Is This too Much to Ask?

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  • WImom
    Advanced Daycare.com Member
    • Jun 2010
    • 1639

    Is This too Much to Ask?

    Too much to ask of an almost 4 year old that has been here for a year...

    This is some examples from today and yesterday.....When reminded to ask before taking someone's toys he says "I don't have to...., When I say he does he refuses and ignores, then when I take the toy away and tell him he can't play with it if he can't ask his friend. He starts stomping off and screaming at me.

    Outside - he takes a toys from another child, I ask him to give it back (After the other child tried and he wouldn't). He throws the toy across the yard. I tell him he needs to pick it up and give it back nicely. I get the toy and attempt to help him do this. He refuses and runs away with the toy. I get the toy back and he sits in time out. Which then he takes off his jacket and shoes and throws them and yells and screams.

    Can't wash hands with other children without arguing. (I have two stools). Argues all day long with everyone. He has hit me in the past, scratched me, told me he was going to smack me in the face (didn't though) - these are all when he is angry. He is very impulsive with his actions and words. Is constantly in my business. I say all day long....***** does this concern you? These things and MANY more have been going on for a year now since he started. I suggested a few months ago that parents take him to see someone. They were going to and never did twice now. I'm thinking probation is the way to go unless this is normal behavior for this age and I'm in the wrong?? I feel like I'm just sooo over this child and he is making me hate my job. I do enjoy having him when we have a good day which is far and few between.
  • Leigh
    Daycare.com Member
    • Apr 2013
    • 3814

    #2
    I suggest checking out this book: http://books.google.com/books?id=QrK...-321-8&f=false

    It addresses ways to deal with a defiant child, was recommended to me by a child therapist, and it really does make sense.

    Comment

    • WImom
      Advanced Daycare.com Member
      • Jun 2010
      • 1639

      #3
      Thanks, I have the book, it's a good one. My 8y old DD was/is a "spirited" kid and very stubborn. We did take her to counseling when she was 6y old which really helped her. I talked to the dad about my DD and how it helped her. He seemed to think it would be a good idea. Maybe the mom doesn't? I know he is this way at home too.

      Comment

      • BBDC
        Daycare.com Member
        • Feb 2012
        • 87

        #4
        I have to admit this sounds like my son. He is very unruly but only with me I think. He goes to his grandparents and they say he is good. But I do know I get very frustrated with my own son so I cant imagine if it was someone elses!

        Comment

        • Blackcat31
          • Oct 2010
          • 36124

          #5
          Personally, I don't think this child sounds defiant so much as spoiled or obviously the one who is in charge at home and is having a tough time adjusting to the fact that it isn't that way in daycare......

          This one probably needs an "Alpha" adult in his life so he understands the pecking order....

          YOU = the one in charge & gives directions
          HIM = the one who needs to listen & follow


          I am betting his parents allow him to be this way; therefore eliminating his ability to deal with and manage frustration and conflict......

          Comment

          • daycarediva
            Daycare.com Member
            • Jul 2012
            • 11698

            #6
            Originally posted by Blackcat31
            Personally, I don't think this child sounds defiant so much as spoiled or obviously the one who is in charge at home and is having a tough time adjusting to the fact that it isn't that way in daycare......

            This one probably needs an "Alpha" adult in his life so he understands the pecking order....

            YOU = the one in charge & gives directions
            HIM = the one who needs to listen & follow


            I am betting his parents allow him to be this way; therefore eliminating his ability to deal with and manage frustration and conflict......
            Much better wording but exactly what I was thinking.

            I have an almost 4yo boy here who says things like "I don't WANT to share, all the toys are MINE." "I don't have to be nice..."

            he gets put back in line because the toys are MINE and if you cant share MY toys you don't play with MY toys.

            Comment

            • WImom
              Advanced Daycare.com Member
              • Jun 2010
              • 1639

              #7
              Well 30 day probation letter is in the bag. I am not looking forward to pick up (or drop off with mom tomorrow). I'm hoping some changes will be made with this letter. I figure if they leave then it will be more peaceful here and his behavior gets better it will be more peaceful here. I'm hoping for the 2nd one since he can be a good kid when he wants to.

              Comment

              • Patches
                Daycare.com Member
                • Dec 2012
                • 1154

                #8
                Originally posted by WImom
                Too much to ask of an almost 4 year old that has been here for a year...

                This is some examples from today and yesterday.....When reminded to ask before taking someone's toys he says "I don't have to...., When I say he does he refuses and ignores, then when I take the toy away and tell him he can't play with it if he can't ask his friend. He starts stomping off and screaming at me.

                Outside - he takes a toys from another child, I ask him to give it back (After the other child tried and he wouldn't). He throws the toy across the yard. I tell him he needs to pick it up and give it back nicely. I get the toy and attempt to help him do this. He refuses and runs away with the toy. I get the toy back and he sits in time out. Which then he takes off his jacket and shoes and throws them and yells and screams.

                Can't wash hands with other children without arguing. (I have two stools). Argues all day long with everyone. He has hit me in the past, scratched me, told me he was going to smack me in the face (didn't though) - these are all when he is angry. He is very impulsive with his actions and words. Is constantly in my business. I say all day long....***** does this concern you? These things and MANY more have been going on for a year now since he started. I suggested a few months ago that parents take him to see someone. They were going to and never did twice now. I'm thinking probation is the way to go unless this is normal behavior for this age and I'm in the wrong?? I feel like I'm just sooo over this child and he is making me hate my job. I do enjoy having him when we have a good day which is far and few between.
                :hug: for dealing with this. I can relate.......I have his twin right now

                Comment

                • Play Care
                  Daycare.com Member
                  • Dec 2012
                  • 6642

                  #9
                  My 4 yo dc boy has never been physical with me, otherwise this sounds just like him.

                  In my case parents are very nice but clueless. I've tried to speak to them about the behavior (it's NOT "normal" 4 yo boy behavior IME) but I just don't know that they see it that way. I've had other 4 yo boys in my care, they only have their kids. My guy has a lot of redeeming qualities and I do care for him. But I think it will be eye opening next year when he starts full day Kindergarten...

                  Comment

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