hope you can figure something out because when it comes to safety that's, of course, the top concern.
I can't believe the dcm got in the car and pretended to leave. That's ridiculously dangerous.

ETA: I just checked out Heidi's link, those are cool! Is that something you could use because I'd think it'd be perfect!
Hmmm, I'll take 5 please.

[Heidi]

Here's a question....are those child leashes legal to use? Because really, if they are you may have to try something like that.
A fence is no guarantee either. Trust me. I have a stockade fence surrounding my whole backyard with 2 gates, and the locks are child-proofed to a point. I mean they're tricky enough that it'd take a few minutes for kids to figure it out and by that time I'd be there. But anyways, I opened the gate one day, had my 3 yo hold it open for the rest of us. She's always done things like that to be helpful. So I picked up the 16 month old to carry, took the hand of the 19 month old and told the 2 yo to follow us. The 2 yo tripped and fell, and by the time I turned around to help her, the 3 yo gate holder had taken off for the front of the house. I yelled to her 3-4 times to come back. We make it to the front of the house and she's walking with her mom. I was so embarrassed and told her she needed to stay with us because of safety issues, that she should've come back, etc. I wish my fence was attached right to my front door.

I hope you can figure something out because when it comes to safety that's, of course, the top concern.
I can't believe the dcm got in the car and pretended to leave. That's ridiculously dangerous.

ETA: I just checked out Heidi's link, those are cool! Is that something you could use because I'd think it'd be perfect!
Hmmm, I'll take 5 please.

They would be perfectly fine here as long as they are presented in a positive way "this is to keep you safe" vs. "this is a punishment and supposed to make you feel bad for running off".

It's very common to see children on "leashes" in other countries. Here in the US, we see them as imposing dog leashes on children. It's also common for young adults to carry condoms in their wallets...::. Here, that apparently implies one is a "creeper". Sorry...I digress.

[Unregistered]

Sooo....first of all, thanks for all of the responses.

The DCM came to pick up and the little guy had been fine playing outside with few issues. She comes up and I immediately ask if she had talked to her husband and had the opportunity to read over the 'new pickup procedure'. She said she did and that her husband wants to look it over before he signs it. I went over it a little bit verbally and said 'we all need to have zero tolerance for your son going in the street'. Two minutes later, he is playing with a large car and pushes it (or it rolled) into the street and he ran out to get it. She stands there and does nothing. I turned to her and said 'for me, that would be the end of playtime and he should be put right in the car and told, we don't go into the street'. She didn't say anything. She then talked about parking her car differently to make it easier for him, so I replied 'the problem is not where the car is parked, it is his behavior'.

When it was time to go she said 'it's time to go and took his hand and walked to the car.' He got right in with a little fuss, but she was in control. It was so much less chaotic.

Let's keep our fingers crossed that they truly end up understanding that this is a battle they can't afford to lose.

[Unregistered]

Oh yeah...


Heidi. You. Are. Hilarious!

[countrymom]

just because he is on the spectrum does not give him the right to behave like this or his mother. I treat all the kids the same. I expect the parents to behave the same too.

my concern is that while you are chasing this child and dealing with him, what are the other kids doing. Are the other kids copying his behavior. Its sad but if you can't get a handle of the situation, you may end up not only losing him but the other kids too.

[Unregistered]

His sister is definitely copying his behavior. The other kids try it, but then are able and willing to follow safety rules as are their parents.

This boy also refuses to get ready to get on the special ed preschool bus. I have a split level home and have to force him (by carrying him) to go down to the entryway to get ready with him shouting at me the whole time. He is 3 1/2 and it is quite the work out.

Then I have to force his shoes on and jacket also. He does readily go once the bus arrives, but it is super stressful.

The family did not return the policy sheet (with signatures) this morning....not a good sign.