How Much Do You Let Them Handle?

**mncare** · 10-13-2010, 08:42 AM

Whenever I hear them speaking that way I just say in a normal voice what I would like them to say. For instance, when my 4yo dcg started this summer she would always yell "stop it!!" really loudly. So I just said that at daycare we say "Please don't." She caught on within the first couple of days and now they all remind each other to say it. I guess what has worked for me is just consistently modeling over and over and OVER.

I love when I hear them correcting each other (nicely).

**tenderhearts** · 10-13-2010, 08:45 AM

Thanks, I have been reminding him how to talk but he's saying things at everything, when no one is even doing anything wrong, just because HE doens't like it. For instance one of the kids was talking in a silly voice and he said "stop, don't do that", I said why is that bothering you he's not doing it at you or even near you, he said well it bugs me. I said well I'm sorry we are all in the same room and he's not doing anything wrong, maybe if you don't like it you should go into another room where you can be alone. He said no ok it's fine. But just things like that, just because it "bugs" him he's constantly telling the to stop.

**melskids** · 10-13-2010, 09:00 AM

oh gosh...mY SA do this all the time and it drives me crazy!!

child#1 will whistle

child#2 will then begin to whistle

Child#1 will throw a fit..."Stop whistling youre annoying me"

me: "you were just whistling, why cant he?"

Child#1 "because he is annoying me and i dont want to hear it anymore"

and the cycle goes on and on and on.....

and these are 7 and 8 year olds

**BentleysBands** · 10-13-2010, 09:07 AM

sounds like my older ones but i hear "stop looking at me" ALLLL the time...i just remind to speak nicely or its TO ...cant be nice you dont need to play

**mncare** · 10-13-2010, 09:17 AM

For stuff like that I definitely start to give breaks. If they keep doing it and are old enough to be able to listen to you and truly correct the behavior but they aren't, then they need help modifying their behavior (beyond the correction and modeling). I'm not sure if that came out making sense!

I am dreading MEA next week! It is so nice to just have my little ones. Even though I love my SA, it is SO much more peaceful when they are at school all day!

**tenderhearts** · 10-13-2010, 10:42 AM

haha (well not funny more annyoying) melskids that's EXACTLY how it goes.
They were playing with the matchbox cars and the other boy was pushing his OWN car and the other boy said hey stop. I looked at him and said why can't he push his matchbox car? He didn't answer and just said oh sorry.

**kendallina** · 10-13-2010, 10:53 AM

Originally posted by tenderhearts

So I have 2 dcb, one will be 6 yrs on sat. and the other will be 5 on sat. (yup same birthday

) Anways, the 5 yr old I've had for about 6 mo he's a really great kid, about 3 weeks ago I started the 6 yr old and not that he's a "bad" kid he just seems like he wants EVERYTHING to go HIS way. Constantly I'm hearing him say in not a nice voice and not a screaming voice but "hey, stop" or "hey don't do that","hey that bothers me I don't like that". He just got mad that someone pushed a matchbox carJust none stop. The other boy hasn't really said much but after awhile it really bothers me and I'll remind him that he needs to talk nice to his friends, they can't play how he always wants to play all the time.
So I think this is some what "normal" behaviour for this age but how much would you let them work out before you intervene? He's not hitting but just seems to want to control everything. Usually I only have to deal with this for about 3 hours but the next 3 days is no school days so he's here ALL day

thanks

Next time he says something rudely, I would rephrase it back to him in a nicer way...So, if he says, "Hey stop", I say, "Please stop" and tell him that that's a better way to say it. I'd ask him to repeat it after me, I wouldn't be confrontational about it, very casual about it and not make a huge deal about it.

It's good that he is using his words and standing up for himself without being aggressive, but yeh, he shouldn't be rude, either. I have a 3 year old just like this...

