What To Do With Child Who Constantly Talks Inappropriately?

[Unregistered]

Let me know if you figure it out

My 6-year-old son is exactly like this. He cannot stop talking about violence. He has no other real interests. If he speaks for more than about 15 seconds, the subject always drifts to sharp objects, dismemberment and killing.

It is not environmental as far as I know. Our kids get TV and games for 1 hour, on Sat/Sun only. We have no cable TV, no movies above PG, no video games above G. We have no guns or weapons, and no domestic violence (I'm the dad, mid 40s, a skinny, bookish engineer who has literally never seen domestic violence except on TV). He has never bullied nor been bullied, as far as I know. He has never been in a fight. He has no other behavioral problems, other than a lack of interests beyond violence. He has the highest measured IQ in his grade, at one of the most competitive primary schools in the state, reads far ahead of grade, blah blah blah.

He has talked this way since he could speak. His very first sentence, at around 18 months, expressed a desire to hurt someone and "break" them. I found it chilling. No one else seemed to mind. Since then, it never ends. No one but my brother believes this is a problem. I have consulted his teachers about it since pre school. They all say he is fine. I sent him to the school counselor. Also fine, supposedly.

So i don't know what to think, or what to do, if anything. If anyone figures this one out, please post so I can try whatever you tried.

[MN Mom]

My 6-year-old son is exactly like this. He cannot stop talking about violence. He has no other real interests. If he speaks for more than about 15 seconds, the subject always drifts to sharp objects, dismemberment and killing.

It is not environmental as far as I know. Our kids get TV and games for 1 hour, on Sat/Sun only. We have no cable TV, no movies above PG, no video games above G. We have no guns or weapons, and no domestic violence (I'm the dad, mid 40s, a skinny, bookish engineer who has literally never seen domestic violence except on TV). He has never bullied nor been bullied, as far as I know. He has never been in a fight. He has no other behavioral problems, other than a lack of interests beyond violence. He has the highest measured IQ in his grade, at one of the most competitive primary schools in the state, reads far ahead of grade, blah blah blah.

He has talked this way since he could speak. His very first sentence, at around 18 months, expressed a desire to hurt someone and "break" them. I found it chilling. No one else seemed to mind. Since then, it never ends. No one but my brother believes this is a problem. I have consulted his teachers about it since pre school. They all say he is fine. I sent him to the school counselor. Also fine, supposedly.

So i don't know what to think, or what to do, if anything. If anyone figures this one out, please post so I can try whatever you tried.

Is it possible he is just frustrated?

He sounds exceptionally smart for his age, and I've known boys (including a pastors son) growing up who were too smart for their own good and would talk like this. AFIK (I only keep tabs with 2 of them) they all grew up to be decent people.

[AfterSchoolMom]

Wow, that's something else. Have you tried physical activity as an outlet? I'm thinking something like Karate or Tae Kwon Do would be great for that, with the bonus that they teach respect for one another and that violence isn't the answer.


Update on this: I sent Mom and email and a note (personally handed) that I wanted to meet for a few minutes sometime when he wasn't standing right there to discuss some issues. Never heard a word about it, no meeting set. As the year goes on he's getting used to being here and the comments have eased up. Though, I also made a rule that we do NOT talk in a "disrespectful" manner and listed most of those things as examples. For some reason, that seems to be working. It seems like he just doesn't deal well with direct confrontation. I've had to be really careful about saying "everyone, we don't do/say that" instead of "hey, [boy's name], don't do that". It's odd, but it makes a difference.

[Unregistered]

It is unfortunate, but not so strange or unusual. I've seen this alot and almost every time, it's because the child plays or is around an older sibling/parent who plays shooter-type video games. They are at the age when the line between real and fantasy is very blurred... which is nice when it's Santa and the Easter Bunny but not so nice when it pertains to AK47s.

Most of the kids outgrow or learn to control it - but only after constant warnings that this is inappropriate talk for daycare or school. More than inappropriate... children can now get in serious trouble for that kind of talk. We are growing up in an era when shooter games are a growing obsession with teens and adults... last night I watched a newsman say that the latest Call of Duty game broke all kinds of sales records in 5 days - taking in over $650 million. That's just 5 DAYS!!!

Years back, I remember my youngest started watching his older brother play a very popular James Bond video game and was horrified when he started talking about shooting a PP7. I had to put my foot down and my older son could not play if his little brother was in the room. I also explained to my youngest why this was not appropriate talk. This worked for me.

[Unregistered]

One thing that might be causing it, related to the question about frustration: though smart and highly verbal, my 6-year-old is inarticulate about certain feelings. I wonder if he talks about violence as a substitute for inability to articulate anger, anxiety, fear of failure et al. Wonder if this might also be true for the boy that prompted this thread.

[kidkair]

I know a kid like these two boys. His dad was the main cause because he would routinely talk bad and disrespectfully to his mom. He was a biter and a runner when he was young and as he got older his language got worse and he started beating up cats and peers. Then he witnessed his dad kicking his mom (after nasty divorce during a custody exchange) and so he started getting very violent toward mom and peers. He could be a great kid and fun and loving and never beat or bit me. He knew I wouldn't allow the bad language and I constantly reminded him he had the choice to stay with the group and be respectful or the choice to sit in the dining room alone at the table. Long story short: he's in a group home where he's under 24 hour supervision and is surrounded by therapists and helpers. He's been on so many drugs and has so many diagnosises following him that no one knows what's really going on.

My advise to both of you is keep up with teaching them appropriate ways to express their emotions and be very thankful they are not physically violent. I would watch them carefully and if they even start beating up an animal get them into therapy. Don't take no for an answer if they start getting physically violent or it may well escalate and they will end up as bullies or worse. Please keep fighting for these kids.