**tenderhearts** · 10-13-2010, 12:50 PM

It's just his constant wanting to be in control of everything and everyone. They were playing outside and 3x he was grabbing things from the others and they would say hey can I please have it back and he wouldn't give it back, then yes they would try getting back and he would come and tattle on them when I clearly saw the whole thing. grrrrr. I'm kind of regretting taking a school age. Now since he's been like this would you mention to the parents about him not being nice and also he's had difficulty following directions today. For his age they usually watch a disney movie for quiet time but if they get so many warnings they get that priveledge taken away and have to lay quietly so that's what happened today. Would you mention to the parents say something like :so & so had some difficulties being nice to the others today and following directions, he said he would work on being better tomorrow so we're going to work on this tomorrow". Would you say anything or not?

**QualiTcare** · 10-13-2010, 10:16 PM

a kid that says "hey that bothers me, i don't like that!" has obviously been taught to say that when they don't like something. sounds to me like someone (either the parents or a daycare provider) has taught him to use those words when he doesn't like something which is OK, but it's probably been the one and only thing he's been taught to do - as opposed to working out problems on his own. instead of someone taking the time to help him and another child work something out, he's been told to say, "i don't like that!' so he thinks that is sufficient and will work every time. he probably just needs a little intervention on how to work out problems other than using the infamous "i don't like that" line.

**tenderhearts** · 10-14-2010, 07:13 AM

It's more than just always saying, hey stop, or hey stop don't do that. He's constantly just being mean, trying to be in control of everything and if he isn't he gets mad. He will do something to someone and when the other kid does it back (which no they aren't suppose to) he tattles on them to only find out he did it first. Yesterday outside I had to keep telling him the same thing over and over he wouldn't listen. He kept taking toys away from everyone and my other daycare kids usually try working it out before coming to me and as soon as they would come and tell me he'll give it back quick and says oh sorry, sorry here you go. He's just starting all kinds of things. Now one of my other dcb whom I've had for about 8 mo and have had NO problems with at all has now started to act out.
I'm not sure now this is worth it to me. He doesn't seem to be a good fit with my group (younger group). Tomorrow is the last of my 2 week trial period and I'm not sure what to do, 95% of me wants to terminate because I don't want to disrupt and deal with it and the other 5% makes me feel I should give it longer, but how
I told dad when he picked up yesterday about his day and dad said great that's perfect and looks at his son, (who looked worried) and said sorry dad, then he said seems like this has been a trend lately, so I'm assuming he's having difficulties at school as well.
So IF I decide to terminate (which I've only had to do this twice before in my 12 years and it was a long time ago, do you just hand them a letter, do you discuss it? I'd feel bad just "dumping" them tomorrow knowing they work even though my 2 weeks states that I (they) can terminate at any time during the 2 week trial and receive a refund on any unused days but I'd feel bad doing that. So any help, I haven't really decided yet, I'm going to give it today and see. I just went from having such a great group of kids, my other 2 boys I was having trouble with left (school) and it's been so nice and peaceful. don't get me wrong I dont' expect perfect but this was FAR from perfect yesterday.

So he has been here for less than 30 min, he comes and tells me the other boy hit him in the eye, I immediately reminded the other boy that we are to keep our hands and feet to ourselves, and told him it will be a t/o next time, then the other boy said, well he was locking my arm and wouldn't let go, I was trying to get it away. SO the other boy immediatley starts with sorry, sorry, sorry, I wont do it again. It's only been 30 min. and we have another 8 1/2 hrs to go.

**tenderhearts** · 10-14-2010, 09:12 AM

Any ideas or suggestions? He's been better today but I don't have all the kids here yet. I'm just afraid being that it's 2 days before trial periods ends what happens if these 2 days go ok but then it all starts back up? Then what?

**Live and Learn** · 10-14-2010, 09:24 AM

When my 2 and 3 year olds take a toy away from someone the grabber doesn't get to play with the toy for the day. The s/a will figure out that grabbing toys away from others doesn't work if he doesn't get the pay off of getting to play with the toy.:

:
Not a fan of s/a!!! I don't take them anymore.

**tenderhearts** · 10-14-2010, 09:28 AM

Thanks but he's not grabbing it to want to play with it, he's grabbing it to just be mean he says he's playing around.

**laundryduchess@yahoo.com** · 10-14-2010, 09:31 AM

if hes just being mean I would make him WATCH everyone else play,..

How Much Do You Let Them Handle?

How Much Do You Let Them Handle?

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment